Choices
by bandmum
Summary: Edward runs to Denali, afraid he won't be able to resist the call of Bella's blood. When he decides not to return, his choice affects more than just his family, and the repercussions will be felt long after. Warning: Alcohol abuse and disturbing imagery.
1. Hunger

**CHOICES**

**A/N: This is my first attempt writing any fan fiction. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Chapter titles are songs. They occasionally only reflect the tone of the chapter, but often are lyrically compatible.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor am I Stephenie Meyer, but I like her characters so much, I wanted to play with them a little.**

**Hunger - Janis Ian 'Hunger'**

**Chapter 1**

**EPOV**

Edward Cullen knew he had two choices: resist the call of the new girl's blood and leave Forks, Washington, possibly for good, or take what he so desperately desired and kill her. Either way, he couldn't stay. His mind shifted through both possibilities as his fingers clutched the steering wheel of the speeding silver Volvo. His four siblings were quiet, though their anxious thoughts bombarded him with questions. He fervently wished he couldn't hear their thoughts the way he somehow couldn't hear _hers_. The girl had walked into their high school Biology class and sat next to him. Since the moment he had breathed in her incredibly potent scent, he had known no peace, and it was a sheer miracle that she was still alive.

Petite Alice turned to him, surprise in her eyes, accusation in her voice. "You're leaving?"

"Am I?" he growled as he glanced at her next to him. Edward watched as a pre-cognitive vision unfolded in her mind; flashes of green forest, a kitchen with yellow cabinets. A young girl with long brown hair pooled beneath her was lying cold, bloodless and very dead.

"No." Alice breathed in horror.

Edward growled in his chest, and the vision shifted. The same girl was older now, her hair in a shorter style. She was sitting in a restaurant with a dark young man, smiling at him. The vision shimmered and disappeared. Alice's eyes came back into focus as she glanced at Edward. His angelic features were twisted into a grimace as he battled with his inner demon.

"Will you come back soon?" Alice whispered. The others in the car stared between them, bewildered.

Burly Emmett spoke, "What's going on? Why are you leaving? C'mon you guys, you know we hate it when you do that silent convo crap. Let us in on it!"

"Jasper? What's wrong? " Lovely Rosalie stared at her blonde brother beside her in the back seat, his handsome face contorted in distress, eyes closed.

"Edward's in a lot of pain," he said slowly. "I'm feeling confusion, anger and tremendous thirst coming from him." Jasper took a deep breath and his face cleared a little, though his brow furrowed in concentration.

Of all of the vampires in the Cullen clan, Jasper was the most recently converted to the family's lifestyle. Human blood still smelled much too good to him. The rest of the family had adjusted well over the years to Carlisle Cullen's way of life. They hunted animals now, large game as they could get it, allowing them all to co-exist with the human world. Carlisle himself had been a 'vegetarian' the longest. At over 350 years old, he had disciplined his thirst so well that he was able to function as a highly-skilled surgeon, routinely repairing broken bodies in the ER of the local hospital. He and his beautiful wife, Esme, loved their 'adopted' children very much. This love and the loyalty it engendered made the family very close.

The fact that six of them were mated pairs added another layer to the family dynamic, but rarely caused any real discord. Though none of them were truly related, what they were and the lifestyle they practiced combined to make them look somewhat alike. All were very pale, elegant and beautiful. Their skin was cold and hard as stone, though they each moved with an unearthly grace. But the most distinctive feature of the family, the one that marked the difference between themselves and others of their kind, was their eyes. Crimson irises were evidence of a diet of human blood- feeding on animals made the Cullens' eyes golden in color, ranging from honey to butterscotch, to deepest black when they needed to hunt.

Jasper needed to hunt, and soon. The emotions washing over him from Edward were almost overwhelming, so he had tried sending back feelings of his own. Edward felt a wave of calm push towards him from behind, calm tinged with sympathy. Edward sighed. His grip on the steering wheel loosened slightly but his foot remained firmly on the accelerator as they sped towards home.

"Would someone please exp-," Emmett started again, but Edward cut him off.

"Alice will tell you. I need to see Carlisle." Edward was ashamed he was running from the girl. Ashamed that her scent had almost made him kill her. Ashamed that he didn't trust himself even now not to go back and find her. He couldn't face the looks his family would give him once they knew, not yet.

"Drop us off and go,' Alice said, never taking her eyes from Edward's perfect face.

Though the Cullens lived a good way out from town, Edward's anxiety coupled with his usual fast driving had already brought them to the almost invisible opening in the forest which marked the entrance to their driveway. Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett climbed from the back seat, dismay and questions in their eyes and thoughts. The Volvo's engine purred as Edward stared at his hands on the wheel, not daring to look at them, afraid of the pity and bewilderment he would see in their faces.

Alice lingered a moment, her hand on Edward's sleeve. '_Call me when you get to Denali_,' she thought, love and concern in her eyes. '_I'll miss you_.'

Edward tore his eyes from his hands to look at his pixie-like sister. A wry crooked grin tried to form on his lips but died before it ever reached his dark eyes. He glanced down at his arm and placed his left hand over hers. He sat for a moment, listening to her newest vision. It was the restaurant again, slightly more definite and focused than it had been before. The girl was twirling a piece of her hair in her slender fingers, a delicate ring sparkling on her left hand as she gazed at the young man, his handsome Native American features beaming at her in return.

Edward closed his eyes and sighed. Alice leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. '_Carlisle's not going to be very busy for at least a couple of hours. Go talk to him_.' She squeezed her brother's arm and turned to get out of the car.

"Alice," Edward called. She looked back, one foot still in the car. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his cold fingers, eyes still squeezed shut. Then he opened them as his hand dropped to his lap. "Thank you. I'll miss you, too."

Alice gave him a tiny smile as she stepped back and closed the car door. The four siblings watched as Edward gunned the car, spun it in a rapid u-turn, and disappeared back the way they had come.

Emmett glared at Alice. "Well?"

"I'll tell you on the way," she said as she turned into the forest beside the drive. The others followed, melting silently into the woods as they ran towards their house.

~~*~~

Edward watched Tanya stride away into the snowy night. He knew she was angry and frustrated with him, but there wasn't anything he could do about it, nor did he particularly want to. When the Cullens had visited the Alaskan coven of sisters on other occasions, the exquisite Tanya had merely made him uncomfortable with her attentions. This time, though, he had arrived alone and she had gone all out. The past few days she had been an additional torment to his already shredded nerves. She had stalked him ruthlessly, practically disrobing in front of him last night before he had managed to close his bedroom door on her. She had cursed as she heard the lock turn before storming away.

He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but she just didn't get it. He was not interested. At all. He had run here seeking solace from his anguish, not sex. The beautiful strawberry-blonde had tried her best to distract him as only she could, but he had never accepted her advances before, and this time was no different. Actually, it was different, in that no matter what he did, he could only see the confused face and deep brown eyes of a human girl before him.

Edward threw his head back against the trunk of the tree he was sitting under, causing a small shower of snow to dislodge and land on his face. He shook it from his eyes and untidy bronze hair.

Groaning with annoyance, he stood up, stuffed his hands in his pockets and started walking in the opposite direction from the one that Tanya had taken. He tried to think about what she had said to him, the words of comfort she had used, but the lascivious thoughts she had been having at the time had shouted vulgarly over what she had been saying. Damn succubus. He grimaced inwardly at how much energy she put into trying to seduce him each time he came to Denali.

Of the other vampires Edward had met, this was the only other 'vegetarian' family he knew. Kate, Irina and Tanya were succubae, but they enjoyed human men too much to kill them. While Carlisle thought that the sisters' interaction with humans was humorous, he nevertheless was pleased to know that his family was not alone in their respect for mortals.

Carlisle. Edward frowned again and sighed. He was going to have to call Carlisle soon and give him his decision.

The moon was glinting through the trees as Edward stepped out onto a rocky outcropping, farther up this mountain than he had wandered before. The stars twinkled down at him, their constellations splashed and spangled across the heavens. He frowned again and blinked, but their sparkling beauty was dispelled by a pair of wide brown eyes. Edward cursed softly and crouched down on his heels, his cold fingers mindlessly worrying some rocks at his feet.

Nothing was working. He couldn't get her face out of his head. He sighed again as he looked up at the exquisite diamond sky. He was a coward. He hated being a coward but he couldn't go back and risk harming that girl. He winced at the face again. It still wore the look she had given him in Biology class when she saw the frightening expression on his own face. Confusion, anger and fear had all been written on her small features. He hung his head and ran his hand through his hair. Bella. Her name was Bella.

Edward picked up a stone near his foot and stood up, facing a steep slope to his left. He drew back his arm and flung the rock into the darkness. Momentarily he was stung with the thought that he might accidentally hit an animal, but the loud crack that echoed back assured him that he had only hit a tree. A creaking noise reached his sensitive ears, groaning louder as the tree he had hit succumbed to the missing chunk the rock had taken from its trunk. A rending of wood and swishing of snow-laden branches ripped the night as the tree overbalanced, and then tore in two. The silence that followed was deafening.

Edward chuckled humorlessly. '_If a tree falls in the forest_…' his thought began but never concluded. The pained brown eyes continued to accuse him. He groaned aloud.

Why? Who _was_ she? Why couldn't he hear _her_ thoughts when everyone else's were so very plain? Why was the scent of _her_ blood so incredibly sweet, so mouth-wateringly delicious that it had taken every ounce of his strength not to kill her as she sat there next to him? Why did she come to Forks and disrupt his perfectly fine, content existence? He stopped. His existence. That was all it was. Not a _life._ Only the living have a _life_. But he had been happy with his family… hadn't he?

Edward looked up at the moon, swallowing the venom that filled his mouth at the memory of her scent. Coward. Her eyes swam in his vision. No. _Monster_. That was what he really was. A monster who had killed humans, though it was long ago and the ones he had hunted had once themselves been hunters of the innocent. It didn't matter. He had lived so long with Carlisle that he had become complacent. He had been too sure of himself, overconfident in his ability to resist the lure of the blood racing in the veins of the humans who had surrounded him daily for decades.

Then _she_ came; one small girl with a scent that had all but knocked him out of his seat. He still wasn't sure how he had managed not to kill a classroom full of children just so he could crush her to his lips and drink what must be the most divine ambrosia…

A small sound bored through his tangled thoughts and Edward froze. He realized he was on his knees with his head in his hands, but he didn't know when he had collapsed. The noise came again and he slowly looked up. A bear was padding softly across the slope below him, heading back to its den after an evening snack. Edward grinned to himself, thinking of his brother, Emmett, and his fondness for grizzly. This was a Kodiak, and would be just as tasty.

He inhaled deeply, the bear's scent swirling towards him in the frigid air, inflaming the thirst he already felt from the memory of the girl. Edward shifted into a crouch, and then silently launched himself in front of the bear.

The startled animal reared back and growled, then roared in pain as Edward's scalpel-like teeth ripped into its throat.

Together vampire and prey crashed to the ground, the bear trying desperately to dislodge its attacker, the hunter clinging with superhuman strength to his victim. Splashes of red stained the snow from their struggle, but it didn't last long. The bear soon stopped fighting, and then stopped moving altogether. The only sound was the wind in the tops of the trees and a small greedy wet sucking.

Edward sat back on his haunches and licked a smear of blood from his fingers. He grabbed a handful of snow from the ground next to the bear's still paw and washed his face with its icy wetness. Standing up, he looked down at the remains of the animal. For several long moments he contemplated the life he had just taken and his own unnatural place in the food chain. Again, a pair of soft brown eyes swam before him, confused and hurt. Frustration and anger at his own weakness ripped through him. He threw his head back and a primal scream tore from his throat.

_Monster_. He sounded like one. He acted like one. He _was_ one. Either that or he was a coward. Emotion shuddered through his body as an internal battle raged within him, his selfishness at war with his conscience. To go back was to release the monster. The girl would die. To stay away would tear his family apart and the coward in him hated that the monster was forcing this choice. No, not the monster; the girl. Bella. _She_ was forcing him!

Edward's anguish slowly receded as his conscience attained the upper hand and logic regained control of his thoughts. He knew it really wasn't her fault. She had no way of knowing that she had walked into a school which held five vampires, one of whom was being driven insane by the scent of her luscious blood. It wasn't her fault at all, which was why he had left. She was innocent; it was his own bloodlust which demanded to be sated.

He couldn't hurt her. It would disappoint Carlisle and anger the others because they would have to move. Again. Nor could he justify taking away her life merely to satisfy his own demonic thirst. She didn't deserve to die, and he couldn't let the monster win.

Alice's two visions played through his mind for the thousandth time: the girl, cold, with dead lifeless eyes. That was what he so feared. Then he saw the other vision that had sharpened as he decided to leave, the one of the girl and her handsome suitor, full of life and hope. Edward closed his eyes. The vision dissolved into her face again. Once more the look of hurt and confusion assaulted him. He just couldn't do it. He couldn't be responsible for destroying her, destroying not only her life but her happiness and that of her chosen young man. Edward's eyes flew open as a new thought struck him.

Choice. That was what it all came down to. He had chosen not to kill her. He had chosen to leave. Now he could choose to not return. The choice was his and he would make it. Carlisle would understand. Esme would mourn the loss of her eldest son from the family, but one day, when the Cullens had resettled elsewhere, perhaps he could rejoin them. He would miss Emmett's teasing and Jasper's sharp intellect. His brothers were dear to him. Rosalie, well, he would miss her, also. She was handy with a car engine, and truly loved Emmett, which made Edward smile. A frown creased his brow as he thought of Alice, sweet, clairvoyant Alice. He would miss her most. Thankfully she had Jasper, who would be able to calm and comfort her as no one else could.

Edward sighed again. He didn't actually need to breathe, but sighing was a human habit he had never been able to shake. His eyes were clouded by the face of the girl again. This time, he stared back into her warm brown eyes, willing her to leave him alone; he wasn't coming back, he wasn't going to hurt her. Her eyes never relinquished their accusations.

A small electronic chirp erupted from his pants pocket. Edward frowned and glanced at the silver phone's display before he answered. "Hello, Carlisle," he said, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

"Hello, Edward," Carlisle's tone was concerned. "I just spoke with Alice. She says you've decided not to return. Is that right, son?"

Edward ran his free hand through the mess of his tangled bronze locks before pinching the bridge of his nose with his cold fingers. "I think it would be best," he said simply. He hated what he was saying. "I can't think of any way around it," his voice was low as he mentally cursed his weakness.

"Edward, are you sure?" Carlisle said. "You could come back and we could take you out of school. Many families home-school only one or two of their children. No one would doubt it was true…"

Edward sighed. "I appreciate it, Carlisle, but no. I can't trust myself to be anywhere near her. The pull of her blood is too strong, and I might not be able to resist just running out to her house…," he left the rest unsaid.

"Son, I told you before, you are stronger than you think," Carlisle answered.

Edward closed his eyes. "Not really, Carlisle. It's taken everything I have in me already just to stay away. I know it's a cowardly way to go, but…"

"Cowardly? Hold on, now, son. You aren't seeing this clearly at all," Carlisle exclaimed. His voice softened with his next words. "It takes tremendous courage to resist as you have, to leave that little girl with her life intact. Don't ever think of yourself as a coward. That is the very last thing that you are, Edward. A heart as true as yours could never belong to a coward."

Edward stood immobile as fresh flakes began to flutter from the sky. If he could shed tears, he knew he would be soaking the phone by now. His voice cracked slightly as he spoke. "Thank you, Carlisle. I'm not sure that your opinion on that isn't a little bit biased, but thank you anyway."

"It's true, Edward. You're my son and my first companion. I trust you to have made the best decision for all concerned." Edward winced at the heartfelt words. This really wasn't going to be easy.

"Carlisle, please tell Esme how sorry I am. I know I hurt her by leaving, more so by not saying good-bye. I just hope she'll understand. Maybe one day I'll be able to rejoin the family, somewhere else…"

Carlisle stopped him. "Edward, you don't have to do that. You shouldn't be alone and none of us wants you to leave the family. You're too important to all of us." Edward ran his hand through his hair again, staring blindly at the carcass of the bear at his feet.

"What are you talking about, Carlisle? I just told you I'm not coming back. I can't."

"I know, son. Since you've been gone, we've discussed all of the possible outcomes of this situation. We've gone over every scenario we could think of, including some fairly entertaining ones from Emmett." Edward grinned at what Emmett might possibly have suggested.

"We finally came to the conclusion that, no matter what, the family comes first." Carlisle's tone softened. "And that means we are together. All of us."

"You would leave Forks? For me?" Edward's voice was rough.

Carlisle sounded surprised. "Yes. Of course. You've moved before, for them, or because of me. They're quite willing to do the same for their beloved brother."

Edward smirked at how 'beloved' Rosalie would consider him when she had to start over as a sophomore at a new school right as she was about to graduate in Forks. Then his handsome face sobered. "I can't ask that of them, Carlisle," he murmured. "It isn't fair of me."

"No one ever said life is fair, son, not even a vampire's life," Carlisle chuckled, then quietly went on." We couldn't stay here very much longer anyway. I've already heard comments about what a youthful 33 year old I am. Our schedule will just move up a year or so."

Edward's breath hitched in his chest. "Thank you, Carlisle. I don't quite know what to say."

"Say where you want to go. Is Denali good for now? Or is there too much attention there for you?"

Edward grimaced. It was no secret to anyone in his family that Tanya had designs on him. "No, you're right. Denali isn't a good choice right now. It's… a little crowded." He fought back the irritation that thoughts of Tanya always induced. "I don't really care where we go. You can choose. I can't get the girl's face out of my mind no matter what I do, anyway." His tone was defenseless.

Edward," Carlisle's concern filled his ear, "We are coming for you. Can you hold on for another day or two? We need to close up the house and I have things to settle at the hospital."

Edward sighed, rolled his shoulders back and lifted his face into the steadily falling snow. A half- inch of it had accumulated on his shoulders as they talked, and now it slid to the ground, a slight breeze drifting it over the bear.

"I'll be here, Carlisle. And thank you," said Edward.

"Not at all, Edward. We're a family and we do what we must to stay together." A smile crept into Carlisle's voice. "Alice has duly noted the decisions we've made and I believe that jumping up and down means that she wants to talk to you. We'll see you soon, son. Be safe."

"I will, Dad," Edward murmured as a squealing giggle pierced through the speaker. He quickly pulled the phone away from his ear, chuckling at his favorite sister's excitement. "Hello, Short Stuff! What's new?"

Alice's bell-like voice was quivering as she spoke. He could picture her bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Oh, Edward! I can't wait to see you! I've missed you so much! We all have." E

dward grinned. "It's only been four days," he teased. "I've missed you, too. How has everybody been holding up since I went A.W.O.L.?"

Alice's voice lowered and held a different sort of tremor. "Esme's had a pretty hard time. Jasper has, too, with everybody upset and out of sorts. He kept trying to calm everybody down and make us cheerful at the same time. Emmett ended up tackling and wrestling him, just to get him to stop. And, of course, Emmett cheated," She giggled at the memory. Edward grinned to himself. He had missed Alice's giggles and his brothers' competitiveness. He sighed and Alice heard him.

"You OK?" she queried. "Tanya a help… or not?"

Edward rolled his eyes and ground his teeth before answering tersely, "Definitely 'not'."

"Not ok, or not a help?" Alice returned. He sighed again. "Both, actually. But I'll be better when you all get here."

"Super!" she twinkled at him. "Hey, do you want me to pack all your clothes, or would you rather just go shopping with me when we get to…" she stopped suddenly. Edward knew there were scenes shifting in her mind now. He waited patiently, wishing once again that he could read her mind through the phone.

"Minnesota… ooh, we'll be able to go to the Mall of America!" Edward groaned in mock distress. "Oh, you know you want to go! It's incredible; 500 stores, a theme park and everything!"

Edward chuckled at her enthusiasm but couldn't resist teasing her. "Is there a valet service available so you can shop at every store and have someone to carry all your bags?"

"That's what you and Jasper are for, silly," she beamed. "There is even a Lego center there that is absolutely huge."

"Great!" Edward smirked. "There will be something for Emmett to do, too!" Alice's laugh tinkled at him in the icy air.

His mood considerably lightened, he ended their conversation as they had for decades. "Bye, Miss Issippi," he smiled into the phone. "See you soon."

"Later, Tater," she grinned, then breathlessly added, "Be sure to lock the door AND window when you go to take that hot bath tonight. Tanya's not quite ready to concede the match. Love you!"

As he clicked the phone shut, Edward closed his eyes and tilted his face up once more into the falling snow. He felt it lightly brush his eyelids and lips, slipping from his finely chiseled cheekbones. After a minute, he lowered his head and wiped his face with his hand. Once again, his golden glance fell on the body of the bear, now nearly covered in a soft crystal blanket of white.

"I'm sorry I took things out on you, my furry friend. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time," he murmured. The statement stunned him with its accuracy as a pair of brown eyes stared back at him. Bear eyes. Dead bear eyes.

Edward sighed as a lovely living face with warm brown eyes, surrounded by a cascade of soft chestnut hair, once again commanded his attention. Which of them had been the one in the wrong place at the wrong time, himself or Bella? He didn't know, and as far as he was concerned, he never would. It didn't matter now, anyway. The right choices had been made. She would live, he would hunt bears, his family would be together again, and all was right with the world.

Now if he could just manage to keep away from Tanya for another couple of days.

Edward shrugged his shoulders and turned his back on the bear. As he walked away, towards Kate's house and that hot bath, a new movement off to his left caught his eye. A shooting star was blazing across the velvet sky. He hesitated a moment, fighting the urge to do something so silly and superstitious.

'_Who will know?'_ he thought. '_The bear won't tell.'_ He glanced at it over his shoulder, then turned his topaz gaze back up at the sky and spoke aloud.

"'Star light, Star bright, Shooting star across my sight, I wish I may, I wish I might, Have the wish I wish tonight.' I wish that Bella has a long, healthy and happy life, free from mythical creatures and anyone else who would harm her."

'_God, I feel like I'm six years old_.' He grinned to himself as he started back through the woods. '_Hmm, maybe I should've wished that Tanya would suddenly find me as attractive as Quasimodo, instead.'_ As Edward slipped into the shadow of the trees, his quiet chuckle drifted into the frozen night, soft as the snow that now covered the face of the bear.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Please review! I really do want to know what you think.**


	2. Left to Lie

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed! I'm glad you liked it. I only hope you continue to do so!**

**I do not own Twilight or any of these characters**

**Left to Lie – Bobby Long 'Dirty Pond Songs'**

**If you haven't listened to him, go to www . myspace .com/musicbobbylong and let the player stream while you read this.**

**Chapter 2**

**BPOV**

Bella Swan's first week in Forks went by in a haze. The other students in her classes made her as welcome as possible for a shy girl to feel, but the memory of the first day at her new school refused to dim. The beautiful boy she had been partnered with in Biology had disappeared.

Bella had seen him in the cafeteria before class, sitting with a group of incredibly attractive teens. None of them seemed to be eating the food on the trays in front of them, or even talking to each other. The Cullens always sat together, according to Bella's new friend, Jessica Stanley. They kept apart from the rest of the student body, and no one seemed to mind too much. The group was a bit too different for anyone to want to get close.

Jessica had named them to Bella when she asked who they were. "The blonde girl and boy are Rosalie and Jasper Hale. They're twins. The big dark boy is Emmett Cullen. The other girl is his sister, Alice." Jessica's voice dropped slightly. "The really gorgeous one is Edward Cullen. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen adopted them. They're really young, too, like in their thirties. The Hales are like their foster kids."

Bella glanced at her friend, but Jessica was still staring at the Cullens, her voice dropping further still. "The weird thing is, they are all together, like, couples: Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper. And they _live_ together." Bella thought it did look a bit strange for adopted siblings to form couples that way. Jessica shrugged her shoulders as she closed the discussion of the Cullens. "But Edward doesn't date. Apparently no one here is good enough for him." Then she turned away to join a conversation across the table, leaving Bella with her thoughts.

Bella couldn't help but stare at the group sitting in the corner of the cafeteria. They were all very pale, as pale as she was, with dark eyes, and so beautiful it almost hurt to look at them. But Jessica was right: Edward Cullen was exquisite. Bella couldn't keep her eyes from sliding over his tousled mane of bronze hair, his slender frame, his killer cheekbones and chiseled jaw. She had never seen such a beautiful face on a boy. Suddenly, black eyes in that face flashed to meet her own. Startled, Bella blushed furiously and dropped her gaze, only moments later unable to resist peeking back at him. He was staring at her with a puzzled look. Bella blinked and turned back to her food, but couldn't bring herself to eat anything. Her chest was suddenly tight and her stomach seemed to have disappeared entirely. She tried to follow the conversation around her, but she could feel his eyes watching her from across the room. When she finally managed to look his way again, the table was empty.

As she entered Biology after lunch, Bella spotted the boy again, sitting at the only lab table with an empty seat. She had to pass him as she walked toward the teacher to have her schedule signed. Bella glanced over as she came even with him and saw him flinch. His dark eyes narrowed and an expression of something close to pain crossed his face. Confused, Bella stumbled, then blushed as she recovered her balance. When she returned to take the seat next to him, he seemed to be leaning as far from her as he could. His long hands were gripping the table's edge so tightly that his knuckles were white. The hard line of his jaw was clenched and a grimace marred the beauty of his mouth. Bella had no idea what his problem was, but before she could find the words to ask, Mr. Banner started class. She turned away from the boy then, letting her long brown hair fall between them, blocking him from her view.

Bella peeked at him through her hair several times during class, but he never shifted his position, nor relaxed his grip on the table. Nor did he stop glaring straight at her. Or was it through her? Each time she caught his eye, she blushed again. Why did he look so mad? The moment class ended, he lunged from his seat and was out of the room before Bella could close her book.

At the end of the day, Bella encountered him once more in the school office. He was at the counter, apparently trying to switch out of Biology into another section, but there were no openings. He turned to see her standing just inside the door and brushed angrily past her as he left. Bella stared through the office window as he strode swiftly to a silver Volvo parked near the building, where his siblings waited. The moment they were all in the car, he slammed it into gear and peeled out of the lot.

The next day, the Cullens arrived in two separate vehicles, neither of them the silver Volvo. Bella had intended to confront him but he was not in school. When he again failed to return the day after that, Bella realized she was torn between relief and irritation mixed with disappointment. She couldn't help but feel that his absence was somehow her fault but she couldn't imagine why. The other Cullens were in their customary spot each day at lunch, and Bella noticed that they were looking at her whenever she glanced at their table. They seemed curious about her, but kept their distance.

Today was Friday, and still no lab partner. In her haste to escape the gaze of the Cullens, Bella accidentally picked up Jessica's English book with her own as they finished lunch. Knowing she wouldn't see Jessica again until the end of the day, Bella turned back and hurried into the English building to catch her before class. As she maneuvered her way carefully through the crowded hall, Bella was roughly bumped by a couple of boisterous football players. Thrown off balance, she stumbled and put out a hand to try to stop her fall. Something hard gripped her elbow and steadied her on her feet. Bella gasped in surprise and blushed a deep pink as she found herself face to face with Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale. Their faces were guarded and they almost seemed to be holding their breath. Bella realized with a start that she was holding her own and exhaled quickly. Jasper took an abrupt step back, glancing at Alice who continued to examine Bella. To her chagrin, Bella's cheeks flamed redder than before as she stammered at the two of them.

"I… I'm sorry! I didn't mean… um … I'm not the most graceful…" Words failed her at their expressions. There was no revulsion in their eyes as she was certain she had seen in Edward's. A flash of something else crossed Alice's delicate features, softening into what looked like pity. Bella stared speechlessly into Alice's golden eyes as the tiny girl spoke with a voice that sounded like bells.

"Don't worry. Everything is fine. No one's been hurt. And it really isn't your fault anyway."

A cold sensation crept through Bella's jacket sleeve and suddenly disappeared as the hard thing holding her elbow was removed. Alice tilted her head slightly towards Jasper, and they walked wordlessly away from Bella. They both glanced back at her as she stared at them dumbfounded.

'_What just happened?'_ Bella stood in the hall, confused and stunned by the unexpected encounter. Just then, Jessica spotted her with the missing textbook. Bella turned to ask her what Alice meant, but Jessica had missed the entire exchange. She just shrugged and hurried off with her book. The hall was clearer now and Bella had no trouble making her way back to her own class. The bell rang as she was two doors away from Biology and she earned a dark look from Mr. Banner as she slipped into the room. She flushed as she sat down and tilted her head to hide her embarrassment behind her hair. When she peered out again a few minutes later, Mike Newton was giving her a curious look. Bella blushed again at the attention. She tried to concentrate on taking notes, but Mr. Banner was covering material she had learned last year at her old school in Phoenix. She decided that was a good thing, because her mind was unable to focus on anything but the odd exchange in the hall.

'_Why did they look at me that way? What was hard and cold that kept me from falling on my face? And what exactly did Alice mean?'_ Her words had been simple enough, completely normal things to say in the situation, yet Bella had the feeling that Alice had meant something else. _'It's as if she meant something more, something to do with Edward. But what? And where is he anyway?'_

The questions ran through her mind in an endless circle for the rest of the day, making her even more uncoordinated in Gym class. Mike Newton noticed her distraction and took the opportunity to talk to her.

"Something wrong, Bella? You aren't your usual graceful self today," he joked.

Bella pulled her attention back to the young man in front of her and blinked. "What, Mike? Oh, um… I guess I'm still thinking about Biology class."

'_Generally. Not exactly a lie,'_ Bella thought. '_More specifically, about my missing lab partner… and his cryptic sister.'_

Mike looked puzzled. Nothing particularly interesting had happened in class, so what was Bella on about? '_She must be worried about getting caught up with the class.'_His blue eyes took in the small crease between Bella's brows and he grinned.

"Okay, well, if you need help with the homework or anything, just let me know. I'll be glad to help you study." Mike's eyes flashed to Bella's lips as he spoke.

'_I'd like to study you, lots closer than I can get here. Maybe she'll ask me to her house.'_It was general knowledge in town that Bella's dad, Police Chief Swan, was a workaholic and rarely home. Mike unconsciously licked his lips at the thought of getting Bella alone.

Bella sounded distracted still. "Thanks, Mike. I'll figure it out eventually." She turned towards the girls' changing room and Mike watched her walk away. His eyebrows rose and an appreciative smile engulfed his face. Ben Cheney passed him just then on his way to change, catching his expression and following Mike's eyes to Bella's retreating back.

"Down, boy," Ben snickered. Mike spun around to see who was taunting him and looked down at his short friend. He grinned back at Ben and wiggled his eyebrows. Ben rolled his eyes and chuckled as he pushed through the changing room door.

'_Mike's such a goof. Bella's cute, but she's not nearly as pretty as Angela.'_Ben sighed as the familiar ache prodded his gut. How would he ever work up the nerve to ask Angela Weber out…

All the way home, Bella puzzled over what she was beginning to term Episode Two of the Cullen Incident. Once there, however, she firmly pushed it from her mind to concentrate on homework and a falsely cheerful, but long e-mail to her mother, Renee. She didn't mention the Cullens.

Homework out of the way and dinner started, Bella sat for a moment at the kitchen table, listening to the rain on the window and letting the event run through her head once more. The looks they had given her, the comment made; everything was off, odd. Just like Episode One. Bella couldn't concentrate on what happened in the school hallway when she was still trying to make sense of her lab partner's behavior and vanishing act. If she could just shake the feeling that it all had something to do with her, she could stop worrying about it. Yet as nonsensical as it seemed to even think that way, the suspicion refused to die.

Bella's thoughts remained on the puzzle throughout the cold, rainy weekend. Charlie spent most of it working and watching hockey on television. She was glad that her dad was not usually very talkative, unlike her mother. Renee would have been hurt and upset over Bella's preoccupation. But neither Bella nor Charlie had much to say, keeping chat to a minimum and allowing plenty of time for musing on the mysterious Cullens. One positive thing had come from Episode Two- Alice had broken the ice by speaking to her. Bella decided that if Edward wasn't back on Monday, she was going to ask Alice where he was.

Suspicion roared into full-blown paranoia on Monday morning in the Fork's High School parking lot. None of the Cullen vehicles appeared.

As she entered the cafeteria at lunch, Bella's eyes flew to the empty corner table. Jessica's gaze followed her own and she smirked. "None of them are here today. It's kind of weird." Bella started and blushed at Jessica's verbalization of her own thoughts.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Jessica tossed her hair over her shoulder dramatically. "They always ditch school whenever the weather is nice. If it's sunny, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen pull them all out and they go camping and hiking. But it isn't sunny today; it's snowing. It doesn't make sense."

Bella's glance turned to the window. Fat flakes were coming down, but there seemed to be rain mixed in as well. She shivered and looked back at her table. Jessica had already turned to ask Mike about the snowball fight he was planning for after school.

Bella's gaze moved unwillingly back to the empty table across the cafeteria. If she had thought that Edward's disappearance had something to do with her, this information removed all doubt.

The Cullens were gone and though it still made absolutely no sense, Bella knew that she was the reason. She couldn't explain why she was so certain. She just knew. It frightened her almost as much as the look Edward had given her in class last Monday. She was startled to realize it had already been a week since she had seen him, but the intensity of his stare remained, unbidden, in her mind.

That night over dinner, Bella tried to nonchalantly bring up the subject of the Cullens with Charlie. "What do you think of the Cullens, Dad?"

Charlie put his fork down. Bella looked up in surprise. "That topic is a sore spot for me, Bells. Dr. Cullen is a great man and a wonderful doctor. His wife is a lovely woman, and the way they care for those kids is a model for the rest of us parents. Not one of those kids has ever given me any trouble. There's been talk about that family ever since they came to town; stupid, spiteful rumors, with no basis in anything. They are decent, good people who enjoy doing things as a family. Some people just can't bear for others to be happy, I guess." Charlie stabbed angrily at his last piece of steak.

Bella blinked. She didn't know when she had ever heard Charlie say so much at once, especially so passionately. She took a quick drink from her glass to keep from choking. Charlie saw the surprise on her face and looked away.

"Sorry, Bells. I really like Dr. Cullen and I'm real sorry to see them go. I'd hate to think that anything anybody said to or about that family would have had any bearing on why they left."

The surprise on Bella's face turned to shock. '_Charlie knows about them leaving?'_ She stared at her father, the forkful of potato in her hand completely forgotten.

"I know none of them were in school today, but some of the kids say they do that sometimes. They've left, though? They're… gone?" Bella's mind barely registered the gravy dripping from her fork onto the table.

Charlie sighed and pushed back from the table. He picked up his plate and glass and carried them to the sink. After rinsing them, he turned back to Bella. "Yes, they're gone. Dr. Cullen was offered a very good position in Los Angeles, for quite a large salary apparently. The decision had to be made quickly. I heard his wife was excited at the opportunity to expose the kids to a more, uh… multi-cultural environment." He frowned at the floor, and then raised his eyes to meet Bella's. "Things are really going to be different around here with the Cullens gone," he said. Then he turned and headed into the living room.

Bella heard muted cheering and some kind of penalty buzzer as the television came on. She got up and scraped her plate into the trash, then took her dishes to the sink. She turned on the hot water, squirted in some dish soap and watched the bubbles fill the sink. "_They're really gone. All of them."_

As she washed the dishes, Bella let the image of each beautiful face drift through her mind. Perfect Rosalie: blonde and devastatingly curvy. Emmett: an athletic hunk of the first order. Jasper: tall, handsome and aloof. Tiny Alice: the dancing beauty, the only one of them who had actually spoken to her. Edward: the insanely god-like boy who had reacted so violently to her for no reason at all.

Bella put the clean dishes away, wiped up a surprising amount of gravy from the table, and went to the living room. She stopped in the doorway and watched Charlie as he sat absorbed in his sports program. '_What would he say if I told him that I might be the reason the Cullens left town? He'd probably make me go over every minute detail of this past week, especially Episode Two. Like I haven't done that myself._' The thought of explaining all of that to Charlie was unnerving. '_Or he could just look at me as if I'm paranoid and dismiss the whole thing, which would be even worse than explaining it.'_

She stepped into the living room and stopped by Charlie's chair. He glanced up at her, then back to the television. "Going to bed, Bells?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired. It's been kind of a long day," she said. "Night, Dad."

"Night, Bells. Sleep well."

Bella glanced back at him as she started up the stairs towards her room. Sleeping well was not something she had been doing much of lately. Her first week in Forks, the unfamiliar noise of steadily falling rain had kept her from falling asleep. The puzzle of Edward Cullen had kept her from staying asleep. With the news that the Cullens had moved away, perhaps her mind would finally relax. '_At least I won't keep waiting for him to show up again in Biology. Maybe I can focus on other things now. And maybe I can get some sleep!'_

Grabbing her bag of toiletries and some clean pajamas, Bella headed into the bathroom. The hot water of the shower relaxed her muscles as the scent of her strawberry shampoo calmed her. Once she was dressed, and her hair was dry and brushed, she dropped the towel in the laundry bin and moved back to her room, crawling under the quilt on her bed. She reached over to the CD player on her nightstand and pushed 'PLAY'. A soulful female vocalist began lamenting her unfaithful lover. Bella smiled to herself and sighed as the blues singer drifted her away to an uneventful slumber.

Tuesday morning dawned more treacherously than any since Bella's arrival in Forks. Monday's snow had melted into rain, then refrozen overnight into sheets of ice. Bella's natural awkwardness was exacerbated by the dangerously icy ground. Driving to school, she kept her old truck at a speed barely above the minimum limit. Cautiously making her way into the school parking lot, Bella was surprised at how well the truck had handled the icy conditions. She stepped carefully from the warm cab, backpack in hand. Something glittered in the corner of her eye. Keeping her free hand on the side of the truck, she moved slowly to its rear and looked down at the tires. Snow chains. _'Charlie. Good grief, how early did he get up to put those on there? Wow. I have to remember to thank him.'_

Thoughts of Charlie brought back last night's conversation. Bella's head automatically turned to scan the parking lot for the Cullen cars, knowing they wouldn't be there. Her eyes lingered for a moment on the parking spaces that, until recently, had been filled by the nicest cars on the lot. Emmett had driven a monster of a Jeep, extravagantly tricked out with every conceivable accessory. Rosalie arrived in a wildly sexy red convertible. Then there was the shiny Volvo that had shot away from the school like a silver bullet. Bella could still hear the screaming tires as Edward had taken the corner with two of them in the air.

Suddenly the squealing tires seemed much louder and closer, jarring Bella's mind back to the present. Sensing movement to her left, she snapped her head around to see a van sliding sideways across the icy parking lot, heading straight for her. Bella suddenly knew exactly what a deer felt when it was caught in the glare of headlights. As the van continued toward her, a small part of her brain kicked into self-preservation mode. Without a conscious decision to do so, she flung herself behind the truck, but as she twisted away from the van, her legs tangled with her backpack and she went down. Pain exploded through her pelvis and back as the van crushed her against the rear tire of her truck. The new snow chains sliced through the denim of her jeans, embedding deeply in her flesh. Disembodied screams echoed in her mind with the groaning of metal and shattering of glass as Bella's vision spiraled into darkness.

**A/N: I hate cliffhangers, don't you? Please review! Thanks!**

**bandmum**


	3. Get Back

**A/N: First, I must apologize for not posting this on Wednesday. I am trying to post weekly, and as a fellow reader, I know I hate waiting for new chapters! However, Tuesday evening I wasn't quite happy with this chapter, so I reworked it, and my Beta was unable to get to it again. Please forgive any glaring errors, but I'd be glad if you would point them out! Thanks!**

**I am very excited that so many people are reading this! Please review!**

**Get Back - The Beatles 'One'**

**Chapter 3**

**EPOV**

Trees and the occasional building flashed past the darkly tinted windows of the silver car as it sped through the murky dawn. Rain slashed down, the madly slicing wipers frantically scrabbling against the storm. The three occupants were oblivious to the scenery as well as the weather. Each was wrapped in deep thought, the driver being the only one marginally aware of his surroundings. At this hour and in this storm, the Volvo had the ribbon of highway to itself.

Alice shifted in her seat and turned to Edward. He raised an eyebrow, but his eyes didn't leave the road. "We should reach Seattle about 8:30," he replied to her unspoken question. A smile played across his lips. "We can if you want. There is plenty of time before Esme expects us."

Jasper leaned forward from the shadows of the back seat. He glanced at Alice. "Are we stopping in Seattle?" Alice's eyes twinkled at him. "Yes. There is a boutique I used to love, but I can't find them on-line anywhere. I want to make sure they are still in business, maybe pick up a few things…"

Jasper and Edward both smiled at Alice's desire for a shopping stop. In addition to luggage, the Volvo's trunk already held a solid layer of boxes containing dainty designer shoes which she had purchased in San Francisco. Jasper shook his head, but grinned at her. "Early Christmas shopping?"

Edward smirked as Alice giggled. "Maybe! It doesn't hurt to think ahead!" Jasper laughed at his wife's enthusiasm and caught Edward's eyes in the rearview mirror. They were both suckers for letting little Alice have her way, and neither could ever seriously consider denying her indulgences.

The storm was an hour to their east as they reached the city limits, but the air was still damp and cold. Within five minutes, Alice was pointing out interesting shops. Several stores, shopping bags and hours later found the Volvo prowling the University area searching for the elusive boutique. They finally tracked down the building, but the shop now sold tacky t-shirts.

To appease Alice's disappointment, Edward doubled back towards a likely-looking dress shop he had spotted a few streets away. He cut sharply right, through an alley towards the next cross-street and Alice squealed loudly.

"What?!" Edward started at his sister's sudden outburst, and then spun the steering wheel quickly away from a very pregnant cat which stepped out from between two dumpsters. His rapid reflexes were unable to avoid the viciously deep pot hole which bloomed beneath his right front tire.

Metal ground against asphalt and a horrific wrenching noise assaulted their ears as the car lurched back out of the hole. Edward hit the brakes and maneuvered the rear tire to slowly ride the edge of the void, past the danger. The feel of the car was wrong now. He could tell there had been a fair amount of damage done, but how much?

At the mouth of the alley, Edward stopped the car and got out. Jasper followed and the two men examined the tires and undercarriage closely. Their extraordinary vision immediately spotted the stress fractures along the front axle. Edward groaned and gave his brother an exasperated look. Jasper shrugged and looked around as Edward turned his attention back to the car. A sign swaying in the chilly November wind caught his eye.

"There's an auto repair shop on the next block," he spoke to Edward over his shoulder. Edward was still on the ground, peering under the car, surreptitiously lifting it by the right bumper for a better view. Metal groaned again and he winced as he set it gently down.

Alice stared guiltily at him through the windshield. Her brow was furrowed in dismay and her thoughts were apologetic. Edward smiled at her and shook his head. She had seen the accident only seconds before it occurred; his rash impulse to cut through the alley had been the deciding factor. The placement of the dumpsters should have been a clue that there was something wrong with the pavement. The cat had been a completely random variable in the equation.

Edward rose and took a handkerchief from his back pocket. As he rubbed the dirt and grime from his hands, he glanced down the street to the sign Jasper had noticed. A swift look in the other direction indicated no competition anywhere nearby. He looked at Jasper.

"It will have to do, I suppose. The worst would be that they can't do anything and we have to tow it somewhere else." Edward sighed.

Jasper grinned. "Or we could ship it up to Denali and leave it for Rose to fix when she gets there." The humor both men found in the possible aggravation of their sister lightened the mood momentarily, but Edward's distress over the damage to the Volvo soon outweighed it. Jasper gave a look that sent a small wave of calm over his brother.

"All right, Edward. I'll call Esme." Jasper flipped open his phone and dialed as he stepped back into the alley.

Alice got out of the car and walked to Edward's side. He had his own phone out and was searching the internet to locate a hotel. The car might take some time to fix. He knew Jasper needed someplace to retreat from the press of people in the city. Crowds bothered him and holiday crowds were the worst. Controlling his thirst was much easier than it used to be, but the emotions that rolled through large groups of people were harder to handle.

'_Good. Five stars and two miles away.'_Edward made the reservation and then ordered a taxi. Jasper approached as he hung up.

"Esme is concerned, of course, but she understands. She wanted to send Carlisle to pick us up, but I told her Alice wouldn't relinquish her shopping trip that easily." He chuckled and Alice gave him a playful push. Then she turned back toward Edward. Her eyes were anguished and he smiled down at her.

"It isn't your fault," he said.

Her voice was sad. "But I wanted to find that shop. If I hadn't insisted…"

"No, Alice," Edward's tone was gentle. "I took a turn I shouldn't have. That's all. These things happen. Now, let's unload the trunk before the taxi gets here."

A few minutes later, a Checker cab pulled up. The cabman glanced furtively at the three young people who had called for him. His thoughts amused Edward. 'G_ood-looking bunch, especially that girl. Funny eyes, though. Must be models or something. Who else needs so many shoes?' _

Their luggage filled the trunk of the cab. The shoe boxes crowded the back seat and the driver wondered where his passengers planned to sit. Jasper was the only one who got in, however, giving the address of the hotel. The cabman gave one last glance back at the others before pulling away from the curb.

Edward and Alice strolled the short distance down the block to the swinging sign. OPEN glowed in neon on the large front window, but neither of them could see anyone inside. "Must be in the garage," Edward muttered. The double metal doors several yards down from the storefront were closed against the cold, but a thin line of light seeped out where they met the ground. Edward could hear a muffled conversation inside and the thoughts of two minds more clearly. He nodded to Alice and turned back to the shop door.

A bell jangled cheerily as they stepped into the overly warm room. Alice walked past shelves of accessories, filters and oil, then stopped and looked around. She gave Edward a puzzled look but he shook his head and turned to examine the certificates on the wall behind the counter to his left, searching for evidence of good mechanical training.

A lean, dark man came through the door leading to the garage, wiping his hands on a grubby red rag. His dark eyes lit up at the lovely girl who stood still as stone in the center of the room. A wolfish grin enveloped his face and he ran his hand back across his black hair to smooth it. "Can I help you?" he asked.

Alice's eyes slid from his friendly face to her brother's. The man's gaze followed hers and his smile faltered. Edward was leaning against the counter, an expression of distaste on his handsome face.

"My car is in the alley down the block with a broken front axle. I need to know if you can fix it," Edward's glance flickered to the embroidered name tag on the man's work shirt and back to his eyes, "Embry."

The mechanic took in the casual stance of the elegant young man before him and unconsciously straightened his own shoulders. '_I bet you hit the pot hole in that alley, didn't you, dumbass? Probably trying too hard to impress this girl and weren't paying attention.'_ His eyes narrowed slightly and his voice was proud. "We can fix it. What is it?"

Edward's expression didn't change, but his eyes darkened. '_Arrogant for a mechanic. I hope that he is as good as he seems to think he is.'_"2004 Volvo S60R."

Embry's eyes widened. He licked his suddenly dry lips and glanced at Alice before turning back to Edward. "Wow. Um… yeah, sure. Sure, we can fix it. We may have to make some calls, but I'm sure we can get the parts."

"Good," Edward's tone was silky. "Could we have the car towed, then? I don't like leaving it in that alley."

Embry blinked at him. "Uh, sure, sure, just a minute." He turned and went back into the garage.

Alice stared at Edward as he moved away from the counter. "I wish I had another choice," he answered her silent question. "Something here feels wrong, somehow. And it stinks!" Alice didn't care much for all of the aromas usually associated with cars and their repair, so she had stopped breathing when they entered the shop. Now she took a cautious breath to see what her brother was talking about.

"Ew!" She scrunched her face in disgust. "That's awful! The car stuff smells better than that. It's like...," she swept her eyes around the room, taking in tire displays, a much-abused yellow vinyl couch and pyramids of fuel additives, searching for a likely source of the unpleasant odor.

"Old, wet dog," Edward answered tersely.

"Yeah!" Alice held her breath again, but the smell was still in her nose.

The garage door opened and Embry was back, another, larger, dark man right behind him. This one had broad shoulders and a handsome face, or it would have been, if he hadn't looked as if he also smelled something unpleasant. "Hi, I'm Jake, the owner. Em here says you've got a Volvo with a broken axle in the alley?" His deep voice held a slight sneer.

"That's right," Edward practically spat through his teeth. '_Fine, get the owner in here. Let's chat some more and take longer, shall we? Why are we still discussing this? They haven't even asked for the keys, and what the hell is that smell?'_ "I need it fixed immediately."

"We'll get right on it." Jake snapped back at the young man's tone. '_Embry was right- these are spoiled rich kids. They don't deserve to drive a beautiful machine if they can't be bothered to take care of it._'

Edward held out the keys and dropped them into Jake's outstretched hand. "You do that," Edward's velvet voice was icy and his eyes were hard topaz.

Embry took the keys from Jake and left to get the tow truck. Edward wrote down his cell number and the name of their hotel for Jake, and then turned to leave. "As soon as possible," he threw over his shoulder. Jake's eyes narrowed and he snorted.

"Well, it's 3:30 the day before Thanksgiving. Don't expect much today, but I'll see what I can do to get the parts by Monday."

"Not good enough." Edward turned towards him again. His eyes flashed and he was nearly growling. "I need it no later than Saturday."

Jake shrugged his muscled shoulders. "That's the way it is. You can try somewhere else…" Edward's nostrils flared. Jake chuckled and smirked," but it won't happen any faster, and the work won't be as good."

"Fine. Alice?" Edward strode briskly to the door and held it open. Alice stepped through, glancing back at the tall man. He looked as if he couldn't wait for them to be out of his shop.

As Edward followed Alice onto the sidewalk, a woman in a wheelchair turned into the doorway. Edward held the door a moment longer for her to go in. His mind barely registered a soft "Thank you," before the intoxicating scent of her blood washed over him. Every cell in him froze. A decade passed in a moment and it was over. He hadn't realized he had let go of the door, but it had already closed and the tantalizing aroma dissipated in the chilly air before he could move.

"What's the matter?" Alice was frightened by the look on Edward's face. His eyes were dark and his breathing was ragged.

When he found his voice again, the velvet was rough, and all he could say was, "It's _her_." They both stared through the shop window as the woman rolled to the counter.

She spoke to Jake, who still seemed to be agitated. He gestured in Alice and Edward's direction and it was clear he was complaining about them to her. She turned her head and looked straight into Edward's eyes. The expression of curiosity on her face drained away with all the color and was replaced by one of shock and recognition.

Edward's gaze was locked on hers. '_No, not again! Seattle… she didn't stay in Forks. How did we manage to cross paths again? She's even more vulnerable than before! What…' _Edward's thoughts were jumbled but hers were as silent as before.

Alice stiffened next to him and let out a small gasp. With tremendous effort, Edward tore his eyes from the woman to look at Alice, afraid of what he was about to see in her mind. '_Tanya and Edward in each other's arms.'_Edward closed his eyes, wondering what the rest of his family would think about that. Another picture flashed through Alice's mind and he focused again. '_Esme with… cookies?'_His mother smiled at him in Alice's head, balancing a sheet pan of what looked like gingerbread men.

As the visions ended, Alice shook herself a little. "Well, that was random." She looked at Edward, but his eyes were back on the woman. Alice glanced through the window again. The woman was looking at Jake.

"Let's go," Edward murmured quietly to Alice and they melted into the wintry afternoon shadows.

**A/N: Please leave feedback. Many people have read this, but only 2 reviewed! Please let me know what you think. Hit or miss? Ask questions. I'll be glad to answer as best I can.**

**Thanks again for reading!**


	4. Seasons of Love

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Sorry this one has taken a while. This chapter was not one I was initially going to write, but as I started to go on with the story, I realized that Jake needed to say a few things, and Thanksgiving seemed to be his perfect opportunity. Turns out, he's rather chatty, making this the longest chapter so far!**

**I have no claim on anything Twilight, sad to say.**

**Seasons of Love - Original Broadway Cast 'RENT, the Musical'**

**Chapter 4**

**JPOV**

It was Jake and Bella's turn to feed their little clan of friends for Thanksgiving. The new tribal chief and his wife, Sam and Leah Uley, had hosted the previous year. Embry Call and Quil Atera, another of Jake's employees, rounded out the group. Sam, Leah, Embry and Quil had all grown up together with Jake on the Quileute reservation at La Push, Washington. They were as close as siblings, and just as rowdy when they all got together. Today was no exception.

Bella, Leah and Quil were putting together a true holiday feast in the kitchen while Sam, Embry and Jake supported the Other American tradition of the day, watching football in the living room. Jake divided his attention between the two rooms, tasting in the kitchen, 'helping', getting in the way and being shooed back to the living room. He stopped in the doorway and surveyed both rooms.

Sam and Embry were on the sofa, cheering and groaning through a game. Neither of them particularly cared for either team that was playing, but they had vehemently chosen opposite sides for the fun of it. Between plays, they were arguing the relative merits of indoor versus outdoor stadiums. Sam was partial to real grass, while Embry favored the faster artificial turf. Jake shook his head at the constant competition and turned to see how dinner was progressing.

Leah and Bella were chatting while mashing potatoes and chopping salad vegetables. Quil was busy creating his two specialties, pumpkin and chocolate pecan pies. As comfortable in the kitchen as he was in the garage, Quil was going to make some girl very happy one day. Jake watched as he deftly cracked eggs and measured sugar and milk, whisking it all together with the flavorings.

Shorter and huskier than Embry, Quil wore his long black hair in a shiny braid down his back. Passing behind him on her way to the sink, Leah flipped the thick braid over Quil's shoulder just as he leaned down to measure the flour. The end of the braid landed in the measuring cup, and Quil straightened up with a snort. He turned to Leah and made a face, holding out the flour-covered end of his braid to her.

Leah's eyes widened in surprise and she laughed, "No thanks, Quil! I'm not that hungry!" He snickered and sauntered over to her at the sink. Leah caught a gleam in his eye, and tried to back away, but he had her cornered between the counter and refrigerator. He slowly drew the floury end of his braid down each side of her face as she giggled, then he popped it on the tip of her nose. He stepped back to examine his art.

"What do you think, Bella?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as he smirked at Leah.

"Oh, no, don't you drag me into this! I'm an innocent bystander and I intend to stay that way," Bella shook her head as she grabbed her wine glass and moved her chair to the opposite side of the work island. She eyed her friends over the edge of the goblet as she took a sip. Leah was laughing and wiping her face with a dish towel while Quil rinsed the flour out of his hair. Jake chuckled behind her and Bella turned to see him leaning on the doorframe.

"I know, right?" she giggled at him. Jake rolled his eyes at the phrase. One of Bella's high school friends had been fond of saying that and it had become a running joke.

"When's food?" he asked, his gaze sweeping the piles of vegetables and various dishes in mid-assembly.

"The turkey won't be done for another hour, so go back to your game. Believe me, we'll let you know when it's ready," Leah's voice was muffled as she dug through the refrigerator. "Bella, where's the celery? I need it for the dressing."

"Bottom drawer on the right," Bella said, as she went back to mashing up potatoes. Jake sipped his beer and shifted his large body in the doorway so he could see into the living room. Embry and Sam had moved on from discussing playing field surfaces to the stadiums themselves, the game largely forgotten.

A warm feeling filled Jacob as he watched his friends enjoying themselves. Each time they got together like this, he was reminded again how lucky he was. He had the best friends anybody could ask for. He turned his head to watch Bella pour a glass of wine and marveled once again at how well she handled everything.

She had been so broken after the accident, physically and emotionally. Her father, Charlie, wanted to have her mother come to care for Bella until she could be moved, but Jake and Bella's school friend Angela Weber had stepped in to help. It turned out much better that way. Renee', Bella's mom, was good at worrying, but not with nursing. She came for a short visit while Bella was still recovering from her first surgery, and was in the way most of the time.

The hospital stays were excruciating for all concerned and the rehabilitation centers hadn't been much better. Charlie was very glad when he could bring Bella home for good, and that was when Angela and Jake had been most helpful. Jake's father, Billy Black, had been in a wheelchair for years, so Jake knew the drill. Angela was a sweet, gentle girl who was genuinely fond of Bella. She was quite capable and helped Bella with her daily needs. Bella was determined to regain as much movement as she could, but her injuries were limiting. Her spinal cord had nearly been severed in her lower back, so she had no feeling from her hips down.

As soon as she was able to remain sitting for a full hour, Bella declared she was going back to school. Her teachers had sent coursework home which kept her from falling behind, but Bella wanted to get out and be on campus again. She wasn't about to let a pair of useless legs get in her way. Her determination and sense of humor served her well. So maybe runway modeling was out as a career choice now, she had joked with Jake. She had taken ballet as a kid and it didn't help her with her coordination one bit. At least in the wheelchair, Bella reasoned, she was actually less of a klutz.

Jake's thoughts turned to his father. It was holidays like this that he missed Billy and Charlie the most. The two men had been incredibly close friends, spending a couple of days a week at one or the other's houses, watching sports and joking around. They had been so close that when Billy's health began to rapidly decline while Bella was away attending Washington University, Charlie spent all his free time at the Black house. Billy passed away in early 2007. Charlie had grieved so for his friend that his heart gave out a short two months afterward.

Years of stress as Police Chief, even in a small town, can be rough, but Charlie had also never been one to care about his diet. Steaks, pizzas and fried fish had been his staples as well as his undoing. Losing both of their fathers so closely together was hard on Bella and himself. Jake knew how very much Charlie had looked forward to seeing Bella receive her degree. Bella didn't want to return to the little house that had been her father's. Her bedroom had been moved to the living room after the accident and she knew she would never be able to maintain the house herself. Two weeks before she left for graduate school at Berkley, Bella sold it to Angela and her fiancé', Ben Cheney.

Jake often went back to La Push to visit relatives and do some fishing, a passion that had been passed on to him by Billy and Charlie. He enjoyed the solitude and beauty of the Quileute River as they had. Occasionally, Bella came along for the ride and Jake would drop her at Angela's for the day on his way to the reservation. Angela was always glad to see them both and she held a special place in Jake's heart. They had come to rely on one another in their care for Bella and had formed a strong bond. Angela alone had witnessed how helpless he and Charlie had been in the hospital. She sat with them as they kept vigil through the terrible days until Bella regained consciousness after the accident.

Jake watched Bella maneuver around the kitchen. She looked a little tired. Shadows under her eyes told of a restless night, but she was deftly coordinating dinner as she sipped her wine. He only kept wine in the house for her; he much preferred beer. He liked how classy she looked, though, her slender fingers wrapped around the crystal stem.

Quil and Leah were filling Bella in on the latest escapades of Leah's younger brother, Seth. His erratic love life was often the topic of discussion when this group got together. Leah and Quil kept interrupting each other to add another detail or to correct the other's information. Jake caught Bella's eye and she smiled, wiggling her wineglass at him in a silent toast. Jake grinned back, tilted his beer can in her direction, then turned and went into the living room.

Sam and Embry were now completely into the game. They perched on the edge of the couch, yelling at the players on the screen and groaning at missed plays. Jake sank into an easy chair and stared at the television, but his mind was on the kitchen conversation.

Seth had been dating a girl for a few months and he had caught her kissing someone else. There had been angry words and hurt feelings, but Seth had come out without much damage. He was young and resilient, and Jake was certain that Seth would be back to playing the field very shortly. These things were easy to get over when you were young. As you got older, it was much nicer not to have all the drama.

'_One girl is plenty, though,'_Jake thought, '_Who needs variety when one girl is already too complicated to understand?'_

Last night Bella had fallen asleep on his couch. They had been watching a movie and working out the details for today's party. He had gone to get a quick shower while she dozed, and as he finished dressing, he heard her talking. He came down the hall to find her still asleep. He was surprised; he didn't know she still did that. Jake lingered in the hallway, listening and feeling a little uncomfortable.

"No. No… not again." Bella's eyes were tight and her voice shook. "It's me. It was… me. I can't. No, don't! Stop! Please!" Bella's sudden scream of distress launched Jake across the room to her side.

"Bella, honey! Wake up!" he shook her shoulder, worry filling his eyes. Bella slowly roused from her dream, confusion and fear evident on her features. Jake had tried to sooth her. "It was a dream, Bella, just a dream. I'm here. It's ok."

Bella shook her head as if to clear it and looked up at Jake. He was surprised to see tears in her eyes. All of the nightmares after the accident had sounded like this one. She must have relived the van crushing her many times over, but it had been years he thought, since she'd had one this bad.

"Are you okay now?" he asked her. Bella wiped her tears away quickly and nodded.

"I'll be fine. I just… could I stay here tonight, Jake? I don't think I'm up to driving home." She put her hand over her face.

"Sure, honey. Let me get you to the bed." Jake leaned down to pick her up but her hand on his arm stopped him.

"No, Jake. I'm fine on the couch. I could use a blanket, but I'm not kicking you out of your bed."

Jake smiled down at her. "Nobody's kicking anybody. You're sleeping in the bed, and I'm going to enjoy the most comfortable sofa in the world.

He scooped her up in his arms then and carried her to his room, ignoring her protests. Once she was settled, he kissed her forehead and moved to the door. "Sweet dreams, Bella. No more bad ones allowed, okay?"

Bella smiled sleepily at him and nodded. "Thanks, Jake. You're the best friend anybody ever had. Good night."

"No problem. Anything for my best girl." Jake stood there for a moment, watching Bella as she drifted back to sleep. She was peaceful again, her lovely face soft and relaxed.

Jake wandered back to the living room, preoccupied with the vision of Bella in his bed, her soft brown hair spread across his pillow. He sat down on the sofa and let his head drop into his hands. He could still feel the weight of her small frame in his arms. That line of thinking just wouldn't do. Not tonight. Not for a long while. He lay down, one arm thrown across his eyes, the other hanging off of the sofa onto the floor. It seemed that he had barely closed his eyes when Bella's screams woke him.

Jake ran to the bedroom, wide awake now. "Bella! Wake up!" He snapped on the bedside lamp.

She was sobbing again."Jake…"

He sank down on the edge of the bed and wrapped his big arms around her shaking shoulders. "Shhh, it's all right," he whispered into her hair, his lips brushing against its softness. Bella clung to him, burrowing her face into his chest. He could feel her tears soaking through his t-shirt and he groaned in frustration.

Bella lifted her head to look at him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," she whispered. Jake smiled wearily down at her and wiped a tear from her cheek with one large warm finger.

"Don't be sorry. I'm here to protect you, even if it's just from the Boogie Man," he joked weakly.

Bella blinked through her tears and her eyes fell back to Jake's chest. "Your shirt's wet. I'm sorry…"

"Um, hmm. Bella…," Jake murmured, tilting his head to look at her. She raised her eyes to his, tears making them glisten in the light of the lamp on the nightstand. Jake took a deep breath and tried not to think about what he was about to say. "Do you… would you like me to…?" He rubbed one hand across his eyes and tried again. "I could stay with you. In here. If you want…"

Bella's eyes widened and Jake held his breath. Then she smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. "Yes, please."

It wasn't as if they had never slept next to each other. Many times they had fallen asleep on the sofa over a movie, like tonight. In the early days of Bella's recovery, Jake had often slept in a chair next to her hospital bed, his head resting on the mattress by her hand. But in all the years of their relationship, they had never shared a bed. He would love to be able to hold her while she slept, but he had never been able to bring himself to do more than hold her hand or occasionally put an arm around her. Goodbye kisses were always chaste and on the cheek. Bella's injuries had been such that physicality was a moot subject. It wasn't something they had ever discussed. Jake had planned for quite a while to ask Bella to marry him one day, but she could never completely be his. While he knew that there was so much more to Bella than her body, he still found it difficult to keep his mind from going to places that were impossible.

Jake lay down on his side next to Bella, careful not to get too close. He could smell the scent of her shampoo on his pillow. She lay on her back, her head turned towards him. She smiled at him and closed her eyes.

"Jake!" He started and looked up into Embry's amused face. "Dude, your beer's hot. You want another one?" Embry smirked.

Jake wiped his hand across his face. '_Did I doze off? I must have. I didn't actually get much sleep last night.'_

"Yeah, that'd be great," Jake said as he shoved himself out of the chair and glanced at the widescreen. "We still winning?" he asked Sam, who was busy balancing squares of cheese and pepperoni slices on a cracker.

"Yep. Had a 53 yard punt return a minute ago. We're first and eight, end of the third." Sam managed to get the whole stack of food into his mouth. Jake blinked. He had been really out for it to be the end of the third quarter of the game. He turned to the kitchen and Embry met him in the doorway.

"Here," Embry said, handing Jake a cold beer before heading back to the couch.

"Thanks, Em," Jake glanced back at the game before entering the kitchen.

"Em says we're winning!" Quil's eyes danced as he put the finishing touches on his pies. Whipped cream was piled like snow on their tops and he was carefully placing them in the freezer to chill during dinner.

Jake nodded. "Yeah, just have to get through the fourth quarter now." He stood by the door, hoping he was out of the way. Casseroles, bowls and platters of food seemed to cover every available surface. "God, it smells wonderful!" Jake sipped his beer and winked at Leah as she walked up to him, her hands full of silverware.

Leah chuckled. "Good!" she said. "If you'll get the plates, we'll get to see if it tastes wonderful, too."

Jake put his beer down in an open spot on the counter and took the silverware from her. "Yes, Ma'am!" he joked. He put the utensils on the end of the counter by the door and moved to the cabinet for the dishes. He turned with his arms full of plates and nearly fell over Bella, who had wheeled her chair right behind him.

"Whoa! Watch it there, big fella!" Bella ducked away from the stack of dishes Jake was balancing.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said, "I didn't see you there." Jake glanced quickly at Bella's face. The shadows under her eyes were less pronounced than this morning and there was now a rosy blush on her cheeks. He smiled at how pretty the color was against her pale skin.

"Um, do I have potatoes on my face or something?" Bella brushed at her cheeks, her brown eyes on Jake's.

"No, just looking at how pretty you are today," Jake stated and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. He moved to the counter to put the plates next to the silverware and glanced back to see Bella blushing harder at his words. Jake looked quickly at Leah and Quil; both were suddenly very intent on their separate tasks. Jake smirked as he walked into the living room to tell Embry and Sam that the food was ready.

The dinner was wonderful and all of the cooks were praised. Each of the friends took a moment before they ate to give thanks for what was important in their lives. The buffet line began and didn't quit for some time. Embry and Sam had several helpings, using the opportunity to check the score of the game each time they were up. Leah and Bella laughed as the guys protested that they were really much more interested in the food than the game, especially when Em let out a whoop on his third trip back for potatoes and gravy. Sam grabbed his plate and dashed to the kitchen. A few minutes later, cheering and moaning could be heard from the living room.

Too full yet for pie, Jake and Quil sent Bella and Leah to the living room to relax with a fresh drink while they put away the leftovers. When Embry and Sam wandered back into the kitchen, still arguing over the fairness of the referees, Jake looked at both of them severely.

"You two are in big trouble," Jake glowered.

"What? Why?"Embry stared at Sam.

"I don't know," Sam said, turning to Jake. "What did we do?"

"You left the table and didn't ask permission first," Jake's laugh broke through his angry face. Sam and Embry laughed as well, then looked sheepish as Jake handed them each a sponge.

"You have dish duty as punishment," Jake smirked.

"As long as I get pie after, I don't care!" sang Embry, winking at Sam. Jake returned to the living room to see if the girls needed anything. A few minutes later, splashing and shouts could be heard from the kitchen.

Jake groaned as he got up again. Leah laughed at his expression. "Be glad you don't live with them!" she said. Embry lived with Quil in his grandfather's old house, but they both spent most of their spare time at Sam's. It must have seemed as if they lived there to Leah.

"I know, Leah," Jake sighed. "I just have to put up with Em at work, and he's ok as long as Sam's not there to instigate." He entered the kitchen in time to see a soapy sponge bounce off of the cabinet next to Embry's head.

The kitchen was a sight. About half of the dishes were still stacked, unwashed. Others were haphazardly piled in the sink full of suds. Another stack was apparently clean and dry, but now wore soapy white ribbons that dripped onto the counter. Sam's shirt was wet and he had foam on his face. Embry's pants were spattered and he had suds in his hair.

"No pie."

"What?!" Sam and Embry both whirled on Jake.

"You heard me," Jake's voice was angry. "Look at my kitchen!" The men looked around, then their eyes met and they began to laugh. Jake growled," Not funny, you two. Damn, you'd think a tribal chief would have more dignity than this."

Sam stopped laughing and his eyes darkened slightly. Embry caught his breath and started mopping up the suds on the clean dishes, his eyes on Sam. Sam squared his shoulders, walked over to Jake and glared at him. Jake leaned into the doorjamb and crossed his arms. He cocked his head to one side and met Sam's gaze. Sam didn't smile. Instead he made a fist. He raised it very slowly up to the level of Jake's shoulder and stopped there. Jake never broke his stare, but raised his fist to the level of Sam's. Eyes still locked, Sam and Jake bumped fists. Embry gasped and dropped a plate. Jake and Sam couldn't hold it in any longer and roared with laughter. Embry stared at them as if they had both lost their minds.

"Chill, Em! You're gonna break something," Sam hooted as he turned back to the sink. Jake was still laughing at Embry's confusion as he returned to the others. Leah had her legs up on the couch, head back and eyes closed. Quil was cross-legged on the floor, perusing the stack of cds next to the stereo. He had put the soundtrack to RENT in the player, and Leah was softly singing along to Seasons of Love.

Jake looked around. "Bella?" he asked, looking at them both.

"Bathroom," Leah answered between lyrics.

Jake went down the hall and tapped on the door. "Okay?" he asked quietly.

"Fine," Bella's voice was muffled through the door.

"All right," Jake went back to the living room. Sam and Embry joined them a few minutes later.

"Charades, Pictionary, Taboo, Apples to Apples…?" Embry recited the list of games the group most enjoyed playing. Trivial Pursuit won out and they had it set up and ready to play by the time Bella rejoined them.

Their games were always lively. Bella and Quil pulled ahead of the others quickly and were tied with four pie slices each for a while. Leah finally got a Sports question that stumped everyone but Embry, who earned his fourth slice with the answer.

"Okay, now I want _real_ pie," he said as he dropped the orange wedge into his green wheel.

"Good idea. I'll cut them," said Quil as he jumped up and went into the kitchen. Sam, Leah and Embry followed him, chatting.

"Let's have it in here, Quil," Bella called after them. Jake smiled at her and nodded, then looked closer. Her color was still high.

Jake's smile fell slightly and his brow creased. "Do you feel all right?" he asked.

"I feel fine. Why?" she answered, confused.

"You look feverish or something," Jake leaned over from his chair and put his large hand on her small arm. She felt cool to his touch.

"Oh, you feel so warm!" she giggled at him, her eyes shining.

"I guess you don't have a fever," he said. "Are you cold?" He smiled at her again.

"No, really, I'm fine. Your hand was just warmer than I expected. _You_ don't have a fever, do you?" Bella's eyes continued to sparkle but he could see she was concerned.

"Yes. Yes, I do. And the only thing that will cure it is pie!" They both laughed as the others returned with forks, dessert plates and the sliced pies. In mere minutes, Quil's exquisite creations were reduced to smears of whipped cream and filling clinging to a few crumbs of crust in the pans.

"Oh, wow, that was great," Sam groaned, leaning back on the sofa and loosening his belt.

Leah playfully slapped at his arm. "Leave your clothes on, boy, at least until we get home!" she giggled at her husband.

Sam rolled his eyes at Jake. "She's no fun sometimes," he snorted.

Jake chuckled as he rose and began collecting the dirty plates. Bella stacked the pie plates together and rolled her chair one-handed into the kitchen. She reached up to turn on the water in the sink just as Embry came through the door.

"No!" he yelled. Bella jumped and then squealed when a jet of cold water squirted her in the face. Unable to see, she flailed her hand until she hit the lever and the water turned off.

"Bella! I'm sorry … oh, man, that wasn't supposed to happen." Embry was grabbing towels to mop up the water. Bella took one that he handed her and blotted her face, then blinked at him. Jake had Embry in a headlock.

"Explain," Jake growled.

Right then Sam came in and doubled over in laughter. "Oh, no! We got Bella!" Jake whirled on Sam, not losing his grip on Embry who yelped in pain.

"Jake, let him go!" Bella scolded, reaching for Jake's arm. "I'm fine, I'm just wet. Let go!"

"What's going on, Sam?" Leah and Quil were in the doorway now, trying to see in.

"Talk!" Jake commanded Embry who squeaked, "Can't… breathe."

"Jake! Let go!" Bella and Sam both pulled on his arm and he relaxed his grip on Embry.

"Okay, fine, I let go. Now start explaining." Jake grumbled as Embry rubbed his neck and looked at Bella, embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. We didn't mean for that to get you. Sam and I set the sprayer up to soak Jake as a joke. We didn't think about you turning the water on before he did."

"I'm sorry, too, Bella," said Sam.

Leah rolled her eyes and sighed. "Men …" she sounded disgusted as she turned back to the living room.

"It's all right, guys. It was funny!" Bella giggled.

"No, it's not all right. It was mean." Jake was still cross.

"Oh, come on, Jake. I'm fine, just a little damp. And it would have been funnier if it had gotten you." Bella snickered, her brown eyes dancing. Jake couldn't suppress a grin since Bella was laughing.

"I guess it would have been, at that. Okay, boys, clean it up," he said.

Shortly afterward, coats were gathered and leftovers parceled out. As the door closed on their friends, Jake leaned his back against it and sighed. Amusement crossed his face as he looked at Bella.

"What?" she asked at his expression.

"Just thinking about Sam with all those soap suds on his face," he chuckled and shook his head.

Bella smiled and motioned to him. "You hardly sat down all day," she scolded him gently. "You've prowled between this room and the kitchen, making sure everyone was having a good time. I saw you."

Jake pushed himself away from the door and crossed the living room to sit in the easy chair by Bella's wheelchair. "Dinner was good, really good. Thanks for doing all that," he told her.

She smiled at him. "It was fun."

Jake snorted, "It was work and you know it."

Bella laughed. "Well, yes, it was, but everyone enjoyed it and I think they had a good time. I did, even when I got an impromptu shower."

Jake laughed and reached over for Bella's hand. He gave it a squeeze. "Your hands are cold. You sure you feel okay? You still look a little off." He cocked his head to look at her closely.

"Oh, really? While ago I looked 'feverish', now I look 'off'? What do I look like when I'm 'on'?" Bella retorted and pulled her hand back.

Jake was puzzled. "What's wrong?"

"That's just it. _Nothing_ is wrong. I'm fine. I keep telling you. I'm _fine_." Bella sounded annoyed. She wheeled her chair towards the hall, then stopped and looked back at the confusion and hurt on Jake's face. She sighed. "Really, I'm okay; I think I'm just tired. I'm going to the ladies' one more time, and then I'm going to head home." She gave him a weak smile, dropped her eyes and kept going.

Jake sat back in the big chair and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He had been tense there since yesterday and the holiday hadn't helped. Bella was acting a little weird, but he supposed she was right. She had to be tired; she hadn't slept well last night and it had been a long and trying day. He yawned and realized he was probably just as tired as she was, maybe more. Last night had been pretty rough.

Bella had drifted off again shortly after Jake lay down, but he couldn't sleep. The proximity of her body to his on the bed kept him from relaxing. He thought her soft breathing might soothe him and lull him to sleep, but it had the opposite effect. He couldn't stop watching her. She sighed in her sleep and her lips parted. Jake could barely breathe himself. He tentatively reached out, slowly and gently, to lay his arm across Bella's waist. His movements stilled as soon as he felt her warmth through the covers. He didn't want to put the whole weight of his arm on her; he just wanted to feel her breathing. He watched his arm move each time she inhaled. She sighed again and Jake's eyes flew from his arm to her lips. So soft, so lovely…

"Shit." Jake froze. Bella didn't curse when she was awake, so why would she in her sleep? He stopped focusing on her lips to get a better look at her face. Her forehead was scrunched in what looked like pain. He didn't know what to do. Bella obviously needed to sleep, but she seemed to be having another disturbing dream. Before he could decide to do anything, Bella grabbed the arm he had placed across her with one hand and he started. She tugged at his arm, her face still crumpled. He tried to remove his arm from her hand, but she held tighter.

"No," she breathed. Jake stilled at once. "Please…" He didn't dare move. What was she dreaming about? Bella suddenly loosened her grip but then wrapped both of her small hands around his arm and pulled his hand to her face. Jake felt his heart leap when she whispered, "Stay."

"Did you hear me?" Bella asked. Jake's eyes flew open. Bella was next to the sofa, her coat, purse and ever-present book bag in her lap.

He sat up and shook his head, rubbing at his neck again. "No, sorry," he said.

"I said thank you for today and last night… for letting me stay. I don't know what was up with the bad dreams." Her laugh sounded weak and shaky to Jake's ears.

He looked at her curiously. "You aren't too tired to drive are you? I could take you, if you want."

Bella laughed again and it sounded stronger. "You're afraid some good-looking cop is going to stop me tonight and sweep me out of my chair. Come on, admit it!"

Jake smiled at their old joke, though it pained him a little. She had no idea how he had worried that something like that might happen. For years, she had teased him with that phrase, but so far, thankfully, no 'good-looking' cop, doctor, grocer, dentist, teacher or student for that matter, had ever 'swept her out of her chair'. Jake's eyes met Bella's laughing ones. "What was his name again?"

Bella batted her lashes at him. "Why, suh, whom-evah do you mean?" she simpered in an awful southern accent.

"You know who," Jake growled playfully back. "That anesthesiologist you had for your second surgery. The 'good-looking' blond."

"Who? Oh, you mean R.J.? Did you think he was 'good-looking', too? He had such bea-u-tiful blue eyes…" Bella's own brown ones were still batting furiously as she slowly lost her battle to keep a straight face. Jake closed one eye and squinted at her through the other.

"Yep, that's the one! I thought I was going to have to give him two black eyes the way he kept staring at you." He frowned and set his jaw as Bella dissolved into giggles.

"Aw, Jake, you know R.J. meant nothing to me! He put me to sleep… literally!" They both broke into laughter at that.

Bella wiped a tear away as her giggles subsided. "Okay, I really have to get going. Traffic is going to be a bear tonight even if it doesn't snow."

Jake grimaced. "I know. Be careful, please. Call me when you get home." Bella nodded as she wheeled her chair to the door.

"I will." She looked up at him with a thoughtful expression. "What time are you going in tomorrow?"

Jake thought a moment. "Pretty early. I gave the guys the morning off, but I want to get in there and check on the parts for that damn kid's car." He made a face at the thought.

"Could you use some company?" Bella asked. Jake's eyes widened at her question, but she was serious. "I mean, I am off until Monday. We could get breakfast first, and later, I could brave a crowd or two. Do my bit to boost the economy on Black Friday," Bella smirked.

"That would be great!" Jake always enjoyed it when Bella came to the garage. He was proud of the business he had built and delighted in showing her how it was thriving. "How about I pick up some breakfast and meet you at the shop about seven? We'll each have our own vehicle that way, so you can shop later."

"Sounds good. Make sure my doughnuts have extra sprinkles, okay?" Bella laughed as she opened the door and rolled out to the ancient red truck parked in the driveway.

Jake walked with her. He took her things and put them on the passenger seat, then stepped to the rear of the truck to operate the wheelchair lift. Bella cut her eyes at him as her chair slowly rose to the level of the truck bed. "I can do that, you know. I do it all the time."

"I know. I'm trying to be a gentleman. Humor me." Jake smiled up at her, and then his eyes swept the mechanism as it shuddered to a halt. It was noisier than it should be. He'd have to check it soon, maybe tomorrow while she was at the garage.

He always had mixed feelings about this truck. It had been old when he was a teen. He had rebuilt the engine, and later, Charlie had bought it from him and Billy for Bella when she moved to Forks. After the accident, Bella had been afraid she couldn't drive anymore, so he had repaired the damage to the truck's body and modified it for her. He removed the driver's seat and put in hand controls. Then he had installed the electric chair lift in place of the tailgate, and a panel behind the driver's side that opened so Bella could pull directly up to the steering wheel. He was pleased at how it had turned out, especially since it allowed Bella to maintain some of her independence.

Jake absently stroked the side of the truck. Sometimes he just wished it hadn't been necessary. If Bella had only been late to school that day… or earlier… or almost anything, any reason for the van not to have hit her. But no use playing "might have been". Bella locked the wheelchair in place and started the engine. Then she rolled her window down and leaned out to give Jake a one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. He kissed her cheek back and she shifted the truck into gear.

"See you at seven!" she yelled over the rumble of the engine.

"Seven," Jake mouthed back. The engine noise was something he had never been able to fix; some trucks are just loud. Bella waved and pulled away from the drive. Jake waved back and watched until the old red truck disappeared down the street.

He was getting ready for bed when she called to say she was home. They confirmed their plans for the morning, said good night and hung up. Jake stared at the phone in his hand for a minute before placing it on the nightstand. He sat down on the bed, picked up his pillow and brought it to his face. He closed his eyes and smiled. It still smelled like her shampoo. Jake switched off the bedside lamp and curled up on his side, his arms wrapped around the pillow. Tonight there would only be good dreams.

**A/N:**

**OK, lots of lovely back story to ponder! Please review - there will be pie! Thanks!**


	5. For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

**CHOICES**

**A/N: I'm excited to get this out more quickly than the last chapter. It is shorter, but the plot is once again moving forward. Thanks to my ever-patient beta, Vampire_Lover93. Your excellent grammatical sense and funny notes make fixing things very easy.**

**For a Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic – Paramore 'RIOT!'**

**Chapter 5**

**EPOV**

The chilly November air skirled through the hotel entrance as Alice and Edward swept past the doorman. His eyes lingered momentarily on the attractive couple as they made their way to the elevators, his thoughts catching Edwards's attention.

'_Siblings. Skin tone is too similar for anything else. He's almost pretty. She's gorgeous_. _Bet they're with that guy who came through with all the shoes earlier; he was really pale and almost pretty, too. I guess he wasn't just a rich fetishist after all.'_Another cab approached the curb then and the doorman turned to greet his next speculation.

Jasper had the suite door open before Alice and Edward exited the elevator. "What's up?" he asked, his eyes darting between their faces. "Alice? I could hear it in your voice when you called for the room number. Something's happened." He stepped back to allow his wife and brother through the door.

Alice clasped Jasper's arms in her small hands, reached up on her tiptoes and brushed her lips across his jaw. He slid one arm around her and closed the door with his free hand. He looked down at her and smiled, kissed her forehead and glanced back at Edward who was already pacing the length of the luxury suite. His smile faded as he took in Edward's mood.

"Pacing, Edward? What the hell happened?"

Jasper's tone forced an exasperated sigh from Edward. He stopped in front of the large picture window, his back to the room. The lights of Seattle were not what Edward saw as he stared into the gathering darkness. His hand ran though his hair and dropped to his side.

"Alice? Somebody. Come on, you guys are killing me with the stress levels here," Jasper growled.

'_Tell him, Edward. It's your story and I have several questions myself.'_ At Alice's silent plea, Edward closed his eyes and his shoulders slumped forward.

"Jasper… I'm sorry. Forgive me." He turned his back on the window to face his brother.

"We had a rather odd experience at the repair shop. As we were leaving, a woman came in." Edward glanced at Alice. Her eyes glowed with encouragement. "Jas … it was the girl, the one from Forks. If we hadn't been outside already as she went in … her scent blew away quickly but, it was her."

Jasper squeezed Alice's waist before he let go of her to cross the room to his brother. Edward stood silently as Jasper wrapped his arms around him. He felt the sympathy and calm radiating from Jasper and returned the hug, closing his eyes.

'_God, Edward! I can't believe it. I'm glad Alice was with you.'_Jaspers' thoughts and calming influence allowed Edward to relax somewhat. He sighed as Jasper released him.

"Thanks, Jasper. I can't believe it myself. One minute I was considering taking the garage owner apart for fun, the next … if Alice hadn't had a vision right then, I don't know what I would have done." Pain was still evident in Edward's voice.

"Whoa, hold on. Slow down a minute," Jasper's head swiveled to Alice who was perched on the end of a cream brocade chaise. "Would you care to jump in here? Edward's not making much sense. What did the owner do?"

Alice chewed her lower lip as she glanced between the two men. "Okay. The garage guy was an ass to Edward, who was doing his best to be polite. He said they can fix the car, as soon as they get the parts which may be this weekend or next week; I didn't see anything and he didn't know for sure but he wasn't terribly nice about it. There was something kind of weird about him and the place."

She wrinkled her nose." It smelled really bad, for one thing, worse than most of those kinds of places. Anyway, the guy was smarting off and Edward was getting mad, so we left. Right as we went out of the door, this woman in a wheelchair comes through it and Edward just freaked out. He said, 'It's her,' and then I had a couple of weird little visions that made _no_ sense at all. The guy inside started talking to the woman and we got out of there."

Suddenly, Alice and Jasper rounded on Edward simultaneously. "Tanya?" Alice accused.

"Wheelchair?" Jasper gasped.

Edward stepped back and held up both hands in mock surrender. '_Ladies first,'_ he thought humorlessly.

"I've been doing a little thinking about Tanya," he told Alice quietly. "It gets old being alone. I know she'll never be quite what I need her to be, but if I haven't found that in 100 years, it's not out there. It will be different, anyway."

Alice's eyebrows shot up and she glared at him. "Different?! Edward Cullen, have you lost your mind? Really, this doesn't sound like you at all. I know you aren't that shallow, especially to hook up with Tanya … she drives you nuts!" Edward shrugged and ran his hand through his hair. Alice narrowed her eyes and pointed a delicately painted nail at him. "We are going to talk about this, mister, before you go making any unalterable decisions."

Edward gave her a half-hearted grin. He glanced at Jasper who had moved to the window and was looking out at the lights of the city. "I know, Jas. I can't imagine why she would be in a wheelchair, either. Her blood smelled exactly the same, no taint of illness at all …" he trailed off.

Jasper turned to him, sympathy in his golden eyes. "It's hard enough to resist them when they smell good," he said. "It's worse when they haven't even a choice of a running start."

Edward chuckled darkly at Jasper's morbid humor and nodded. "It was bad just knowing she existed somewhere. I don't think I can take being in the same city for very long."

"We need a plan." Alice looked at Jasper. "Come on, Major. Strategize." He laughed and sat on the chaise, pulling Alice into his lap. She curled up against his chest and began running her fingers over the buttons on his sleeve. They both watched Edward as he began to pace again.

"She's right, Edward. I think I know what you need to do. What do you _want_ to do?" Jasper asked.

Edward glanced at the cozy pair as he passed them. He turned suddenly and came back, stopping in front of them. His eyes were tight as he spoke. "Need and want are the same here. I can't stay. If I knew when the car would be ready, this would be easier." He glanced at Alice who shrugged. He ran his hand through his hair again.

Jasper tilted his head as he looked at his brother. "If it's just the car you're worried about, there's no problem. We can rent one tonight and continue on to Denali. You can call Friday to check on the Volvo and when it's ready, one of us can come pick it up."

Alice looked up at Jasper and then over at Edward. "Wow. That was quick," she said.

Edward stared at Jasper and a crooked smile crept across his face. "Of course. How simple. I was …," he waved his hand vaguely in the air.

"… Over thinking things, as usual," Jasper finished for him and they all laughed.

Jasper lifted Alice from his lap, setting her back on the end of the chaise. "Time to get moving, Angel. You'll just have to finish your shopping another time." He leaned in to kiss her cheek, but she turned her face at the last second and caught his lips by surprise. A smile lit his face and she laughed before turning to Edward.

"You owe me, and not just the shopping trip. If you are going to marry Tanya," Alice shuddered slightly, "then I get to do the wedding."

Edward dropped his head into his hands and groaned, laughing at her. "I don't know, Alice. Let's get to Denali so I can talk to her before you start picking out color schemes and stationery, alright?" He peered through his hands to see Alice stick her tongue out at him.

"If Tanya is going to be my sister," Alice wrinkled her tiny mouth in disgust as she glared at him, "Oh, God, Edward. We have to talk about this! You can't be serious."

Edward gazed calmly back at her. "It's my life, Alice, or lack thereof. Take your pick." He lowered himself onto a blue silk loveseat, leaned back and stretched his legs out in front of him.

"But it's _all_ of our sanity, Edward! I don't mind visiting her, and Irina and Kate, and even living relatively near them is fine. But you want to bring her into _our_ family, make her a Cullen. That's not just your life. It involves us all," Alice scolded.

Edward sighed and looked at Jasper, who held up one slender hand. "Don't involve me, dude. I'm with Alice on this one. Tanya's okay, but in small doses. I can't imagine any of the Cullen women being too happy with you if you bring home a succubus, anyway."

Alice's eyes widened and she gasped. She leapt from the chaise and planted herself in front of Edward, hands on her hips. "You. Wouldn't. Dare. You couldn't!" Alice's eyes slid out of focus momentarily, then shifted back just as quickly, sparks flying from them as she fumed at Edward. "What about Esme? That will kill her!"

Jasper stood up and crossed to Alice's side. He saw the fury in her face and the quiet anguish in Edward's. "Just stop! Both of you, right now. Damn it, what are you thinking, Edward?"

Alice's voice was quiet when she started to speak, her anger barely under control. "He's thinking of moving in with the Denali sisters. He's thinking of _not_ living with us anymore. He's _thinking_ that would be better somehow. He's _not_ thinking like Edward. What the hell is wrong with you?" Alice was yelling now. Jasper grabbed her by both shoulders and pulled her away from Edward before she could land the punch her small fist was making. Edward stared at his shoes stretched out in front of him, not saying a word.

"Edward. Talk to me, brother. Has Alice got that right? Is that what you are thinking? If it is, that is the stupidest idea you have ever had, stupider even than thinking about settling for Tanya." Jasper was getting angry as well, increasing the tension in the room as his emotions affected the others. Edward ran both hands through his hair, tugging at it, before letting go and looking up at his siblings.

"I know, _I know_, I'm not making sense." His exasperation was evident in his tone. "Nothing is making sense for me, not right now. Not since this afternoon." He looked at Jasper and his caramel eyes were pleading. "Jas, I smelled her. Again. I never thought I would again. I thought she was safe; I was safe. But there she was, so small and so vulnerable and so… tempting."

Edward hung his head and closed his eyes. "The first thing I thought of was running to Denali, like last time. I know Tanya will be just as insistent as ever, and suddenly that seemed like an option. The lesser of two evils, even. Maybe if I settle down, it will help distract me from … this." He gestured toward the darkness outside of the window.

Alice's anger melted and she threw herself next to Edward on the loveseat, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry, Edward, I didn't realize. I still think Tanya is a pretty drastic step, but, well, I can kind of understand."

"Thanks, Alice. It's not the best answer, but it's the best I can come up with right now." Edward's voice was quiet as he hugged her back.

"Don't look at it that way, Edward," Jasper cautioned. "Let's get out of here first, get up to Carlisle and Esme. You don't have to decide anything right now. Well, maybe what kind of car you want from the rental agency, but that's it." Jasper smiled as his little joke earned a wry chuckle from his brother.

Edward's eyes were sad as he looked at the two of them. "You are right, both of you. Thanks. I guess I'm just wallowing now, aren't I? I can do that in Denali just as well as here. Ow!" He laughed as Jasper punched him in the shoulder. "I deserved that, too, I guess. Sorry, guys."

"C'mon, Emo Edward," Alice chirped at him. "Call us up a pumpkin carriage with a big trunk to hold all of our stuff. I'm ready to hit the road."

Edward smirked as he pulled out his phone. "As you wish, Cinderella."

"Mixing fairy tales is not allowed, Edward! Please, you might as well put polka dots with plaid," Alice made a face at the thought.

Edward chuckled. "You started it. Whoever heard of a pumpkin carriage with a trunk?"

"Me," stated Alice. "How else is Cinderella supposed to carry all of her shoes?"

Edward started to say something but Jasper stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Don't. She's not kidding. As far as she is concerned, Cinderella only married Prince Charming because he reunited one of her favorite pairs of shoes." He shrugged as Edward stared at him. "It's Alice." Edward rolled his eyes and dialed.

Less than an hour later the three were back on the road, ensconced in an indigo blue Jaguar XK convertible.

"Too bad they didn't have an XF available, huh, Edward?" Jasper teased his auto-hound brother.

"Mm, that would have been nice," Edward mused. "This will do quite well, however - plenty of power and speed."

"And loads of pretty, though the trunk could be bigger." Alice purred as she stroked the Burl walnut on the dash. She leaned her head back and wriggled more comfortably into the ivory leather seat.

Jasper chuckled softly from the back. "A convertible, though, Edward?" he questioned, a slight note of annoyance in his voice. "I really should have let Alice sit back here with these shoe boxes. I have a bit too much leg for this."

Alice's eyes were closed. "No. You have just enough leg. Any less leg on you and you would be completely the wrong height for me. I'd have to leave you."

Jasper laughed heartily. "Too true, my Angel. I couldn't convince you that I'd measure up in any other way, I suppose?" His sly comment elicited a giggle from Alice and a groan from Edward.

"Stop that, please." Edward spoke abruptly to both of them. He sighed. "If I am to continue in my current position as the eternal bachelor of the family, I would appreciate some slight consideration for my double handicap. I really don't want to see what you two are thinking right now."

Alice giggled again and then gasped. She grabbed Edward's arm and he smiled as she squealed. "You aren't going to do it! Edward, that's wonderful! I mean, I'm sorry you're still alone and everything, but I was going crazy thinking I would either lose you to Tanya's house or I'd have to incorporate her into ours. Somehow, I don't think she is someone I really want to go shopping with. She's so … Frederick's of Hollywood."

Jasper and Edward both roared with laughter at Alice's description of Tanya's taste in clothes. "She is at that, Alice. You have definitely got her fashion sense pegged," Edward chuckled and reached down to the console. He frowned when his fingers didn't find what they were expecting to feel. He glanced down once and growled, thumping his fist on the steering wheel.

"Watch it! You're going to break something and as nice as this car is, it won't drive nearly as well without the steering wheel. What's wrong?" Jasper sat forward at the shift in Edward's mood.

Edward's eyes met his in the rearview mirror. "My CDs. They're still in the Volvo."

"Oh," Jasper sat back, not understanding the tension coming from Edward. "Are you afraid the mechanics will mess with them? They should be fine where they are until the car is repaired."

"No, Jas. _My_ CDs," Edward grumbled as Jasper's eyes widened in understanding. Alice gasped and sat up, her hands flying to her cheeks. "Oh, Edward. None of us thought to get them when we put the luggage in the cab!"

"I know," Edward narrowed his eyes as the highway slid beneath them. "I didn't think of them either, especially after things at the garage ended the way they did."

No one spoke for several minutes as the car purred its way north.

Alice started suddenly and looked at Edward in concern. He grimaced and the car slowed as he applied the brakes, finally pulling over to the side of the highway. "Your turn to drive, Jasper," he said calmly.

"What?" Jasper asked.

Edward turned to face him in the back seat. "I'm going back. I've been thinking about a couple of things. One, I have to get those CDs before anyone gets nosy and looks at them too closely. Two … all this talk today about Tanya has brought back some things that I hadn't thought about in a while." He sighed and looked down at his hands.

"I'm doing it again. It's as if the last ten years haven't even happened. I smelled that girl's blood and I'm off like a shot to Denali, running from her, running to Tanya. I don't even know; just running. I realized that is what I've been doing ever since I first smelled her. Everything I've done in all this time, everywhere I've gone, has been a foolish effort to forget she exists, to escape the call of her blood. And no matter what I choose to call my actions, they are still … cowardly."

Alice and Jasper both moved as if to speak but Edward raised his head and met their eyes.

"I can tell you two. Emmett and Rose probably wouldn't understand. I know Carlisle didn't before. I feel like a coward and a failure because I didn't go back and meet this … her …, head on last time. Thinking about this, I realized I'm not so much tired of being alone as I am of feeling alone. Alone in this cocoon I built to shield myself from remembering that I'm a coward. I can't live like that anymore. I certainly can't face Tanya like this. She'd have me for breakfast before I even knew it. God, I was actually considering marrying her!" Realization filled Edward's voice as he suddenly threw his head back and laughed in relief.

Alice smiled brilliantly and Jasper clapped him on the shoulder. "Welcome back, man," he said.

Edward met his eyes. "Thanks. Wow, that was close, wasn't it?" he glanced at Alice.

"Too close, Tater," she grinned and then her expression grew serious.

"You need to hunt first. A lot, Edward. You're going to need every bit of energy to focus on this." She put her hand on his sleeve. "Do you want us to come with you?"

Edward looked into her soft eyes and smiled gently at the concern he saw there. "No. I need to do this alone. Then, if anything goes wrong… well, there don't need to be extraneous vampires in the area."

He brushed a kiss across her forehead and got out of the car, holding the driver's seat forward so Jasper could climb out. The two men clasped hands and hugged, and then Jasper got into the front. Alice leaned over him to peer up at Edward. "Be safe," she murmured.

"You, too," Edward smiled at her, then closed the car door and patted the Jaguar's sleek frame. "Enjoy the ragtop, guys! What's the point of being a vamp if you don't have a little fun with it now and again, right?"

Edward winked at them and stepped back as Jasper revved the engine and lowered the convertible top. They sped off into the freezing night, Alice curled across the console, her head on Jasper's shoulder. Moments before they faded from Edward's sight, a small hand shot straight up from the passenger seat and waved. He grinned to himself and looked around momentarily, getting his bearings.

Alice was quite right, he did need to hunt. Unless he was very much mistaken, he was not far from the Canadian border and Mt. Baker National Forest was just a few miles to the east. Feeling more free than he had in years, Edward began to run.

**A/N:**

**Oh, Angsty Edward, how we love you! Please review- like, hate, whatever you wish!**


	6. Scared

**CHOICES**

**A/N: I own nothing related to Twilight, except for some merchandise. Pocket Edward says, "Hi."**

**Many, many thanks to DeviKalika who pushed, pulled, and dangled her mad beta skills in front of me to get this chapter out. She did a fabulous job. Also, to my lovely Gurlz on the LTR/LTT and RAoR blogs who keep me laughing and my Twitter gang who perk up anytime fanfiction is mentioned.**

**Scared – Sam Bradley (soon to be released CD) Another one you should know.**

**www . myspace. com/sambradley Go and stream. Thanks.**

**Chapter 6**

**BPOV**

The old red truck thundered down the highway, but to Bella it seemed as if the road was turning to glue. As hard as she tried, it wouldn't go faster, and now, with the gas pedal floored, the truck was slowing down.

"No!" she cried in frustration. She could see the tail lights of the silver car inching away from her into the night.

"Not again; I can't do this again!" she yelled. "Stop! Please!" The twin dots of the Volvo's brake lights blinked tauntingly at her like red eyes, and then disappeared. Bella's truck rolled to a stop and would go no further. She angrily beat her hands on the steering wheel as she sobbed, "Please! Don't leave me!"

Bella opened her eyes. She was soaked in sweat and shivering. She blinked away residual dreaming and turned her head to see the clock. 4:43 glowed back at her. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, not surprised to find they were wet. "Time to get up anyway," she groused.

She rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her arms, then grabbed the edge of the nightstand to pull herself up. She lifted her left leg and moved it off of the bed, followed by her right. She adjusted her position and firmly grasped the nightstand. Bella pulled herself upright, balancing her weight momentarily on her hands as she pivoted into her wheelchair. She lifted each leg with her hands to place her feet on the footrests, then wheeled herself to the bureau for clean underclothes.

As she moved into the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror: dark hair in disarray, eyes red and puffy, face blotchy from crying.

'_Well, don't you just look lovely?'_ she thought, grimacing at her reflection. '_Jake will love that. He's already too interested in what's going on with me lately.'_

She grabbed a washcloth from the shelf, ran cold water on it and pressed it to her face. She sighed as she scrubbed at the blotches. One more glare into the mirror and Bella moved away to begin her morning routine.

She turned on the water in the shower stall to allow it to warm up while she voided her bladder with the catheter tubing. Then she undressed and once again pivoted herself, this time into a shower chair. The hot water felt good. It rinsed away the sweat and her shampoo, but the tension she felt from the dream remained.

Bella sighed as she dressed for the day in jeans and a cream sweater. She wished she could do what she wanted today without involving Jake. She didn't feel like making small talk and rehashing Thanksgiving, or answering the questions she knew he wanted to ask but hadn't had the chance. Thanksgiving had been hellacious for her. The only way she had gotten through it at all was by keeping her wineglass full. She winced slightly at the memory of the three empty wine bottles she had smuggled home in her book bag so Jake wouldn't see.

She shook her head at herself as she wheeled to the kitchen for some coffee. As she passed the broom closet, she opened it and leaned over to pull out a small, silver machine. She disconnected the Roomba from its charger and switched it on before putting it down. Immediately the robot vacuum began to move across the floor, humming quietly as it sucked up dust in its path.

"Morning, Bert," Bella mumbled as it bumped softly against the hallway wall and moved off again, heading for the living room.

Taking a mug from the dishwasher, she moved to the coffeemaker she had pre-set last night. It sat on the counter making an impatient ticking noise. It amused Bella that an appliance which provided her with caffeinated energy would itself seem to be hyperactive: tick, tick, tick. Drink, drink, drink.

'_Like__Alice in Wonderland__,'_ she mused. Her thoughts shifted then to another Alice and her brow creased. '_Not now. Not yet. Later.'_

She frowned and reached for the coffeepot. She poured the aromatic liquid into her mug and carefully carried it to the kitchen table. She scooped two spoonfuls of sugar from the sugar bowl into her cup and stirred slowly, her mind on the coming morning.

She could do this. It was no different from any other visit to Jake's shop, not really. She had been there many times over the past three years, but this was the first time she'd had a reason to go besides visiting Jake or for a tune-up. Today she had an ulterior motive. Today she would find out if she was going crazy. She sipped her coffee as she contemplated that thought.

The Roomba gently nudged her left rear wheel and moved on. "Watch it, Bert," she murmured. Her eyes followed the small disc as it rolled busily across the floor. Silver and evasive. She sighed as the dream insistently nudged its way to the front of her brain. She hadn't had it in, what, months? A year? Now, two nights in a row and it was just as intense as it was in the beginning.

Bella propped her chin on her hand and gave up fighting against thinking about it as she gazed into her coffee cup. The dreams were so vivid but they were also somehow different this time. She was still after the elusive Volvo, unable to get it to stop so she could get the answers she desperately needed, but they began differently now. Before, Bella always followed the car from the Forks High School parking lot, chasing it until her truck betrayed her and stopped, allowing the Volvo to escape. The newer dreams began in the school cafeteria. Edward and Alice were there and Bella wanted to walk up to them to ask why they left, but as she got close, they saw her and headed for his car, refusing to speak to her. The most frustrating dream she'd had was the one from Wednesday night at Jake's.

She rubbed her hand over her eyes. That dream was somehow the worst and best of all. She had been able to get quite close to Edward in that one, so close that it had startled them both.

"Shit." She found it humorous that she remembered she had cursed in a dream, but he had been _right there._ His dark eyes were angry and distrustful, and she had approached him cautiously.

"Please, I need to talk to you. I have to know why you left. It was because of me, wasn't it?" His beautiful face became pained and she could tell he was about to turn away. "Please," she said again as she reached out to touch his arm. "Stay."

Her hand gently grasped his sleeve. There was no more menace in his gaze; instead he looked almost sad. His eyes stared into hers, dark and mysterious. Bella could have gotten lost in his eyes but he stepped back and she realized she no longer held his sleeve. He took another step back and she responded, moving forward.

"Please," she said again. "Don't go." She tried to keep the panic from her voice but she could hear it in her breathing. He stepped back once more and gave her a look that almost seemed apologetic. Then he turned to go to his car and once again the fruitless chase was on.

She had awakened from that one shaking harder than she had before. Poor Jake was hugging her tightly, trying to comfort her. She shouldn't have stayed, she knew. He needed his sleep and she had been selfish to ask if she could, but after her sofa nap, she just hadn't wanted to be alone. Now, however, he knew she had been dreaming again. He hadn't gotten a chance to ask her about it with everyone there yesterday. Last night she had been short with him and she figured he was bound to attribute that to her restless night. She didn't need him worrying about her more. He did that too much already.

Today they would be alone at the shop and she wouldn't be able to avoid the subject if he brought it up. Hopefully, Jake would have enough work to do that he would simply enjoy her presence without asking uncomfortable questions. A qualm of guilt passed through Bella and she downed her coffee to wash it away. If Jake asked about the dreams, she would do what she had done every other time he asked. She would lie.

He had been there for her at the beginning. She couldn't remember having any dreams while she was in the coma, but the ones she had right after she woke up were terrible. Jake and Charlie had both wanted her to talk about the dreams, as they were obviously disturbing and she always woke up screaming. She overheard them talking one day and realized they assumed she was dreaming of the accident. She let them continue to think that as it made more sense than what she was really dreaming.

After her one conversation with Charlie about the Cullens the day she had discovered they were gone, Bella hadn't mentioned them again to anyone. There had been a mental health therapist after the accident. She'd lied to her about the dreams, too. Everyone could understand the pain of reliving a horrible, crippling accident each night. She knew no one else could comprehend the terror of having the most beautiful person she had ever seen look at her as if she were a monster and flee with no explanation.

Bella washed out her cup and placed it back in the dishwasher. She went to the closet and pulled out a maroon zip hoodie and a black wool poncho. She put on the hoodie and slipped the poncho over her head, adjusting it so her arms were free. Picking up her purse and book bag, she moved to the door. She turned her head and looked back at her apartment. The Roomba was crawling along the floorboard in the living room, looking like an alien cat hunting a mouse.

"Be good, Bert," Bella smiled. "Don't get stuck anywhere." She opened the door and headed out into the cold morning.

The apartment was on the first floor with parking in a lot at the rear of the building. Bella lowered the chairlift on her truck, rolled onto the platform and raised it again, the coldness of the lever making her hand ache. She realized she had forgotten her gloves, but she wasn't going back for them now. Her numb fingers fumbled for a moment with the lock on the rear panel of the truck's cab, but she finally managed to slide it open and get inside. Once her chair was locked in place, she reached behind her and slid the panel closed.

She didn't have far to go to Jake's. He had opened his auto repair shop in the university area specifically because Bella lived there. On days with less than horrible weather, Bella left her truck and got around solely in her chair. She was mere blocks from the University of Washington, where she taught, and restaurants and shops were plentiful. Unless it was nasty out, night, or she was leaving her neighborhood, the truck stayed put.

Jake was standing on the sidewalk as Bella pulled up to the repair shop. He must have heard the truck coming up the street. He grinned and waved, then stepped out of the way so she could pull into the open repair bay. As she glanced in, Bella's breath caught in her throat and her heart felt as if it had stopped. She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. She wasn't crazy. The Volvo was real and in the next repair bay.

"Bella?" She started as Jake tapped on her passenger window. She looked over at him. His eyes were concerned. She gave him a small smile and a nod, and then pulled into the empty bay. Her hands were shaking as she unlocked her chair and she had to try twice before she could get the sliding panel open. She backed out, shut the panel and rolled to the lift. Her eyes lit on the silver car and she stared at it as Jake lowered her to the ground.

"Hey," he said, leaning into her line of vision, his eyes tight with worry. "What's the matter?" Bella blinked and looked at him. She managed a stronger smile and willed her breathing to steady.

"I'm fine, just hungry. You did bring breakfast, correct?"

Jake relaxed and his face lit with a grin. "I did, indeed. C'mon, it's in the shop." Bella followed him through the garage, sneaking another look at the Volvo before rolling through the door that Jake was holding open for her.

She stopped and stared at the boxes on the counter as Jake laughed. "What did you do?" Bella gasped.

Three dozen assorted doughnuts and two dozen filled pastries took up most of the counter top. Next to them were a gallon jug of orange juice, a gallon of milk and a carafe of coffee. Several plastic cups and two coffee mugs were nestled among the food.

"Jake, there's so much… it's practically obscene!" Bella laughed.

Jake smiled and gestured to the counter. "Take your pick. I got with and without sprinkles, glazed, cake, crème- and fruit-filled… I even got apple fritters and éclairs. Oh, and Danishes."

Bella shook her head and pulled off her poncho, laying it over her legs. "You could feed an army with this." She reached for a mug but Jake beat her to it. He poured coffee from the carafe and stirred in two spoons of sugar before handing the mug to Bella.

"An army, or us and Quil and Em when they get here. There won't be any going to waste, I promise!" Bella narrowed her eyes and took the mug from Jake.

"Thank you. May I get my own doughnut or are you going to get that for me, too?" she said sarcastically.

Jake cut his eyes at her as he poured himself a cupful of milk. "Huh? Sure, Bella. Which one do you want?" He picked up a napkin and his hand hovered over the boxes.

She sighed and dropped her head. "An apple fritter sounds good, I guess."

His large brown hand appeared beneath her lowered eyes, cradling a napkin containing a fruit-studded pastry. Bella looked up at him as she took the fritter.

"Thanks." She placed the napkin in her lap, held her coffee in one hand and wheeled herself to a badly-scarred, low wood-grain table in front of the old, yellow vinyl couch. Jake followed with his milk, three doughnuts, and a raspberry Danish. He sat on the sofa and put his breakfast on the table. They ate for a few moments in silence. Bella sipped her coffee and nibbled at the fritter. Her mind kept going back through the garage door to the car on the other side.

'_It's really there. The same car, which means that they are real, that_he_is real. He was in this very shop not 48 hours ago.'_ Bella's eyes roamed around the room as if seeing it clearly for the first time. She skimmed the shelves of additives and accessories, the stacks of cans and tire samples, automotive product displays and banners hanging on the walls. The air was thick with the scents of fuel, rubber, and coconut air freshener.

"Don't you like it?" Bella started and looked at Jake. He was going to know something was wrong if she didn't pull herself together.

"Sorry?" she said. He was giving her a puppy-dog face and pointedly looking at her fritter. She realized she had been picking it apart but not eating any.

"No. I mean, yes, I like it. It's very good. Lots of apple." Quickly she popped a piece into her mouth and chewed. It _was_ good.

Jake cocked his head to the side as he gazed at her. "How did you sleep last night?"

'_Great. Time for the Inquisition,'_ Bella moaned internally. "Great!" she echoed her thoughts with false cheer. She felt Jake's eyes on her as she ate a few more pieces of fritter.

"No more dreams, then?" he asked quietly. She kept a smile firmly in place.

"Nothing that kept me awake," she said.

Jake smiled back and his eyes were warm. "Good. I was worried since you had such a bad night at my place…" He stopped and Bella thought he looked a little uncomfortable. Had she been talking in her sleep at Jake's? Did she still do that? She didn't know, and somehow, she didn't want to ask.

'_Time to shift the conversation_,' she decided.

"How did _you_ sleep last night?" she asked, reaching for her coffee mug on the table.

Jake had just taken a swig of milk to wash down a large bite of Danish. His eyes widened and he choked slightly but managed to swallow everything down. He coughed and cleared his throat. "Fine. It was… good."

Bella narrowed her eyes. '_Did he just blush?_'

She leaned in towards him. "Are you okay, Jake?"

"Yeah, fine, I… uh…," he cleared his throat again. "Just had a… something got caught," he finished lamely. Bella smiled to herself.

'_Hmm. He's hiding something. Good. That evens things out a bit.'_Keeping secrets from Jake was something she was used to doing. She didn't like lying, but sometimes there were good reasons for it. There were some things he wouldn't understand and others that he just didn't need to know, such as why she really came here this morning.

"Heard anything on the parts for that kid's car?" she queried as nonchalantly as possible, afraid her voice would shake.

Jake's face darkened and he grimaced. "I haven't looked yet. I wanted to have our nice breakfast before I got to work. I suppose it's time, though. As impatient as he was, I wouldn't be surprised if he showed up this morning, expecting it to be ready." He grunted as he stood up, taking the paper trash from the table and picking up Bella's mug.

"Want another cup?" he asked as he waved it at her.

"Sure." Bella barely heard him. She was thinking about the last time she was here, on Wednesday afternoon. It seemed so long ago.

***

She had been running last minute errands for their Thanksgiving party. She was heading home with some decorative corn and squash she had found at a shop nearby and decided to stop to show them to Jake. He and Em would be working a little late tonight to make up for being closed on Thursday. She had been reaching for the automatic door button when someone came through it from inside. That it was a man and a woman only registered in her mind at all because he was polite and held the door for her. "Thank you," she said as she passed him, her eyes already on Jake and his angry expression.

"Hi, Jake. What's wrong?" she asked.

His eyes were tight and his tone annoyed. "Damn spoiled rich kids! Think they can get anything they want, no waiting, no regard for business hours or anything else. Sorry, Bella, but those two… ugh," he waved disgustedly towards the window.

She glanced where Jake was pointing and saw two beautiful pale faces staring back at her through the glass. Her eyes widened in shock as she recognized him. The boy. It was his stunning face that had dominated her nightmares and disturbed her thoughts as she tried to recover from the accident. It was the same face, same black eyes, same look of revulsion and hate. But _how_ could he be the same? It had been ten years.

The woman next to the young man made a small movement and he tore his eyes from Bella's to look at her. Bella was mesmerized by his strong classical profile. His expression as he looked at his companion softened to one of concern and Bella had to look as well. It was another shock, but this one not as great. If she had doubted he was the same boy, this removed all question. It was no woman next to him, but a girl, the same girl, his sister Alice, who had spoken to Bella so many years ago in a high school hallway. She was also staring, but her gaze seemed unfocused.

Jake's voice cut through Bella's mental fog and she dragged her eyes back to him. He was still complaining about the couple as his thick fingers pounded away on his computer.

"On top of all that, man, that girl's perfume was too much. She must be wearing a whole bottle. It's too sweet; burns my nose. I'm gonna have to air the place out. Sure hope his precious car doesn't smell like that! The garage is gonna reek!"

Bella interrupted him, unable to contain her trepidation any longer. "Who… what's their… his… name?"

He stopped typing and pulled the clipboard over. He squinted at the elegant script and sneered. "Cullen. Edward Cullen." Bella's head swung immediately back to the window, to the boy who had tormented her thoughts for so long. The sidewalk was empty.

***

"Wow, Bella, you're really out of it today," Jake joked as he handed her another coffee. She shook her head to clear it and smiled up at him.

"I'm just thinking about the Christmas shopping I need to do." The lie slid so easily from her tongue, Bella was shocked. She hadn't given any thought to her answer. It frightened her somewhat that she was having so little trouble inventing falsehoods.

Jake winked at her and stated, "I want an ugly tie," before going back to packing up the remains of their meal.

She sipped at her coffee and stared out of the front window again. She couldn't put off thinking about this any longer. She had refused to believe what her eyes had seen until she had more evidence that her mind wasn't slipping. Her subconscious knew without needing confirmation. Her dreams the past two nights were proof enough of that. The car in the repair bay next door was evidence: solid, physical evidence. Now that she had seen it, she wasn't entirely sure what she should do next.

How does one work through believing an impossibility?_'"Why sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast," said the White Queen to Alice. I wonder how many I can believe after it.'_Bella thought.

'_Cars can be well-maintained, kept in fancy, environmentally controlled storage and rarely driven, but people… people change. Not much if they have great genes, maybe, but there will be something. A shift in weight, a different hairstyle, glasses maybe…'_She rubbed her hand over her eyes.

'_What if it was a trick of the light? Jake called him a kid, though. Maybe it's just my perception. It's definitely him, but could he look the same to me because that's the way I remember him? His face. His beautiful, no, gorgeous… still not right. Damn it, I'm an English teacher, I know more words than this! 'Glorious'; much closer. Glorious and terrible, fearsome, like an avenging angel.' _

Bella snorted into her coffee at her inventive description, and then tried to pass it off as a cough when Jake turned to look.

"I'm going into the garage now. You can stay in here if you want - it's lots warmer. I left the bay doors open to air it out. That car does stink," he said.

Bella put her cup down on the low table and rolled towards Jake. "No, I'd like to watch, if you don't mind." She smiled at him and he grinned proudly back.

"Okay, come on, then," he said. Bella shook out her poncho from her lap and slid it on. Jake pushed open the door and let her through. She was struck by the contrast between her ancient truck and the sleek, silver beauty next to it. It was rather like the way she had felt compared to the Volvo's owner and his siblings.

"Beautiful, isn't she?" Jake sounded almost reverent. Bella looked at him curiously. He ducked his head and gave her a wry smile.

"Yeah, I know. He may be an ass but his car is a gem. He's got plenty of money, too, or Daddy does, to keep it in this condition. And you should see what he's done to it! Look…" Bella smiled as Jake opened the hood. He had warmed to his favorite subject now and she knew he could go on for hours. She didn't really even need to pay attention; most of what he said was going to be undecipherable car jargon which he didn't expect her to understand. She could poke around while he was talking.

Jake was elbow deep in the engine, exclaiming over some turbo-something and something else he said had been 'boosted' to make the car incredibly powerful and fast.

"Who does this to a Volvo? It's genius! I'd like to meet this kid's regular mechanic and pick his brain. Hell, I'd like to hire him!" Jake marveled.

Bella moved to the passenger door and tried to peer in but the windows were too dark. She gave a half-hearted tug on the door handle and it opened, surprising her. Her eyes flashed to what she could see of Jake under the hood. He heard the door and leaned around to look at her.

"Go ahead, open them all," he said. "I was going to do that earlier but I didn't want to leave it open while we were inside. The interior still stinks, and if we're going to work on it, I have to be able to breathe." He went back to ogling the engine.

She moved slowly around the car, opening each of the doors. Jake hit the lock button on the key fob so she could open the trunk as well. Bella peered into the trunk: nothing. No jack, no reserve oil cans, no tools. It was not only empty, it was exceptionally clean. Puzzled, she moved back to the passenger side. A glance in the rear seat yielded nothing as well. She stuck her head inside and sniffed. No smell, either. What was Jake fussing about? She was also disappointed with the front seat. The upholstery and carpet were spotless. There wasn't even a straw wrapper stuck in the bottom of a cup holder.

"Hey, Bella," Jake called from the shop door, "I'm going to check on the parts for this one. I'll be in the shop if you need me." She waved absently at him as he left the garage. As soon as the door shut, Bella leaned into the passenger seat. She popped open the glove compartment. Insurance card and registration, both in the name of Edward A. Cullen with a Vermont address. No tire gauge, no pens or notepads, no bank deposit slips or car repair receipts. None of the things most people carried in their cars. A compartment beneath the CD player caught her eye and she flipped it open. It was jammed with thirty or more CDs.

'_Finally! Something personal!' _Bella leaned in and pulled a few of the CDs out.

'_Debussy, Linkin Park, Jeff Buckley… wow, this guy's all over the place.'_ She stacked them on the seat and went back for more. Classical, blues, 50's pop, Motown, rock, film soundtracks_… 'Phantom of the Opera – original West End cast, cool.'_

The last few were not commercially pressed but seemed to be mixes burned from a home computer. Cryptic notations were written on them in a fine hand with a Sharpie. 'ESME FAV'. 'CEM'. 'Sym Dia Op 2'. Bella glanced at one with a black cover as she dropped it onto the pile, but quickly grabbed it up again.

'_Anthony Masen? Seriously? I didn't know any of his music had been__recorded_.' She flipped over the case. _'Piano concertos, 1947-1948. Oh, wow. My favorite modern American composer and _he_has a CD of his music.'_

Bella opened the case but it was empty. She shuffled through the stack again more slowly, opening each case to see if the CD had been put away in the wrong place, but she already knew it hadn't been. All of the CDs were in the correct cases.

Bella looked at the CD player. It had to be in there. She reached in and pushed the 'eject' button but nothing happened.

'_Damn_.'

The car had to be running for the player to operate. She examined the Masen case again. It had been recorded and distributed by Solitary Records in 1986, and Bella made a mental note to look it up online.

She quickly put the CDs back in the compartment and closed it. She gave one more longing look at the CD player and headed into the shop. Jake got up from his computer as he hung up the phone. He turned to see Bella coming in and smiled at her.

"I got the rest of the parts ordered and they should be here by Monday. I should be able to get that kid out of my hair by Wednesday."

"That's great, Jake," Bella smiled back but a sudden chill gripped her heart.

'_Wednesday? The car will be fixed by Wednesday, and then he'll leave. He'll pick up his stupid, shiny, silver Volvo and disappear…again. I can't let him do it. I can't let him get away without talking to him.'_ She shivered at the sudden desolation she felt at the thought. Jake noticed.

"It's cold out there with the bay doors open. Why don't you stay in here awhile? I want to take a look at the motor on your chair lift – it's running rough," he said, concern in his voice.

"I am kind of chilly. Do you mind if I do a little surfing on your computer while I wait?" Bella asked, knowing he wouldn't refuse.

"Sure, sure, go ahead. This shouldn't take long," he said as he stepped through the door.

Bella quickly moved Jake's chair out of her way and pulled up to the computer. She shrank the windows he had open to save what he was doing and opened a new one. She typed "Anthony Masen" in the search engine and got a fair number of sites back. She scrolled through the first few pages of them, not finding anything more than biographies and catalogs of his impressive legacy. She added "Solitary Records" to the search and suddenly, there it was.

Trade magazine reviews, Amazon, eBay… '_Oh, great, it's available, but I want it now, darn my instant gratification addiction,'_Bella mused. A few more clicks and scrolls brought her to a local music store site that indicated the CD was in stock. "Bingo," said Bella.

**A/N: I heard several comments about Edward's CDs. Did this help any?**

**Please review! Thanks!**

**bandmum**


	7. To Roam

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Long author's note, but I hope you'll understand.**

**My DH recorded my son playing Bobby Long's song, "Who Have You Been Loving?" while we were on vacation. That Monday evening, I put the video up on YouTube. Tuesday morning Bobby Long saw it, gave Edward a shout out on Twitter, and included the link! Thursday night at Sam Bradley's show, Sam recognized Edward from the stage & came over to congratulate him on the video! The link is on my profile.**

**On top of all that, I was astonished and thrilled that my little story here has been nominated for the Indie Twific Awards. Please check out the link on my profile for them, and go read some of the many other fine fictions that need your love!**

**I send beautiful Edward music to my darling beta DeviKalika. She laughs in the right places and makes me laugh at her comments in return.**

**Thank you for your patience. Please turn off all cell phones and buckle your seat belts.**

**Still do not own Twilight.**

**To Roam – Robert Pattinson (Yes, him.)**

**Chapter 7**

**EPOV**

Night was slowly retreating from the misty dawn as Edward crossed the city limits of Seattle on Saturday morning. He had hunted well, had gorged himself to the point of discomfort so he could better maintain control over his thirst. Meeting Bella again would require tremendous restraint, but he had to find and speak with her.

The one thing he hadn't shared with Jasper and Alice niggled at his brain. He wondered if he had done the right thing by not telling them. Edward ran his hand through his disheveled hair as he loped easily through the drowsing streets. If he had told them, they wouldn't have let him come back. Not alone, anyway, but probably not at all. They would have thought him mad and the situation much too dangerous, for all of them. He chuckled darkly at their possible reaction had they known that Bella had recognized him.

Alice had been pre-occupied with her vision. It was only later at the hotel that he realized that she hadn't seen the expression on Bella's face as they stared into one another's eyes. Edward didn't need to read her mind to know something of what she was thinking in that moment. It wasn't too far from his own thoughts, he was certain. Emotions had chased rapidly across her face: shock, fear, disbelief, and one that confused him greatly. Just before he turned to Alice, he thought he had seen hope in the large brown eyes that had never ceased to haunt him.

Edward kept to the deepest shadows, slipping nearly invisibly through alleys. Dogs that considered barking at the unusual scent passing by thought better of it and kept their opinions to themselves. He paced the streets north of the University of Washington, skirting a large cemetery and outdoor mall, before ghosting onto campus. Morning crept dimly across the city. It was still and very quiet at this early hour. The few students who had remained over the holiday break slumbered in their dorms, casting snippets of dreams too fleeting for Edward to bother noticing. A small cadre of security personnel scanned the grounds self-importantly. They had no idea of the danger invading their domain.

Once through the campus, Edward headed for the auto shop. Day was breaking and though it was not sunny, he felt a strong desire to remain concealed. Reaching the side street near Jake's garage, he scaled to the rooftop and settled in to wait. It wasn't more than a half hour later that Edward heard someone down at the door of the shop. He eased over to the edge of the roof and listened. It was Jake, chatting with an employee, but not the one from Wednesday. Edward leaned back. He would wait a bit before going down to the shop. Perhaps there would be news of when the car would be ready. He pulled out his phone. No calls. Service had been spotty up in the mountains while he was hunting. If Jake had called, it may have been dropped completely.

As he settled back, Edward could hear the two men talking through an air vent leading to the shop below. He would have tuned out the conversation had one of the men not suddenly said, "Is Bella coming with you?" Edward tensed. '_They know Bella? She wasn't just a customer, then?'_ He concentrated on the voices and the minds behind them. The one who had just spoken was a friend, a good friend. The thoughts were pleasant yet odd. The man was thinking of Bella being squirted in the face with water and seemed to find that funny. Edward frowned. Jake said, "No, she's staying here. She has some shopping she wants to do and I think she wants me out of the way while she does it. Christmas presents, I guess."

Edward could hear the smile in Jake's voice. He could see the love in Jake's thoughts and a memory of one of Alice's visions clicked into place. '_This was the young man she saw with Bella. This is the future I made possible by leaving.' _Edward smiled. He had known it was the right thing to do ten years ago. What about now? '_What will happen when I meet Bella again? Will I be able to resist her blood? Will she and this man still have a future now that a vampire is near her again?'_ The smile left Edward's face and he closed his eyes.

'_Jake and Bella- a couple. Together.' _He saw Jake's thoughts as he ran over the day's projects with… Quil. '_Interesting name. I knew a Quil back when we first moved to Forks-'_ Edward's eyes snapped open. Forks. Bella. Quil. Quil Ateara had been an Elder of the Quileute tribe at La Push near Forks. Could there be a connection between the mechanic whistling in the garage below and one of the leaders of the native tribe who had made a treaty with the Cullens nearly a century earlier? Bella was from Forks. It was entirely possible that others from Forks might end up in Seattle. It wasn't that far away. Not that it mattered. There was no danger of breaking the treaty. It had only applied to lands held by the Quileute and the reservation was a hundred miles away. Still, it was an odd coincidence.

Edward brought himself back to the men below. Quil was concentrating on rotating a set of tires on a Camry. He whistled something jaunty and slightly off-key. Edward's jaw clenched at the not-quite-right notes. He was glad the man was happy at his work, but flat notes set his teeth on edge. He turned his attention to Jake. His thoughts were divided between the day's work, Bella, and a fishing trip he was looking forward to taking.

The work was straightforward. Jake was right; he and his men were good at what they did. Edward could tell Jake wasn't happy to have the Volvo taking up one of the bays, but the parts were ordered. '_As soon as those parts get here Monday, I'm getting that Volvo done. I don't want it here past Wednesday. One whole week is too long.'_ Jake's thoughts slid along to the fishing trip this afternoon.

Wednesday. Edward sat back on his heels. He had until Wednesday to find Bella. What exactly he would do when he found her, he wasn't entirely sure. '_Not kill her to start, that would be good,' _he thought wryly. Perhaps he could talk to her, find out a little about her. He had so many questions, but would he ever be able to get answers to them? '_Why can't I hear her thoughts? Why does her blood smell so good to me? She won't be able to answer those. She'd be terrified if I asked them. She is in a wheelchair and so young. What happened to her? Is she ill? Her blood smelled healthy enough. How did she end up like that?'_

Edward's thoughts were interrupted by the voices of the two men in the shop. Quil had finished the tires and they were discussing the fishing trip. "Are you ready, Jake?"

"Yeah, Quil. Let me call Bella first," Jake said. Quil stepped out to the restroom and Edward could hear Jake dialing on his cell phone. He made a mental note of the tones the numbers played as Jake dialed.

"Hey, Bells! We're done. I figured we'd just have a short day today. Quil is running me to the house so I can get my clothes and rod, and then we're heading out to the res. You gonna be all right?" Edward listened harder. He could hear a tiny voice in Jake's head.

"I'll be fine. You guys go catch something huge and have fun."

Jake laughed. "Okay, we'll do our best. Call me if you need anything." Jake's voice turned quiet. "I mean it. Anything."

Edward could hear Bella's frustration.

"I'm not going to need anything. You're just going to La Push, for heaven's sake. It's not as if you're leaving the country." Edward started as his suspicions about the men being Quileute were confirmed.

"No. but something could happen, Bella. You could fall, or have another bad dream…" Jake trailed off. Bella's voice was hard.

"Jake. Don't start. I will be fine. I've lived by myself for what, eight, almost nine years now? You do this every time I make you go to La Push without me. I'm not going to break. Nothing is going to happen to me. If I _were_ to fall, guess what? I know how to pull myself up again. I'm not helpless, you know."

Jake sighed. "I know. Sorry. I just worry about you when I'm not there. Just promise me you won't go do any sky diving or anything dangerous, and I'll promise to go have fun fishing with the guys. How's that?"

Bella laughed. "Good enough. Tell the guys I haven't forgotten about the water torture. They should watch their backs."

"I will," Jake said. "I'll be back tomorrow night. I'll talk to you then."

"Okay. Have a good time and do _not_ worry about me. I'm going to do some shopping and then hang out at home. Very uninteresting. It will be the most boring weekend of my life, I promise," Bella chuckled.

"All right. I … I'll talk to you tomorrow, Bella. Bye," Jake said and hung up. Edward's eyebrows rose. Interesting. Jake had almost said "I love you" but had stopped himself. Why? Were they not a couple, then? Jake certainly cared a great deal about Bella and her safety, as well he should. Edward knew that Bella would be in more danger this weekend than she possibly had been in the past ten years. He wondered what Jake would think if he knew an ancient enemy of his tribe was close by. He listened silently as Jake and Quil locked up the shop and left. He would leave the CDs for now. They were safe enough until Monday, locked up in the garage. A few minutes later, he moved to the alley at the end of the row of buildings. No one saw him drop to the sidewalk.

Clouds covered the sky, promising a day of near-constant drizzle. Edward looked down at his phone as he programmed in the number which Jake had dialed. He walked a short way along the street, looking for a place to do a little research. A used bookstore and coffee shop promised free Wi-Fi on its window and he entered, melting into the dim aisles of dusty, dry-smelling books.

On any other day, Edward would have been happy to stay in a shop like this until closing time. Alice had her shoes and accessories, but books were his weakness. There were so many ideas, poems, plays, philosophies, histories, rants, and insanities to explore. It was one of the few things he truly enjoyed about being immortal. As long as people insisted on sharing themselves in print, he would never run out of things to read.

Today he had a mission; time was short and books were not the goal. Edward pulled up a browser on his phone and entered Bella's number into a reverse look-up program. It was a cell number. No matter. A few more entries on the browser, a clearance code and password, and the information he wanted appeared on the screen.

'Isabella Marie Swan: phone number, address, date of birth. Employed by the Department of English, University of Washington. Received Master's Degree in Comparative Literature from Berkeley, and Bachelor of Arts from Washington State. Parents: Charles Swan, Police Chief, Forks, WA (deceased). Renee Higgenbotham Swan Dwyer, Substitute Teacher, m. Philip Dwyer, Assistant Coach, Tampa Bay Rays.'

Edward stared at the picture accompanying the record. Luminous brown eyes, chestnut hair curling slightly on her shoulder, pale, nearly translucent skin. The photo wasn't more than a couple of years old, probably taken when she joined the University of Washington faculty. She still looked quite the same, very near to how he remembered her from the one day in Biology. Whatever had put her into a wheelchair had done nothing to detract from her beauty.

Another customer came down the aisle of books where Edward was standing. He slid the phone into his pocket and stepped aside. He needed to do some more research on Bella, but he also needed to take care of some normal, more human details. He moved to an empty aisle and took out his phone once more, this time searching for another hotel. The Fairmont Olympic had been very nice, but the suite had too much room for just himself. A few minutes later, he found just what he wanted. Leaving the warm confines of the bookstore, he headed back towards the outdoor mall near the university which he had passed in the early hours. He dialed as he walked.

"Welcome to the Sorrento Hotel. How may I assist you? Certainly, sir, and the name? Thank you, Mr. Cullen. I agree, changes in plans can be difficult. Yes, that suite is available. Which card will you be using, sir? Of course, Mr. Cullen! We would be delighted for you to stay with us for the remainder of your visit to Seattle. You have reserved the penthouse, and you also do have the use of our Town car and driver for the duration of your stay. Yes, sir, you may pick up your key from Reception at any time. No, Mr. Cullen, thank _you_. It is our pleasure!"

Edward couldn't contain a small smirk as he put the phone back in his pocket. Fine hoteliers were usually obsequious, but he always found it funny when the clerks who were jaded to wealthy customers got a look at the Cullen credit card. Occasionally, they were rendered speechless. He knew that when he did pick up the key, there would be quite a few unseen eyes hoping for a glimpse of the man who carried that card.

The stores were fairly busy as Edward arrived at University Village Mall. Fountains chuckled in splashy laughter as holiday decorations shivered in the November breeze. He sighed. Alice would have loved this. He missed his sister when he shopped alone. As aggravating as she could be with dragging half of the clothes racks to the dressing room, it was simply more fun with her. He noticed a Gap and considered going in, but knew he would get a snarky call from Alice if he did. He found what he wanted at J. Crew, and an impulsive stop at Lucky Brand netted him some jeans that would cement Jake's opinion of him as a 'spoiled rich brat.' The clerks in both stores had been extremely helpful. The crude images the women had been thinking about him, however, had kept him from lingering longer than necessary. That was another reason he missed Alice. She could always distract him when human thoughts became vulgar and unpleasant.

He was very pleased with his purchase of a camel-colored trench coat and a wheeled suitcase. He knew he was a bit under-dressed for the weather as he had gotten several funny looks from people who were layered against the cold and drizzle. He put the coat on over his dark suit, filled the suitcase with the remainder of his purchases, and called the hotel again to request the Town car. When it arrived, he handed in the luggage with instructions for it to be delivered to his suite.

As the Town car drove away, Edward entered Bella's address in the phone's GPS program and began to walk. A short time later, he found himself in front of an apartment building. Scanning the street, he noted a couple of shops on the other side. He strolled casually to them and began intently studying the items on display in their windows. He had canvassed the first two windows - and was becoming concerned as the owner of the third was about to come outside to flirt with him- when he saw Bella emerge from her building. She disappeared down an alley towards the rear. Edward crossed the street and paused as if he was interested in some signs posted in a shop window. Bands playing bad rock and roll; not quite what Seattle used to turn out. He was musing on Jimi Hendrix when an ancient red truck pulled out of the alley.

Surprise pulled at Edward's face. '_She does drive, but what a clunker! How in the world does her Jake ever let her drive that heap?'_

He strolled down the street after her, easily keeping her in sight in the slow speed area. After a few minutes' trip, she pulled up at a market and parked. Edward stepped behind a large Christmas display several shops down and pretended to be having trouble with his shoelace. He was intrigued as he watched Bella exit the truck and lower her chair to the ground. She rolled into the market and Edward made straight for the truck. He quickly glanced around and listened to confirm no one was watching, and then he peered inside the passenger window.

'_Hand controls, sliding rear panel, wheel locks, chair lift… brilliant. If Jake designed and installed this, my Volvo is in excellent hands. This guy should be an engineer, not a grease monkey.'_ Edward crossed the street and did some more window shopping. Just under an hour later, Bella emerged from the store. Edward was once again impressed with how well the truck's modifications worked for her. She headed back to her apartment and he followed more slowly, staying farther back now that he knew where she lived.

Bella brought her purchases inside and Edward came close to see which apartment was hers. As he reached the outer wall, he could hear her inside. Of course, she would have a ground floor unit. He could hear her talking to someone. He listened intently, a frown crossing his face. No other voice, no other thoughts came to him. Was she on the phone? Confused, he concentrated on what she was saying.

"Jake's going to be pretty happy I found these. He loves them for lunches and they have been out the last four times I tried to get them. I'll take them over to the garage tomorrow morning and leave them in the fridge as a surprise for when he gets there on Monday. Hey, Bert! Watch it, you crazy thing. I know. You can't see me. Sorry, didn't mean to nearly run you down."

'_Who is she talking to? Who is Bert? Apparently he's blind and mute but can hear… a cat?' _Edward was confused for a moment before the rest of what Bella said registered. She was going to take something to the garage tomorrow morning for Jake. Jake wouldn't be back until tomorrow night from his fishing trip. Edward grinned. He could go to the garage and see her. He had a reason to be there, checking on his car. He could get the CDs while he was there, too. He could talk to her, conquering his cowardice and his thirst all at the same time, and then just have to wait until Wednesday for his car. He could do this. Not wanting to be caught loitering, he walked away, once again dialing for the Town car.

**A/N: I know, no 'meet-up' yet. Hang on, it's coming! Please review! Thanks!**


	8. The Room

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Another one? So soon? No, the world isn't ending. Chapter 7 was just a bit unwieldy. It needed to be shorter & so this one is also short-ish. To make up for that, it's STILL EPOV!! And there's a Jacuzzi. *wink* Enjoy!**

**Beta Extraordinaire DeviKalika has earned the honor of holding Edward's towel. She laughs in the right places and her comments make me giggle! She has an adorkable Edward of her own in her story, Oh, Inverted World. Go read & review it, but hands off Guiltward.**

**There is a link to a picture of the penthouse on my profile.**

**Twilight is still not mine.**

**The Room – Marcus Foster ( Another musician you should invite into your life- www. myspace. com/marcusfoster He has an EP on iTunes. )**

**Chapter 8**

**EPOV**

The Town car had a different driver than earlier, a younger and less experienced one. After he got in, Edward looked up to see a raised eyebrow in the rearview mirror. He gazed steadily back until the driver broke the stare-down and pulled into traffic. Edward looked out the window as they headed towards downtown. Occasionally he wished he had been a little older than seventeen when Carlisle turned him. The driver's license in his wallet said he was twenty-one but he was about to see his one-hundred and twelfth New Year.

'_It would have been nice to have made it to twenty-five or so, to have had a quarter century of actual life. Would I have survived the war if I had enlisted after I turned eighteen? If I had, would I have married and had a family of my own? Would there have been someone for me to care for, in sickness and in health?_' Jake seemed to care for Bella that way. Edward wondered again why Jake had stopped himself from telling Bella he loved her. Was it that Bella was too sick? Or perhaps she didn't feel that way about Jake? Edward considered that for a moment.

'_If she doesn't, why would Jake stay around if there is no hope? Or does he hang on because hope is all he has?' _Edward closed his eyes and sighed. Love was weird. It made people do very odd things. But Jake was lucky - at least he had someone to love, whether or not it was returned.

As he had anticipated, check-in was entertaining. Edward might have found it more comical if he had been in a less pensive mood. The receptionist was taken aback by his apparent youth. She seemed skeptical that this was the same Mr. Cullen who had made the reservation, but a quick call brought a very apologetic manager to the counter. He practically scraped and bowed. Edward didn't look for the other people who surreptitiously watched him, but he could hear their thoughts as he headed into the elevator:

'_So young!'_

'_Just a kid. Wonder what Daddy does for that kind of money?'_

'_I'd like a piece of that, and rich is even better!'_

"He's hot!" This last was a whisper from one staff member to another. The second girl shushed her friend.

"He'll hear you! He _is_ very good-looking. I hope he isn't into drugs and all that. I really hate to clean up after those parties." Edward almost chuckled. Drugs were not something she would have to worry about, nor any parties. This would be a very quiet stay, he was certain.

He unlocked the penthouse and paused inside, surveying his new quarters. The Sorrento's penthouse was smaller than the suite he had gotten at the Fairmont, which was fine with him. He would have rattled around in that one. He didn't need two bedrooms or a dining room that seated twelve. This was much cozier. Cream walls and draperies were a quiet counterpoint to rose sofas and gold velvet easy chairs. Picture windows flanked the wood-burning fireplace, lit in anticipation of his arrival. A baby grand sat expectantly in the corner, next to the French doors leading to the large terrace. Several leafy plants scattered around the room gave it a lush feel.

Edward took off his trench coat, placed it across the back of a gold chair and walked over to one of the windows. Below, Seattle bustled about its holiday Saturday afternoon business. He watched a moment and then reached for his phone. He walked towards the piano as he opened the browser and did a general search for Bella Swan. There were more college pages. Newspaper articles listing honors students and graduation candidates. Her faculty page at Washington University. On the second page of links, another newspaper article caught his eye. From the Forks Independent in 2004, it gave sketchy details of an accident on the high school campus. Two vehicles were involved, two students injured, one critically: Bella.

There was no debilitating disease, then. She had been in an accident, plain and simple. Curiosity made him check the date of the article. He was stunned to see it was just a week after he had left Forks.

'_I left to keep her safe and then this happened. Why didn't Alice ever tell me? Oh, no, she wasn't there, either!' _The accident occurred after the Cullens had come north to join him. If any of them, any one of them had been there, she might have been saved. He had removed any chance she had by asking his family to move. Edward sat down on the piano bench, leaning his elbows on the music ledge. His hands slid roughly through his hair. He fisted it, pulling painfully. This was his fault.

'_I did this to her. I tried to protect her from the monster that I am, and instead I condemned her to a life in a wheel chair_. I _ruined her for Jake_.' He recalled how she had looked that day they met, the day that the world fell down and everything that he had taken for granted as reality had come apart. So lovely, so young, so easily broken. His hands slipped from his hair to the keyboard. He ran his long pale fingers gently across the keys, stroking the ivory without playing. There had to be something he could do to try to make it up to her. The problem was that he still had to talk to her. Now that he knew he was the reason she had been paralyzed, he wasn't sure if he could face her.

'_It was different when I just wanted to prove I could resist her blood. I just wanted a short conversation with her, something to bring some closure. This changes everything. Now I have to know if she can be happy in the wreckage of the life I left her. I don't see how she could be. It must kill Jake to see her struggle. But I can't just come out and ask her that. I already know too much about her and she would be terrified.'_

Edward sighed. He got up and went into the bedroom. His suitcase was on the bed. He glanced around the beautifully appointed room. Too bad he couldn't really enjoy this. The bed looked quite comfortable. Maybe he'd at least lie on it and watch some television. Except that he was in no mood for mindless entertainment. There were things to work out. He looked into the bathroom and smiled. A Jacuzzi tub full of very hot water would be a good place for thinking.

He went back into the bedroom and took off his jacket, examining it closely. All it needed was a good cleaning. He set it aside and removed his shoes. His white dress shirt and dark slacks had not fared as well on his earlier journey from Mt. Baker. He unbuttoned his shirt and unrolled his sleeves. He'd had to roll them after he lost his cufflinks in a particularly nasty brawl with a mama mountain lion. When he realized she was protecting her cubs, he had let her win, but his French cuffs were mangled. Those had been his favorite pair: tiger eye, a gift from Esme. He piled the shirt on a chair and took off his belt.

Edward went into the bathroom and turned on the hot water in the tub. It would be a few minutes before it filled enough. He picked up his jacket and put it into a dry-cleaning bag, placing it and his shoes outside of the penthouse door for the staff to collect and clean. He wandered back to the gleaming black piano in the corner. He sat at the keyboard and thought about Bella. Placing his slender white hands on the keys, he began to play.

He played her the way she looked to him when he first saw her in the high school cafeteria. He had been puzzled by her, by his inability to hear her thoughts. His hands moved over the keys, questioning and wondering. Then she came and sat next to him in Biology class. The tantalizing scent of her blood had nearly driven him to kill her then and there. The melody turned dark and fierce, the monster he was at war with the gentle man he once had been. He had run away from her; the music became frantic and rushed, reflecting his escape to Denali, softening then to reflection and decision.

The past ten years were told in a series of snippets of other melodies he had lived and written; some reasonably happy, but mostly lonely and a little sad. The trip to San Francisco was jaunty and mischievous, another tune turned inside out. Then came Wednesday, the day he saw and smelled her again. Fear and anguish over encountering her dripped from the notes floating across the room. The piano trembled with the discovery of her history, and the despair and guilt of realizing he had not been able to protect her after all.

The music echoed a moment in the afternoon air and disappeared. Edward let his hands fall to his lap. These were the things he could not change. He didn't like feeling powerless.

He stood up from the piano and gave the top a gentle caress before heading off to the bedroom. He reached into his pockets and pulled out his phone and wallet, placing them on the bed. He unfastened his slacks and slipped them off, tossing them on top of his shirt. He picked up the phone and took it with him into the bathroom as he thumbed through the applications to Music and picked a playlist. Propping the phone up on the stone counter, he pressed 'play' and stepped into the tub.

The water was too hot. A human would have been scalded. Edward could feel the heat move through him, warmth reaching deep into his bones. It felt good. He dunked his head under the water faucet, running his hands through his hair. He sat up and reached for the boutique brand shampoo and conditioner so thoughtfully provided on the side of the Jacuzzi. He washed his hair, slowly massaging the shampoo and then the conditioner through his thick bronze locks. He rinsed the conditioner out and smoothed his hair back away from his face. He turned off the faucet and turned on the jets, for effect more than anything, and lay back against the side, closing his eyes. The steaming water softly bubbling over Chuck Mangione's "Children of Sanchez" began to help him focus.

'_Isabella Marie Swan. Bella, who are you? Why can't I hear your mind? How have you managed to come into my life, twice now, and disrupt it so thoroughly both times? Why have I been unable to get you out of my mind for a decade? Not one day has gone by that you, your brown eyes, and your incredible scent haven't been sitting in a corner of my mind like a pebble in a shoe.'_Edward frowned at the recollection.

'_I thought I was doing the right thing. I_know_I did. I left so you could live, but what else did my leaving do to you? Could I have saved you from the accident that took your mobility? Might we have even been friends?'_Edward opened his eyes. Surely that couldn't have been possible.

'_Could I have stayed and overcome my horrible thirst and monstrous nature? Or would it all have been futile and would I have succumbed to the power of your delicious scent? Your scent - dear God, that moment when I smelled you again - it was what I remembered and more: intoxicating, luscious, dizzying.'_ The playlist shuffled and "Malaguena" began. Edward smirked. How appropriate. He _was_ at the crossroads, again. He shook his head and water dripped from his hair.

'_I have to fight it. I have to be able to be near you and talk to you. I have to know exactly what happened to you in the accident.'_Edward sat forward, steam rising from his marble-like shoulders as droplets ran down his neck and chest. Something else had just occurred to him. As the idea grew, so did his excitement.

He stood up and reached for a thick white towel on a nearby shelf. He tousled his hair with it, then flipped open the drain on the Jacuzzi and stepped out onto the rug, wrapping the towel around his hips. He had things to do. It wasn't for his conscience alone that he now needed every detail about that accident and Bella's paralysis. There might be a chance - a very small chance - that he could do something about it.

**A/N: Is it hot in here, or is that just the steam from the Jacuzzi? Whew! If you enjoyed shirtless piano playing, please leave some love in a review! Thanks!**


	9. One Short Day

**CHOICES**

**A/N: I think you like the shirtless piano-playing as much as I do!**

**Beta duties were handled by the ever-awesome DeviKalika. It's a good thing I let her hold Edward's towel - I think I saw her drooling a little. This story would truly never have been what it is without her. ****J**

**Translation expertise was provided by vamosrafa07. Thanks for the help!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a Twilight Soundtrack Songbook signed by Sam Bradley and all the Men. :D**

**One Short Day – Original Broadway Cast of 'Wicked'**

**Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

'_These are a great excuse to go to the garage.'_Bella packed the Pfeffernusse cookies in a plastic container and the brownies she had just made in another, putting both in a paper bag. She marked the bag 'Jake's Cole Slaw'. She chuckled as she did it, but she knew if she wrote what it really was, Quil and Embry would make them disappear before Jake even knew they were there. She took another sip of her coffee. She could hear Bert thumping around in her bedroom and she smiled. '_Stupid how attached I am to that dumb thing,_' she thought.

Holding her coffee, she wheeled herself to her desk in the living room. The computer monitor glowed softly as a screensaver of falling snow flickered across it. She ran her finger over the thumb pad and the screen brightened to a wallpaper of the beach at La Push. She sighed as she glanced at it and opened a browser window. La Push meant Jake, and Jake wasn't what she wanted to think about right now.

She reached across the desk to the CD tower next to the stereo and pulled out her new Anthony Masen disc. She had already listened to it three times straight through and she craved it again. The music spoke to her soul, unearthing emotions and longings for which she had no name.

She placed the CD in her computer and saved the music to her hard drive, then copied the whole thing to her MP3 player. '_Good. Now I can listen to that beauty wherever I am. It'll be nice to listen to in between classes and exams this week. Also, I can listen when I'm with Jake and I don't have to hear him complain about it.'_She would never understand why Masen's music bothered Jake so much. He said it irritated him. '_How can he hate it? It's so beautiful.'_

Moving to the stereo, Bella dropped the CD in, pushed PLAY, and closed her eyes as the first melody swept over her. There was nothing like an Anthony Masen composition. Complex and dense, the melody floated on the harmonies like elusive butterflies in a canopied rainforest. The textures and rhythms were so varied, she almost felt as though she could smell the rich loam of the forest, the freshness of the humid air, and the raindrops pattering leaf to leaf.

The concerto ended and Bella opened her eyes. She was surprised that she was breathing heavily as though trying to draw in the scent of the music through sheer lungpower. She grinned to herself and sipped her coffee. The music was lovely. She hadn't realized how much she missed hearing it.

She began her love affair with Anthony Masen's compositions when she was at Berkeley. Bella roomed with a Music Performance major, Rebecca McQuade, a feisty, green-eyed redhead with a beautiful complexion as pale as Bella's own. Rebecca always included Bella in her social calendar. She knew about Jake and had met him a couple of times when he had visited, so she didn't try to set Bella up with anyone. She just made sure her roommate didn't spend all of her time on the computer or in the library.

Each week, the Music Department held a recital for the performance majors to have the opportunity to build their repertoires and hone their presentation skills. These were always free and open to non-majors, so Bella went to as many as she could. At the end of each semester, the graduating seniors gave a concert in which they performed with faculty and graduate students. The pieces for these were usually more difficult than the weekly recitals. It was during one of these concerts that Bella heard her first Masen piano concerto.

She had been spellbound by the layers in the music, intricacies and counterpoints that touched something deep in her heart. Rebecca told her later, "Masen is awesome to hear, but he's a bitch to perform. Shit, it's as if he expects the pianist to have extra hands, the way it's written. That's why it's usually played as a piano duet." Bella was surprised. She had enjoyed the two grand pianos playing with and against each other, but would never have imagined all of that music was written for just two hands.

Rebecca was full of Masen trivia: He had been a student at Berkeley in the 1940's and rather a campus celebrity. He had been well-liked by faculty and students, though he roomed off-campus and kept to himself. He had been quite prolific during his years there, turning out concertos, symphonies, arias, minuets, and odes. He wrote for voice, piano, string quartets, full symphonic orchestra, and odd duets. One that was still marveled over for its quirky humor, as well as the mystifying way it somehow 'worked', was a duet for oboe and harp. That one was still used as an example in Composition and Theory classes. Rebecca was a harpist. She was thrilled to be able to play that piece at her senior concert.

Masen had been a relative loner, preferring the company of his manuscripts to crowds. Modern rumor held that he was probably gay and repressed; certainly he had been eccentric. Bella didn't care either way. She just knew that the man who had written such moving pieces had to have been passionate. Sadly, there had been no time for him to fulfill whatever promise his future might have held. A fraternity which had been courting him for years took part in a sailing regatta in San Francisco Bay. Masen had sailing experience and agreed to help. There had been some drinking on board and the others were much too inexperienced to handle the sudden squall that blew into the bay. No one knew exactly what happened, but Masen went overboard and was drowned. His body was never recovered.

Attempts were made to locate family but no one had ever heard him speak of any and the college had no record of a next-of-kin. Among his papers was a rough will, drawn up in his second year of school, leaving any worldly goods still in his possession at the time of his death to the college. Several thousand dollars in a savings account and royalties from his compositions added up to quite a bequest. The only odd stipulation in the will had been that no vinyl recording ever be made of his music. He had once said, "Music should be experienced live. Recordings are only echoes of the life the musicians give it."

Bella pulled herself out of her reverie as the CD ended. '_Oh, Anthony, beautiful as ever. You got your wish - your music never made it to vinyl. Thank God you had no inkling about digital storage!'_

She chuckled to herself and checked her watch. '_Better get moving to the garage. Then I guess I have to go find four ugly ties for the guys and an atrocious planter for Leah.'_Gag gifts between the friends were common, but Bella also always managed to find something special for each of them that fit their personality perfectly. That kind of shopping took dedication and time, but she didn't feel as if she had much of either lately. '_This Christmas might have to be ordered online.'_

She washed her coffee cup and put it away, then tossed on her hoodie and poncho. Wallet, phone, and cookies safely tucked in her book bag, Bella headed out into the morning. The wind whipped her hair and she grabbed it into a ponytail, tucking it into her hoodie. She scuffled in her poncho pocket for her gloves and pulled them on, then turned her chair towards Jake's shop.

Bella unlocked the shop door and hit the auto-open button. As she rolled through, she couldn't help but think of the Volvo in the garage next door, and its owner. She mentally thunked herself in the head. '_As if I ever really stop thinking about the owner.'_His face appeared in more than her nightmares lately. In the past few days, she'd caught herself actually daydreaming about him.

'_What's that about? I'm no teen with a high school crush. Not that he isn't crush-worthy, he's gorgeous.'_ Jake's opinion of him was quite low, however, and she had not had a chance to form much of one herself.

She stuffed her gloves in her book bag before heading behind the counter. She shuffled through the stacks of papers on Jake's desk. '_He's fairly organized - where would it be? Oh, the clipboard!' _She lifted the clipboard from its hook on the wall and flipped a few pages back. There it was: Edward Cullen, with a cell phone number and a hotel. Bella's eyes widened.

'_The Fairmont? Guess Jake wasn't joking about the 'rich kid' part then. I'm not calling his cell phone. That's a little creepy. I can call the hotel and see if he's in.'_She looked up the Fairmont's number and dialed, asking the receptionist if Mr. Cullen was in his room. The operator informed her that Mr. Cullen had checked out of the hotel on Wednesday night.

Bella slowly put down the phone. '_Jake probably called to tell him the car will be ready Wednesday, and he'll be back then. I can be here when he arrives and talk to him then. No, dammit, I have exams Wednesday! Ugh. I have to figure out some way to see him.'_

She rolled out from behind the counter and crossed into the break room. She put her book bag on the table and pulled out the bag for Jake. She was not surprised, and only mildly disgusted, to find half-eaten takeout containers from who-knew-when cluttering the small refrigerator. She peeked into some and tossed most of them into the trash. She would have to take the garbage out when she left so it didn't sit there until tomorrow.

While she was leaning over in the refrigerator, Bella thought she heard the bell on the shop door. _'I must be hearing things. I locked the door when I came in.'_ She sat up and listened. '_Did I lock the door?'_ She quickly tossed the bag of snacks into the refrigerator and closed it. Turning around, she wheeled slowly out into the shop.

There was a tall man standing at the counter, his back to the break room door. Bella stopped, hardly daring to breathe. He had beautifully messy bronze hair. An expensively-cut camel trench coat hugged his shoulders and torso, draping over his slim hips to his knees. Dark jeans encased his calves and a pair of low boots was on his feet. He stood silently gripping the counter with his long, slender hands. Bella remembered those hands, gripping the lab table in Biology in just the same way.

Her eyes roamed from his hands, to his back, to his hair. He hadn't moved. She could see the tension in his shoulders. '_Will he look at me the same way he did the other two times I saw him? Will I have to face the disgust in his eyes?'_ A small sob escaped her throat at that horrible thought and he flinched. He seemed to take a deep breath and then turned around.

Bella's mouth dropped open. It was him, but he was not what she expected. He was different. Instead of dark and angry, his gaze was warm and a smile played crookedly across his full lips. He took a small step towards her and spoke.

"Hello. I'm Edward Cullen." His voice was soft and deep as velvet caressing her ears.

She nodded wordlessly, her thoughts scattering as his golden eyes filled her vision. '_He still looks so young, how can he… what's with his eyes? They were dark before. Holy cow, he's talking to you, dummy! Pay attention!'_ Bella yanked herself back to the moment and the man in front of her.

"Um, yeah, I'm Bella," her voice shook and she cleared her throat. "Jake's not here today. He'll be back tomorrow. They're not open today," she finished lamely, a blush building slowly in her cheeks as she winced internally at her repetitive statement. He smiled at her and she was lost. His eyes, his crooked smile, that jaw… he was beautiful. She felt lightheaded and realized she wasn't breathing. She gulped a lungful of air and reddened. He had to see she was staring at him. His smile widened and he took another step towards her.

"I see," he said. "Did Jake leave you in charge? I was wondering if there had been any progress on the repair of my car." Bella straightened.

"No, I'm… Jake didn't leave me 'in charge'. I just stopped in to put some snacks in the fridge for him."

He smirked; it was cute. He looked down at the floor before looking up at her through his dark feathery lashes. Her heart pounded in her ears and she gasped.

"Snacks? Are you Jake's…" his eyes raked across her hands then met her own again. "…fiancée?" His words shook Bella.

"Fiancée? No. Not at all. Why?" He looked pointedly at her left ring finger and raised an eyebrow. Bella stared at the small sapphire and diamond ring on her hand as if she had never seen it before. "Oh. No, that was a present for my twenty-fifth birthday." She blushed again. Why was she telling him that?

"Ah, I see. Not a fiancée, but definitely someone of importance, since your photograph is on the desk back there." He inclined his handsome head towards the counter, never taking his eyes from her face.

"No, we're just old friends…" Bella frowned. What was he talking about? Jake didn't have any personal photos back there. She glanced at Edward as she wheeled past him to go to the desk. His eyes glowed with golden humor as he leaned on the counter.

'_Damn. He's right. When was this? Oh, Thanksgiving.' _Quil had taken several candid shots of all of them throughout the day. This one captured Bella, wine glass in hand, laughing at something out of the frame on her right, as Jake watched her from across the table on her left. Her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks were pink.

'_Looks like I was on bottle three there,'_ Bella mused.

She glanced up and was startled to find Edward was leaning over the counter, much closer than she had expected. Her cheeks flamed again. He was watching her with a curious expression. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Bella felt it tickle across her face. He smiled at her again and looked at the photo.

"It's an excellent picture of you. You must have been having a very good time," his velvet voice purred.

Bella stared at his mouth, watching the way his lips formed the words. He stopped speaking and the lips curled upward. She followed the curl with her eyes to his cheekbone. It was nice. The cheek lifted slightly and a small crinkle appeared at the corner of the eye above it. She liked the crinkle and the liquid gold of the eye it edged. Bella suddenly realized he was watching her stare at him and heat seared across her face. She wheeled backwards quickly, bumping into Jake's computer chair. Her wheel tangled with the office chair arm and she was momentarily stuck. She ducked her head and hid behind her hair as she worked to free herself. As she pushed the office chair away from her, she heard a low chuckle. Her eyes flashed to his face, angry and hurt that he was laughing at her, but he was looking at his phone. Bella realized she had heard a small chirp while she was fighting the chair. A funny message then. From whom, she wondered. A sudden twinge shot through her.

'_A girlfriend, of course. Well, obviously! Someone who looks like him would have a girlfriend, probably some slim, cool blonde who wears Gucci when she's slumming.'_Bella fought to keep a scowl from her face. What did it matter to her? He was just Jake's customer.

'_And your worst nightmare,'_she reminded herself.

She came out from behind the counter and glanced at him again. He was looking at her with a small crooked grin, leaning casually against the counter. Bella swallowed. There were things she had to ask him and she had no idea how to begin. She couldn't just blurt out, -"So back in high school, why did you hate me so much you had to leave town?"- No, she would have to work up to that, but how? And it had to be soon. Jake would be done with the car by Wednesday.

'_He asked about that, if I knew anything about his car. That would be someplace to start.'_Bella realized.

"You asked about your car," she said slowly. He raised his eyebrows and listened politely. "Jake has the parts ordered and they are supposed to be here Monday… tomorrow. He expects your car will be ready by Wednesday."

'_Wednesday. Wednesday.'_Her heart thumped to the rhythm of the word. She was beginning to hate that word.

"Wednesday," he repeated.

'_Oh, God, never mind! It's beautiful when he says it,'_Bella felt a chill.

"Wednesday," she whispered eyes wide.

"That doesn't give me much time, then," he murmured, his eyes on her face. Something hummed between them.

"What?" Bella shook herself and blinked at him. "Time for what?"she asked, instantly regretting it. That was too forward. Not her business.

"To get to know you."

The blood rushed to her cheeks so quickly, Bella felt faint. He grinned at her crookedly.

"I already know I like this about you," He stretched one long pale finger towards the flame on her cheek, stopping just inches away. He hesitated and pulled his hand back. Bella wanted to lean in, to have him touch her.

'_What's wrong with me? I should be demanding answers from him, not mooning like a love-sick cow.'_She felt hot and realized she still wore her hoodie and poncho. It was suddenly very warm in the shop. She looked up at him again, just as her stomach grumbled. He smirked at her and ran his hand through his hair.

"Did you eat breakfast?" he asked, cocking one eyebrow at her.

'_Damn, that's sexy,'_she thought, then instantly berated herself. '_What do you think you're doing, thinking he's sexy? He haunted you for years. He made you wake up screaming from the nightmares. So_not _sexy.'_

"No, I had some coffee…" she trailed off. He clucked his tongue at her and she shivered.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know," he admonished with a smile. Bella could only nod. His eyes were pools of amber and she wanted to swim in them forever.

"Could you possibly let me into the garage? I need to get something out of my car. Then perhaps you would allow me to take you to lunch?" he said. Bella nodded, unable to speak for a moment, unsure suddenly to what exactly she was agreeing. She turned to the garage and unlocked the door, opening it so he could go through. Instead, he held it open for her, smiling at her and making a gentlemanly bow. She giggled.

'_Oh, really, giggling now? Grow up, Bella. He's insanely good-looking, polite, well-spoken, oh, and funny, but get real,'_her mental monologue chided. '_There's at least one girlfriend, and she'll have all_her _parts in working order, so don't even go there.'_

Bella unlocked the key box and took out the set for the Volvo, clicking the fob to unlock the car. Edward opened the driver's door and sat down inside, opening the CD compartment. His hand reached for the CDs, then hesitated.

Bella held her breath and her heart pounded. She thought she had put them back just the way he had them. He pulled out several, and then the whole stack was in his hands. He got out of the car, cradling the music. Bella hit the fob again and locked the keys away. As they came back out of the garage, she stared at his hands wrapped around the plastic cases.

"Would you like a bag or something to carry those in?" she asked.

"A bag or something would be welcome, thank you," he smiled at her. She maneuvered behind the counter again, avoiding the desk chair to get a sack for him. "Are you ready?" he asked, his topaz eyes twinkling at her.

"My bag," she said, heading into the break room for her book bag. The garbage sat on the floor in front of the refrigerator where she had left it when she had gone out to meet him. She pulled her book bag into her lap and reached for the trash, but a pale slender hand beat her to it. She gave him a hard look.

"I'm not helpless," she stated crossly. He grinned at her.

"No, I don't imagine you are," he sassed back. "I just thought you might not want whatever is in here dripping on your clothes." He held up the trash bag to show her a small tear with something grey oozing from it.

"Ew. Okay, you're right. You win that one," she conceded. Outside, he deposited the trash in the dumpster she indicated, and then stood watching her as she locked the shop.

'_Alright,'_Bella thought as she turned the key, '_he's obviously got better things to do than go to lunch with me, but I don't know when I'll get this chance again. I'll go to lunch, bring up high school, and if he freaks out, well, I'll just be out an afternoon. At least maybe I'll get an answer or two first.'_She turned to find him gazing at her and she caught her breath. He smiled.

"There are a lot of restaurants close by. What type of food do you prefer?" she asked. The gold in his eyes flickered and he chuckled. He ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm not really hungry. I just wanted to spend some more time with you," he admitted sheepishly.

'_Damn! Why does he have to be so adorable?'_ Bella flushed again.

"Fine. I _am_ hungry. There's Jack's Mainly Chinese Tapas over on the Ave," she stated as she turned her chair to go.

The five block trip was the shortest Bella had ever experienced. Lunch was delightful. Edward must truly have not been hungry. Bella had more on her plate than she could eat, but she couldn't tempt him with one bite.

The conversation was light and easy. Somehow, the questions that bothered her for so long seemed much less pressing. They discovered a mutual affinity for old movies and older books. Edward was intrigued with Bella's teaching position at the university. They had a lively conversation about one of the courses she taught: 'Austen, Bronte and Shakespeare- Fate vs. Choice in Classical Romance'. Darcy, Heathcliff, and Romeo were dissected by Edward and resurrected by Bella. They threw quotations at one another like darts, tangling the authors and books until they were both gasping with laughter over the Romantic Hydra they had created.

Afterward, they wandered the streets of the university section, deep in animated discussion. Occasionally something in a shop would catch one of their eyes, begging for exploration, but soon they were back on the sidewalk, off on a new tangent. Bella was intrigued by Edward's intelligence and wit, and impressed with his grace and charm. Whenever he spoke more than a sentence or two, she caught herself watching the glory of his face, and the sculpted cheekbones and jaw moving beneath his pale skin. She wanted to touch him.

Seattle grey turned to Seattle rain and the afternoon grew dark. A musty antique shop offered the nearest refuge from the cold shower. Inside, they discovered a corner of old clothes and, like kids, egged one another into playing dress up. Bella was wearing some dove grey opera gloves, a Day-Glo orange boa with a good third of the feathers missing, and a red silk kimono. Edward had donned a chartreuse Nehru jacket, mirrored sunglasses and a lace jabot. Bella crowed triumphantly when a battered box turned up a beautiful silk top hat, complete with a bedraggled bunch of artificial violets pinned to the band. She held it up to Edward, eyes sparkling. He grinned and bowed low before her, allowing her to set it on his tousled hair. He straightened and stepped back.

"What do you think?" he chortled. Bella tilted her head and tapped her finger on her lips.

"I think you are channeling Gary Oldman in 'Bram Stoker's Dracula'," she giggled. Edward stared at her for a moment over the top of the sunglasses and then broke into laughter.

"You may be right, Madame Butterfly. Let's see," he said and tilted a nearby mirror so they could see themselves. Bella gaped in surprise. She was almost unrecognizable. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes were bright. The garish colors of the clothes were a far cry from the sensible navys, creams and browns she usually wore. She decided she liked wearing color and determined to add some to her wardrobe. She looked up at Edward's reflection standing slightly behind her chair. His eyes were dancing as well, peering over the sunglasses, an impish smile on his face as he watched her take in his bizarre attire.

"Quite the pair, aren't we?" he said. Bella laughed and nodded.

"My students would never know it was me. Just some crazy lady in a wheelchair, not their teacher!" she joked. Edward's smile seemed to shift and an odd expression darkened his eyes. Bella smiled at him in the mirror and reached back to touch his hand where it rested on the grip of her chair. Before she could, he moved and came to stand in front of her. He removed the top hat, his hair falling charmingly into further disarray, and swept his arm into another low bow. He tilted his face up to hers and his topaz eyes were sparkling.

"Mademoiselle," he breathed in his softest velvet,"dineriez-vous avec moi ce soir?"

"Breathe, Bella," was the next thing she heard, accompanied by a low chuckle. She did as the voice bid her and suddenly realized she was starved for oxygen. She gasped once or twice as her vision cleared and she saw his exquisite features mere inches from her own. Concern fought with laughter in his eyes.

"What happened?" she asked as he stood up from where he had knelt on the floor next to her chair. Amusement won, and his eyes crinkled in that way that she liked.

"I believe I asked you to have dinner with me tonight. Unfortunately, my French must be atrocious, because you swooned." The crooked smile was back.

"Oh, no," Bella covered her face with her hands, mortified. She could feel the blush raging all the way to the tips of her ears. Edward chuckled and gently pulled her hands from her face.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't think about the power of my lace jabot when coupled with a bit of French," he teased. "Please don't be upset. It might have happened to anyone." He smirked as he smoothed the lace at his throat.

"Oh, stop!" Bella giggled, her embarrassment almost appeased. "Your apology is unnecessary. I wasn't expecting… this has all been a bit overwhelming," she raised her eyes to his, gesturing between and around them.

'_What_is_'this'?'_ Bella wondered. _'The day has been wonderful and he is a delight, not at all the spoiled brat Jake implied.'_

Jake. She realized he hadn't crossed her mind since they left the garage this morning. A small wave of guilt ran through her, but she shook it off. '_Jake and I are best friends. We do a lot of things together, but we are not a couple. He won't be back until late tonight, anyway, and I still haven't been able to ask any of those questions yet.'_

Bella watched Edward as he removed the jacket, jabot, and sunglasses, and put his trench coat back on. He was so beautiful. She felt a euphoria that was as thrilling as it was frightening every time she looked into his eyes.

'_There is no harm in dinner between new friends. Jake will just have to get a grip about Edward: he is charming, intelligent, witty, and sweet. He also speaks French divinely. Jake can't top that one!' _She put the boa in her lap. She slipped the kimono from her arms and felt it being lifted off of her shoulders. She looked up into the mirror she still faced to see Edward folding it as he watched her. He silently put his hand out for the boa and she placed it in his palm. He draped it over a chest and reached again for her right hand, his eyes locked on hers in the mirror. Bella felt a little dizzy and took a deep breath. A small smile danced across his features as he leaned forward and brought her gloved hand to his lips.

"Miss Bennet, may I escort you to dinner?" he whispered. She shivered as she felt the movement of his lips through the soft leather covering her hand.

"I would be delighted, Mr. Darcy. Thank you," she managed to say. Edward's angelic face lit up at her response, whether due to her answer or the fact that she had joined in his little joke, she wasn't sure. All Bella knew was that she wanted to see that smile again, and often.

They were almost to the door of the shop when Bella realized she still had on the gloves. She started to take them off, but Edward stopped her.

"No," he said. "You should keep those." He quickly pulled a bill from his wallet and dropped it on the counter. "Keep the change," he said to the woman behind the register as he looked back at Bella. The myopic owner blinked at him and smiled, waving the two of them out the door as she placed the money in the till.

"Edward! I can't accept these. You shouldn't have done that." Bella was uncomfortable and cross as they continued down the street. The gloves hadn't been expensive, but she had seen the bill he so casually tossed down. That 'tip' was triple the cost of the gloves.

"Why not? Don't you like them?" Edward asked her, a smug look on his face as he sauntered down the wet street.

"Of course I do; they're lovely. But I don't need opera gloves. I have nowhere to wear them. And you spent too much -" Bella stopped, startled, as Edward stepped in front of her chair. He studied her face for a moment, and then reached down to pick up her still-gloved right hand.

"I am afraid that I find fault with your objections." His tone was serious but a smirk wasn't far from his lips. "Every woman needs a pair of opera gloves. She also should have the opportunity to wear them. I see that your social life has been sadly neglected in that department. I should like to rectify that myself." He looked down at her small hand in his and Bella felt her cheeks burn.

"As for my having spent 'too much', I disagree. I would have spent twice that for you to keep them. These aren't just any gloves, you know." His eyes blazed as he looked at her. "I placed a kiss on this one." Bella felt his fingers move softly across the back of her hand. "How could I allow them to be sold to someone else?"

Bella waited for the smirk but it didn't appear. Instead, a small smile tugged at Edward's eyes. Bella shivered and her heart trembled.

"What are you thinking?" he asked as he watched his own fingers trace her knuckles through the buttery-soft grey suede.

"Dinner means cheeseburgers, I hope," Bella stuttered. Edward had already bought her lunch and then the gloves. He didn't need to spend his money like this on her.

Edward didn't move his head but he raised his eyes, looking at her through his thick lashes. Bella's heart pounded. A tiny muscle twitched at the corner of his mouth.

"No. We shall have a proper dinner, with plates, cutlery, and tablecloths. Darcy would never forgive me otherwise."

"Then I suppose I need to get home and clean up a bit if I am going to a 'proper dinner' with you, or Miss Bennet would never forgive me," Bella said shyly. Edward laughed.

"Touché. I'll see you home, if I may? Then I will know where to pick you up this evening." His golden eyes were warm.

"That would be lovely," Bella smiled. "Thank you."

All too soon, her door closed and she was alone in her apartment, the memory of his voice and footsteps echoing around her. She felt a bit giddy. On her way into the bathroom, she again glimpsed herself in the mirror. What a difference! Only Friday she had looked frightful after a restless night of dreaming. Now she had color and sparkle, and a goofy grin that she just couldn't erase, even if she had wanted.

Twenty minutes later, Bella was staring into her closet, frustration on her face.

'_Something is happening to me. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but this is the first time I have ever been invited someplace and had absolutely nothing to wear!'_She checked her watch. If she hurried, there was still time to hit her favorite consignment shop a block away. Surely they would have something, anything, with color.

**A/N: Does anyone else hear Etta James singing "At Last"? So, the ice is broken. Comments, rants, questions: please send them all! I want to know what you think.**

**bandmum**


	10. The Nearness of You

**CHOICES**

**A/N:** **I got a couple of questions about the Pfeffernusse (Fef'-er–noos-uh, literally 'peppernut') cookies Bella got for Jake. They are a type of German spice cookie, rather like a thick gingersnap, coated in a thin sugar glaze. They are usually found in American groceries only during the holiday season.**

**I am in awe, once again, (I should be used to it by now) of my Uberbeta, the 2-time Indie TwiFic Award-winning DeviKalika. Go read her fabulous story, "Oh, Inverted World." Do it. Now. Then come back & see what these crazy kids get up to on their evening out.**

**Translation services were provided by FakerParis, Queen of the RobPics on Twitter. I heart you hard.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a pair of dove grey doe-skin gloves that are older than me. Don't hate.**

**The Nearness of You- Steve March Torme' 'The Essence of Love'**

**Chapter 10**

**BPOV**

At 5:48, Bella sat in her kitchen, clutching a glass of wine. The closer the clock moved to 6:00, the more anxious she became.

'_Why am I so nervous? We had a great time today; well, I did. I think he did. I hope he did. Of course he did, or he wouldn't have asked me to dinner. Dammit, this is stupid!'_She smoothed a loose lock of hair back behind her ear, and tipped the rest of the bottle into her glass.

'_Bang. Dead soldier.'_ Moving to the recycle can, she dropped the bottle in. It clanked cozily with the others already inside. Bella winced. Maybe she would get the boxed wine next time. It took longer to go through and was easier to recycle, not to mention the package wouldn't make those accusing noises when she disposed of it.

She had been drinking a bit more than usual. She stopped on her way home Friday to pick up two bottles after she bought the Masen CD, and had gotten three more Saturday when she found the Pfeffernusse cookies. There was only one bottle left. Ever since Wednesday, though, her world had become surreal. It still was, today even more so, but at least it was pleasant now. Maybe the nightmares would stop.

At 5:59, there was a knock on her door. Even expecting it, Bella flinched. She put her glass down and rolled to the door. Taking a last deep breath, she opened it.

Edward stood there smiling, and the smile grew the longer he looked at her, until his eyes crinkled at the corners. He held a nosegay of violets in his gloved hand and made a small bow as he presented them to her.

"Good evening, Bella."

A thrill shot through her at the sound of her name on his lips. Her cheeks glowed and she smiled, moving away from the door so he could come in. She thanked him, taking the bouquet and going into the kitchen to find a vase.

"Where did you find violets? They're beautiful."

"I have my sources." Edward's eyes twinkled at her as he removed his coat, draping it over his arm. "They remind me of you. First, the bunch on my top hat this afternoon and now… this." He gestured to her and she blushed harder. "You look beautiful, Bella. Thank you."

She hadn't thought she could blush so much without combusting, but apparently, she could. Bella looked down at the deep blue dress she had found in the consignment shop. It had reminded her of the violets on his hat as well, and she had felt how special it was the moment she tried it on. The soft jersey knit fell in a cowl from her shoulders, draping across her bust. Fitted sleeves ended at her wrist in a long row of tiny buttons. The skirt was long enough to cover most of her legs while in the chair, yet allowing her black ballet flats to peek out. She had put her hair up in a low chignon at the suggestion of the saleswoman, but a few tendrils had escaped.

"Thank you," she said shyly, her eyes taking in his dark suit and tie. The navy pinstriped vest against his crisp, white dress shirt did funny things to her stomach. "You look very nice yourself." She gazed at his tie, working up the nerve to look at his face. She slowly raised her eyes and met his deep golden ones. He was smiling.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" she offered. Edward shook his head.

"No, thank you. Our reservations are for 6:30, so we should go."

"Of course. Let me get my wrap." Bella went to her bedroom and returned with a black cloak and a small black clutch purse. Edward held the cloak as she settled it around her, and then put his own coat back on.

"Are you ready for another adventure?" he grinned mischievously at her. She cut her eyes at him, a smirk on her face.

"If you are involved, how could it be anything _but_ an adventure?" she teased.

Edward chuckled. "Good. I hope you have recovered sufficiently from your swoon this afternoon, as I foresee more French in your immediate future." He seemed very pleased with himself.

"You're a fortune teller now, are you?" Bella laughed. "Pray good sir, what does my future hold this night?" She batted her lashes at him. Her inner adult groaned. Edward's eyes darkened slightly and he bent forward.

"I predict that you will be singing before the night is out." His lips twisted into a lop-sided smile. Bella gasped and laughed.

"If you are laying odds on that, I'll take them, because I don't sing." She shook her head, then stilled as he moved a little closer.

"In public." His voice caressed her and his eyes sparkled, making her shiver.

"Okay, now you're just talking crazy," she sputtered. He chuckled and straightened up, reaching to open the door. A few moments later, they were through the lobby and on the cold street. A smile played on his lips as he watched her react to the Town car and the driver.

"Edward, what is all this?" Bella was confused. He grinned and moved to her side.

"Your carriage, milady," he murmured. Bella was stunned by the big black car and liveried driver. This was so expensive and unnecessary. They could have taken her truck, or a cab.

"Bella?" She looked up at him, about to chastise him for the extravagance, but his expression melted her heart. His hand was in his hair and his eyes were concerned. "How would you like to proceed?" he asked cautiously. She realized he wasn't sure how to get her into the car from her chair. She looked at the back seat. It was high - not as high as her truck, but close. She wouldn't be able to pivot herself.

"I… may need a little help here," she said softly, embarrassed. She hated having to be dependent on people.

"Please, tell me what you need and I'll do it," Edward encouraged.

"It's just… high," Bella said with a frown. Edward stepped closer.

"If you would permit me…?" He held out his arms. Bella blushed and fidgeted, then nodded. Her heart pounded and she cringed. Edward took a deep breath, and then leaned down, carefully sliding his right arm beneath her knees and his left around her back. She wrapped both of her arms cautiously around his neck and he smiled. Gently, he lifted her from the chair and placed her in the back seat.

"Are you all right?" he asked, his glorious face, filled with concern, was only inches from hers. Bella held her breath as she gazed into his eyes. She nodded and he smiled. "You can let go now."

"Oh, God! Of course." She pulled her arms back quickly, embarrassed, her cheeks flaming red. "Sorry," she murmured. He chuckled as he closed the door. The driver folded her chair and placed it in the back of the car.

'_Stupid! Hanging on him like that! But, wow, he's so strong, and he smells so good…'_she thought as she fumbled with her seatbelt. Edward got in the car from the other side, a smile still on his lips. She could feel him watching her and her cheeks burned. She cleared her throat as the car pulled into traffic.

"I'm sorry," she said, her eyes on her hands. "I don't like feeling helpless. I don't … I don't know how to let people help me."

"I understand. I don't like feeling helpless, either," Edward said. "But sometimes, you just can't do everything yourself. Please Bella, let me know when you need help. I don't want to over-step any boundaries."

Bella nodded. They were silent for a few minutes as the car moved through town. She smiled to herself and raised her eyes. He was looking at her.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

She smirked and bit her lower lip. "I was just trying to imagine you, 'helpless'. I'm sorry, I just can't picture it."

Edward's mouth twisted into a grin and he shrugged. "It happens, far more often than I'd like."

Bella raised her eyebrows. "As strong as you are? I don't think so." She shook her head. Edward leaned toward her, his eyes twinkling.

"It's true. Secretly…" he tapped his chest with one slender finger. Bella's eyes followed his hand. "…I'm a total weakling." Bella's gaze flashed back to his face.

"No way. It would probably take Kryptonite to make you weak!" she laughed. The door opened and she realized they had stopped. The driver had her chair open and waiting for her. Edward came around to her side, again gently lifting her and placing her in the wheelchair. This time, Bella managed to let go of his neck, but Edward remained bent over, his left arm across her shoulders. His right hand reached for hers and his fingers smoothed over her knuckles. His amber eyes smoldered and Bella felt dizzy.

"Kryptonite doesn't make me weak, Bella. But violets do," he breathed and let go of her hand.

Somehow, they were inside, past the hostess, and installed at a table in a quiet corner before Bella could quite focus again. She took several steadying breaths as she watched him remove his coat and gloves. He placed them in the chair next to him as he sat down.

'_Damn, he's good.'_Bella's thoughts were jumbled as she stared out the restaurant's picture windows. The view of Puget Sound and the mountains in the distance was spectacular._'Looks, too much money, and killer charm - this guy could be dangerous, Bella-girl. You watch yourself. Get your answers and get on with it. He'll be out of your life Wednesday anyhow; no need to make things complicated.'_

She stole a look at him. He was watching her hands as she nervously twisted her ring on her finger, a contemplative look on his face. '_Then again, when have I had this much fun, especially in one day? The heck with it. So I live a little dangerously. It's not like he's going to bite me or anything. And he'll be gone soon. I might as well enjoy this.'_ She pulled her hands into her lap and his eyes met hers. A waiter materialized at their table.

"Bonsoir! Bienvenue au Restaurant Maximilien. I am Henri. Here are your menus and our wine list. What may I bring you to begin, s'il-vous-plait?" Edward glanced at the menu before studying the wine list. He looked over the top of it at Bella and smiled.

"Is there anything in particular that you would like?" he asked. Bella looked up from her menu with a bewildered expression on her face.

"I'm not very familiar with French cuisine." A small grin lit her eyes. "Perhaps you could 'help me' with ordering?"

Edward smiled back, his eyes bright. "I would be delighted." He turned to the waiter who was gazing raptly at him. Bella covered her mouth with her hand, hiding a grin. "Henri, nous commencerons avec le Duo de Foie Gras et d'Escargots a la Bourguignonne. Aussi je pense que nous aurons le Tournedos de Boeuf. Bella, how do you prefer your beef?" he asked.

"Oh, medium-well, please," she said breathlessly, impressed with his fluency once again.

"Medium-well for the lady and I would like mine rare, thank you. To drink, I think the Dom Brut will suffice." Edward took Bella's menu and placed it with his.

"Bon!" Henri dotted an 'i' on his notepad with a flourish and bowed. "Oui, monsieur," he gushed, taking the menus and disappearing. Edward chuckled at Bella's expression.

"Are you all right? I realize that French makes you giddy, but I purposely left my jabot at home this evening," he teased. Bella blinked at him and blushed.

"No, really I'm fine. You just speak it so beautifully. Have you been to France?" she asked.

"Yes, several times. It's quite lovely in the country and even dirty, old Paris has a charm of her own," he smiled. "Have you?"

"I've never been east of Albequerque, actually. My mother lives in Florida with her husband. They've asked me to visit several times, but it's never really been convenient," she said, her eyes on the spoon she was twitching in her fingers. She glanced up. Edward was leaning back in his chair, elbows on the armrests, fingers steepled together, watching her with a smile.

"Travel is rarely convenient. That's one of its many pleasures. Convenience doesn't leave much room for adventures."

Bella smiled, leaning in towards him. "You do seem rather fond of 'adventures'," she teased.

His eyes sparkled as he sat forward. "I am. I haven't had many lately and was beginning to despair. Then you came along…"

Henri was suddenly placing dishes and glasses on the table between them, forcing them both to sit back. Another waiter busily worked on a wine bottle in a tableside cooler. Bella looked down at the plates in front of her. There were two preparations of foie gras, cured and seared, accompanied by an onion marmalade and butter brioche. On another dish, six snails in their shells reposed in a pool of butter sauce. A 'pop' close by made her start. She watched as the sommelier poured bubbling nectar into a crystal flute. Edward handed her the glass. She held the stem carefully until Edward had his own and they were alone again. He raised his glass and tapped it lightly to hers.

"To adventure," he toasted.

She smiled. "Yes, to adventure!" She sipped the champagne. The bubbles did the tickling thing they always did, but something was different. This wasn't the grocery store champagne she bought every New Year. It was slightly spicy and delicious.

"Have you ever had escargots before, Bella?" Edward asked. She shook her head through a small bite of foie gras and brioche. When she swallowed, she picked up the extra fork Henri had brought and gave the plate of escargots a glare. Edward laughed. "What's the matter?"

"I've seen 'Pretty Woman'. I don't want to pull a Julia Roberts and shoot one of these suckers across the room," she snorted.

He laughed. "Richard Gere should have been more considerate. May I show you the simplest way to remove them from the shell?"

"Oh, please," Bella sighed, relaxing a bit. She watched his hands deftly spear the snail and twist it free. She looked up to find his eyes on her face, an unreadable expression in them.

"What?" she asked. Instead of answering, he raised the fork and brought it within inches of her mouth. She couldn't tear her eyes from his face. His topaz eyes were on her mouth, his own lips slightly parted. Bella swallowed thickly and blushed, then leaned forward, opening her mouth. Edward slid the escargot between her lips and pulled the empty fork back out.

'_There is a snail. In my mouth.'_ Bella sat for a second, mentally cursing the enormous flock of butterflies which had taken up residence in her stomach the moment he had first spoken to her in French. She had hoped all day that they would settle down and play checkers or something, but no. They insisted on fluttering wildly and making her feel slightly queasy.

'_It's just different. People eat these all the time.'_Her pep talk wasn't working until she caught Edward's eye. '_He likes adventure? Fine. I can be adventurous, too.'_She bit down and chewed.

"Oh. Oh, my." Her eyes grew wide and she swallowed. "Edward, that was delicious. I had no idea escargots would be so good." He smiled and held out another on the fork.

"I'm glad you like them. They aren't for everyone," he sounded pleased, his eyes glowing.

"I can imagine. The texture is interesting, but it's not as bad as I expected. And this butter sauce is to die for. There's enough garlic in it to choke a vampire." She leaned in to take the bite he offered and then sat back, chewing. She looked at him as she picked up her glass. He had an odd expression on his face.

"What's wrong? Don't you like garlic?" asked Bella, her champagne flute in her hand. He exhaled and also reached for his glass. He tipped it to his lips and then set it down. His eyes were deep topaz and his mouth wore a wicked little smile.

"That's the second time today you have mentioned vampires," he said, amusement in his voice. Bella put more foie gras on her brioche.

"I know, it's silly." She leaned conspiratorially toward him. "Violets may be your weakness; mine is vampires. They're my secret vice." She grinned at him and bit into the brioche. Edward's eyes darkened as he leaned forward.

"What do you mean, your 'vice'?" he asked quietly.

"I'm a little obsessed with vampire movies and books," she said after she swallowed. "I teach Classical Romance all day, but my guilty pleasure reading is vampire stories. I keep a couple in my desk at school. They help me stay awake while I'm giving exams, like tomorrow. Vampires mix romance with some horror and bring it to a new level. Besides, they're damn sexy." Edward narrowed his eyes at her and tilted his head.

"How can you find a monster attractive? When you know what he is, what he's capable of doing… that's neither romantic nor sexy." He played with the escargot fork, spearing another snail on the tines.

"But vampires are beautiful. Well, not Nosferatu. He was kind of gross. But most vampires are very attractive so their victims will submit more willingly," Bella said, eying the escargot on Edward's fork. He grinned crookedly and held it out to her. She bit it off of the fork and licked a small drop of garlic butter sauce from her lower lip.

Edward frowned. "A monster is a monster, Bella, even if he doesn't look like one."

"Maybe. But vampires can't help who they are. Most of them are turned against their will, anyway. They don't ask to be blood drinkers; it's just their nature. They aren't inherently evil." Bella sipped her wine.

"They don't try to do anything good, though, do they? They don't attempt to change. Even when Dracula found Mina and tried to make her his bride, he never considered doing anything to be worthy of her. He was only concerned with getting her away from Harker and Van Helsing, and turning her against _her_ will. Monsters have no honor." Bella looked at him over the rim of her champagne flute. His eyes were honey dark and he was stabbing at another escargot, the shell in splinters.

"That's rather a blanket statement. You can't deny the stories are romantic, though," she said.

Edward looked up in surprise. "Romantic? Killing people, or turning someone else into a fiend, is romantic?"

Bella shook her head. "That's not what I mean. Vampires need blood to survive. It's what they eat. They have no choice in that. So they are hunted down once the villagers figure out who's been killing their livestock and women of questionable morals." Edward's eyebrows rose but he said nothing. "That's what's classically romantic- they always die at the end. They never get the girl, never get to go off and live happily forever after. You would think some girl, in some vampire story somewhere, could actually fall for the guy and want to join him. Now _that_ would really be romantic," Bella tilted her glass and drained it. "Good champagne," she said.

Henri arrived with their entrees. They sat silently as he removed the debris from the appetizers.

"So what you're saying is you feel sorry for the vampire?" Edward asked the moment they were alone. "He's still a monster, even if through no fault of his own, yet you think there could be something left in him, some small spark of goodness or humanity… whatever. Something that the ingénue could find worthy of encouraging, worthy enough to give up her own mortality and soul?"

Bella thought a moment as she savored the dish of mushrooms and beef.

"There could be something, no question. And I don't think I agree with you about the soul. I don't think it's necessarily lost when one becomes a vampire."

Edward ran his hand through his hair, staring at her. "Bella, vampires kill people. They are murderers. If they are destroyed in turn, they are damned." His voice was quiet.

"Maybe not," Bella countered. "What if they only kill bad people? That could redeem them."

"I think that's doubtful. What about your girl? She _wants_ to be a vampire. She would willingly give herself to the change, perhaps unlike her suitor who _wasn't_ given the choice." Edward shook his head.

"She wouldn't necessarily lose her soul, either. She's become a vampire for love, which is the highest power after all. And what's to stop her from just feeding on animals? Maybe she never kills anybody." Bella took another bite of beef.

Edward had the oddest look on his face, and then the crinkles came back. He laughed and poured Bella another glass of champagne. Her eyes widened as he re-wrapped the cloth around the bottle and she saw part of the label before he put it back in the ice.

'_Dom Peri… Holy cow, he didn't!'_She slowly twirled the champagne flute in her fingers, watching the bubbles. She sipped it. '_He did. This is definitely 'good champagne'!'_

"That's an interesting theory, Bella. I hope for her sake your girl gets to have a 'happily forever after' with her vampire." Edward reached for a roll in the bread basket. "I'm afraid I'm too pessimistic for those stories. And you're right; it is sad that the monster never gets the girl. I felt especially sorry for the Creature from the Black Lagoon." He smirked as he pulled the bread to pieces with his fingers.

"Erik came close, but I never really think of him as a monster." Bella prodded a green bean on her plate.

"Erik, who?" Edward looked confused.

"The Phantom of the Opera. He had convinced Christine to stay with him in order to save Raoul, but she cried over him and kissed him, changing his heart. She even wore his ring until he died, so she must have loved him a little. But Erik wasn't a monster. He was just sad and crazy." She looked up from toying with her food to see Edward staring at her again. "What?"

"You're kind of fascinating," he said with a smile.

"Me?" Bella gasped. "How?"

"I've never met anyone like you. You don't think like other people. I like that, although it does make it difficult to figure you out." He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hand.

"What's to figure out? I'm just me," Bella laughed at him.

'_Plain, old me. What's he talking about – fascinating? There's that dangerous charm stuff again. Damn, he's gorgeous! And how many glasses of Dom P. have I had? Maybe I'd better back off a bit.'_She put down the glass and pushed it away slightly.

"That you are," Edward said. He watched her hand drop from her glass to her lap. "Are you ready to go?"

"Whenever you are," she replied. She glanced at the table as Edward motioned to Henri and signed the bill.

'_He didn't eat very much. I ate more than I expected, what with the butterflies and all. It was so good. Still, there's a lot left.'_She looked up as Edward held out her cloak.

"Shall we?" he said as she wrapped it around herself. She nodded and they moved toward the door. Henri twinkled at them as he passed on his way to another table, bidding them 'adieu'.

'_Apparently, he's consistently a good tipper,'_Bella smiled to herself. _'I like that.'_

Once outside, the chilly damp of the night didn't encourage a leisurely stroll, but the Town car was nowhere in sight. Edward started to walk down the street and Bella wheeled alongside him, wondering where they were headed.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner. It was delicious," she said softly.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did as well." Edward grinned at her. "The conversation was …enlightening."

"Oh, stop! It's your own fault. You had to keep me talking about vampires. We could have changed the subject," Bella laughed.

Edward leaned down as he walked and spoke quietly to her. "I know how you feel about vampires now. What is your opinion of the 'wee folk'?" His eyes and voice were mischievous, and a grin twisted his lips.

"Don't get me started on fairies! When I was a kid, you couldn't have paid me to walk through a fairy ring. I still go around them when I see one on campus," Bella laughed, her eyes sparkling. She knew he was teasing her, but he was so open about discussing such silly things. She wondered if her belief in Santa Claus would be questioned next.

"Good. I like your attitude. Let's go see if we can find some." Edward was in front of her on the sidewalk, walking backwards, somehow avoiding running into other people.

"Find some fairies? What are you talking about?" Bella briefly wondered just how much champagne Edward had consumed.

"Maybe not fairies, exactly, but what about leprechauns?" Edward's eyes were dancing and Bella could see he was leading her somewhere as they left the street and entered an alley full of shops and cafés. He had something planned.

"Hmm. And just where do you expect to find said leprechauns in Seattle?"Bella smiled, playing along.

"At a céilí, of course," Edward laughed.

"A 'kaylee'? What's that?" She was enchanted with his laugh. She wasn't sure which she preferred, the full out laugh she'd only heard a few times which was accompanied by those adorable crinkly eyes, or the low chuckle that sent shivers down her spine. Maybe she needed to do more research…

"It's an Irish dance party. All the best céilís have leprechauns in attendance," he stated.

"You're taking me to a dance? Seriously?" Bella looked at him and shook her head, but she was laughing. Edward ran his hand through his hair and gave her a sheepish crooked grin. He stopped and came back to stand next to her.

"I suppose I am." He cocked his head and the glow from the streetlamp behind him gave him a golden halo.

"Were I to ask, would ye go, lassie?" The lilt in his voice made her head swim. Or was that the champagne? Bella closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.

"If you thought I had a reaction to French, you had better _not_ talk to me with an Irish accent," she warned. She opened her eyes and looked at him. The Irish bar was not much further down the alley. She could hear the music and laughter spilling from the open doorway. Edward's amber eyes were shining, his messy hair glistening auburn in the damp night air. Bella felt the blood drain from her cheeks and then rush back again. His velvet voice was low.

"Ye dinna answer me. Would ye go?" His brogue was thick and natural. Had she not heard him speak all day, she would have sworn he just arrived from Dublin. Bella swallowed and her voice was a whisper.

"Yes, I would go." His beautiful eyes crinkled and that heart-stopping crooked smile blinded her momentarily.

"Ah knew ye were game, lass! C'mon, then!" He chuckled and led her on to Kell's.

Inside, Edward stopped for a word with the bartender who flagged down a waitress. She flashed a big smile and wiggled her hips in Edward's direction but he didn't seem to notice. Bella narrowed her eyes as the girl turned to lead them to a table near the front by the band.

'_She's actually sashaying. That's disgusting_,' Bella thought. '_Wish I could do that. I wonder…'_ She looked quickly at Edward who was behind her, but he wasn't watching the waitress. Instead he was trying to run interference between her wheelchair and the closely packed tables. '_He's too cute_,' she mused.

In a few moments, they were through the crush of patrons. Once settled at the table, Edward ordered two Irish coffees and the waitress left, still wiggling.

"You needed something to warm you up," Edward said when she teased that he was trying to get her drunk. The room was so loud that he had to put his lips next to her ear for Bella to hear him. She shivered as his breath tickled her. "See, you _are_ cold."

"Maybe a little. This cloak isn't as warm as I thought it would be." Edward picked his trench coat up from the chair next to him, offering it to her. "No, really, I'll be fine in a minute. Actually…" Bella craned her head to scan the room. She spotted the restroom on the other side of the stage. "If you would excuse me for a moment, while I powder my nose…" Edward smiled gently.

"Of course," he said and stood up as she maneuvered away from the table. She hugged the edge of the stage as she crossed the dance floor, trying to avoid the crowd.

The Ladies' was a good deal warmer than the table area. Bella had to wait a few minutes until the wheelchair accessible stall was free. The girl who came out looked embarrassed to have been inside, but Bella smiled at her. There was a line, after all. It took only a few moments to empty her catheter bag into the toilet.

Bella looked at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands. '_Look at me, out on the town in a new - well, new-to-me - dress that is an_amazing_blue. I am with easily the most gorgeous, witty, charming, smart, gorgeous (you said that- I know, it bears repeating- fine) man in Seattle - who didn't even look twice at the wiggly waitress - who speaks French, and does an Irish accent that would make my toes curl if they could.'_She took out a lipstick and considered using it for a moment before putting it back in her purse. She closed her eyes and sighed, then looked in the mirror again.

'_How's it really going, Bella? Having a good time? That's nice. What about those questions you had? You haven't forgotten all the months of waking up screaming from dreams starring His Hotness out there, have you?_ She nervously twisted loose tendrils of hair back behind her ears. Consciences were so over-rated.

'_When are you going to stop playing princess and get back to reality? He's perfect, so there's obviously something wrong with him. Oh, yeah, he hated you in high school. He left and took his family with him. Because of_you. _And you still don't know why, because you can't get past his looks and smooth moves. Shallow, much?'_

She bit her bottom lip. Another woman was waiting for the sink but she moved to a different one when she caught Bella's expression in the mirror.

'_Oh, sure, crying might work. Maybe he'll ask why, and you can say you were just thinking about when he gave you murderous glares back in Biology. Do you suppose he even remembers?'_Bella's eyes were bright, but that thought had not occurred to her before. The unshed tears dried in her eyes.

'_Of course he remembers. He stared at me on Wednesday. He recognized me, too. Could all of this, today, be just an apology then? Or is it less than that? Is it just a game, something for him to pass the time until his car is ready?'_Bella shook her head. '_No, that can't be true. People don't drop fifty dollars for a pair of old, used gloves, or buy Dom Perignon on a Sunday night if it's just a game. Not even if they have lots of money and nothing better to do.'_

"Excuse me? Are you Bella?" A slim, blonde girl spoke to her. Bella looked up at her.

"Yes, I am," she said as a sudden fear chilled her. He'd gotten tired of waiting and had sent this girl to tell her to forget it.

"Okay, this guy outside? He wanted to make sure you were okay? So he asked me to check? Are you okay?" Bella stared, wondering if this girl was for real.

"I'm fine, thank you," she said slowly, her nerves beginning to calm.

"Okay. I'll tell him." The girl nodded and started for the door, then turned back, a hopeful look in her eyes. "He's your brother, right?"

"No, he's … not my brother," she answered, suddenly anxious again. What was he? A date? A friend? The girl looked crestfallen as she left. Bella straightened her shoulders and gave herself one last glare in the mirror.

'_There is a perfectly lovely man outside who brought you here, and you are spending the whole time in the Ladies' arguing with yourself. Go have fun, dammit!'_

He was leaning against the wall outside of the restrooms when she came out. Bella blushed.

"I'm sorry for taking so long," she said, wondering how long it had really been.

"Don't be. It's fine. I just got a little worried that I did something wrong and you weren't coming back," he joked. Bella was startled; his words were too close to the subject of her mental conversation. She raised her eyebrows and looked up at him. He ducked his head, grinning sheepishly.

'_My God, he's adorable. As if_I'd_leave_him._I'll never be able to ask him, but I have to know; I need the answers. Good grief, all those years, dreaming of chasing him down, now here I have his undivided attention and I just can't ask.'_ Bella smiled back and followed Edward into the main room.

They made it back to the table where their Irish coffees waited. Bella stuck her tongue into the pile of whipped cream on top of hers and caught Edward staring at her. She made a face at him and laughed. He grinned and shook his head, stirring the cream into his coffee.

The band had been taking a short break and now returned to the stage. They announced a reel and patrons took the floor, lining up in pairs. The music was infectious and the dancers were having a great time. Bella was enchanted. She had not experienced much folk dancing, other than some tribal ceremonies she had attended in La Push with Jake. This was very different, almost square dancing, but freer and without the fancy dresses. All were welcome to join in, regulars enthusiastically teaching the steps to newcomers.

Bella hadn't been much of a dancer. She took ballet as a child but it did nothing to make her graceful. For the first time in a very long while, she consciously wished she could use her legs. She would have been dangerous to the other dancers, but with Edward for a partner, she probably could have gotten through without breaking anything.

Between the reels and jigs, the band pulled out drinking songs and some of the infamously sad Irish laments. 'Whiskey in the Jar' had Bella clapping along, and her eyes were misty during 'Green Fields of France' and 'Carrickfergus'. Edward started laughing during 'The Wild Rover' and she couldn't figure out why.

His eyes were bright gold as he leaned in to point out,"You're singing, Bella. In public!" She stared at him a moment, then joined in the laughter.

"All right! I'll trust your predictions from now on," she giggled. He smirked and ordered her another Irish coffee.

Sunday night was flirting hard with Monday morning when they left the bar. Edward had already called for the Town car and it was waiting when they came out. The streets were wet and cold, the air threatening sleet. Bella slid her arms around Edward's neck as he picked her up, grasping tighter as he suddenly spun her in a circle in his arms before putting her down in the car. She gasped and giggled at the mischievous grin on his face. He kept her laughing all the way back to her apartment. He walked her to her door, but she couldn't bring herself to let it be over just yet.

"Come in for a minute," she urged. He smiled that crooked smile and followed her through the door. "Make yourself at home. I'll just be a second," she said.

Bella went down the hall to her room and dropped her cloak and purse on the bed. Just as she came back to the living room, Edward pushed PLAY on her stereo system. The beautiful strains of Anthony Masen's piano concerto in D minor filled the room. Edward stared at the player. He turned to Bella with a bemused look on his face.

'_Oh, God, I'm so busted…or maybe not. I mean, I bought it; it's not as though I stole his copy. I just didn't know about it until I saw it in his car.'_These thoughts flew through Bella's mind as she smiled at him, her face flushed.

"I love Anthony Masen," she said, trying to cover her dismay. "He's my favorite modern composer. Do you know his work?" she asked innocently. Edward smiled and his eyes glittered.

"Which piece is your favorite?" he asked softly.

"Oh, it's hard to pick just one concerto, but I do have a friend who played the harp and oboe duet when we were in college. It was unforgettable."

Surprise lit his face. "Really? That's not one I've heard performed very often. It is rather unusual. Was your friend the harp or the oboe?" he asked.

"Harp," Bella chuckled. "She's Irish. She would have loved Kell's tonight."

An electronic chirp cut through the piano music. Edward looked at the caller ID and frowned, then apologized. "Excuse me. I need to take this. It should only take a moment."

"Take your time," she called as he stepped into the hall outside of her door.

'_That was close, but I think I got away with it,'_Bella thought, taking a deep breath. When he'd heard the music, he almost seemed to know she had been in his car looking through his CDs. There was no way he could have known, unless they were out of order, but he still couldn't know it was her.

The music was beginning to settle her nerves slightly when there was a knock on the door and Edward re-entered the apartment. Something was wrong. His expression was controlled and his attitude more formal. His calm, carefree air was gone and his hair looked wilder than before.

"Is everything all right?" Bella asked, afraid she would sound nosy. What if there really was a girlfriend?

"Everything is fine, thank you," he said, but the velvet was clipped. "It has been a long day and I need to get back to my hotel. Besides, didn't you say you had to give exams tomorrow? It wouldn't do for you to nod off over your book while your students are testing." A shadow of a smile crept across one side of his mouth, his perfect lips fighting the urge to curl upward.

"No, I suppose not," Bella agreed as she glanced distractedly around the room, not knowing quite how to let go of the day, and him.

"Bella." The velvet was back, deep and thick. She looked up at him. His amber eyes were warm and the smile had won out. "May I have your phone number? I would like to call you tomorrow, if I may."

"I'd like that very much," she smiled, her heart pounding, pleased that she hadn't simply squealed at him. She went to her desk and wrote it down, placing the note paper in his gloved hand. He glanced at it and slipped it into his jacket pocket.

"Thank you. When would be an acceptable time to call? After your classes, I mean," Edward asked.

"I'll be through by one. Anytime after that would be fine," she replied. "We're winding down the semester now and I'll only have two more exams to give, both on Wednesday." She bit her bottom lip at the thought of Wednesday.

"That's nice to know," he said and reached to take her hand in his. The adorable crooked smile graced his features. "Thank you for a delightful day and a memorable evening."

"I had a wonderful time, too," Bella spoke, her voice shaking slightly. "Thank you for lunch and dinner. And Kell's! It seems we went around the world today, didn't we? China, France, Ireland…"she smiled.

"I couldn't have asked for a more charming travelling companion." Edward's eyes twinkled as his fingers caressed the back of her hand. Bella blushed, lost in his gaze.

"Oh," she said, her mind casting about for anything to say that might keep him here a few more moments. "Thank you again for the gloves and the violets." She turned her head to look at the bouquet where she had placed it on the coffee table. "They really are lovely, Edward." She looked back into his eyes. "I feel positively spoiled," she said with a small smile.

"It was my pleasure," he said, eyes glowing. He leaned down and brought her hand up. "Good night, Bella," he murmured and bent over her hand. She felt his cool lips barely brush her skin. She gasped at the sudden tingle, like a surge of electricity where he touched her. She looked up, dazed, but he was gone and the door was closed. She shook her head and wheeled to the window, watching his dark figure emerge from the building and go to the waiting car. Before he got in, he turned and looked for her window. Bella pulled back behind the curtain, but not before she saw his eyes gleam and a smile dash across his handsome face. When she glanced out again, the car was gone.

'_What_was_that?'_ She gingerly touched her hand where he had kissed it. Her head was whirling with the events of the day and the unfamiliar feelings that were now tumbling her senses. She moved to the coffee table and touched one finger to a violet petal.

'_So beautiful. He is so beautiful. So much we said and did, and it still wasn't enough; I never wanted today to end.'_She hiccupped. '_I must be tipsy. He did keep buying me Irish coffees. I don't suppose I'll need a glass of wine to relax. I can't imagine having trouble sleeping tonight!'_Bella giggled.

'_No more nightmares now, I'll bet. I've finally met the elusive Edward Cullen, no longer a mysterious name and face. I know so much more about him now.'_Bella smiled and went to the stereo. '_We can even discuss Masen, since he heard my CD playing.'_

She restarted the music and picked up the case, pulling out the liner notes. She idly scanned the concise biography of Anthony Masen, followed by a listing of his better known works.

'_I wonder which is _his_ favorite?'_ Her eye caught a notation, buried in fine print at the bottom of the inside cover of the liner: 'Piano – Edward Cullen.' She flipped the paper over to read the back. 'Recorded for Solitary Records, 1986.'

'_I think I'm going to need that glass of wine after all.'_

**A/N: Oh, Bella! That man is driving you to drink, no matter what he does. Reviews, please!**

**bandmum**


	11. Everybody's on the Phone

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Every time I sat down to write this chapter, it came out a different way, and not where I wanted it to go. Jake gave me this idea, so I went with it. It's a bit different from the other chapters as there is no specific POV. I hope you like it.**

**Edit: I didn't realize that my phone conversation format was not an acceptable one when I uploaded it. I'm not entirely sure how this will work as varying viewpoints in a more standard layout - I enjoyed the feeling of eavesdropping on the conversations that the other format gave and I have tried to capture that again.**

**UberBeta skills: DeviKalika. She loves my twisted little world more than I do sometimes. She is awesome.**

**The plot is mine. That's it.**

**Everybody's on the Phone – Jimmy Buffett 'Take the Weather with You'**

**Chapter 11**

Sunday, 10:30pm –

Jake could barely hear Bella's phone ringing over Quil and Embry's bickering in the back seat.

"Shut it, you guys! I can't hear!" he griped. The line clicked and the call went to Bella's voice mail.

"Hi, it's Bella. It's the end of the semester so I'm getting ready for exams. Leave me a message and I'll call you back. Thanks!" *Beep*

"Hey, Bella, it's me. I'm still in La Push so it'll be really late when I get back home. I'll talk to you tomorrow. G'night." Jake hit end and dropped his phone into the Rabbit's ashtray.

---

Monday, 1:30am-

Edward flipped open the silver phone the moment he was outside of Bella's door. "Hello, Carlisle."

"Edward. How are things?" Carlisle asked.

"Going quite well, actually," Edward answered coolly.

"Good, I'm relieved to hear that. I've been talking with Alice…" Carlisle sounded concerned.

Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "And?"

"Edward, you neglected to mention that you were recognized," Carlisle admonished.

Edward grinned wryly into the phone. "I did indeed."

Carlisle chided him. "Why? That was a very dangerous thing to do. You should have had one of us with you."

Edward frowned. "I didn't want to involve anyone else, Carlisle. If it had ended badly, only I would be responsible. I was protecting the family. It has worked out rather well, though. I've been able to talk to her and spend some time with her."

"Interesting. You're having no trouble resisting?" Carlisle inquired.

Edward snorted. "I wouldn't say that. Her scent is incredibly intoxicating and it was very difficult at first. But the more I'm around her… my thirst is… well, not waning exactly. It's easier to control. I've gotten to know her a little; she's quite intriguing." His thoughts turned to the conversation over dinner and he grinned.

"I hope you're not taking unnecessary chances, Edward. It could go wrong so easily," Carlisle cautioned.

"I'm not taking chances," Edward sighed. "I'm not sure exactly _what_ I'm doing, Carlisle, but it's something I know I _have_ to do. It feels strange but I need to know her. I need to know everything I can about her. She's the way she is because of me…"

"Edward, you're not to blame," stated Carlisle.

"Yes, Carlisle. I am," he insisted.

"You're wrong," Carlisle protested, then asked, "Do you have any of her medical information yet?"

"Not yet," Edward replied. "I hope to get that tomorrow. She trusts me somewhat now, I think. We spent most of the day together." He waited for Carlisle to comment.

"I see."

Edward scowled. There was something Carlisle wasn't saying.

"What's wrong, Carlisle?"

Carlisle was silent a moment, then his voice came quietly through the speaker. "Alice has seen her turned, Edward."

"And Alice has been wrong before, Carlisle!" Edward's voice was clipped as he angrily fisted his hand in his hair.

Carlisle sighed. "Just… please be careful. Come home as soon as you can."

Edward closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I will. The Volvo is supposed to be ready on Wednesday. I'll come home then and we can get started."

"Good. Take care," Carlisle said warmly.

"You, too. Give Esme my love and tell Alice to keep an open mind, okay?" Edward requested.

Carlisle chuckled. "Will do, son. Good-bye."

"Good-bye," Edward said.

He snapped the phone shut and slid it into his coat pocket. He stood for a moment outside of Bella's door, one hand in his hair, the other pinching the bridge of his nose. Alice was rarely wrong and those who bet against her usually lost. This time, however, he was determined to beat the odds. Pulling his hand from his hair, he tapped on Bella's door and entered her apartment.

---

Monday, 8:00am-

Jake's call once again went to Bella's voice mail.

"Hi, it's Bella. It's the end of the semester so I'm getting ready for exams. Leave me a message and I'll call you back. Thanks!" *Beep*

Jake grumbled into the phone, "Hey, Bella. Um, I thought you'd call me when you got up. Give me a call when you get a minute. Bye."

He put the phone down on the shop counter and rubbed his eyes. Late-night driving and early-morning work hours were really not a good combination. He stretched his muscled frame as he headed into the break room for some coffee.

---

Monday, 9:02am-

"Hi, it's Bella. It's the end of the semester so I'm getting ready for exams. Leave me a message and I'll call you back. Thanks!" *Beep*

"It's me. Call me when you get out of class. Bye."

Jake was beginning to be aggravated. Bella was never this difficult to reach.

---

Monday, 10:20am-

The secretary's voice was irritatingly chipper as she answered, "English Department. How may I help you?"

Jake tried to control his annoyance. "I'm trying to reach Bella Swan. Is she there?"

"I'm sorry but Ms. Swan is proctoring exams today," the cheery voice told him. "She won't be available for at least a couple of hours."

Jake grimaced. Exams: of course. Wasn't that what she'd said on her outgoing message? "Oh. Well, could you please ask her to call Jake when she's done? She has the number."

The secretary practically bubbled at him. "I'll give her the message."

"Thanks," Jake mumbled, wincing at her effervescence.

"You're welcome, sir. Good-bye."

Jake stared at the phone a moment, wondering if Bella would be free in time for lunch.

---

Monday, 12:01pm-

Jake groaned as he heard Bella's voice mail message again. "Hi, it's Bella. It's the end of the semester so I'm getting ready for exams. Leave me a message and I'll call you back. Thanks!" *Beep*

His messages were getting shorter as was his temper. "Thought I'd catch you at lunch. Call me."

--

Monday, 1:05pm-

Bella was on her way to her office, scrolling through her messages when her phone rang. The number was unfamiliar.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Bella. This is Edward Cullen." Smooth velvet purred through the phone.

She caught her breath. Mister Mystery actually was calling! She smiled into the phone. "Hello, Edward. How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. And you?" he asked. "You didn't fall asleep during your exams today, I hope?"

She chuckled. "No, my vampires kept me awake."

His voice was warm. "That's good. You said you would be through today at one. Is that correct?"

Bella smiled to herself. _'He paid attention!' _

"Well, I have to turn in some paperwork, but yes, I'm through with today's exams."

"Then could I interest you in some lunch?" he asked.

She stalled. Lunch had turned out so well yesterday, but she did have a lot to do.

"I'm not sure, Edward. I have some calls to return and I should get started on grading these tests."

Edward didn't miss a beat. "Not lunch, then. What about dinner?"

Bella's eyebrows rose in surprise. Was he really that interested? "I don't know…"

"You do still need to eat, don't you?" She could hear the amusement in his tone.

She hesitated. "Yes, but-"

Edward's smooth voice became impossibly richer. "What's wrong, Bella?"

She swallowed, thinking over last night and her odd discovery on the CD liner. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just a little tired, I guess. From last night…"

"Didn't you sleep well?" He sounded concerned.

Bella tried to suppress a sigh. "I thought I would, but I didn't, actually."

"No bad dreams, I hope?" he asked.

She started and her cheeks blazed as a chill ran down her back. _'Bad, no; unsettling, yes.'_

"Listen, Edward, I have to go. Thank you for the invitation to lunch. I… I'll let you know about dinner."

Disappointment laced his words. "All right. Shall I call you later, then? Around five?"

"Yes, five would be fine," she managed to answer. How could he make it so hard for her to think straight, even over the phone?

"Until then, Bella."

She stared at the phone in her hand after the call disconnected. Those three little words held so much promise.

---

Monday, 1:20pm-

She was still mulling over her conversation with Edward when her phone rang again, startling her.

"Hello?"

Jake's gruff voice was loud in her ear, "Hey, Bella! Finally! I thought I'd never get through to you today."

Thoughts of Edward weren't helping her focus on Jake's words. "What? Why?"

Jake sounded annoyed. "I've called several times and left messages. Didn't you get them?"

Bella shook her head to clear it. There had been messages… "Oh, yes. I did. I do. What did you want, Jake?"

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Confused, she replied, "I'm fine. Why?"

He cleared his throat before answering. "I don't know. You sound distracted or something."

"Oh," she said, unsure how to respond.

"Why didn't you call me this morning?" Jake continued.

Bella winced. Lie, or tell the truth and hope he didn't get nosy? "Sorry, I overslept and was running late. I figured I would talk to you this afternoon."

She could practically hear him frowning through the phone. "Did you forget to set your alarm? That's not like you, Bella."

Bella grimaced. He was going to be nosy. "No, it's not…"

Jake was silent a moment, then asked, "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong! Why do people keep asking me that?" Annoyance was creeping into her tone.

Jake snorted. "I don't know. Maybe because you're acting like something is?"

"Well, there isn't. I'm not. I'm fine," she huffed.

Jake persisted, however. "Are you sure? Because you sound like something is wrong-"

"I'm _fine_, Jake! I'm just tired," she snapped.

"Okay!" Jake backed down, but he wasn't through."More bad dreams?"

Bella sighed. Again with the dreams… "No, not really. I just didn't get home until late."

There was a new note in Jake's voice, a proprietary one. "Why, where were you?"

Bella felt her annoyance level rise again. It wasn't Jake's business. "Does it matter?"

"Well, I thought you were getting ready for exams. At least, that's what your voice mail message said last night and all day today…" he stated sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes and decided to see how much more trouble the truth could bring.

"I had dinner with a friend. Happy?"

Jake seemed confused by her answer. "I don't know why you're upset."

"Because you're giving me the third degree and I don't like it," she scoffed at him.

"I'm not…" he said in a puzzled tone.

"You are! Where I go and who I have dinner with are not your concern," she spat angrily into the phone.

Jake snarled right back at her. "They are when you act like this the next day! Geez, Bella!"

Bella took a deep breath, closing her eyes. She could picture Jake at his desk, rubbing the back of his neck the way he did when he was upset. It was similar to the way Edward ran his hand through his hair… She opened her eyes and spoke more calmly.

"Look, I stayed out too late. I forgot to set my alarm and I woke up late. I've been proctoring exams all morning which is the most boring thing a teacher can do, and I'm tired. I just want a nap but I've got to get started grading so I can be free for tonight." She winced. Now she had said too much.

Jake pounced on it. "What's tonight?"

Men really were just too demanding, she decided. "I'm going to bed early, Jake. _That's_ what's tonight!"

Jake almost seemed disappointed. "Oh. Do you want me to pick up a pizza and a movie? We could watch until-"

Bella sighed again. She really was more tired than she'd realized. Perhaps this was the best course for the evening.

"No, Jake. I don't want you to come over tonight. I want some peace and quiet and to go to bed early. Please."

"Okay, Bella," he acquiesced. "If you change your mind…"

She smirked. "I know, I know; call you."

Jake laughed sheepishly, "Yeah."

"Yes, well, I'm not changing my mind. Not tonight," she stated firmly. She had some thinking to do and perhaps once the tests were graded, she could ponder things over a bottle of wine.

He agreed reluctantly. "Okay. Will I talk to you tonight?"

"Probably not." He was starting to irritate her again and she needed him to stop. "I mean it, Jake. I'm not kidding."

"All right! I'll talk to you tomorrow, then?" he asked.

"Yes, tomorrow," she answered. '_And not before.'_

Still, he apparently couldn't resist one last shot. "Maybe you'll be in a better mood."

Bella bit her lip to stop the retort on her tongue. She managed, "Yeah, maybe. See you," before hanging up.

---

Monday, 1:45pm-

Jake kneaded the back of his neck with his hand as he waited for Angela to pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ang! It's Jake," he said.

"Hey, hon! How are you? I haven't talked to you in a while. How is everything?" Angela exclaimed.

Jake pursed his lips. "I'm okay. I was just wondering if you've talked to Bella lately."

"No, I haven't," she answered. "It's the end of the semester, right? I thought I'd wait until closer to Christmas when school is out and she'll be less stressed. Why, is she all right?"

He sighed. "I don't know. She says she is, but I don't think so."

Concern colored Angela's voice. "What's going on, Jake?"

"That's just it; I don't know. This past week she's been… different. Well, since Thanksgiving, anyway," he amended.

"What happened at Thanksgiving? You guys hosted this year, right?" she asked.

"Yeah. And really, she was fine all day. It was more the night before. We were watching a movie and she fell asleep on my sofa." He stopped and anxiety crept into his tone. "Ang, she's having the dreams again."

Angela gasped, "Oh, no. Oh, Jake."

He nodded and closed his eyes, remembering. "Yeah. I went to get a shower while she was sleeping and when I came out, she was talking, saying 'no' and 'please stop.' Then she screamed and woke up. I made her stay the night and she woke up screaming several times. It was awful."

"Jake, honey, did you ask her? I mean, she said it was the same dreams?" she asked sympathetically.

He blew his cheeks out and then let the breath out in a puff. "No, I didn't, but it was pretty obvious. It was just like before."

Angela hummed to herself, thinking. "Why now? Why are the dreams back after all this time?"

Jake squinted at the phone. "I don't know, Ang. That's why I called. Maybe she'll tell you."

"Me?" she squeaked in surprise. "Jake, you know as well as I do she's never talked about what happens in those dreams, except to the therapist after the accident."

He looked down at the shop floor and scuffed the toe of his shoe against the corner of the counter. "Yeah. I just thought maybe she'd talk to you since she doesn't seem to want to talk to me."

He heard her sharp intake of breath. "What do you mean? Are you guys fighting?"

Jake sighed. "No. Yes. I don't know. She's all defensive and distracted today. I went fishing in La Push this weekend and got in late last night. I called and got her voice mail, which said she was getting ready for exams. Turns out she went to dinner with a friend and got in late, forgot to set her alarm and was late today, so she's tired and cranky."

"Bella forgot to set her alarm? That _is_ odd," she mused.

"I know! She doesn't want me to come over tonight, either, because she said she wants to go to bed early. And she practically snapped at me when I asked who she went to dinner with." Jake squeezed his neck again.

"Jake…" Angela warned.

He was immediately defensive. "What? I worry about her, especially when I'm out of town."

She made a dissatisfied noise. "Did she answer you?'

"No, she didn't," he answered quietly.

Angela snorted. "It's none of your business, you know. Not until you get around to asking her, anyway."

Jake grimaced. "I can't, Ang. It's not time yet. She'll say no."

She huffed in exasperation. "Jake. Listen to me. Bella's folks did a real number on her about waiting until she's thirty to get married. They screwed up badly, and in trying to protect her from making their mistakes, they made her paranoid about relationships. You really don't have to wait to ask her; you know how you feel." Her tone became a little gentler. "You're the one she always turns to. You guys are meant for each other."

A humorless laugh escaped his lips. "I know, I keep telling myself that. But she always says stuff like, 'You're the best friend ever.'"

"Have you told her you love her?" Angela wasn't pulling any punches. He winced.

"No. I can't. Not yet." Even he could tell he was almost whining.

"Then you have no right to ask who she had dinner with," she snapped at him.

Jake was incredulous. Wasn't Angela on his side? "What?"

She remained firm. "You have no claim on her, Jake. She doesn't even know how you feel. You have to tell her."

He hung his head and clenched his free hand into a fist. "I can't. Not yet. She needs more time."

Now she was annoyed. "More time for what? She needs to know so she can make an informed choice."

His head snapped up and his eyes narrowed. "Choice? What choice?"

Angela sighed, "Look, if she's going out to dinner and not telling you with whom, she's got a reason that she doesn't want you to know."

Jake was stunned. "You think she's seeing someone?"

"I don't know, but it's possible," she replied.

"No... who?" His voice almost cracked on the words.

"I don't know. It may not be anything, but you need to tell her," she insisted.

"I can't, Ang. Talk to her for me? Find out? Ask her who… she'll tell you," he wheedled.

Angela groaned and he knew he'd won. She did have some stipulations, however.

"Okay, I'll talk to her, but I'm not prying! If she wants to tell me, fine. And I won't tell you what she says if she asks me not to, either." She muttered distractedly, "I can at least ask her about the dreams, and if she says anything else, well, maybe I can point you in the right direction."

Jake beamed. "Thanks, Ang! You're the best!"

She acknowledged his compliment wearily. "Yeah, uh huh. You owe me for this. Big. Next time you come up to La Push, I get the pick of the catch!"

"You got it! You can have the whole catch if you want!" he exclaimed.

Angela snorted. "No, thanks, I've seen what you haul in. My freezer's not that big!"

He smiled and sighed. "Thanks, Ang. I mean it," he said sincerely.

She chuckled gently, "Hey, that's what friends are for. I'll call her tonight since she'll be home."

"Good idea. Just not too late, okay?" He didn't think Bella would appreciate being awakened by a phone call, even if it was Angela.

Angela agreed. "Okay. Good to talk to you, Jake."

"You, too." Something occurred to him then and he felt like a jerk. "Oh, sorry! How's Ben?"

Her tone brightened considerably at the mention of her husband. "He's good. Works too hard, but he's happy."

"I'm glad. Tell him I said 'hey'," he said.

"I will. Talk to you later," she replied.

"Bye," Jake said and hung up. He sat thinking for several minutes before he got up to sign for some parts being delivered for the Volvo.

---

Monday, 5:00pm-

"Hello?" Bella answered promptly.

Edward smiled into the phone. "Hello, Bella."

Her voice was soft and sweet. "Hello, Edward."

"Are you feeling any better?" he inquired, hoping she was in a more receptive frame of mind than earlier.

"I suppose I am," she chuckled.

"Did you have a nap?" he teased, glad that she was laughing.

"No, but I did get most of my exams graded after I got home," she replied.

"Good! Have you thought any more about dinner?" he asked warmly.

She hesitated. "I was just going to fix something simple and go to bed early."

Disappointment ran through him, skirting a small ache he had noticed in his chest when he left her apartment the night before.

"Are you sure? I would like to see you tonight, if only for a little while," he pressed, hoping she would agree.

"You would? Hmm. Well, if you want, you could come by for a minute." Bella sounded coy. Was she – flirting?

"Really? You don't mind?" he grinned at his success.

Bella chuckled softly. "No, I don't mind. I'd like for you to come by. We could talk."

"I'd like that, too," he said, questions humming in his head.

"Good. When do you want to come over?" she asked.

Edward cleared his throat. "Actually, how about now?"

Bella sounded startled. "Now?"

He stopped, afraid he had gone too far. "Is it not a good time?"

She answered quickly, "No, it's fine, just impulsive…"

It was his turn to be shocked. "Impulsive?"

"Yes. You're so spontaneous! I tend to over-think things and plan them to death," she explained.

Edward began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Bella asked over his laughter.

Edward was still chuckling. His family would never believe it.

"I don't think I have ever been called 'spontaneous' before!"

Bella sounded confused. "What?"

"Bella, are you hungry?" he asked in a nearly seductive tone.

He heard her gasp slightly before answering, "Yes…"

He smiled. "Then open your door, please. I'm here."

**A/N: Short, but important. There is another chapter on its way, quite soon. Promise. A little feedback might get it here faster, though!**

**bandmum**


	12. Sleight of Hand

**CHOICES**

**A/N: HA! Last chapter was short, as several of you noted, rather accusingly… ;-) I told you I had trouble with it! Dang bunch of chatty people in this story just HAD to get on the phone… At least this one is longer to make up for it.**

**Many thanks are due to my darling DeviKalika, who dragged her blessed self back from the grave just to continue as beta for my story (or so I keep telling myself.) She is the Bee's Knees. She also has a fascinating story, concerning guilt and the Catholic schoolboy. "Oh, Inverted World" she calls it. It's won awards. Go read it. (It has dirtier parts than this one.) … Wow, well, that cleared the room. If anyone is left who is wondering just what Bella has on her mind, read on, McDuff!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own tatty bouquets of violets and an overflowing voicemail box.**

**Sleight of Hand – Pearl Jam 'Binaural'**

**Chapter 12**

**EPOV**

Something was wrong. He'd felt it all afternoon. The short conversation he'd had with Bella earlier had grabbed hold and crawled under his skin. She had insisted that nothing was wrong when he'd asked, but there was something in her tone. Her attitude was different. _'What could have happened?'_

Edward ran his hand uselessly through his hair as he waited outside of Bella's apartment. He could hear the movement of her chair and the flutter of her heartbeat as she approached the door. He wondered why her heart was beating so fast. He took a deep breath as she opened the door.

Her brown eyes flashed to meet his golden ones for a moment and then dropped to his hands. "Edward," she said quietly, backing away to allow him room to enter.

"Good evening, Bella," he said, keeping his smile in place, though his eyes darted around the room. A small hum from somewhere in the back of the apartment was new, but everything else seemed to be exactly as it had been when he left last night. He turned to her and brought his gaze to her face. Bella was staring at the box in his hands.

"Italy tonight?" she smirked at him. He laughed and shook the box lightly.

"Sicily, to be precise," he chuckled. "I thought you might want to take it easy tonight after our world tour yesterday."

Bella smiled at him finally. He was struck once again by the beauty of the woman before him. Several times yesterday he had caught himself studying the way her lips shaped the words as she spoke, the sweep of her eyelashes and the incredible variety of shades of pink in the blush on her cheek. No human ever caught his attention as she had. She was fascinating. She was speaking.

"… very thoughtful of you. Thank you." Her words were murmured but he caught an underlying edge to her tone and that flutter was still there in her heartbeat. Was she nervous? She had been nervous yesterday, but this was different.

'_Is she afraid?'_

"You're welcome, Bella. Where shall I put this?" he asked.

"On the table is fine. Do you want some wine or tea or something with yours?" she asked as she headed into the kitchen.

"Water would be fine, thank you," Edward answered as he put the pizza box down and removed his coat and gloves. He took advantage of the moment alone to take in a deep breath, his first since he entered the room. The scent of Bella's blood was still overwhelming. Concentrated as it was in her apartment, he nearly reeled from his reaction. Raging thirst racked his body, venom flooded his mouth and he sank down on the sofa to steady himself. He closed his eyes, swallowed and took another breath. The fire still burned, but with slightly less intensity. With each inhalation, he could feel the thirst ease minutely. He had to acclimate himself to be near her; he had done it yesterday and he could do it again. When the burn became bearable, he followed her into the kitchen.

Edward watched as Bella opened the refrigerator for the wine. A lock of her chestnut hair fell across her shoulder as she leaned in. Why did he suddenly want to feel its silkiness between his fingers? He frowned. '_Get a grip! You can't think like that. This is a human. Breakable, as is obvious by the fact that she's been broken by you once already.' _He winced at the thought, but his features were smooth as Bella turned and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Plates?" he inquired.

She smiled again and pointed. "In the second cabinet. Do you want ice?"

"No, thank you. From the tap is cold enough," he answered.

"I don't like ice water, either. It's too cold. I still wonder sometimes why I don't live where it's warm. I hate the cold," Bella said as she filled his glass.

Edward smiled to himself and opened the lower cabinet she had indicated. The movement of the door released a magnet holding two deep drawers in place. They slid forward on their tracks about an inch. Surprised, Edward slipped his fingers under the lip of the top drawer and tugged gently. The whole drawer slid quietly out. His eyes widened at the array of crockery inside.

"Any of these in particular?" he asked in a bewildered tone.

"Oh, yes, actually. The Christmas ones. They're in the bottom drawer." Her eyes sparkled as he closed the top drawer and opened the lower. He reached in for two plates, shaking his head with a grin.

"Why do you have so many sets of dishes?" he asked as he put the plates on the table. She giggled at him and handed him his glass. He was charmed by the sound.

"Some women collect shoes. I collect dishes. I have sets for every season and several holidays. I love having different shapes and colors, so I can change them with my mood," she answered, taking a slice of pizza from the box.

Edward smiled at her whimsy as he pulled at the slice of pizza on his plate. He could feel her eyes on him and he took a bite, chewing slowly. '_Ugh! Rubbery, slimy, nasty…' _He took a small sip of water to help ease the doughy blob down his throat, knowing it would be even less pleasant later when he would have to cough it back up.

"It's good. Thank you for bringing it," Bella said between bites.

"You're welcome. I thought you might have been too busy grading to think about dinner." He looked up to meet her brown eyes. They were so clear and honest. Innocent. "You didn't eat lunch," he stated.

Bella blushed and picked up a sliver of pepperoni from her plate. "No," she sighed. "I got distracted and then I was busy grading. I'm sorry about lunch."

"Don't be. You were able to get your grading done which I'm sure I would have kept you from completing, had you met me."

She smiled. "True. And you're here now, anyway." She blushed again and reached for her wineglass.

Edward watched the color appear in her cheeks but was distracted by her fingers curling around the stem of the goblet. '_So small and fragile… her skin looks soft and warm_.' He wanted to touch her, but he had done enough of that already. His lips tingled at the memory.

He had managed to keep gloves between himself and Bella all day yesterday, until his farewell. His gloved hand took her bare one and he had brushed his lips against it, the lightest of feather-touches. Something akin to electricity had passed between them and he had run from her at inhuman speed, anxious to put distance between himself and her vulnerability.

'_Is that why she seems distant today? Did I frighten her with the speed at which I disappeared? Did she feel the shock as well? Did it harm her?'_ He studied Bella's hands a moment. There were no marks on them, so perhaps she wasn't hurt. He glanced up at her face to find her eyes were on his hands. He looked down to see that he was tearing his pizza crust into tiny morsels.

"Now who isn't eating?" Bella smiled shyly. Edward dropped the crust and took a paper napkin from the snowman-shaped holder on the table. He wiped his fingers as he spoke.

"I'm not terribly hungry, I suppose. I _did_ have lunch, and it was a rather large one." He smiled at her, hoping she would believe him. It was a good thing Alice had insisted that he hunt well before coming back. It was also good that his time with Bella would be short. He wasn't sure how much beyond Wednesday he would be able to go without hunting, especially if he were to remain near Bella. Oddly, this thought disturbed him.

Something bumped gently against his foot. Edward automatically raised his leg and looked down. A small silver disc skimmed across the floor beneath the table. He watched it a moment and then met Bella's amused gaze across the table. She laughed at the look on his face, a delightful, musical sound that Edward wanted to hear again and again.

"Edward, meet Bert. He's my roommate-slash-floor care expert." She laughed again.

'_That was the humming sound! Not a deaf cat, but a vacuum,' _Edward thought. '_No wonder I couldn't hear it.'_

The pink started up in her cheeks again. "I'm sorry. I let him roam around the house when I'm home and I forget he's out half of the time. I'll put him away so he doesn't run into you again." She moved as if to follow the Roomba, but Edward stopped her.

"Please don't. It… Bert doesn't bother me. It's fine, really," he insisted.

Bella looked at him carefully. She seemed satisfied after a moment and relaxed a bit more.

"Bert seems to be a good fit for you," Edward hazarded. He wasn't quite sure how to go about the conversation he needed to have with Bella and this seemed like a safe place to start. He hated how stiff and formal he sounded when yesterday had been so free and easy.

"He is," Bella chuckled. "I can't exactly vacuum the traditional way. Bert handles it for me beautifully."

"Your kitchen, too. I've seen some adapted spaces but yours is well thought out. Was it that way when you took the apartment?" Edward gently steered the conversation as Bella still seemed at ease with the subject.

"Some things were already in place since it's an accessible unit. Other things Jake put in, like the sliding drawers instead of shelves. He's done a lot of improvements to make it easier for me to live on my own." She sipped her wine.

Edward pulled his hands from the table top at the mention of Jake and balled them into fists of stone on his knees. '_Why am I having this reaction? I know Jake is in love with her. Why should his name on her lips make me so tense? What is wrong with me?'_

"Jake is a handy fellow." It was the nicest thing he could think of to say. Edward could hear the bitter tone in his own words. Would she?

"He is. He modified my truck so I can drive, too. Your car really is in very good hands," Bella assured him.

"Have you known him a long time?" Edward couldn't help himself. He hated hearing about Jake and he didn't know why, but though it irritated him, he couldn't leave it alone.

"I've known him most of my life. We used to play together when we were little and I would visit my dad, Charlie. Jake's dad, Billy, and Charlie were close." A sad expression flitted across Bella's face and Edward frowned. He'd said something to make her sad, but what?

"They were?" he prompted.

Bella looked down at her plate. "Billy and Charlie were best friends. They did everything together. Billy was in a wheelchair, too, for years - one reason Jake is so good at helping me. Anyway, Billy got really sick several years ago and Charlie hardly left his side. After Billy died, Charlie just kind of faded out. He died a couple of months later. Heart attack." Her eyes held sorrow and a look of despair, of not having been enough to hold on to someone she loved.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up painful memories," he murmured, watching her face. Bella looked up at him and he was ashamed to see tears glittering in her eyes. She shook her head and smiled sadly.

"I miss them both. It's just a little harder this time of year." She played with her wineglass, watching the drops of ruby liquid as they swirled around the bowl. Edward reached for the bottle and held it out. She looked up at him and stilled the glass so he could fill it. "Thanks," she said with a dark chuckle.

She sipped her wine and Edward watched the movement of her throat as she swallowed. Venom filled his mouth and he swallowed thickly in response. Sitting here with her was cozy and familiar, but his vampiric senses were still urging him to bite, to drink, to kill. He pushed the thirst back as he fought his desires. Masochistically, he continued on the hateful subject.

"You said Jake is a good friend. Obviously he's taken good care of you with all of this," he waved his hand towards the kitchen. "But surely, there's more. Isn't there?" He wanted this answer badly, somehow more than the information Carlisle had requested. Suddenly it was an answer that would make or break him, but he had to know. Jake loved Bella. Edward was sure of that. But how did Bella feel?

She looked at him, chin in her hand, her fingers curled over her lips. She blushed furiously and dropped her eyes. He'd gone too far. He'd been too forward. She hadn't said a word but he had his answer- Bella loved Jake. Edward's chest felt tight, his fists trembling on his knees. He could barely find words, but he forced them out. "Once again, I must apologize. I shouldn't have asked that."

"No, don't. Don't apologize." Her face glowed pink but she met his eyes with a steady gaze. "Jake has been very good to me these past ten years. He's done more than he should and I love him for it. But he will only ever be my best friend." Edward could hear her heart as it hitched and steadied. The tightness in his chest began to ease. It was all he could do to keep from laughing out loud in relief. He would celebrate that nugget of information later. Right now, he still needed answers and she was still willing to talk.

"Jake took good care of me after the accident - he and my friend, Angela. And Charlie. They helped me pull myself back together. Literally," she said.

Edward winced. He felt guilty hearing her say it, but he had come this far and he had to get what Carlisle needed. He had to do what he could to make this up to her, to fix his mistake.

"Bella, may I ask? What happened?"

Her response unnerved him. She stared into her wine. Her answer was monotone and mechanical, something she had given numerous times. "Tyler's van hit a patch of ice and he slid across the school parking lot. I was standing by my truck, not paying attention. I heard the tires squealing and turned but I just stood there, watching it come towards me. When I finally moved, I fell over my backpack and the van caught me up against the snow chains on my back tire."

"That sounds really bad. I mean, obviously, it was bad." Edward was at a loss for words.

She looked at him blankly. "The chains nearly severed my spinal cord in my lower back. At least I was already down. If I hadn't fallen over my bag, I probably would have been cut in half or something."

Edward shuddered and looked away. She was so casual about this, about nearly dying. The irony of it made him angry. He was dead, had been technically dead for nearly a century. He'd wanted her dead, to drain her, since he first saw her, but he had run to keep her alive. She had still managed to nearly get herself killed. She had needed protection from more than just him.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella," he murmured, forcing himself to meet her eyes.

"Don't be. It's not your fault," she said with a small smile which faded quickly. She dropped her eyes, then straightened her shoulders and looked back at him. "You asked me a question. May I ask you one?" She spoke quietly, a slow pink diffusing through her cheek.

"Of course, Bella." Edward watched the blush cross her face as he tensed for what her question might be.

She took a deep breath and met his gaze. "You left back then. Why?"

There it was. Ever since he had seen her again and had known she recognized him, it was only a matter of time. Maybe he could still diffuse this bomb.

"Does it matter? I'm here now."

Bella's eyes flashed angrily. "Yes, it matters! It matters a great deal to me, though I suppose it didn't to you at all."

"Bella, no, I didn't mean it like that." Edward ran his hand through his hair. He'd messed up again, somehow. Why was she angry?

"Then how did you mean it?" Bella insisted. "Explain it, please."

Edward closed his eyes and his fingers found the bridge of his nose. He had to word this very carefully. He sighed and opened his eyes.

"I wasn't well, Bella. I was… sick. I had to leave and my family… they came, too." He looked at her and took a deep breath, feeling the thirst burning at a dull level, still there under the surface, waiting. He swallowed the venom which had pooled in his mouth. "I couldn't be around people. I was… dangerous." It was the truth. He was then and was still, especially to her. He prayed she would accept his answer and not press for more.

"Oh." Bella's eyes grew wide and her blush intensified in her embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize…" She covered her eyes with her hand and chuckled humorlessly. "I thought… Never mind. You're better now though, right? I mean… Oh, damn it!" She met his eyes as she blazed red. "I'm sorry! It's not my business. I shouldn't have asked."

"It's alright, Bella. It was a long time ago, and yes, I am better." Edward smiled gently and his golden eyes held her chocolate ones. He could hear her pulse become irregular as her breathing deepened. His smile spread crookedly as she leaned slightly towards him, unable to take her eyes from his face.

'_Yes, I am better. Better at drawing you in as well as in resisting you. But I won't give in and take your life. You mean too much to me for that.'_

Edward blinked at that thought and Bella sat back, flushed and flustered. She glanced up at him through her lashes and it was his turn to be stunned. "I think you may be better, but you could still be quite dangerous if you chose," she breathed.

He shook his head. She had no idea how right she was. This was a bad conversation to have and he needed to change the subject quickly. She looked at him in surprise as he rose and picked up his plate and glass.

"Just doing my dishes, ma'am," he grinned at her before going into the kitchen. He scraped his pizza remnants into the trash can by the refrigerator and then put the plate and glass in the sink, running water over them. He turned to see Bella in the doorway with her plate.

"I'll take that." Edward reached to take her plate from her. Bella held it out to him, but her fingers were greasy from the pizza and it began to slip. They both grabbed at it and Bella's fingers grazed Edward's.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, flinching at his touch. "Your hand is so cold." She looked down as if expecting to see the plate in pieces on the floor, but Edward held it firmly in his grip.

"I told you the tap water was cold," he said and shrugged, his hand tingling. He wasn't sure if it was from the warmth of her fingers or the jolt he had felt as they touched. She had jumped. Was it because his hand had felt like cold stone, or had she felt the connection also? He could hear her heart pounding and wished once again that he could hear her thoughts.

He calmly returned to the sink and turned on the hot water. Bella came up next to him, the fingers of her right hand absently stroking her left where she had touched him. "You don't have to do that. I have a dishwasher," she smirked at him.

"Yes, you do, and tonight, his name is Edward. Now please, go back in there and relax. You've had a long, hard day of work and you need to be spoiled a bit." He smiled crookedly at her and waved a soapy sponge in her direction. She laughed and shook her head before going back into the living room.

Edward quickly washed, rinsed and dried the two plates and his glass. He put the plates back in the lower drawer and opened a few others until he found the glasses. As he set the clean one down, he heard the opening notes of Masen's Piano Concerto in D. He glanced quickly at the door, but Bella wasn't in his line of sight.

He gripped the counter a moment, his head down and eyes closed as he listened. It was all right: digital was better quality than either vinyl or magnetic recordings, but it still didn't match the pure beauty of live music. He raised his head and smiled, remembering how aggravated he had been after the concert he had attended with Esme. The performance had been good, but the pianists were so focused on playing the mechanics of the pieces perfectly that they had completely missed the soul. He had ranted for days about how miserably they had failed until Esme finally told him to show the world how his music should be played. After about twenty minutes of internal debate, he had sat down at his grand piano and begun recording the CD that was currently playing on Bella's stereo.

Perhaps that was why Bella had behaved so oddly. She must have gotten a good look at the liner notes on the CD. '_Damn copyright rules. Now I'll have to intentionally lie to her. Although, pretending to be human is as much of an outright lie as there can be. She'd be terrified of me if she knew, though, whatever her opinion of fictitious vampires may be. She should be scared; it would be safer for her. But I don't want her to be afraid. I want her to feel safe with me, like she does with Jake.'_

He wondered idly why Bella had been in his car, handling his CDs. Her scent was all over them. None were missing, though his copy of the concertos was still in the Volvo's changer. Alice had asked to listen to it coming back from San Francisco. He usually preferred to listen to other performers while he drove, but he never could say no to Alice. She'd plucked it from among his others, none of them recorded for the public as this had been. Some were of pieces that weren't supposed to exist yet, but soon would.

He grinned at that, remembering the challenge of breaking into the Hargrove Music Library at Berkeley. It had been fun, planting 'unknown' Masen compositions in unusual places: inside the sleeves of record albums that hadn't been checked out since the forties, stuck inside the binding of another of Masen's manuscripts, and slid a page at a time behind a shelf holding old ragtime recordings. He and Jasper had chosen the locations while Alice kept an inner and outer watch. Now the waiting began. Wagers had been made by the whole family on how long before someone 'discovered' a new Masen piece.

The concerto was almost over. Edward straightened up and glanced through the kitchen door towards the dining table. The empty wine bottle was still there, but Bella's glass was gone. He smiled and opened the refrigerator, plucking out a new bottle from the row in the door. '_Bella likes her wine. A bit more and perhaps she'll tell me her doctor's name.' _He found the corkscrew in the second drawer he tried.

Bella was sitting next to the end of the sofa, wineglass in hand, eyes closed, listening intently to the music. Edward smiled. He couldn't help but be pleased that she liked Anthony Masen's music. He wished he could play it for her the way he had written it, but he couldn't. Human hands couldn't play it without a second pianist.

He made a small noise and Bella's eyes flew open. She smiled at him and blushed as he raised an eyebrow and began to open the wine.

"I do love these concertos," Bella said, her eyes on Edward. He smiled as he loosened the cork. "Anthony Masen was brilliant. I miss getting to hear him played live. Perhaps you'd play one of his pieces for me?" she asked innocently, but he heard her pulse quicken.

She was smooth, Edward had to admit, but he wasn't going to let her have it so easily. "I'm afraid I play neither oboe nor harp, Bella," he chuckled as the cork left the bottle with a satisfying 'pop.'

"That wasn't the piece I meant," she said. "One of the piano concertos, perhaps?"

"I could try, but most of them are written for two pianos. I could play half and you could play the other," he suggested.

Bella looked at him as he filled her glass and handed it back to her. "You do play, then?"

"Yes, I do. Not usually Masen pieces, but I have attempted some of them before. Do you?" he asked.

Bella studied her wineglass. "No, I don't play. I wish I did." She looked up at him, rose beginning to stain her cheeks. "I'd like to play a duet with you."

Edward smiled. "You could always learn." He nodded his head in the direction of the stereo. "Actually, Masen is why I play. I ran across this same CD in a thrift shop years ago and I was intrigued that the pianist was also an Edward Cullen. No relation that I've been able to find, though it did inspire me to try to emulate him."

Her eyes sparkled and she smiled. "I noticed that myself. I did wonder how you managed to record something before you were born."

"Just talented, I suppose." Edward's tone was joking as he felt relief wash over him. She'd accepted his story and her pulse had leveled out. He hated himself for lying to her and for the need to do it.

_I wish I could play a duet with you, as well. Unfortunately, I won't be around long enough to teach you,' _he thought. Why did the idea of Wednesday seem so sad now? He was going to miss her.

'I'll Be There for You' rang out from the cell phone on Bella's desk. Bella looked at it as it played, then glanced at Edward as he got up from the sofa.

"Go ahead and get that. I'll put the rest of the pizza away," he said as he strode to the dining table.

Bella snatched the phone from the desk. "Hello, Ang. Is everything okay? Good. No, I did my grading today. My next exams are Wednesday." She looked over at Edward as she spoke and he smiled at her before going into the kitchen. He heard her voice drop and he grinned to himself. She was being secretive.

"Ang? Could I call you back? I can't really talk right now. No, I'm fine. I just… I have a friend over and… No, it's not. You don't know… well, actually, you do. Remember back in high school, that family that left right as I moved there, the Cullens? Exactly. No, Edward. Yes, really… I know! Now I have to go. I'll call you later, I promise. Okay, bye."

She closed the phone and looked up to see Edward leaning in the kitchen doorway, arms folded and a smirk on his face. Bella's eyes widened and she blushed madly. Edward chuckled and came towards her.

"Eavesdropper," she scowled at him and he laughed.

"There you go, blushing for me again. I do enjoy that, you know," he teased lightly.

Bella fidgeted. "So you're intentionally embarrassing me, then? Just so you can 'enjoy it'?" She sounded annoyed.

Edward sat on the end of the sofa next to her chair. His eyes softened and he reached his hand out to her. Bella's brown eyes fastened on his hand and he stopped midair, then slowly continued toward her. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, reveling in its softness as he avoided making contact with her skin. She glanced down as he touched her hair and shivered.

"I don't mean to embarrass you, Bella. I do however enjoy knowing that I cause that lovely reaction; your blush is beautiful. Catch-22," he said gently.

"Stop! You're doing it again," Bella pleaded, her face scarlet.

"No, Bella, I won't stop. I'm not trying to embarrass you, really. I'm just stating a fact. You're a lovely woman and it's quite obvious no one has told you that nearly enough."

He was saying too much, he knew, but she needed to hear it. It was true; she was lovely. When she blushed, her blood scent became even more exquisite, yet somehow his thirst remained controllable. He wasn't testing himself around her anymore. Instead, he found he liked watching the color rise beneath her porcelain skin. He did enjoy being the cause of the high color in her cheeks, as well as the increase in her heart rate.

'_She told her friend about me. What does that mean? Has she told Jake' _he wondered.

Bella's phone lit up again, this time with 'You've Got a Friend'. "Ugh!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. She leaned over and picked up her wineglass from the coffee table. Edward looked at her curiously.

"Aren't you going to answer it?" he asked as Carole King continued to sing.

"No. That's Jake. I told him I didn't want to see or talk to him tonight. He shouldn't be calling…" Bella suddenly looked up at Edward, then back at her phone. "Damn it, Angela!"

'_So she didn't tell Jake. Interesting.'_Edward watched Bella as her phone continued to ring. She didn't take her eyes off of the phone until it stopped playing. She let out a breath and seemed surprised she'd been holding it. She looked up at Edward and gave him a sheepish grin.

"I guess now he knows I really am avoiding him tonight," she smiled wryly.

"Probably." Edward watched Bert slowly maneuver down the hallway. "I think I should be going," he said.

Bella's eyes widened and she reached to grasp his sleeve. Edward gazed at her small white hand on his arm. He could feel her warmth through the fabric.

"Please don't go. I… I'm enjoying having you here," she said sadly. Edward smiled and met her soft brown eyes.

"I have a feeling your Jake may be on his way, if Angela did tell him I was here. I would be if I were him," he said gently.

"So you'd abandon me, throw me to the wolves? Some gentleman you are!" Bella scoffed.

Edward laughed. "I'm not abandoning you, Bella. I just think he'd be easier for you to handle if you actually were alone when he gets here. Besides, I get the impression that you prefer to fight your own battles."

"True," she agreed reluctantly, releasing his sleeve. She raised her eyes to meet his and he saw resolution and defiance there. A thrill ran through him at her determination.

"I'm not hiding you. I don't care what Jake says or thinks. You are my… friend, and I won't keep you a secret from him." Her chin was set and her eyes glittered.

Edward was stunned. A slow crooked smile made its way across his face. "Thank you, Bella. I don't want to be a secret, especially from Jake."

Bella blinked and flushed. Edward rose and headed for the door. He picked up his coat from the corner of the sofa where he'd left it and put it on. Bella wheeled herself to the door slowly, watching him put his gloves on. She raised her head and met his eyes.

"Thank you for dinner and the company. I really enjoyed both," she said sincerely.

"You're welcome." He smiled and reached for her hand. It was warm through his glove. "Would you do me a favor, Bella?" he asked softly.

"Of course, Edward. What is it?" she said, her eyes searching his face.

"Would you mind calling me when he leaves? I want to make sure you're all right." His eyes were serious.

"I'll be fine," she chuckled. "But I'll call you."

"Thank you. Or if you need… anything. Just call. I promise, I won't be far."

"Okay, now that's not creepy!" she laughed. "Don't be silly. I'll be fine, really."

Edward chuckled with her. She was right, he was over-reacting. '_If Jake is really on his way, I should be here. I feel like a coward, running away. But she wants to face this herself. I have to leave her with something, though, something that is ours, for strength.' _His eyes fell to the vase of violets on the coffee table and he was inspired.

He bowed his head over her hand and gave his heels a click. Bella started, raising her eyebrows at him.

"It has been a great pleasure, Miss Bennet. I do hope I may be allowed to call again," he said with a smile.

Bella's eyes sparkled and she laughed lightly, playing along. "You most certainly may, Mr. Darcy. I shall see to that myself."

"Good night, then." He didn't trust himself to say more and it was harder to leave by the moment.

"Good night," Bella said with a wistful look on her face. He let go of her hand and opened the door. He held her eyes with his and brought his gloved hand to her face. She sighed softly and leaned into his touch. Gently he stroked his thumb from her cheekbone to her jaw. He smiled as her beautiful blush followed the path of his thumb. Then he winked at her and closed the door.

**A/N: Questions were answered, finally! Some of them, anyhow. Did Angela call Jake, and is he on his way? Let me know what you think!**

**bandmum**


	13. Fire and Ice

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Happy October! Just a month until New Moon hits the theaters. Summit should give out tissue boxes with the purchase of a ticket, I think!**

**Thank you for your patience as I try to get this story out. Real Life was not co-operating on many levels. Additionally, my dearest, darling beta, DeviKalika, has been much too sick for too long. Rent & food are NOT optional & being sick has worn her tremendously. I don't like to crowd her - she's too valuable to me & knows where the bodies are. Thankfully, she is feeling better. I'd like to think this chapter had a little something to do with that!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own several sets of dishes, including Christmas ones.**

**Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar 'Precious Time'**

**Chapter 13**

**BPOV**

Bella watched the door close and heard the 'snick' of the latch. Her cheek burned with the memory of the touch of Edward's thumb. She listened for his footsteps to move away down the hall, but she could hear nothing. '_Stupid carpeted hallway.'_

She sat for a moment, staring at the door but seeing only his face when she'd asked him why he left. His eyes had looked so sad and cautious. He had been ill – as simple as that, though his answer implied that it was anything but simple. '_He was dangerous, he said. He was afraid of hurting people, so he left. It wasn't because of me. And now Alice's words finally make sense._'

She turned her chair to face the living room. It seemed so empty and bare. Another Masen concerto rippled from the speakers, Bert was skimming into the kitchen and she had never felt so alone in her life. It was amazing how much Edward's presence could fill her apartment.

Sighing, she rolled over to turn off the stereo. She picked up the wine bottle and replaced the cork. She took it, her glass and the corkscrew back into the kitchen, placing the bottle in the refrigerator. As she put away the corkscrew, she smiled. It amused her that Edward had made himself so comfortable in her kitchen. He had looked so adorable doing the dishes she had been very tempted to stay and watch.

She cornered Bert by the stove and turned him off, placing him back on his charger in the closet. "Night, Bert," she murmured as she flipped off the lights and headed into her bedroom. Fifteen minutes later, bladder voided, face washed and teeth brushed, Bella pulled a flannel nightgown from her dresser. She shivered slightly in anticipation of undressing. The night was cold and she would need to get another blanket.

A sudden pounding on her front door made her jump. "What the hell?" She tossed the gown on her bed and headed down the hall into the darkened living room.

"Bella? Bella!" She could hear Jake swearing in between calling her name. She paused to turn on a lamp on her way to the door. She heard muffled fumbling at the door knob, then a curse as he apparently dropped his key.

Bella frowned. '_Is he seriously about to barge into my apartment?'_

She snapped the lock and flung open the door, a glare on her face.

"Jacob Black, what are you doing?!"

"Are you okay?" he demanded, roughly pushing his way past her into the room. Not waiting for a reply, he stormed through the apartment, switching on lights in the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. Bella was stunned momentarily, but when she heard her closet door open, she moved. She slammed the front door shut and wheeled angrily towards the hall. He strode out of her room, nearly running into her by the kitchen.

"Jake! You did not just search my apartment! What do you mean, coming in here like this?" her face was flushed in anger.

"Sorry, Bella. I had to make sure you were all right." Jake was grimacing as his eyes darted around the room.

"And why wouldn't I be 'all right'? I was getting ready for bed when you started banging on my door like a lunatic. I hope you didn't disturb my neighbors!"

Jake seemed to be having trouble breathing. His eyes were watering and he was wheezing. He clapped one hand over his nose.

"What's the matter with you? Are you okay?" Bella noticed his distress and her anger shifted to concern.

"I can't… breathe in here. God, it stinks! How can you stand it?" he yelped, gasping as he breathed through his mouth.

Bella stared at him. "I have no idea what you are talking about. My apartment does _not_ 'stink'. It might smell like pizza, but that's all."

"It's… uhn…" He began coughing and once again pushed past her. He ran to the front door, wrenched it open and stumbled out into the hallway. He leaned his back against the wall, his hands on his knees as he gasped.

He was breathing more deeply by the time Bella got to the doorway. He lifted his head to look at her and she was startled by the anger she saw in his eyes. It revived her own.

"What is your problem, Jake?" she demanded. He wiped a stray tear from his face with one large hand as he straightened up, leaning on the wall with the other.

"I can't take that smell, Bella. God, it's so thick in there; I can still taste it in the back of my throat!"

Bella glared at him and crossed her arms. "I can't believe you. You burst in here like Chuck Norris or something, and then run out again because you don't like the way my house smells. Fine. Go home. I told you I didn't want to see you tonight, anyway."

"No, you didn't." His voice was raspy from coughing. "Going to bed early, you said, because you were tired."

"Exactly, and I was doing just that when you tried to break down my door." Bella's eyes blazed, her cheeks pink.

"Apparently you weren't as tired as you said you were. Didn't stop you from having company, did it?" he growled at her, his dark eyes feral.

Bella drew her shoulders back and her voice was icy. "How dare you. This is _my_ apartment. Whether or not I choose to have company is none of your business!"

"I just think it's damn funny you didn't want to see _me_ at all, didn't even want me to call you, but you let _him_ in." His tone was petulant as he glowered at her. Bella narrowed her eyes.

"What makes you think anyone was here, Jake?" she asked coldly. He clenched his fists and she could see the muscles in his neck tense.

"Ang called me and I had to come see for myself, since you refused to answer my call."

"It isn't Angela's business, either," Bella snorted. "And I told you not to call, so why should I have answered when you did?"

He looked at her and a small muscle in his left cheek twitched. "It would have been polite. You answered Angela's call."

"Polite? You're lecturing me on etiquette after nearly taking my door off its hinges?" Bella closed her eyes and waved her hands in front of her face. "That does it. This conversation is over. Good night, Jake." She started to wheel herself back through the door.

Jake took a step away from the wall and both hands clamped down on the arms of her chair. Bella jumped. His face was inches from hers and he was still furious. It only added fuel to her own fire and angry color swept across her face.

"Let go of my chair, please." Her voice was stony.

"Not until you answer one question," he seethed. "What was Cullen doing here?"

Bella stared back at him, her eyes hard. "It still isn't any of your business, but since you've decided to bully me, fine. He brought me dinner."

"Why?" Jake snapped at her. "How does he know you?"

"You said one question – that's three, and again, not your business." Bella stated.

Jake was still leaning over her. He closed his eyes and snorted, shaking his head. He took a deep breath and his expression changed. His dark brow furrowed as he stared at Bella for a moment in confusion, then his eyes widened. Leaning in closer to her face, he breathed in through his nose. He leaned back again as Bella stared at him, speechless. He suddenly let go of her chair, instead placing a huge hand on each side of her face. Bella squealed in surprise and grabbed at his hands as he buried his nose in her hair.

He straightened and let go, stepping back as Bella blushed furiously. "Did you just _sniff_ me? Jake, what the _hell_ is wrong with you?" Her eyes flashed to his, finding shock in them.

"That smell – it's all over you, Bella. Shit, you _reek_ of him: your face, your hair…" He grabbed her hand and brought it to his face. A look of pain crossed his dark features and Bella could see some of the color drain from his face.

"What were you doing with him, Bella?" he whispered. His eyes were full of anguish.

Bella stared up at him, stunned and confused. "What…?" A sudden wave of comprehension shuddered through her and her eyes widened in astonishment. "You think… I … that he…" She couldn't find words and her mouth was suddenly dry. She closed her eyes and shook her head as she felt the heat blaze through her skin. When she opened them, Jake was standing uncomfortably in the middle of the hall, both hands shoved in his jacket pockets.

"Bells, I'm sorry. I just… I can't…" He was having trouble speaking as well. She could suddenly see the awkward teen he had once been, but she was too furious to care. Her tone was quiet and barely controlled.

"Get out. Go home, Jake. I can't talk to you right now and I certainly don't want to see you. Don't call me. Don't come over. When I calm down again, I will let you know."

She didn't look at him again as she pushed her way back into her apartment and shut the door, snapping the lock. She dropped her face into her hands until she realized they were shaking. She balled them into fists in her lap, taking deep, ragged breaths.

Tears pricked at her eyes and she rubbed at them angrily. '_How could he think like that? What was he talking about, smelling Edward on me?'_

She turned over her hands, looking at both sides. Gingerly, she brought them to her face, pressing her nose into her cupped palms. Traces of soap and pizza. She reached up and pulled a lock of her hair around to smell it. Strawberry shampoo.

'_Jake has lost his damn mind.'_ She sighed wearily but she knew now that sleep wouldn't come anytime soon. She glanced around the room, her mind's eye still seeing Jake tearing through, searching her place, _her_ place, looking for… Edward.

'_Where did he think he was going to find him? What was he going to do if he did?' _For a moment she was very grateful that Edward had left. She couldn't have handled it if Jake had tried to hurt him. '_Edward is strong, but Jake was so angry…_'

She blew out her breath in frustration and looked at her watch. '_Just after seven. Perfect. Plenty of time to call Miss Angela and give her a piece of my mind.'_ She headed to her room to retrieve her cell phone from the charger by her bed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting her thoughts settle. Then she pushed the '3' on her speed dial.

"Hello, Angela. No, I'd rather you didn't say anything, please. Just listen. Thank you. I'm not sure what made you decide to call Jake and I have no idea what you said to him. I do know he almost broke down my door as I was getting ready for bed. He searched my apartment, Angela, and he said things to me that I never thought anyone ever would, much less him. I am beyond angry with both of you. I will call you again when I get over it. Just don't expect it to be soon. Good bye."

She clicked the phone shut and took a steadying breath. Her voice had started shaking a bit at the end. She hoped Angela had taken it for rage.

Suddenly the apartment seemed too close. She had been shut up in rooms all day, giving tests and grading them, the whole time worrying about how she would ever get up the nerve to ask Edward about his leaving and the Masen CD. She had to smile at that. Silly of her to imagine it was really him playing those beautiful pieces of music. He was much too young to have recorded them, and though he still looked almost as he had in school, no one could manage to look that young and actually be over forty.

'_God, he is gorgeous! And so sweet. I still can't believe he wants to spend time with me. I'd better call since he asked me to.'_ She flipped open her phone and scrolled through her contacts. She frowned as she passed 'Black, Jake' on her way to 'Cullen, Edward'. She could still hear the insinuation in his words. She pushed the 'Dial' button.

Edward answered on the first ring. "Bella." His voice was warm, full of concern. She wanted to lose herself in the sound. She felt as though it had been years since she heard it instead of less than an hour. Her breath caught and her voice broke on his name.

"Edward…" Nothing else would come out, her words blocked by the angry tears that were starting to flow.

"I'm on my way." It seemed only moments later that he was at her door.

Bella fumbled with the lock and he slipped inside before she got the door open all the way, bringing the chill of the night in on his coat. Bella shivered and a small sob escaped her throat. Edward caressed her hair and pressed her head to his chest for a moment before releasing her and taking both of her hands in his. Even his gloves were cold. He sat on the arm of the sofa next to her chair and his golden eyes searched her face.

"Did he hurt you?" he asked gently. The velvet was soft but there was something underneath, hard and strong, like steel.

"No." She shook her head and another tear trailed down her cheek. He raised one hand to wipe it away.

"I feel so stupid. Jake was just an ass and now I'm sitting here crying. I'm not sad, I'm furious, dammit!" But the angry tears slid out and Edward caught each as it fell. She took a ragged breath and shook her head, tossing her hair back over her shoulder. She looked at him and gave him a bleary smile. "Sorry."

His eyes were gentle but his jaw was tense. "What happened, Bella?"

She looked down at his hands, both now clasping hers. Strong hands, not big like Jake's, but she could feel the strength of his fingers as he so gently held hers, caring and protective.

She raised her eyes to his, a humorless chuckle on her lips. "Nothing, actually. He stormed in here and acted like a Neanderthal. He said a bunch of stupid things." She sighed. "That's the part that does hurt. We've had disagreements before, but this was different. I've never seen him so angry."

"That doesn't sound like nothing," Edward said tightly. "Something brought on those tears."

She dropped her eyes to their hands again. "I'm just mad at him and Angela. I called her and told her to butt out after he left." She shook her head and closed her eyes. "What I do and who I see is _my_ business." She blushed and glanced up at him quickly. His glorious face was anguished.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he murmured.

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong, anymore than I did," she exclaimed.

"These are your two oldest and closest friends. I don't want to be the cause of tension between you," he said, his eyes sad.

She snorted. "As my 'closest friends', I should think they'd want me to be happy instead of acting like idiots. Jake didn't even make any sense, searching the place. You'd think he was my father!"

"Searching for what, Bella?" Edward looked confused.

"For you, apparently. He even checked my closet, for heaven's sake!" She huffed at the memory.

Edward's topaz eyes blazed and his jaw clenched. "I should have stayed. You shouldn't have had to deal with that alone."

She shook her head. "It's fine. Well, no, it's not fine. You didn't need to be here, and right now, _I_ don't even want to be here."

Edward met her eyes, surprised. "Really? You aren't tired? We could go out…"

"I'm still too mad to be tired." She smiled at him nervously. "You wouldn't mind? I don't know if I'll be very good company."

His crooked smile lit his face, his brilliant eyes crinkling at the corners. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather keep company with, good or bad."

Bella laughed. "Okay, it's your funeral." She blushed and ducked her head and then looked up at him, grinning. "You may regret this. You may never get rid of me!"

He raised an eyebrow and smirked at her. "I can think of worse fates than that. Come on, get your things." He stood up from the sofa as she headed towards her room.

"I'm going to change, if you don't mind. I'll just be a minute," she promised over her shoulder.

"Dress warmly, then, and bring a coat. It's gotten quite cold tonight," he called as she closed her door.

Bella wheeled to her dresser, pulling out a long-sleeved navy Henley shirt and a thick cream sweater to go over it. She got her favorite navy wool slacks from the closet, frowning when the door squeaked, reminding her of Jake again.

In the bathroom, she changed her catheter tubing and bag, running the new ones down her left leg inside her pants. She scrutinized her face in the mirror as she washed her hands. '_Not too bad. Good thing I took my makeup off before Jake got here or I would have been a real mess.'_ She put on a quick coat of mascara and ran a brush through her hair. She gazed at her reflection a moment. '_Much better. I don't know what it is he sees in you, but I'm not going to argue.'_

She wrinkled her nose and giggled as she went back to her room to grab her purse. In the living room, she got her wool poncho and a heavy cloth coat from the closet. She spread the poncho over her legs and Edward helped her put on the coat. Pulling on her gloves, she looked at him. "My truck's out back in the lot. It's old, but it's in good shape and the heater works well."

He grinned at her and ran his hand through his hair. "Are you sure? I can call for the Town Car…"

She looked at him sternly. "No, you can't. That's far too extravagant."

He chuckled. "Actually, it isn't. The car and driver are courtesy of my hotel."

Bella raised her eyebrows at him. "We'll take my truck. It's a lot less trouble."

"Do you really feel like driving?" he asked, his tone concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine. I love driving," she assured him as she locked her door.

The parking lot was in the rear of the apartment building. Edward watched her operate the tailgate chair lift. "Amazing," he said as he climbed into the truck cab after she unlocked his door. The engine roared and rattled as she started it and Edward cringed. "Does it always sound like that?" he laughed.

Bella glared at him. "Yes, it's loud. It always has been." Amusement won out and she smiled, rolling her eyes at him. As they pulled out onto the street, she asked," Where would you like to go?"

"It's your city – you tell me," he said as he twisted in his seat to face her.

"You seemed quite familiar with it last night," she smirked, flipping on the heater. He grinned lopsidedly and she blushed. _'Last night? Was it really only yesterday morning that we met again?' _

"You're blushing. What are you thinking about?" Edward said gently.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and bit her lower lip. His long legs were crossed at the ankle. His elbow was on the armrest, his chin in his hand as he waited for her answer. She swallowed quickly and looked back at the road.

"How odd it is to have run into you after all these years. And that it's too bad we couldn't have gotten to know one another back then." She could feel the warmth in her face and knew it had nothing to do with the old truck's heater. She chanced another look at him. His expression was thoughtful.

She turned her attention to her driving. "What are _you_ thinking about?" she asked.

"How glad I am that Seattle has potholes."

Bella laughed as she turned south and drove across University Bridge, heading downtown. At a stoplight, she peered up at the sky through her windshield. "I would have suggested going up to the observation deck of the Needle, but we couldn't see anything tonight. It's too cloudy."

"That's all right. I went up there this morning while you were giving exams," he said.

"Did you get some sightseeing done, then?" she asked.

"Yes, I did. Pike Place Market is great." He smiled.

"I'm glad." She frowned as she glanced in her rearview mirror. "It's stupid, but I can't think of anything to do. If it were the weekend, there would be loads of Winterfest events, but Monday nights are kind of dead," she muttered in frustration, turning down Eastlake Avenue to skirt Lake Union. "Unless you're hungry? You didn't have much of your pizza." She looked at him.

"I'm fine. Do you need something? Some coffee or something to eat?" He sounded concerned.

"No. I just wish I knew of some live music somewhere tonight," she sighed.

"Hmm." Edward's amber eyes twinkled. "I have an idea."

"Oh, good! What?" Bella smiled in relief.

"It's a surprise," he chuckled.

"Edward! Really, I have to drive there – how much of a surprise can it be?" she laughed.

"All right," he caved, pretending to pout. "It's at my hotel."

She turned to look at him. His expression was innocent. She narrowed her eyes. "Your hotel? Is there a band playing in the lounge or something?" she questioned.

"Quite possibly. I believe I saw something to that effect at the desk," he said, smiling.

"Which hotel?" she asked.

"The Sorrento. On Madison." He ran his hand through his hair again.

"That's a nice hotel." Bella was taken aback. '_Not a cheap place to stay.'_ Out loud, she said, "Madison it is," and took the first left she could.

At the hotel, a valet stepped forward to park the truck for her, but she explained she would have to do it herself. He directed her to a parking spot and she pulled in. Edward met her at the rear of the truck, his light eyes watching as the tailgate descended. The cold wind whipped around them as they crossed the courtyard to the entrance of the building.

Inside the hotel, the lobby was warm and cozy. Dark colors, lush plants and mahogany paneling set an ambiance of comfort and understated luxury. The concierge smiled and nodded to Edward as they passed, his eyes lingering for a moment on Bella. She felt the color in her cheeks change from weather-chapped to flushed. Edward glanced at him, frowning. He moved closer to Bella, resting his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and he smiled crookedly, winking at her as he led her to the Fireside Room. She could hear the strains of a jazz combo filtering out before they reached the door.

Deep brown leather wingback chairs flanked a green tiled fireplace. Occasional tables were scattered throughout the paneled room. Bella stopped next to one of the leather chairs farthest from the fireplace. Edward reached to move one of the heavy chairs aside to allow her nearer the fire, but she stopped him with a hand on his sleeve.

"Please don't. I'm fine here. Any closer and I'll be toasted," she laughed.

He smiled and took her coat and poncho, placing them on the back of the leather chair. He removed his own, stuffing his gloves in the pocket, and took all of them to a rack near the door. When he returned, a waiter came to take their drink order.

"Something hot, please. Coffee or tea?" she asked the small man.

"We have both, madam. In keeping with the season, we also offer hot apple cider and mulled wine." He waited politely.

"Oh, mulled wine sounds lovely! Thank you." Bella rubbed her hands together in anticipation.

"And for you, sir?" The waiter turned to Edward.

"I'll have the cider, I think," he smiled. "Thank you." The man nodded and left them alone.

They listened to the jazz combo for the next two hours, warming their hands on their beverage mugs and sharing quiet comments on the music. The small band was quite good.

"Between the music, the mulled wine and the excellent company, I'm in a much better mood than I was," Bella said. She smiled at Edward as they gathered their things when the band had finished playing for the night.

He smiled at her. "Are you tired?" he asked.

"Oddly, no. I'm relaxed, but still too enervated to sleep." She shook her head in surprise.

Edward was quiet a moment, looking down at their coats in his hands. He seemed to be making a decision. Bella waited, her heart suddenly thumping hard in her chest. He raised his head and his topaz eyes were shining. A small smile played around his lips as he asked, "Bella, do you trust me?"

She chuckled and then saw that he was serious. She studied his face a moment.

'_How could I not trust an angel?'_ His eyes were pleading.

"Well, you haven't led me astray so far. Yes, Edward, I trust you."

The lopsided smile made his face that much more glorious and she caught her breath. "Then come to my room. I want to show you something."

She couldn't help it. Her eyes widened and a deep rose bloomed across her cheeks.

"Please?" He was so earnest. Whatever he wanted her to see would be worth it. She nodded, unable to trust her voice. "Thank you! I really think you'll like this," he said as he led her back to the lobby.

He excused himself a moment to speak to the concierge but was soon at her side. Once in the elevator, Edward pushed the button for the seventh floor. She glanced at him and found he was watching her, an amused look on his face. She blushed and dropped her eyes to her lap. He took a step away from her and the movement made her look up. His head was tilted to the side.

"I promise, I won't bite," he said with a reassuring smile.

She laughed, feeling self-conscious and silly. "I'm sorry. I do trust you," she said. "I just don't want you to think I'm the kind of girl who accepts invitations to men's hotel rooms."

His eyebrows raised and a smirk crossed his exquisite features. "For the record, I don't usually ask girls to my hotel room." The smirk twisted wryly. "As a matter of fact, I have never asked a girl to my hotel room. You are the first."

Bella's eyes flashed at him as she struggled not to giggle. '_Who is he kidding?'_ She shook her head. "I guess that makes me special," she snickered as the elevator doors opened. He winked as he led her to his door.

"You are. Very special, indeed." His eyes lingered on her face. She swallowed and felt the blood rush under her skin. He smiled as if he'd been waiting for just that, then turned and opened the door.

Bella's eyes widened as she entered the penthouse. The elegant furnishings were beautiful, yet didn't seem formal or stuffy. The fireplace was laid, ready to light. Gold and cream appointments were subdued in the glow from several table lamps. Edward closed the door and hung up their coats and her poncho.

"It's lovely," she exclaimed.

"I'm glad you like it," he smiled.

"Do you mind? I need... um…" She blushed and looked around.

"Ah, yes," he nodded. "In through the bedroom." He opened the door for her. She smiled at him gratefully and wheeled into the bedroom. She glanced around as she passed through. There was a King-size bed, with a white coverlet and pillows. It looked soft as a cloud.

She continued into the bathroom and marveled at the size of it. '_It's as big as my bedroom,'_ she thought wryly. As she emptied her catheter bag, she peered over at the Jacuzzi. '_Nice! Wonder how long it takes to fill that thing up?'_ She washed her hands at the marble double vanity and checked her hair in the mirror.

'_Well, kid, now what? You got mad at Jake for expecting to find Edward in your bedroom earlier, and now where are you? Uh huh. Do you know what you're doing? 'Cause I don't think you do.' _She stuck her tongue out at her reflection and went back into the living area.

The fire was beginning to crackle cheerily. Edward slid his phone into his pocket and poured two glasses of champagne. The ice bucket rested on the coffee table next to a large tray of finger sandwiches and fruit. He had pulled the drapes back from the picture windows. The lights of Seattle seemed to twinkle in the darkness beyond and Bella moved closer to the window to see why.

"It's snowing," she murmured. "I've never seen snow falling from up high before. It's beautiful."

Edward joined her at the window, handing her a flute of champagne. "Thank you," she said, glancing at him as she took the glass. He was smiling at her gently. Suddenly she felt nervous and awkward. She blushed and looked back out of the window. Clearing her throat, she said, "Seattle looks so peaceful in the snow."

"I thought you didn't like the cold," Edward said quietly.

Bella frowned. "I don't usually, but this is different. It's almost… I don't know. Ethereal. Other-worldly, maybe." She took a sip of champagne, thinking.

Edward shifted next to her. She felt the vibration as he rested his hand on the handle of her chair. A chill ran down the back of her neck and she took a deep breath.

"It's interesting how a slight change in the atmosphere can make such a large difference in our immediate surroundings. Our perception of reality can be altered by so little." He raised his glass to his lips.

Bella stared up at him. He was gazing into the night, his amber eyes focused on some distant point. Somehow, she didn't think he was talking about snow. She turned back to the window, flustered.

"That's true. I know I've never seen Seattle quite the way I do when I'm with you." She felt the familiar warmth flicker up her face but she pressed on. "I've lived here for years and in two days you've shown me so much more than I've ever seen before."

She felt his hand on her shoulder and turned to see that gorgeous crooked smile, eye crinkles and all.

"I'm glad to have been the one to show you, but I'm the lucky one. I couldn't go wrong with you as a co-adventurer. Stanley and Livingston?" He chuckled.

She laughed then. "I'm not much of an explorer. My wheels tend to get stuck out there in the jungle." She waved her glass towards the window, looking out again. "So beautiful," she murmured.

"Indeed." His voice was quiet but she could hear something there beyond mere agreement with her statement. She could feel his eyes on her. She ran her free hand nervously around to the back of her neck, rubbing at the tension her fingers encountered. She heard him swallow.

"I'm afraid I'm being a very poor host," he said crisply. "I had some canapés sent up. Are you hungry?"

She nodded. "It has been a while since that pizza. I think I am, a little."

"Please, make yourself comfortable and help yourself." Edward took her glass and moved to the coffee table to refill it. Bella went around the back of the nearest sofa. She pulled her chair between the arm of the sofa and one of the gold velvet chairs. Locking her wheels, she reached out to grab the sofa arm, pulling herself up and pivoting onto the sofa. She adjusted herself, untangling her legs with her hands and aligning her feet on the floor. Edward watched with a solemn look on his face. When she was settled, he pushed the tray of food closer to her and handed back her flute.

She picked up one of the small sandwiches, eying it critically before taking a bite. Edward chuckled. "Does it meet with your approval?" he asked, amber eyes twinkling.

"Yes, it does," she answered after she swallowed. "It's very good."

"Are you comfortable? Is there anything you need?" His eyes were mischievous. She wondered just what he was up to.

"I'm good," she said.

"Then may I show you why I asked you here?" He rubbed his hands together excitedly.

"Of course! Please do." She felt a small thrill of trepidation but quickly squashed it.

"I thought you might like some dinner music." His tone was playful. Bella's eyes widened as he turned towards the baby grand in the corner.

'_How in the world did I miss seeing that?'_

"I'd love it! But… aren't you hungry?" she queried, another sandwich in her hand.

"Actually, I feel rather more like playing right now. Perhaps later I'll have something." He turned his head as he spoke, not quite facing her as he reached out, caressing the lip of the open piano as he moved to the bench.

Bella watched him settle himself in front of the instrument. He released the top two buttons at his throat, then those on the cuffs of his light grey dress shirt and began to roll up his sleeves.

"I hope you don't mind the informality," he smiled.

"No, no, please. Whatever makes you comfortable," she protested, trying hard not to stare at his muscular forearms.

He gave her another dazzling smile and turned his attention to the keys. He lifted his hands and gently pressed a few notes as if testing the sound in the room. The notes wove themselves into a melody and Bella was enraptured.

'Clare de Lune' flowed from his fingers, followed by 'Moonlight Sonata'. Bella reached down and pulled her legs up onto the sofa, tucking them under her sideways so she was reclining more comfortably. He didn't look up but he grinned at her movement and launched into 'Flight of the Bumblebee' to make her laugh. His shaggy bronze hair flopped adorably as he pounded the keys. She watched the muscles in his arms as he played, his shoulders rolling and stretching.

A ragtime tune tumbled crazily into a Beatles medley. Bella found herself humming along, enjoying the private concert, thrilled that it was all for her. 'From Me to You' segued into 'Something' and she felt her heart clutch. '_Surely he's not trying to say something with these songs? There's not a meaning behind the selections he's playing, is there?'_

As the song ended, he pulled his hands back for a moment, as if deciding what to play next. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and resting his fingers once again on the piano, he began to play.

His hands now seemed to ghost across the keys, the music at once foreign and haunting, yet a vague familiarity tugged at her heart. Bella knew she had never heard this piece before – it must be something Edward had written. It was light and beautiful but at the same time, it was bittersweet and sad. There was a melancholy that spoke of an ancient heartache, never-ending and powerless to heal.

She felt tears slipping down her face at the sadness pouring from his hands. His eyes remained closed as Bella hurriedly wiped them away. The piece wound down to a somber end. The final notes echoed momentarily before he looked up at her. His eyes were dark gold as he smiled sadly at her.

"Edward," she breathed. "That was amazing. Is it… did you write that?"

He looked down at his hands, now in his lap. He suddenly looked like a lost little boy and her heart broke for him. '_What could he have gone through to elicit such achingly beautiful music?'_

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have played that." He raised his head, not looking at her. "I get too emotionally involved with that piece. I didn't mean to…" His right hand moved back to the keyboard, striking notes almost of its own volition. His left hand followed momentarily, picking out a counterpoint. Bella watched as he again closed his eyes, this time against Chopin's Nocturne in C minor.

It upset her that he had been so disturbed by the unknown piece. The sorrow she had felt layered in the music was almost tangible. '_But who or what_ _could have hurt him to that extent_?_And why? He's so gentle, so beautiful, so… loving.' _A thrill ran through her at the word, but she knew it was true. He had that kind of soul, she was certain. Strong and pure – he was someone who could be trusted completely and who would never betray that trust.

The music he was playing was comforting now: gentle melodies and simple harmonies. Bella closed her eyes to lose herself in the sounds. The notes caressed her, sinking into her, pulling her along.

After a bit he stopped playing. Bella looked up to see him standing in front of the fire's glow, hands outstretched, fingers splayed to the warmth. As if sensing her watching, he turned his head to look at her and smiled. He left the fire and came to where she lay curled on the sofa, kneeling down by her side. His golden eyes searched her brown ones. Bella felt her heart pounding and she had to remember to breathe.

Edward lifted his hand to her hair, brushing it back from her forehead, then running his warm finger down the side of her face. She blushed madly and his smile grew. He swept his thumb across her lower lip and she trembled. '_What are you doing?'_ Her thoughts tangled wildly and she shook her head to clear them.

An expression of regret crossed his face and he started to pull his hand back. Bella reached out to grasp it.

"Edward, no. Please," she whispered. He looked at her but she could no longer read his eyes.

'_Now! Or you'll regret it.' _Was that her heart talking?

"Please. Kiss me."

His eyes blazed and the crooked smile engulfed his face. He gently stroked her cheek with his free hand. She closed her eyes and leaned into the feel of his fingers on her skin. Warm as they were, they felt cool next to the heat in her face.

"Bella," he said and she met his eyes, deep and clear as honey. She reached up and touched one finger to his perfect lips. They were cool to her touch and he smiled gently in response. Her hand found its way into his hair, stroking the silkiness of it. She watched it slide through her fingers, then brought her eyes back to his face. His glorious, exquisite, angelic face. The face of her nightmares. The man of her dreams.

Her heart was in her throat as he dipped his head closer to hers, her fingers tightening in his hair. One more look deep into his eyes, a glance that scorched her soul, burning through the years of loneliness. She felt his lips meet hers and she was lost, drowning in his kiss. One truth made itself known before she succumbed completely. There was nothing and no one but Edward.

There never had been.

**A/N: Hello? Helloooo? Are you ALL passed out on the floor? When you regain your senses, please leave me a note and tell me your thoughts: on Jake, on Angela, on Edward's musical selection… Whatever comes to mind!**

**bandmum**


	14. Vampire Heart

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Sneaky, aren't I? FYI – This chapter does cover the end of Chapter 13 and beyond.**

**All hail my UberBeta, DeviKalika. She makes my day with her guhs and squees and omgomgomgs. Also, she may have actually taught me the proper use of a semi-colon; or not. At the moment, she has me sitting on my hands, waiting for another chapter of "Oh, Inverted World". *sigh***

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a black wool poncho, but I let Bella keep it in her closet because she uses it more than I do.**

**Vampire Heart – H.I.M. 'Dark Light'**

**Chapter 14**

**EPOV**

A quiet knocking roused Edward from his reverie on the sofa. Barefoot, he padded to the door, admitting room service with the breakfast cart. He stood leaning against the edge of the door as the remains of last night's repast was collected. He slipped a bill in the man's hand as he left, closed the door and snapped the lock with a sigh.

He turned, glancing at the food he had ordered for Bella. Coffee pot - good. He knew she liked coffee. Juice - he didn't know if she preferred orange or apple, so he'd ordered both. Eggs, bacon, sausages, biscuits, jam, hash browns, gravy - the cart was loaded. He moved it close to the coffee table. Taking an empty plate, he scooped eggs, hash browns, sausage and gravy into a pile on it. He took the plate to the waste basket and scraped the food into it, dropping a newspaper on top to conceal it. He put the dirty plate back on the cart. The smell was horrible, but he couldn't let that bother him. He had enough on his mind already.

He heard Bella stirring and listened. Her heart rate was slowly increasing and her breathing was shallower. She was close to waking up. He sighed again and ran his hand through his hair.

Today was going to be difficult. It was Tuesday, his last day in Seattle. When he had learned that he could pick up the Volvo on Wednesday, at the time he had no thought or reason to remain. That was no longer true. He now had a very good reason to stay… and an even better one to leave.

He rubbed his eyes with his long fingers, bringing them together to pinch the bridge of his nose. He wished he could have another soak in the Jacuzzi, but not while Bella was still here.

He had been trying to distract himself all night. There were several books lying in various places around the room; attempts to read had been utter failures. He had gone out onto the deck at one point, standing coatless and barefoot as the snow fell lightly on the city and the new weight on his shoulders. It had reminded him of his flight to Denali and his rush to escape what fate might have had in store for him and the doe-eyed Bella. The memory had driven him inside and he had blindly plucked a fourth book from a well-stocked library shelf. He had gotten through a dozen pages without comprehension before realizing he was reading _Romeo and Juliet._ The book bounced gently when he dropped it on a chair.

He had poked and prodded the fire. He had attempted to play the piano quietly but quickly gave up because he felt more like pounding the keys. He completed the crosswords and Sudoku puzzles of three newspapers. Nothing had helped.

She was waking. It was time. He wondered how much she would remember.

He walked over to the bedroom door and leaned against the frame, afraid to be too near when she woke fully, yet unable to stay away. He half hoped she wouldn't remember anything. It would be so much easier if that were the case. However, a larger part of him wanted her to recollect it all, to reach for him, to need him near.

Bella shifted and he tensed. Her scent was warm and deliciously fragrant, confined as it was in this one room. The whole suite smelled of her now, but here especially. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with her. His thirst for her had been an ache he would gladly learn to live with, yet it had been overtaken by a different sort of pain, located in his chest. He absently rubbed the area over his dead heart but the feeling remained.

Bella's eyes opened. She blinked and turned her head. Confusion crossed her face and she lifted her head to look around. Her eyes widened when she saw Edward leaning in the doorway.

"Edward?" she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep. She raised herself up onto her elbows and looked around again. She met his eyes and he wondered just what she was thinking.

"Why am I in your bed?" She didn't sound angry: a good sign. She also seemed not to remember.

He pasted on a smile. "You fell asleep on the sofa last night. I thought you would be more comfortable in here."

"Oh. Thank you." She still seemed disconcerted, as though she was trying to work something out that puzzled her.

He held his breath. '_Will she or not?_'

She glanced around once more. "My chair?" she asked.

"Oh! Sorry, it's still in here." He berated himself for that slip.

'_What if she'd needed to get up in the night? I should have put it by the bed when I brought her in here.'_ He stepped into the main room and was back in a moment with it, placing it next to her side of the bed.

"Do you need me…? I mean, are you all right now?" He didn't usually stumble on his words, but there was little lately that he could term 'usual' when it came to being around Bella.

"No, I've got it, thanks," she said, pushing herself to a sitting position.

"Then I'll just be out here. If you need me, or anything," he said quietly as he closed the door.

He leaned his back against it, eyes closed, listening intently. He heard her shift her weight from the bed to the nightstand, and the metal creak as she sat in the chair. The wheels made a soft swish as she crossed the carpet, the ring on her left hand clicking gently on the metal as she pushed her way to the bathroom. He heard the door snick closed and he moved away, not wanting to intrude further on her privacy.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared out of the window. Seattle was waking up to a fairyland. Sparkling white snow coated the city's landmarks in a thick frosting. It was a beautiful clear day, the sun causing the snow to glitter like diamonds. _'Like a vampire. Like me,'_ he thought, disgusted. '_My last day in Seattle, my last day with _her_, and I'm stuck in this hotel. At least the windows are tinted.'_

He heard the toilet flush and he sighed. He slid his feet into his shoes and began to unroll his sleeves, buttoning his shirt. '_No sense in exposing more skin than necessary on a day like today.'_

The bedroom door opened and he turned, a smile at the ready for her. She looked pink and freshly scrubbed, her hair tousled from sleep, beautiful, warm and alive. '_By God, she's going to stay that way, Alice and her visions be damned.'_

"Good morning! Did you sleep well?" he asked as he poured her a cup of coffee.

"Good morning. Yes, I think I did. I must have…" Her brow furrowed as though she was concentrating.

"Good. Are you hungry? I ordered breakfast a bit ago and there's plenty here." He smiled as he indicated the cart and handed her the cup.

"Thank you. Yes, I am. Have…did you…?" she queried as she saw his used plate on the cart.

He smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I would have waited for you, but I was hungrier than I thought. I forgot that I played for you instead of eating last night."

"That's all right. I don't mind. I probably slept too long anyway. What time is it?" she asked as she filled her plate.

"Nine-twenty," he answered, prodding a log in the fireplace which had stubbornly refused to burn well last night.

"Holy cow! Really?" Bella started and nearly dropped her plate.

"Yes." He turned to her, concerned. "Is there a problem? Did you have an appointment or something?"

"No," she shook her head, surprise in her brown eyes. "I just don't usually sleep this late, even on my days off. I must have really needed it."

"Mmm," he murmured non-committally. He played with the poker, idly doodling with it in the ashes. His back was to her but he could see her in the mirror over the fireplace. He watched as she ate, wondering if the caffeine and raise in her blood sugar would trigger her memory. He still wasn't sure if he wanted her to remember. For her sake and his leaving, he hoped not. For his own personal and highly-selfish reasons, he fervently prayed she would. As the moments drug on however, it seemed less and less likely.

He glanced at her reflection and caught her eye. They both dropped their gaze and spoke at the same moment.

"Edward…"

"Bella…"

Awkwardly, he waited, his hand wandering into his hair as he listened to her fork tracing on the china. He turned to see her frowning as she pushed a piece of sausage around her plate, her cheeks red.

"Please, go ahead," he said kindly. "Ladies first."

Bella grimaced and put down her fork. She bit her lower lip and twisted her hands together.

'_Uh oh, here it comes.'_ Edward was motionless.

"Edward… I didn't mean to fall asleep last night. It was very nice of you to let me have your bed, but I'm sorry. Where did you sleep?" She raised her deep brown eyes to his, apology written plainly in them.

"No problem. I spent the night on the sofa. It's really quite comfortable," he assured her with a smile.

"Well, I'm still sorry to have put you out of your room." She wasn't through, he could tell. She was staring at the coffee table with a confused expression. There was more she had to say.

"Did… I can't quite remember taking my sweater off last night." She pulled her eyes up to meet his, color high in her cheeks. He chuckled lightly.

"I'm not surprised. You were quite groggy at the time. I thought you would sleep more comfortably without the extra layer and you tried to help me get it off of you," he explained, going into the bedroom and returning with the sweater in his hands. "It was on the bed," he stated.

"Oh, okay, that makes sense. Thank you," she said, relaxing a bit as he handed it to her.

He shoved his hands back in his pockets and moved to stand by the window again. The silence grew and he was afraid to break it, terrified of what he might say.

"Edward?" Bella wheeled next to him, looking up into his face. "Is something wrong?"

"No," he smiled at her warmly, seeing her flush and hearing her heart rate pick up speed. He was going to miss that. He had become rather attached to her reactions in such a short amount of time.

She blinked and smiled back. "You were going to say something," she reminded him.

He stared back out of the window. He couldn't say what he wanted to say. Inspiration struck from the view before him and he spoke without thinking.

"I was just going to say that the snow is melting fairly quickly now. You shouldn't have any trouble driving home soon." As soon as he said it, he knew it had been the wrong thing anyway.

"Bella…" He turned to see her wheeling away from him.

"You're right. I should be going." He could hear a catch in her voice.

'_No, please! I can't make her cry!' _He winced.

"No, you misunderstand." He moved to her side, trying to get her to look at him but she kept her face averted. "Bella, please. I didn't mean it like that. I just…"

"You just what, Edward? It's pretty obvious I've overstayed my welcome. You have things to do. I'm in the way. I'll go." She threw her head back to look at him defiantly, but the chocolate pools were glistening with tears.

"Bella, no. You're not in the way. I said that all wrong." He shook his head, eyes closed. When he opened them, she was still sitting there, arms crossed and waiting. He swallowed the relief he felt at that small favor. He ran his hand through his hair and spoke again.

"I just thought if you had things you needed to do… we were snowed in last night, but the sun is out now and the snow is melting. If you wanted to go home and change or… or if you needed to do anything, you could. The streets will be clear soon. But I'm not trying to get rid of you."

As he spoke, she uncrossed her arms and her glare softened. She blinked back the tears that had threatened to spill.

"I'm sorry," she said, contrition in her face and voice. "I jumped to conclusions. I thought you didn't want me here."

"Why would you think that, Bella? You know I enjoy your company," he said gently. She nodded.

"I just don't understand why," she said quietly. He stared at her, incredulous. She shrugged. "I'm just me. I'm nothing special. Hell, I can't even do things most women can… so why me?"

Edward sat on the nearest gold chair and stared at her. "Bella, you really don't see yourself very clearly, do you? You're intriguing. You're smart. You have the best laugh. You have been through so much and yet you've retained your sense of humor." His eyes roamed over her face as she blushed and shook her head. "On top of all of that, you are quite simply lovely. Why wouldn't I want to spend time with you? I'd be crazy not to."

She hung her head and examined her hands. "I'm just not used to this kind of attention." She looked up, glancing around the room before meeting his eyes. "I don't know what to do with it." She laughed. "That doesn't even make sense, but it's how I feel."

Edward smiled at her. "Just enjoy it. You should have had 'this kind' of attention long before now. When I see your Jake tomorrow, I plan to tell him so."

She grimaced at the mention of his name and Edward smiled to himself. He hated the way Jake had treated her, especially yesterday, and though he knew it was wrong, he secretly enjoyed that she was angry with her friend.

Suddenly her eyes flew wide and she gasped. "Tomorrow?" There was pain in her voice. He gave her a sad smile.

"Yes. Tomorrow is Wednesday. My car should be ready."

"But… that means…" she faltered.

"That means," he said, tugging playfully on a strand of hair that had fallen over her shoulder, "that if you have anything that you wanted or needed to do today, you'd better get going. The sooner you're through, the sooner you can come back. That is, if you want to come back?" He smiled with his question and she rolled her eyes.

"I'd be crazy not to." She threw his words back at him, blushing. "Since the sun is out, we could do something outdoors this afternoon, if you'd like. Maybe take a ferry…"

She was going to make him work for this, he could see.

"I was thinking what I'd really like is to stay right here, just the two of us, if that's all right with you. We could watch some old movies; I could teach you some piano…" He was being manipulative, but he had no choice.

"Would you? Really?" Her eyes were wide and excited.

"I would," he smiled fully, the crooked bit sealing the deal.

"I have some old movies on DVD," she mused thoughtfully. "'Casablanca', 'Pennies from Heaven', 'Magnificent Obsession'…"

He laughed. "You like the tearjerkers, do you?" he teased.

She made a face. "They're romantic. I like that. I also like Hitchcock and musicals."

"Bring them," he said as she pulled her sweater over her head, flipping her hair free of the collar. Her scent wafted towards him with the movement and he took a deep breath of it. He was going to miss that. He handed her the poncho and helped her shrug into her coat. She picked up her purse and gave him a sidelong glance.

"Are you supplying the popcorn for this shindig?" she grinned.

"Of course. No movie marathon would be complete without it," he chuckled as he walked her to the elevator.

"Good. I'll be back as soon as I can. There are a couple of things I need to take care of, but they shouldn't take too long." She blushed slightly as she stared at the elevator doors.

"Take all the time you need. I'll be here," he assured her as the doors opened. "Be careful," he cautioned as she entered the lift. "There might still be some icy patches."

"I will. See you later." She wiggled her fingers at him as the doors closed.

Edward stood a moment, watching the lights behind the floor numbers descend, before returning to the suite, his prison for the day. He closed the door and leaned his back against it, slowly sliding to the floor, his head hanging. How could he do this? The more he was with her, the harder it would be to leave her, yet the idea of cutting short their time together was unthinkable. He only suggested she go home to give himself a few minutes to regroup. He needed to think.

'_As though I haven't done enough of that last night and yesterday, and the night before.' _He felt that he had never done anything but think. Suddenly, with Bella's re-entrance into his life, thinking felt impotent. He needed to do, to be, to act. After last night, everything had changed. There was no more waiting, no more searching. She was here. The only problem was that she was so very human.

Alice had called right after he brought Bella upstairs, warning him again that her visions had not changed. He had argued with her; there was no way that he was going to hurt Bella. His thirst was under control. Nothing bad was going to happen to her if he had anything to say about it. He would protect her and tomorrow he would leave, removing the greatest of dangers from her vicinity.

He raked both hands through his hair, grabbing hold and pulling painfully, desperate to feel something, anything other than the ache that had taken up residence in his chest. It was an ache he knew now would never leave him, no matter how far he travelled or what he did. An ache he had waited lifetimes for, that he never knew he needed, that made him feel alive again. The ache that had been growing imperceptibly since last Wednesday had finally revealed itself in its fullness last night.

Last night. How did time pass so strangely all of a sudden? Immortality and eternity had a certain infinite scope with which he was used to dealing. Now his universe had become compressed into mere days. He could no longer focus on anything much before last Wednesday, when he had smelled Bella's scent again. One week. They had found one another one week ago and yet they had wasted most of it. He had needed to hunt first, there was no doubt of that, but why had he waited until Sunday to approach her?

'_To keep from terrifying her, you fool.'_ Edward dropped his hands from his hair and rocked his head back against the door. He'd been forced to move slowly and he certainly wouldn't change anything about Sunday; it had been incredible. He closed his eyes and smiled at the memory of her in the antique shop, that ridiculous ragged boa around her neck. The feathers had brushed softly against her throat as she carefully placed the top hat on his head. He had heard her breath quicken and watched her pulse throb gently as he spoke to her in French. He had almost panicked when she stopped breathing completely, but he had called her name and she had come back to him.

He had been stunned when he had gone to pick her up for dinner and she had been wearing that dress. The deep blue of it had set off the rosy cream of her skin to perfection and emphasized the depth of her brown eyes. He had been wrong to tell her she looked beautiful. She had been beyond beautiful. And she had allowed him so much. She had let him feed her snails, of all things. She had permitted him to pick her up from her chair. She was a featherweight in his arms, her body so warm next to his stone chest, the sound of her pulse loud in his ears, her scent full in his nose, his mouth, his throat. She trusted him. That knowledge had propelled him through the rest of the evening.

She trusted him. He was the last person she should trust. He doubted that anyone else had ever seriously considered killing her. That was something he no longer wanted. The desire for her blood had steadily faded, replaced by something else. He now wanted her to live, not merely as an abstract concept of 'her' existing somewhere in the world as he had thought of her for so long. Now he wanted her to be happy and experience all that life had to offer. But there he dared not go. That was Jake's territory.

Edward clenched his fists. He fervently wished that he had stayed yesterday. Jake had been beastly to Bella, and Edward would have enjoyed the opportunity to teach that mongrel a thing or two. Still, Bella had sent Jake away and called him. As strong as she was, she had needed him. But after today, Jake would again be her strength and the one she needed. That thought held little comfort.

She would be back soon. He needed to pull himself together. There probably wasn't time for a good Jacuzzi soak, but he at least needed to change clothes. He pulled himself up from the floor and looked around. The breakfast cart was still there. He called down to the desk, and by the time someone came up to remove it, he had re-shelved the scattered books, laid wood ready for a new fire and dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and a deep green v-neck sweater. As room service left with the cart, Edward requested some popcorn and champagne be sent up in an hour.

He went back into the bedroom. He had avoided going near the bed when he had come in to change. Now he moved close to it. The rumpled bedclothes were crooked from Bella's attempt to remake it after she rose. Edward threw the coverlet back. The Egyptian cotton sheets were wrinkled. He pulled back the top sheet. Bella's scent rose to his nostrils and he breathed in headily. He could see the outline of her body, a faint impression on the bottom sheet. Gently, he traced the fingers of his right hand along the edges of her outline.

He had brought her here last night. He had carried her, warm from the sofa where she had been listening to him playing for her. He had been pleased that she was enjoying it so much, though he had erred in playing that Masen piece. It was one of his favorites, but in retrospect, it seemed wrong to play such a dismal thing for Bella. She was joy and light – 'Love's Requiem' was the darkest of sorrows. Chopin was much better suited to the evening.

He had looked up from playing Pachelbel to see her sleeping, her breathing steady and gentle. Leaving the piano, he had stood over the sofa, watching her. So beautiful and vulnerable. So trusting to relax enough to sleep with a monster in the room.

*****************

'_She would be more comfortable in the bed.' _It wasn't as though he would be using it - someone should enjoy it. He entered the bedroom and threw back the covers, tossing extra pillows to the side. Back in the living room, he knelt by the sofa, carefully and gently sliding his arms beneath her still form, suddenly afraid of her waking and finding his arms around her. He placed her arms around his neck and stood up.

"What are you doing?" she murmured. He froze, embarrassed. He looked at her to explain but her eyes were closed. Her breathing was still deep and regular. She seemed to be dreaming.

'_She talks in her sleep? That's cute!'_ He chuckled to himself as he strode with her to the bedroom, careful not to jostle her awake. Gently he placed her on the bed and began to unwrap his arms from around her.

"Edward, no," she whispered. "Please." Again he stilled his movements as he studied her face. She _was_ asleep, but… she had spoken his name. A tremor ran through his body.

'_Is she dreaming about _me_?'_

"Please," she breathed. "Kiss me."

A flash of hope burst through him as his mind processed her words. Venom flooded his mouth and he had to swallow several times before he could control it. Something deep within him shifted - could a dead frozen heart beat again?

"Bella." Her name dropped involuntarily from his lips, desperate for her to hear him, yet fearful of waking and terrifying her. Her arms tightened around his neck. He reached to remove them but felt her fingers curl into his hair. His eyes closed at her touch. This was wrong; wrong and dangerous. So why did it feel so right?

He opened his eyes and gazed at her sleeping face. Her heart rate was increasing and her breathing was becoming erratic. Her lips curved into a gentle smile and parted slightly, her sweet breath filling his nose, making him dizzy and clouding his mind.

'_Dear God, is it possible? _Could _I kiss her?'_ She had asked him to after all. Her mouth was so close, soft, warm.

He was acutely aware of the monster in him driving him to take the kiss, to deepen it, to fill her mouth with his venom, to suck the breath from her, to bite with his razor teeth. It would take so little to destroy her, but that was not what he wanted to do. He was more interested in preserving her. He couldn't do that and remain as close to her as he was. He sighed and reached up to disentangle her fingers from his hair. As his cool breath washed across her face, Bella stirred. Edward froze, afraid of waking her. In that moment of hesitation, Bella's fingers gripped his hair more tightly and pulled her lips to his.

It was the barest of brushes but it electrified him. The sensation sizzled from his lips through his body, crackling through his dead veins, sending a new fire to his brain. He immediately pulled back enough to break the connection. As these new sensations roiled through him, he studied Bella. Had she felt the same surge? Her heart rate was definitely up. Her breathing was shallow, almost panting, her blood rushing in her veins. She whimpered and his senses returned. Carefully, he removed her hands from his hair, placing them on her chest and pulling the coverlet over her. He stood a moment, a worried frown on his face.

This was wrong in so many ways. He felt horrible yet elated. She had kissed him. He could have moved away when she first asked it of him, but he hadn't. He was as much or more to blame for this. He had played heavily on her romantic sensibilities for the past two days, wanting to be near her, to learn all there was to know about her. He'd encouraged this, whether he realized it or not. Contrary to what Bella may have hoped in her fantasies, the monster can't get the girl. The regular guy saves her from the monster's evil clutches, defeating him to become a hero and win her undying devotion.

'_That's the way these stories work. Why don't I like that ending?'_

As he stood thinking, an odd sound burrowed through his consciousness. Bella wasn't breathing and her heart rate was skipping wildly.

'_Damn! What is wrong with the girl that hinders her breathing? Does she do this frequently?'_ This was the second time since he'd met her. Of course, both times, he had been very close to her, but he wasn't speaking French now. Only seconds had passed as these thoughts stormed through his mind. '_No more thinking - action, Cullen! Do something. You have two damn medical degrees; get going. Please God, don't let me hurt her.'_

He stooped low over Bella's still form on the bed. There was no need to attempt to locate her pulse; he could hear how thready it was. He swallowed quickly and placed his mouth near hers, breathing into it gently, knowing already it would not be enough. There was only one thing to do. He tilted her head back to keep her airway open, took a deep breath and covered her mouth with his. Instantly, heat seared through his lips. Carefully but quickly, he forced the air into her lungs. Three quick breaths and he stopped, pulling away to check for her breathing. She wasn't, and her pulse was weakening. Again, he forced air into her, grateful that it was fully oxygenated and not cycled through human lungs first. It vaguely amused him that he'd inadvertently found an interesting advantage to being a vampire.

Two more deep breaths and he was certain her pulse would fail. Humans regularly broke one another's sternums during CPR compressions. How could he not do indescribable damage to her?

He was placing his hands for the first push when she gasped and a shudder ran through her. Relief flooded his body and he sagged against the bed. "Bella," he called to her, anxious for a response. He grasped her hand, feeling a tingle in his own. She gasped again, but in her exhalation, he heard it.

"Edward…"

Her pulse was strengthening, though it was still unsteady. Grateful for her response, and a bit giddy from relief, he caressed her face. Realization that he had spent several minutes with his mouth on hers struck him. He hadn't killed her. He hadn't felt any thirst, as close as he had been. He shifted his body on the bed, sitting next to her.

He studied her face. Her breathing was much more regular, her warm breath slipping across his face. He could still feel her lips against his. There had been good reason then. He longed to kiss her once more, but that would be taking advantage of a sleeping girl in a weakened state. _'Not the thing a gentleman does. What would Darcy do?'_ he thought wryly. _'He would be ruffled and walk away, mortified, while at the same time, pleased that he had just saved the woman he loved.'_

Edward's chuckle died on his lips as the realization hit.

'_No. Not that. It can't be that. She's human. I'm not. I'm dead. She's alive. She has many years ahead of her. How… I've only known her two days, admittedly the most incredible days of my non-life. But she's meant for someone else, someone human. The monster doesn't get the girl; the regular guy does. Someone like… Jake.'_

Pain ripped through him at the thought. His eyes squeezed closed against the sudden images assaulting him: Jake's arms around Bella, his hands in her hair, his lips on hers.

"No!" He was stunned at the strength of the emotion that caused him to speak aloud. Anguish at this new cognizance of his feelings warred with the delight he took in acknowledging them.

He had loved his parents in his youth. He loved Carlisle and Esme, and the siblings with whom he had formed a family. He had seen the depth of the connection between mated vampires and had once despaired of ever finding such a union. In recent years, he had accepted his loneliness, exploiting his singlehood, if not actually enjoying it. He had even considered accepting Tanya, less than a week ago, as an alternative to a love he never thought to find.

Now his dead heart felt as though it was bursting. Caring, tender feelings, love- all emotions he thought he knew. None were even a candle to the brilliant light filling him. The odd sensation he had felt in his chest had become an exuberant bird, thrashing to be set free. His heart may not beat, but it was definitely feeling. Warmth, joy and wonder eddied through him as he gazed at Bella.

Yet even as his senses delighted in this new experience, his rational mind refused to take part. There was a catch. There could be no unbridled joy without misery. As the thought scurried unbidden through his mind, he knew it was true. At the same time, the depth of his feelings for Bella manifested in the realization that he truly could never be what she needed. She was delicate and alive. He could kill her with the slightest touch. As much as he desired to be with her, to be near and share her life, he knew it was no more than a dream.

He had to keep to his original plan of leaving on Wednesday. He would still follow the course he was charting with Carlisle. But though he longed to return to her, he knew he never could. His presence would jeopardize her. His gift to her would be her life and her happiness, without him. He had given her this gift once before, out of self-preservation. This time, his heart would break with the weight of it.

Bella's breathing was slow and steady now. Her pulse was regular and strong. She had once again slipped into the deepest part of sleep. Her rapid eye movements told him she was dreaming again. Edward traced her lips with a stone finger, unwilling and unable still to leave her side.

"Yes," she whispered. Edward furrowed his brow and ran his free hand through his hair. There could never be a 'yes' for them; there could only be 'good-bye'. The pain of how much longer forever was going to be now, without her, shook him to the core.

There wouldn't be another chance like this, and never another love. He felt the warmth of her cheek beneath his fingers and cursed his weakness.

"_Darcy was a fool."_

Edward gently pressed his lips to Bella's, reveling in the jolts of heat and electricity passing through him. Bella stirred beneath him, her lips moving against his, warming them, welcoming and then claiming them. He held back, keeping control of urges he had never had to consider before, much less reign in.

He started as he felt her lips part and knew he had to end the kiss before it became much too dangerous for her. Sadly, he pulled his mouth from hers. His eyes met her brown ones, heavy from sleep. He stilled immediately, a slow smile ghosting across his face. Her expression was one of sleepy confusion. _'This will serve,'_ he thought as he traced the contours of her face with his fingers._'If she thinks she dreamed it…'_

"Edward, were you kissing me?" He voice was rough with sleep.

"Yes, Bella. I kissed you in your dreams," he answered, hating himself for lying to her, for stealing kisses while she slept, for not being the man he wanted to be: the regular guy she could love.

"Good," she murmured, her eyes closing again as he stroked her hair. "I liked it," she smiled.

Her hand plucked at the heavy sweater she wore, pulling it up her body. Edward grasped her hands to stop her. Eyes still closed, she frowned. "Off. Take it off."

"Bella, please stop trying to remove your clothes," he said, amusement in his voice. She wriggled her shoulders. "Are you uncomfortable with it on?" he asked. She nodded. He smiled. "Would you like me to help you take it off?" he asked softly. She nodded again and held one arm out to him. He chuckled at this woman who would ask to be undressed in her sleep.

He cupped his hands beneath her shoulders, pulling her into a sitting position. She dropped her arm and leaned into him, resting her forehead on his shoulder. He smiled as he reached behind her to grasp the hem of her sweater. He tugged gently upward and his fingers encountered the soft skin of her back. Sizzling leaped through his hands and she stiffened against him. He mentally cursed that his cold hands had chilled her. Carefully, he separated the two layers, holding her shirt down as he raised the sweater.

Bella slumped, her head sliding down his chest as her shoulders rolled forward. He worked the thick wool up her back, lifting one arm to slide the sleeve off. Bella sat up a little, resting her head on his shoulder again, her face turned into his neck. She sighed, her warm breath caressing his throat. He breathed in her scent deeply. She smelled of freesias, strawberries and sleep. He pulled back from her slightly and kissed the top of her head before sliding her other arm free of the garment.

Gently he gathered her chestnut hair in one hand, the weight of its silkiness pleasant to his fingers. He tucked the ponytail he'd made into the neck of her sweater. Cradling the back of her head in one hand, he slid the sweater gently over her face and off of her, dropping it on the bed. She smiled in her sleep and wrapped her arms around his waist, snuggling her warmth into his cold chest, her face buried in his neck.

"I need you," she whispered.

Her lips found the cool skin of his throat, sending sparks through his system. Edward closed his eyes at the sensation and her words. Never had that sentence sounded so beautiful. He gave in to his selfish side for a moment, holding her close. As much as he wished for this, it could never be. It would end here and this memory he would carry through eternity. He could feel his dead heart breaking.

He brought his hand to her face, memorizing every curve, every eyelash with his fingers. He dropped his head and brushed his lips lightly across her cheek, watching as her blood rose to warm the place his kiss had cooled. His hand swept through her hair and he groaned, closing his eyes and pulling her to him. She shifted in his arms, raising her hand to his neck, her fingers sweeping through the hair at his nape. He opened his eyes to find her head thrown back, her neck exposed to him. Her hair spilled over her shoulder and across his arms.

He shuddered and averted his face, overwhelmed by her scent, his emotion and the sight of her throat so trustingly laid bare to him, her jugular pulsing faintly. A soft sob escaped his throat. Alice would be wrong this time. He would not harm Bella.

With tremendous effort, he looked back at her. Gently laying her head on the pillows, he unclasped her arm from his torso and her other hand from his hair. She sighed and turned her head on the pillow, sinking further into sleep. Edward pulled the coverlet over her as he stood up from the bed, leaning down to place one swift kiss in her hair. He let out a ragged breath, giving one last glance at her as he left the room.

Removing himself from her side had done nothing to alleviate his torment and thus had begun one of the longest nights of his existence. He prowled the suite, unable to settle for long at any one thing. There were too many thoughts and emotions battling within him, all focused completely on the fragile human in the next room. She had kissed him. He had resuscitated her from her swoon, and finally kissed her in return. They had held one another close. She had kissed his neck. He had kissed her cheek and her hair. He had felt no thirst since her lips had first found his.

She had said she needed him. This was the final piece, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

Carlisle had needed him as a companion for his loneliness a hundred years ago. Esme needed him as the son her maternal instincts craved. His siblings needed him as well, for his intelligent wit, his competitive spirit, his compassion and honesty. He was needed by his family for his ability to read the minds of others, an invaluable tool in maintaining their safety among the living. No one had ever needed him as a man, until this woman. It was the one thing he could not give her.

Of what use were a black credit card and all the resources at his disposal if he could not return the most basic of human emotions? He cursed himself and his unnatural nature. If only he were human. The joy to which all men aspire, the topic of every poet and playwright, the innate subject of every masterpiece of art and architecture, the grand inspiration for every creation of mankind was closed to him.

He was immortal. Never before had he desired the ability to die as he did now.

His feet had carried him on a wandering course through the room, his mind in overdrive and his eyes blind to all around him. Invariably, his steps would lead him back to the doorway and his sight would clear enough to take in the innocent woman on the bed, slumbering peacefully with a vampire at the door. The anguish would freshen and his pacing would resume.

*******************

The impression she had left behind in his bed matched the rend he felt in his heart, empty and wanting. His hand went to his hair, tangling frustratedly in its waves. He gazed at the bed a moment more, and then carefully replaced the sheet and coverlet.

A light tapping at the door in the other room signaled the end of his wallowing. He squeezed his eyes shut, composing himself. He would show her only the joy he felt in being near her and the delight he took in her intriguing mind. There was no room for melancholy when they were together. They would have only the loveliest, most pleasant evening it was in his power to create. The memory of it would have to serve them both, forever.

With a heavy heart and a smile on his face, he went to answer the door.

**A/N: *sniff* I don't know how quickly I can get 15 to you, but I'll do my best.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing. I have the most thoughtful, intelligent readers. Your comments truly thrill me!**

**bandmum**


	15. Racing Lights

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Sorry for all the Real Life Fail. I did say I wasn't sure when I would get this chapter out, so you were warned.**

**NO, I am not abandoning this story. Are you kidding? As if these kids would let me. Also, my lovely MasterBeta, DeviKalika, would kill me. **

**This chapter topped out at 36 pages and almost 9,000 words. Splitting in to two seemed like a good idea, but it was difficult to find a place to cut. I will be posting the second half immediately, as Chapter 16, for continuity's sake.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a tattered copy of Romeo and Juliet.**

**Racing Lights – Stars of Track and Field 'Racing Lights'**

**Chapter 15**

**BPOV**

As the elevator doors closed, Bella waved at Edward and leaned forward to push the first floor button. The car began its descent and she let her head fall back, staring at the ceiling.

'_Well, that was… I don't know what that was. Interesting… weird, wonderful, awkward. All of the above.'_

She scrubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands and sighed. '_It's good I guess that he thought I might have things to do. I needed to get out of there so I can think.'_

The car bumped gently to a stop and opened onto the lobby. Bella rolled out, glancing at the concierge desk as she passed. A woman was handling the position today. Bella was grateful not to see the man from last night.

'_I don't think I could take him looking at me as if I was taking the Walk of Shame right now.'_

The doorman tipped his hat as she passed, wishing her a nice day. She nodded and smiled in response, then tugged her coat more tightly around her. The sun was shining brightly in the robin's egg sky, but the air was very cold and breezy. A few leaves spiraled across the courtyard, dancing circles around her chair as she crossed the cobblestones. A few minutes later, she was latching the panel of her truck and turning the key in the ignition. The familiar rumble soothed her as she let the engine warm up.

She pulled out into traffic, wary of wet-looking patches on the pavement. Twice during the short drive home, she felt her tires lose their purchase on the roadway. Both times it was only moments before she felt traction return.

'_Thank goodness even those ice patches should be gone by the time I go back,' _she mused at a stoplight. For a moment, she met her own brown gaze in the rearview mirror before dropping her eyes back to the road. '_Can't think now; when I get home,'_ she chanted to herself.

The December wind bit through her layers of clothes as she hurried from her parking place into the apartment building. Once inside, she hung up her coat and wool poncho and then raised the thermostat so the heater would come on.

'_To hell with the bill - I need to thaw out first!'_ she grumbled to herself as she measured Blue Mountain beans into the grinder and commenced assembling a pot of coffee.

The events of last night and this morning swirled through her head as she attempted to sort them into something that made sense. The problem was that some pieces of the puzzle seemed to be missing. She frowned as she thought back through the evening: Jake and his stupidity; Edward coming when she'd called, and so promptly. That brought a smile back to her face. Their enjoyment of the jazz combo and then her own private piano concert afterward in Edward's suite – '_That's where it gets confusing,'_ she thought as she poured coffee into her mug and wheeled to the table for sugar.

'_I remember he was playing, then he quit and kissed me. So nice! But what happened after that? He said I fell asleep on the sofa and he moved me to the bed, but why can't I remember anything after the kiss? Surely I didn't fall asleep in the middle of it? Huh, not likely!'_ she smirked.

'_Okay, once more, from the beginning.'_ She ran through her memories. '_Edward was playing the piano. He stopped and was standing by the fire. He came over to me, knelt down, and I asked…'_

"Oh, God, no!" she blurted and her skin scorched at the memory.

'_I _asked _him to kiss me! He must think I'm such a fool!' _She put her burning face in her hands. _'What in the world was I thinking? Just because he was playing such beautiful music – and love songs - doesn't mean that he _meant _them. Oh, Bella, you're an idiot!' _

Hot tears of mortification stung her eyes.

'_No wonder he was so distant this morning! I practically threw myself at him last night. But why don't I remember about after? Did I pass out?'_

She quickly did a mental tabulation of last nights' drinks. '_I had two mulled wines in the club room, then champagne upstairs… another two glasses of that, I think. I did eat a couple of those sandwiches, but they were little. And I'd had pizza earlier… and wine with the pizza, and before…'_

She rubbed at her eyes with her fingers. _'Maybe I did have too much to drink and passed out, but I didn't have a hangover this morning. I don't remember _feeling_ drunk. Hell, I don't remember a lot of last night, apparently, so maybe I was. It would also explain why I asked him to…'_

She slumped down at the table, head on her arms, coffee forgotten. In her mind, she could still see how uncomfortable he had looked this morning. She had done that. She had pushed him into something he hadn't wanted. He had been polite and gone along, but it wasn't right. Then she'd fallen asleep. _'Way to go, Bella! Have the nerve to ask a gorgeous man to kiss you, then act like it's no big deal and fall asleep!'_

She sat up and sighed. '_How could I be so stupid? Why didn't he tell me to get out last night, then? I hardly know him. And he's leaving tomorrow anyway…'_

She sighed again and picked up her coffee cup, taking a sip of the warm liquid. She made a face as she swallowed, leaning her head on her hand. Her eyes fell on the bouquet of violets sitting on the coffee table. She couldn't help but smile, remembering how adorable he had been in the ratty top hat.

'_He did bring me those, and pizza. He took me to lunch and dinner, bought me the gloves… he had breakfast sent up today. So much he's spent on me, it's ridiculous… And he came last night when I called, when I needed him.'_

Something stirred in the shadows of her mind, sliding away when she tried to concentrate on it, something she should remember about last night.

She chewed on her lower lip as she toyed with the half-empty coffee cup.

'_All right, so maybe he does like me. He doesn't have much to keep himself occupied while he's here. I'm certainly a distraction for boredom, but probably not much more. Then again, he's done the tourist-y things, and without me. He _said_ he enjoys being with me. And he did play for me…' _

She could see him in her mind, seated at the piano, collar unbuttoned, sleeves rolled back. He had been magnificent to watch. She could feel the heat rise in her cheeks as she remembered the way his hands had moved across the keys, his eyes closed in his angelic face.

'_He's expecting me to come back. I'm not sure I can face him, but I really should apologize for asking him to kiss me. Maybe we can go back to being friends and just enjoy a couple of movies together.'_

Bella glanced at the clock and was surprised to see it was nearly noon. She did need to get a shower and change before she went back, not to mention pulling some movies to take with her. She couldn't stop the grin at his comment on her cinematic tastes. She'd bring some sad chick flicks all right, and a couple of others he wouldn't expect.

She poured the rest of her coffee down the drain, washed the cup and put it away. She rolled to the living room and opened the DVD cabinet, carefully selecting a dozen movies. She chuckled as she imagined Edward's face when he saw what she was bringing. She stuffed them into her book bag.

In her room, her flannel nightgown was still on the bed where she'd dropped it when Jake came to the door. She sighed and rolled her eyes. She would forgive him, eventually, but he was going to have to work for it. '_Ridiculous man!'_

She put the nightgown away and got out a taupe turtleneck sweater and brown tweed slacks, laying them on the bed. Clean under-things in hand, she moved into the bathroom, setting them on the vanity and turning on the shower for the water to warm up. She grasped the sleeve of her sweater with her right hand to pull her left arm free and something again nudged along the border of her memory.

'_Edward said he took my sweater off of me, but was there something else? I have a vague notion that he kissed me again but I may have just dreamed that. Still, there was something… something else he said this morning…'_

The elusive _something_ danced just out of reach, frustrating her. She sighed and continued to undress.

A short time later, clean and clothed, Bella was in the kitchen making a hummus and turkey sandwich when her phone rang. She rolled her eyes at the ringtone for Jake's shop, ignoring it at first and deciding at the last moment to answer. "What, Jake?"

"Bella?"

Embry's voice surprised her. "Hey, Em. What's up? Is everything okay?" She was still angry with Jake, but it was unusual for Embry to call her.

"Uh, that's kind of why I'm calling. What's up with you and Jake? He's all kinds of weird today and he said you guys had a fight. You never fight!"

Bella snorted. "We _did_ fight. Did he tell you what an absolute jerk he was? That he was rude, condescending and boorish, and that I told him I didn't want to talk to him or see him until I was good and ready?" She grimaced as she cut her sandwich in half.

"Well, no, not exactly." Embry sounded confused.

"I didn't think so. He's too stubborn and proud to admit he's wrong," Bella muttered.

"Oh, he said he was wrong. He also said a lot of other things, but they haven't been about you," Embry almost chuckled.

She frowned. "What do you mean, Em?"

"He's been going on about that kid all day, the one who's Volvo we're fixing. I don't think there's a name Jake _hasn't_ called him. It's kind of funny, though, because I've never seen Jake quite so intent on a job. It's like he can't wait to get the car out of here."

"Jake's rushing a job?" Bella was shocked.

'_He wouldn't do anything to the Volvo, would he?'_ Her heart clutched at the thought, even as her mind scolded her for allowing it. Jake's professional reputation was too important to him to do something stupid and dangerous.

"Not rushing, no," Em said. "He's thorough as ever, but he's definitely not wasting any time. Not all the parts got in yesterday – stupid dealership sent parts for a 2009 SUV instead of a 2004 sedan – anyway, it's all here now and he's probably going to be done in about two hours. Less if he skips lunch."

"Today?" Bella choked on the word.

"Yeah, sometime this afternoon. Look, Bells, I don't wanna pry, but geez, cut him some slack, will you? Forgive him already, 'cause he's a pain in the butt like this," Embry begged.

"No, I can't. Not… today." Bella wasn't sure if she was answering Embry or the sudden thudding of her own heart. "Look, Em, I'm sorry, but I can't talk right now. I have to go." The words were hard to speak past the lump in her throat.

"Okay, Bella. Talk to you later," he said but she didn't hear him. Bella shut the phone and it slid from her fingers into her lap.

'_Today. I don't even have until Wednesday.'_ Her time with Edward was up, and she now wished for Wednesday as desperately as she had begun cursing it.

'_I have to get back. I have to spend this last couple of hours with him, before…' _Her sandwich lay untouched on her plate but she no longer had an appetite. She quickly shoved the plate into the refrigerator. Grabbing her book bag, she slipped her phone into her purse, pulled on her coat and headed for her truck.

It seemed to Bella that every traffic light conspired to turn red just before she reached it. Frustrated, she switched on her satellite radio to the '70's channel, looking for some soothing music. '_Bread – no, not Everything I Own!' _She switched to the '60's channel – Skeeter Davis was wailing about The End of the World. Aggravation sent her to the classical channel. Moonlight Sonata poured forth from her speakers and she listened for a minute, mentally comparing the recording to the live performance she had been treated to last night. '_Sorry, not even close,'_ she thought as she turned it off. She made the turn onto Madison, her goal in sight.

She quickly parked and silently fumed at the slow speed of the chairlift. She didn't even have time to feel the chill of the air in the courtyard before she was through the hotel door, maneuvering through the lobby to the elevator. It opened as she reached it. Several people exited, but she was alone as she wheeled herself inside and turned to push the button.

Bella took a deep breath as the car rose, pressing her hands to her temples. Her heart was pounding and she needed to calm down before she reached the penthouse. She couldn't let Edward see how panicked she felt.

She was barely out of the elevator before he had thrown open the door to the suite. He must have been listening for the bell of the car. He took one look at her and his beautiful visage fell.

"What is it, Bella? What's wrong?"

For a moment she was too stunned to speak. His beauty hit her anew each time she returned to his presence. He had changed into a deep green V-neck sweater that clung to his body, accentuating his muscular torso and allowing a bit of his chest hair to curl freely over the collar. Her fingers twitched at the sight. The sweater would be cashmere she was sure, soft against the firm muscles of his body.

"Bella?"

She blushed madly as she pulled her focus from his chest to his eyes which were dark with worry. She inhaled sharply and blurted, "Your car. It'll be ready today!"

Confusion swept across his features. "All right."

Bella's eyes were wide. She swallowed hard. "I spoke to Embry. They had some trouble getting the parts but they have them all now and it will only be a couple of hours until Jake is done. Then…" Her eyes dropped to the book bag in her lap as she fought against the prickling sensation of tears.

Edward smiled as he held the suite door open for her. "Bella, calm down. I'm not going anywhere."

"You're not? But I thought… as soon as your car was ready…" Hope trilled through her words as she wheeled into the room.

"I intended to pick it up on Wednesday and I see no reason to claim it earlier. Besides, I have a date with a beautiful woman this evening. Surely you wouldn't have me miss that?" His topaz eyes sparkled at her as he closed the door.

Bella felt her cheeks burn, but her joy outweighed her embarrassment and she smiled. "Not as long as she doesn't mind me tagging along. I'm providing the entertainment after all."

He chuckled. "I suppose it's good that you are one and the same, then."

She looked at him from the corner of her eye and shrugged. "If you say so."

"Oh, I do say so. And I'm usually right." His tone was playful.

"Really? About what?" she teased.

"Everything. But in this instance, we are discussing beautiful women," he said with a smug grin.

Bella's heart dropped. "And I'm sure you have known a lot of those." She had a little trouble getting the words out. Why did he affect her this way? Why did it matter how many women he had known?

"Several. But none of them were anything like you, Bella." His eyes glowed warmly as he smiled.

Her cheeks were pink as thoughts of him and a bevy of lovelies tormented her. '_How many of them has he kissed? Who will he be going back to tomorrow?' _

"Here, give me your coat." Edward moved next to her, ready to assist her out of the garment. Bella dropped her book bag to the floor and shrugged out of her coat. He hung it by the door next to his, then picked up the book bag and placed it on the sofa.

Bella wheeled closer to the fireplace, willing her heart to slow its thudding as she took a few deep breaths and warmed her hands. He wasn't going anywhere, he said, at least, not today. Tomorrow would bring his departure, but she still had today. She relaxed slightly, shocked at how strong her reaction had been to the idea of his leaving early. As she looked at her hands in front of her, spread to catch the fire's heat, her mind returned to last night and watching him do the same. Somehow her memory of that wasn't entirely clear, either. Maybe she _had_ been drunk. Or perhaps the kiss knocked any other thought from her mind.

That kiss. He still hadn't said anything about it. '_Maybe he didn't feel it was awkward; he's still flirty. Or maybe that's what he meant about me not being like the beautiful women he's known. I'm too forward. Perhaps they were able to resist him, unlikely as that seems, or at least know him for more than two days before throwing themselves at him.'_

"Bella." She raised her head to see him next to her, hands in his pockets. His untidy bronze head was tilted in inquiry and a smile tugged at his mouth. "You were so far away. What were you thinking?"

She blushed and looked back at the fire.

"Just that this has been an amazing few days and I'm glad we still have this evening." She smiled when he chuckled.

"Silly Bella. I wouldn't miss this time with you for anything. Now, what cinematic treasures have you brought?"

She laughed, her heart suddenly lighter at his words. His eyes sparkled in the fire's glow.

"I'm afraid I went a little overboard," she said as she pushed over to the sofa and picked up her book bag.

"Couldn't decide?" he grinned.

"Too many favorites to choose between, and I wasn't sure what you would want to watch." She glanced up to see him watching her. She blushed and he smiled.

"Stop that!" she muttered as she scooped movies from the bag onto the coffee table.

"Must I? But I'm enjoying it so much," he said with a playful pout.

Bella smiled in spite of her embarrassment and swatted gently at his arm, missing it completely. "You're terrible!"

"Hm. I've heard that before, you know. I've also heard that I'm quite good, so I suppose it would depend upon the context. What's the matter?" His brow rose innocently as Bella's eyes widened and she gasped. A deep red blossomed from her collarbone upward to her hair. Edward made a noise and smirked at her.

"You snorted," she accused, her cheeks blazing.

"I? My dear Bella, I do not snort." His eyes gleamed wickedly above that devastatingly crooked smile. "I did, however, snicker. I will own up to that," he chuckled.

Bella ducked her head and let her hair shield her burning face from his gaze. How did he manage to do this to her? Embarrassment was one thing, but this… emotion, was something else. She hadn't felt it before and it was exciting, strange and a bit scary.

"Bella." She felt his hand on her shoulder. It was cool through her sweater.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to embarrass you, truly. It's just that your blush is so beautiful. I've told you that," he apologized gently.

"I know. It's all right. Here, which movie do you want to watch?" Distraction seemed necessary. She felt his hand drop from her shoulder and she shivered at the loss of contact.

Edward sat down on the sofa and fanned his elegant fingers through the stack of DVDs on the coffee table. A wry smile lit his face as he looked up at her.

"That's quite a selection you've brought," he chuckled. Bella giggled, unconsciously rubbing the spot on her shoulder where his hand had been.

"Come on, choose," she said, and wheeled back around the sofa to the other end and the gold chair. He slid the boxes around on the table as she situated herself in the corner of the sofa where she had been last night. He glanced at her and ran his hand through his hair.

"All right. I suppose it will have to be by process of elimination," he teased. She smiled and rested her elbow on the sofa arm, chin in hand.

Edward picked up the nearest DVD case. "Hm. 'Titanic' – long, wet, he dies. No."

Bella smiled to herself as he pushed Leo and Kate to one side.

"'West Side Story' – good music, great dancing, he dies. Next." Bella laughed at his mini-review.

"'An American Werewolf in London' – good soundtrack, he has an unfortunate supernatural encounter, but as usual, the monster doesn't get the girl. He dies. I'm seeing a pattern here." He raised his eyebrows at her as she giggled.

"Keep going! They aren't all like that," she laughed.

"If you say so." Edward picked up the next case. "'Psycho'." His mouth twisted wryly as she giggled madly, biting her lip to keep from laughing out loud. He kept his eyes on her as he pronounced his view of the Hitchcock classic.

"A beautiful girl, a creepy guy she doesn't know very well, and a hotel room. It doesn't end well."

Bella's giggles subsided. There was something in his eyes as he said it that sent a chill through her. He chuckled and continued.

"'Transformers' – I'm not in the mood for explosions and I never was fond of Megan Fox."

Bella's eyes widened. "Really? You must be the only man on the planet who isn't."

"It feels that way, sometimes. My brothers don't understand me, either. She is rather generically pretty, but she doesn't leave much to the imagination." He smiled at her astonishment.

'_Brothers? This is the first time he's really mentioned his family.'_ Bella thought.

"Tell me about them," she said quickly, before the moment was lost.

"My brothers? They're … brothers," he chuckled quietly.

Bella shook her head. "Please. Only child, remember?" She pointed at herself.

"Well, I'm not sure what to say. Emmett's big, loud and fun. He loves to joke and tease, but he's really very loyal and big-hearted. Jasper is quieter, more like me, I suppose. We both love books and history. He's also very intuitive. Is that what you meant?" he asked.

"Yes! And your sisters?" she encouraged. As long as he was willing to talk about them, she was anxious to listen.

He smiled at her. "Rose… is Rose. She's beautiful, strong and much smarter than she lets on."

"And Alice?" Bella breathed.

"Alice and I are quite close. She's a little terror and I love her dearly. We often get into trouble together." He chuckled as his fingers toyed with the DVDs.

"What kind of trouble?" Bella was intrigued. This beautiful man and his pint-sized sister would be noticed so easily anywhere. What could he mean?

"Oh, we gang up on everybody else sometimes. It's nothing, really," he smirked at her.

"And your parents? I remember, in school… the Cullens adopted all of you?" Bella wondered if she was pushing her luck.

Edward's eyes crinkled at her. "Yes, Carlisle and Esme have been wonderful parents. They weren't able to have children of their own and took all of us in." He sat for a moment, watching her as she processed this new information. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

Her eyes shot to his face and her cheeks reddened. She wasn't sure if she could tell him. He was being candid, but that might be going too far.

"Oh, good. I like it when your thoughts make you blush. Then you can't blame me," he chuckled.

"It's nothing," she murmured and dropped her head, feeling the blush grow.

"No, you can't leave me hanging like that! I really do have to know now." He ducked his head and tilted it to look up at her through his lashes.

Bella groaned and closed her eyes. He made her head swim when he did that and it was difficult enough just remembering to breathe when he was near.

"Please?" His cool breath tickled as he whispered in her ear. She shivered and sighed, then slowly opened her eyes.

'_God, he doesn't play fair!' _she thought as she gazed into his amber eyes. '_One of these times, I'm going to blush and it's never going to go away. It will be permanent and entirely his fault!'_ She swallowed and licked her lips, wondering why they suddenly felt so dry.

His eyes flickered to her mouth and back to her eyes. The golden flecks darkened slightly as he waited for her to speak.

"It's… silly. Just stupid gossip from school. It really doesn't matter," she murmured.

"If it bothered you, it matters," he said quietly. "Go on."

She wrung her fingers into knots, then dropped them into her lap. '_Go ahead; you had to start asking questions so you don't get to escape asking this.'_

"They said… I mean, you _are_ all adopted, right? Rose and Jasper are twins, but none of the rest of you…" She sighed and tried again. "The rumor was that you all weren't _just_ siblings, but were… together." She met his gaze with mortification in her eyes. "It's stupid and so _not_ my business. I just wondered…"

He sat still for a moment and she was terrified that she had offended him. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have said anything. It's stupid, like I said-"

A small movement of his head brought her up short. The beginnings of a smile ghosted across his full lips and his light eyes held hers.

"Is that all? I thought it must have been something truly horrible," he said in a tone that almost sounded relieved. "It's true. Surprising, no doubt, and I'm sure quite unorthodox, but yes: Alice and Jasper are a couple, as are Rose and Emmett."

She held her breath but he added nothing further. He tilted his head as he gazed at her. "There is something else, isn't there?"

"What, are you reading my mind now?" she stuttered, flustered that she had been so transparent. He surprised her by laughing loudly.

"Oh, my dear Bella, no! You have no idea how much I wish I could read that fascinating mind of yours. Sadly, I cannot, so you will have to tell me what else you are wondering." His eyes glowed with humor.

"You said you were … close to Alice. I just wondered… I mean, if she's with Jasper…"

He nodded. "She _is_ with Jasper, and though I love her dearly as a sister, Jasper would tear me apart if he thought I was making advances on his wife."

"His _wife_?" Bella was stunned.

Edward smirked. "Indeed. Rose and Emmett are married, also. I am, alas, the singleton of the family, though recent events have made me less disposed to bemoan that fact." He smiled at her warmly.

"So… I probably should have asked this earlier, but… no supermodel girlfriends? No _wife_?" Bella's heart pounded.

"I've never been attracted to supermodels; they are far too thin and self-absorbed. And I've never met anyone I'd seriously consider marrying," he chuckled. "So the answer is no, there is no one."

Bella smiled and blushed as she felt her racing pulse slow slightly. '_Single. He's really single and he's choosing to spend time with me!'_ She felt slightly giddy at the thought.

"Thank you for answering my questions. I was afraid I'd gotten a bit too personal for a minute there." Bella watched him from the corner of her eye as he chuckled.

"No, Bella. There is little about my life that I wouldn't answer." He was back to arranging and re-arranging the DVDs on the table.

**A/N: Chapter 16 is right behind! **


	16. Alone at a DriveIn Movie

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Technically, part 2 of chapter 15. Thanks to my beauteous Beta DeviKalika who whips me for my punctuational abuse. She also gives great notes!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own hummus and turkey.**

**Alone at a Drive-In Movie – Original Broadway Cast 'Grease!'**

**Chapter 16**

**BPOV**

"So, now that I've completely derailed the conversation, have you decided what to watch?" Bella asked with a smile.

"I haven't given my opinion on them all yet. Where were we?"

"Megan Fox."

"Oh, yes. No, not Miss Fox. Let's see… Ah, Franco Zeffirelli's 'Romeo and Juliet'. Truly a great film classic beautifully shot in Italy on magnificent locations. It was cast well, with excellent performances, though it does have the one drawback – they both die." Edward smiled.

Bella chuckled as he slid it to the side and picked up the next one.

"'Casablanca'. Another classic romance, in which our couple does _not_ die; instead, he makes the sacrifice to let her go to be with another man." His fingers twitched around the box before he dropped it on the discard pile and reached for another one.

Bella put her hand out as though to stop him. "What's wrong with 'Casablanca'?"

His deep golden eyes studied her for a moment. "I have always thought that Rick was an idiot to let her go again, especially since she had just come back into his life."

"He was trying to be noble and honorable, even though he wasn't that kind of man. Ilsa wasn't his - he thought she'd be happier, ultimately, if they weren't together." Bella shook her head as she pulled her arm back.

Edward's eyes were unreadable. "It's difficult enough when life's vagaries place you in an unfortunate situation over which you have little control. But making a conscious choice such as that one seems to me the height of stupidity, rather than selflessness."

"Okay – not 'Casablanca', then. What's next?" Bella glanced over the shrinking pile in front of him.

"'Magnificent Obsession' – another story of sacrifice. I'm sorry, Bella, I'm just not in the mood for one of those today." He smiled in apology.

"It's fine," she said. "There are more choices left."

"'Dracula' with Frank Langella. Oh, I should have known you'd bring some vampires!" he chortled.

"It's well-shot, the costumes are gorgeous, Sir Lawrence Olivier is Van Helsing and Langella's sexy," she defended.

"I still don't get the 'sexy' part of being a monster. A monster is a monster, pretty package or not." He smirked as he shook his head.

"I know and I get that. It's just easier to cheer him on when he's pretty. It also makes it a little more horrible when he turns out to be as awful as you were afraid he'd be." She tapped the box in his hand. "This one has some really good special effects, too. He shape-shifts."

"What, the old 'turning-into-a-bat' trick?" He rolled his eyes.

"A bat, yes, and smoke; that's pretty cool. And a grey wolf," she added.

Edward chuckled. "A vampire turning into a wolf. Talk about crossing over. So does his bite turn his victims into vamps or werewolves?"

"Vampires, of course. It's actually been a while since I've seen it. When I'm in the mood for vampires, I tend to lean more towards Hammer Horror Films," she mused.

"Ah, Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing! What wonderfully bad movies they made!" Edward sounded wistful. Bella wished she had brought one of those as well.

"So, your verdict on 'Dracula'?" she inquired, raising her eyebrows.

"No, I'm afraid." He gave her a wry smile. "He dies."

Bella laughed as he dropped the box on the stack to his left. "You're running out of selections, you know," she teased.

"This has possibilities. 'Interview with the Vampire'. More 'pretty'?" he smirked at her.

"Of course! Lots of 'pretty', in fact. And none of the main characters dies! Well, Claudia, but she's supporting and deserves it. And most of the killing is vampire against vampire, rather than against humans," Bella said eagerly.

"Though plenty of humans die, too. And Louis spends most of the movie whining about having to be a vampire, which is silly as he was clearly given a choice by Lestat." Edward was dismissive.

Bella stared at him. "A choice? To become dinner or a vampire – not a lot of deciding to do there! Die and cease to exist, or die and be reborn as a powerful, beautiful creature that will never grow old or ill. It's no wonder Christian Slater wants to be one at the end."

"You think that is the right choice, Bella? Is that what you would choose?" His eyes were dark as honey, his tone serious. Bella met his gaze and saw something flicker there, something that made her shiver, an intensity that drew her closer.

"Yes, that is what I would choose. To never age, never have to worry about getting sick or hurt. You could go where you want, do what you want, well, at night anyway. Just think – you could learn every language, read all of the books ever written, and travel the world at your leisure…" Her face was flushed with the glory of her vision.

Edward frowned. "That sounds like a very lonely existence," he said quietly. "Everyone you loved would grow old and die."

"I suppose that is true. But, surely there would be other vampires for company…" she trailed off at the look on his face.

"Possibly. Or you might find yourself in an immortal battle with them for territory. There would be so much more to consider beyond simply being forever young," he stated.

"I hadn't thought of it that way," she said pensively. "I suppose there could be some major drawbacks, beyond the whole blood-drinking thing. But I probably would still choose to be turned." Her voice was quiet.

"Bella, why?" Edward was incredulous.

"Hot vampire guys, duh!" She laughed. "Come on, pick already!" she teased him as he began to laugh with her.

"Fine. What else is left? More musicals – 'Grease' and 'White Christmas'." He shot her a look of amusement. "Talk about 'chick flicks'!"

"What? ' Grease' is a coming-of-age story and a great romance. And _nobody_ dies!" she crowed.

"Just my eardrums," he sassed back. "I don't see why it's so great. It sets sexual equality back to pre-Women's Lib."

"Sandy uses her sexuality to get Danny. She comes into her full power as a woman," she argued, her cheeks warming at the topic.

"She gives up who she is. She changes her personality to be accepted by him. He loves her the way she was – why does she need to become someone else?" He shook his head.

Bella stared at him. "You are a very picky man," she declared.

Edward chuckled. "Yes, I am. I keep telling you that, but you don't seem to believe me. Maybe now you do." He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. The 'something' she couldn't remember from last night niggled at the back of her brain again. She glanced at him quickly, trying to suppress the delicious shiver she felt each time he touched her.

"So that leaves 'White Christmas'. I'm glad you brought this one; it's my favorite Christmas movie and I watch it every year."

She blinked. "Really? It's my favorite, too. It just isn't Christmas if I haven't watched it."

"Then let's keep our tradition together. Give me a minute to pop the popcorn and we can get our Bing Crosby/Danny Kaye fix for the year." He smiled as he rose.

"Don't forget Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen!" She grinned as he opened a bag of popcorn and placed it in the microwave the hotel had set up for their use.

"Of course not! The lovely ladies of 'White Christmas' are why I watch. And the Irving Berlin score," he amended.

"And the dancing," Bella reminded him.

"That as well," he chuckled, bringing a cart around to the coffee table, containing a DVD player and a 36" flat screen television. A long extension cord ran back towards the wall.

The aroma of popcorn suffused the air as the microwave chimed. Edward dropped the disc into the player and started it, then handed the remote to Bella. He opened the popcorn and poured it into a bowl. Bella stared at the remote in her hand and then at him as he returned with the popcorn, a champagne bucket and two glasses. He stopped by the television when he saw her face.

"What?" he said.

"You are the strangest man I ever met. You don't like Megan Fox. You willingly hand over the remote. I know what you are."

His eyebrows rose as he waited.

"You're an alien. You've cloned Edward Cullen and taken his place. You're… oh, what's that movie with the pods…?" She rubbed her temples in concentration.

"'The Body Snatchers'?" he guessed. She beamed and snapped her fingers.

"Yes! You're a Body Snatcher, and I must say, I'm quite impressed with the cloning job. You seem so real." She grinned at him. He placed the popcorn and glasses in front of her, then chuckled as he deftly worked at the champagne cork.

"Damn, she's on to me! I'll have to clone her now. But there's a problem, because there can be only one Bella," he joked as the cork popped free. He poured two glasses and shoved the bottle firmly back into the ice. Striding to the fireplace, he added a log and turned to Bella. "Are you warm enough?"

"I'm fine," she said. "Come sit and watch." She patted the sofa cushion next to her. He watched her hand and quickly entered the bedroom, returning a moment later with a fluffy white blanket.

"Here, in case you get cold," he said, draping the blanket across the seat and up the back of the sofa.

"Thank you, but I'm quite comfortable at the moment," she said.

"At the moment, yes, but soon they'll be singing about snow and then you'll be cold."

"Will you stop and sit down? Good grief, I'm beginning to think you don't want to sit next to me… oh!"

Of course, he was afraid to be near her, after she'd thrown herself at him last night. Her fingers flew to her lips and she blushed as he froze, his light eyes glinting with the blue reflection of the set-up screen.

"Bella…" he murmured with a smile. "You know better." He clicked off a couple of table lamps and came to sit near her on the sofa.

Bella nodded mutely and sipped her champagne, staring at the blank screen. It made sense to her. Why else hadn't the kiss come up in conversation yet? _'Because he's avoiding me.'_ She had been much too forward last night, and though he was being pleasant enough, he was keeping her at a distance. He was probably right to do so; she had been constantly fighting the urge to touch him and tangle her fingers in his hair since she woke up this morning.

"Earth to Bella." His soft voice broke through her thoughts of his kiss and how it could have knocked all other memories of last night from her mind. She glanced at him and his beautiful golden eyes sparkled with humor.

"Where do you go when you get lost in there?" he teased gently. She blushed and adjusted the blanket he'd placed between them, pulling a corner loosely across her lap.

"Places I probably shouldn't," she murmured. His brow rose at her comment but she forestalled more questions by asking, "So, are we watching a movie or not?"

Edward opened his mouth as if to say something but grinned instead. "I would like to watch the movie, but you seem to have the remote," he chuckled.

"Oh! Sorry!" She pulled the blanket back and handed the remote to him.

"Thank you. Now let's see if Bob and Phil can win the hearts of the fair Betty and Judy again this year." He clicked the remote to start the movie.

They sat in silence for several minutes, simply watching. It wasn't long, however, before the two of them were speaking the lines along with the actors and laughing at themselves. They sang the songs, Edward occasionally dashing to the piano to play along with the score. Bella marveled at his ability.

"Have you performed this show? You know the music so well," she asked as she nibbled on some popcorn, willing her stomach not to grumble since she'd skipped lunch. Edward smiled as he came back to the sofa from playing along with the 'Mandy' number.

"I learned it because I enjoy the film so much. I don't usually perform," he said as he sat down.

"But you should! You're very good." Bella insisted.

He shook his head with a grin. "I play for myself and sometimes for my family. I don't play for other people." The smile became impossibly more crooked as he gazed at her. "You seem to be the exception to a lot of things I don't usually do."

Bella smiled as the familiar heat slipped across her face. "I think perhaps we both have made forays outside of our comfort zones. I'm sure I have, quite a bit in the past few days."

"What have you done outside of your comfort zone? Other than eating escargots?" He held up a qualifying finger with a smile.

Bella laughed. "That was definitely one! Hm, perhaps I could amend it to 'being fed escargots'," she teased in return. His light eyes sparkled and he nodded his acceptance of the change. "Goodness, there have been several things. I don't usually play dress up with someone I've only just met," she stated.

Edward nodded. "That's one of mine, as well. ' Dress up' is much more along Alice's line."

Bella glanced at him. Something had just occurred to her. "Speaking of Alice… she was here, wasn't she?"

Edward looked surprised at the question. "Yes, she was. She and Jasper were both with me in the car when the axle broke. Why?"

She turned her eyes back to the screen. "I just wondered. They aren't here now."

"No," he said slowly. "I stayed behind to see about the car and they continued on home. Esme was expecting us for Thanksgiving," he explained.

"Oh, so they flew…wait, Thanksgiving?" She looked back into his eyes, a frown on her face. "How could you do that? Your axle broke Wednesday afternoon. Even if it hadn't, you couldn't have driven from Seattle to Vermont and get there on Thursday at all." She sat, waiting expectantly.

An odd expression crossed his exquisite face, resolving into amusement and satisfaction. He chuckled. "What makes you think we live in Vermont?"

She didn't understand. "Your car is registered in Vermont, so I assumed…" She broke off as she realized she had blundered.

He smirked as she reddened. Shifting sideways to face her, he pulled his left knee up onto the sofa, tucking his foot under his right thigh. Bella's eyes followed the movement, widening slightly as he smoothed his trouser leg by running his hand down his thigh.

'_Such strong hands-'_

"Bella?" His honeyed voice broke through her thoughts.

"Hm?" She looked up to see him laughing gently.

"I said, would breaking into a car be another on your list of 'Things I only do since I met Edward Cullen', or is it a regular occurrence?" His eyes were dancing between the crinkles.

"I didn't break in!" She huffed in embarrassment. "The doors were open already. I just peeked," she shrugged petulantly.

He frowned. "Open or unlocked, Bella?"

"Open. Jake said the car needed 'airing' because it smelled, which was odd because I didn't smell anything. But he's been weird about odors lately." She chewed her lower lip in thought. "He wouldn't even stay in my apartment yesterday because he thought it smelled badly. I still don't know what he was talking about; all I could smell was pizza."

Edward's eyes were dark gold and hard. "Somehow I think your Jake has more to worry about than what he does or doesn't smell."

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously.

"Just that he probably will be very glad to have my car repaired and out of his shop as soon as possible."

"That's what Embry said," she murmured.

"Another reason for me to leave it right where it is until tomorrow." He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes and she shivered, pulling the blanket closer.

Silence fell between them. '_What was it that Jake thought he smelled, and why can't I? Edward seems more upset about that than my snooping through his glove compartment.' _ She glanced at him, intending to ask, but he was staring at the television screen, his firm jaw clenched in a frown. She turned back to the movie instead.

Unfortunately, the story had come to a most romantic moment resulting in a first kiss. Bella fidgeted, irrationally annoyed that it should happen so easily and naturally for a fictitious couple. '_Why wasn't ours easy? I had to _ask_. Okay, so maybe he does like me, but still, I _asked_… so humiliating!'_

Keeping her eyes on the screen, she took a deep breath and steeled herself for more embarrassment. '_Just say it and get it over with._'

"Edward, I'm sorry. About last night. I was out of line and I shouldn't have asked for a kiss, but the music was so lovely and the way you looked at me… I don't do things like that - that's another one for the list – I don't know why I did it, but I did, and-"

"What?" His soft velvet voice stopped her.

Her gaze slid from the movie to his face. He looked sad and hurt.

Her eyes flew wide. "It's not that I didn't like it! I did, very much. I just shouldn't have been so forward. That isn't like me, and though it was quite nice of you to respond to my request, I understand if… You didn't have to do that. I feel like I forced you or something, as though you did it to be nice. I hate that I might have pressured you or made you feel obligated in any way."

She ran out of words as she took in his countenance. His expression had turned to incredulity, then amusement as she rambled on. He shook his head slightly and a small smirk teased at the corner of his mouth.

"Bella," he began, then his eyes narrowed and a smile gathered in place of the smirk. "Are you apologizing for kissing me?"

"No! I'm apologizing for _asking_ you to kiss me. Well, maybe it was more like begging." She dropped her eyes as color stained her cheeks and spread to her ears. Her fingers betrayed her anxiety as well, knitting themselves together around a corner of the blanket between them. She bit her lip and looked up at him again as he began to laugh gently.

"I don't recall any begging, Bella, nor am I convinced that's what you were doing, though it may have seemed that way to you. I simply recall you kissing me in your sleep."

"However it seemed, I… w - what?" She stammered as he chuckled. "No. You were playing the piano and you stopped. You were by the fire and you came over to me…" Stunned, she stared into his laughing golden eyes as he tried to keep the smirk from his lips.

"In my _sleep_?" she wailed before dropping her face into her hands and moaning. "Ugh! So stupid! No wonder you haven't said anything. I thought you were uncomfortable because I asked you to, when all along, it was so much worse! I'm such an idiot."

His musical laugh curled around her ears and made her peek at him through her fingers. His eyes danced and an adorable crooked grin lit his face.

"You aren't an idiot and the apology is completely unnecessary. You were asleep. It's fine."

She dropped her hands and glared at him, emotions tumbling through her heart too quickly for her to grasp.

"It is _not_ 'fine'! It was a kiss, _our_ first kiss – my first _real_ kiss! And I _slept_ through it!"

She clapped her palm to her forehead. "Oh, my God! No wonder I couldn't remember anything about afterward! I spent half of the day trying to remember _anything_ after you kissed me and I kept coming up blank." She sighed, running her hand around to the back of her neck and rubbing. "Now I know why, at least. I wondered if I blacked out or something."

Bella glanced at Edward. He was staring at her oddly, a shadow of a smile on his lips.

"Go, on… you can laugh," she growled in frustration.

"I'm not laughing, Bella." His voice was soft and warm. He tilted his head to gaze at her, flecks of gold glinting in his eyes. "Was that really your first kiss?" he asked gently.

"Ugh!" she groaned again, fisting the blanket in her hand and squeezing her eyes shut. "Yes. I'm sure _you_ have loads of experience, but I'm not exactly a girl who gets out a lot to meet men I _want_ to kiss, much less get the chance. And when I do, I can't even do that right!" Tears threatened to spill and she angrily swiped at her eyes.

"What about Jake?" There was an edge to his voice.

"No, never. I mean, yeah, he's my best friend; I kiss him on the cheek all the time, but… not like that. Never like that." She looked up into his eyes, suddenly desperate for him to see she was telling the truth.

Edward smiled at her and the beauty of it stunned her once again. Would she ever get used to seeing his glorious face?

"You are under a grave misconception about me, Bella. I don't know what makes you think I have 'loads of experience' in this situation, but I assure you, I do not."

She grimaced. "Oh, pull the other one! You said yourself you've known lots of beautiful women. You can't seriously expect me to believe you didn't kiss any of them?" She huffed in annoyance and rolled her eyes.

He laughed. "I said I knew 'several', not 'lots', and no, I was never inclined to kiss any of _them_."

"You weren't?" Her voice cracked, and her mouth was suddenly dry. He shook his head gently, never taking his eyes from hers.

"That's another first for me as well, Bella. It seems that we have more and more in common." He smiled as her mouth dropped.

"You… I was… you'd never, either?" she sputtered finally.

"Only ever on the cheek, until you." His eyes rested on her lips as he spoke.

"Dammit! That's not fair!" she fumed.

Edward quirked an eyebrow. "What's not fair? That I've never kissed anyone else? I hardly think there has been such a dearth of kisses that womankind would miss mine all that much."

She stared at him. "Are you kidding? Not that I'm complaining. I mean, I'm thrilled to be your first. I just feel cheated, you know? You'll remember your first kiss forever and I'll only remember a dream I had about kissing you, not the actual kiss." She sighed and her lower lip jutted in a small pout.

"'You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss…'" Edward teased lightly, leaning towards her.

"No, it's not! And don't you dare quote 'Casablanca' to me when you refused to watch it." She pointed her finger at him. "I don't agree with you about Rick, by the way. You say he was stupid for doing something honorable. I say he was just a chicken who made himself emotionally unavailable." She reached out and tapped his firm chest for emphasis.

The sweater was silky beneath her touch and she momentarily lost her train of thought. Her eyes dropped to watch her hand, fingers spreading of their own volition across the front of his sweater until her palm was flat against his chest. She could feel his hard muscles through the cashmere. He took a breath and her fingers twitched.

She looked up into his face. His golden gaze was focused on her, a curious expression in his eyes. She pulled her hand back into her lap, blushing. "_What the hell was that about? First you screw up your first kiss, now you're pawing him?'_

She waited for him to say something, but he only reached out to touch her hair, lifting a lock of it in his fingers and letting it slide between them until the loose curl landed on her shoulder. He met her eyes and smiled softly. Bella watched his lips curve, hurt that she couldn't remember exactly how they had felt on hers. She took a deep breath.

"I want a do-over."

**A/N: Chapter 17 coming soon! It's written and everything!**


	17. Sacred

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Just so you know, if you're interested as to my whereabouts the past couple of months, I was in jail. **

**Just kidding! :D **

**I took a break from writing and caught up on my reading. My son recorded a demo EP. My youngest daughter got H1N1 and survived. My oldest daughter got engaged. Life was crazy busy, but now it's time to get back to fantasy! **

**All thanks to my UberMasterBeta, DeviKalika. She makes it all look pretty, even when it isn't.**

**Warning: Heartfail ahead. NOT kidding.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a bunch of old movies.**

**Sacred – Tokio Hotel 'Scream'**

**Chapter 17**

**EPOV**

REFRESHER

_Bella watched his lips curve, hurt that she couldn't remember exactly how they had felt on hers. She took a deep breath._

"_I want a do-over."_

* * *

Edward's brow furrowed and his lips twisted in amusement. "A 'do-over'?"

"Yes," Bella stated firmly. "I want another first kiss. Or rather, I want one I'm going to remember the same way you do."

He started to shake his head, but stopped at the touch of her hand on his sleeve.

"Look, I understand that maybe it wasn't spectacular and I was probably drooling or something equally attractive, but that's just another reason to do it over. Don't you see? We can both have a nice memory for… for after."

He could see sadness tugging at her eyes. He had been able to keep thoughts of tomorrow at bay for a little while, but they were becoming more insistent.

"Edward, please. You're… leaving tomorrow." Her eyes were pleading. "I need this."

His eyes narrowed and he took a deep breath. Her scent tantalized him, dancing on the back of his tongue. He recalled the taste of her lips on his, the sweetness of her hot breath in his mouth. She only vaguely remembered their first kiss. He had stolen a second, of which she apparently was unaware. Now she asked to give him another, willingly. Could he – _should_ he? He wanted to, but leaving her tomorrow was already going to be difficult, and another kiss would only make the parting harder. If he could only tell her everything…

Declaring himself to her was out of the question. He couldn't do that without a complete revelation of what he truly was and that was impossible. But could he deny her the memory he had so selfishly stolen for himself? She deserved this at least. He was leaving. He wouldn't be back. Perhaps he could let the kiss speak for him.

"Bella, I- "

A chirping sound came from his pocket and a wry smile spread across his face. Keeping his eyes on hers, he pulled out the silver phone and flipped it open. A quick glance at the caller ID twisted his grin crookedly.

"Hello, Alice."

"Edward, what are you doing?" Alice's anxious words spilled into his ear.

"I'm well, and yourself?" he smiled into the phone. Alice huffed at his nonchalance.

"Have you lost your mind completely?" she asked. "And no, that was not a rhetorical question."

He chuckled. "No, I haven't, not that I've noticed, anyway."

"You're thinking of kissing her – _again?"_ Alice sounded horrified.

"Perhaps," he murmured, watching Bella's fingers as she smoothed the blanket over her lap.

"Is she okay? " she asked, her tone concerned.

"Yes, she is." He glanced up to meet Bella's eyes, moving the phone slightly away from his mouth. "Alice says 'hello'." He smirked as Bella waved silently, a stunned look on her face.

"She returns the greeting," he said, speaking once again into the phone.

"Dammit, Edward, I'm worried! My vision hasn't changed."

"Now don't say that, Alice," he warned gently.

"Aren't you having trouble just being around her? Her blood has to be driving you nuts."

"No, I don't believe so." He smiled, his gaze lingering on Bella.

"I can't believe you are still there, putting yourself in that position."

"There really isn't anything – it's not actually an issue now." He kept his eyes on Bella as he listened intently to his sister.

"No? Kissing her could be. You should send her home and leave as soon as possible. The temptation –"

"No. I can't; well, I won't."

"Fine. Explain how kissing her and then leaving her is a good idea. That's so not fair to her…"

"Not a problem."

"Why? "

"Sorry, you'll just have to wait. It's complicated… I'll explain when I see you, I promise."

"You'd better!" He could hear the frustration in her voice and wished he could set her mind at ease.

"Yes, of course."

"Okay." Alice sounded dissatisfied. "Be careful with her and be safe coming home."

"As always."

"Later, Tater. I love you."

"Bye, Miss Issippi. Love you, too."

Edward smiled gently at the phone as he clicked it shut and looked up at Bella. She was staring at him in consternation.

"What's the matter, Bella?" His voice was smooth velvet and he saw her blush at his tone. He loved having that effect on her, especially now that her scent no longer triggered the insatiable thirst. True, the thirst still lingered at the back of his throat, but it was less something to struggle against than to simply be aware of, and more easily resisted than he ever imagined it could be. Even the flush of blood beneath her skin was merely a delectable scent, rather than all-consuming.

He gazed at her, his eyes flickering between the high color of her cheeks and her lower lip which was currently being worried by her teeth.

"Why not?" she demanded suddenly, pulling his attention back to her eyes, bright with… tears? "What's the big deal? We kissed once – oh." She stopped and her blush deepened. "I suppose, if it was _that_ bad, maybe you wouldn't want a do-over. I'm sorry…" Her cheeks glowed pinkly and she turned away, closing her eyes.

He shook his head and spoke softly.

"Bella. Please. Look at me."

Slowly she turned her head, opening her deep brown eyes to look at him. He could see tears and sorrow threatening to spill out of them, making his dead heart feel tight.

"Tell me your dream. What happened?" he murmured gently, holding her gaze with his own.

She stared at him, her breathing becoming short and erratic. Her lips parted and her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. The movement caught his eye and he broke the stare. She started and blushed again, casting her gaze around the room for a moment before bringing it back to his face.

"I… can't. It's embarrassing…" she stammered. He smiled and rose from the sofa, making his way to the piano.

"You said I was playing," he encouraged her as he sat down facing the keys and running his hands lightly across them. The delicate notes floated between them and he watched her face.

He could give her this; she deserved so much more than the memory of a dream. He would give her what she asked. It was a simple enough request - a kiss. He'd taken that and it was only fair to be able to share it with her in a conscious state.

She sighed and dropped her eyes to her empty champagne glass on the coffee table. She licked her lips again. "Yes, you were playing and then you stopped." She looked up as he moved to the coffee table and refilled her glass.

"Thank you," she murmured as he handed it to her. She sipped the cool golden liquid and swallowed before meeting his eyes once again.

"You stopped and then you were standing by the fire, warming your hands."

A slow smile crept across Edward's face. _'Really, this is too brilliant. She dreamt exactly what I would need to do to touch her.' _He turned towards the fire then, his back to the room and her. Surreptitiously, he held his hands closer to the fire than a human would, trying to warm them as much as possible. He glanced over his shoulder at her.

"Like this, Bella?" he asked. She nodded slowly.

"Then what?" He could feel the warmth in his fingers; much more and they would be too hot to touch her. He pulled his hands back and turned towards her.

"You came over here and… and you… knelt down." Her face was aflame with her blush. He crossed to the sofa and knelt in front of her.

Bella blinked at him and tossed back the rest of the champagne in her glass. Edward grinned and gently took the glass from her hand, deliberately and carefully placing it on the coffee table behind him. Then he turned back to her.

"Go on, Bella," he urged quietly. She nervously bit her lip and he watched her teeth sink into the full flesh there. He reached up and ran his thumb over her bottom lip, tugging it free. His eyes roamed over her face as she gazed at him. He brushed her hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear and sliding his hand into its silkiness. He loved the weight of her hair in his hand and the way it slipped through his fingers.

Her eyes closed as he caressed her hair and she sighed. Her warm breath was sweet as it fanned across his face and he breathed it in deeply. The tight sensation around his heart seemed to expand and contract at the same time. His other hand gently stroked her cheek and jaw. He could feel her trembling under his touch and he knew it had to be now.

He worried that he wouldn't be able to control himself for long. Not that he would bite her, though that was the most immediate danger. He wasn't sure how much he could take of merely kissing her. It had been difficult enough when she had been sleeping. How would her being awake affect him? There was only one way to find out.

"Bella. Open your eyes. Look at me." The soft velvet was gruff. Two chocolate pools fluttered open and he was lost, drowning in the look of naked need she gave him.

A small gasp slipped from her as his hand tightened slightly in her hair. His brow furrowed; had he hurt her? Her eyes were bright and she leaned in towards him until they were only inches apart. He could hear the pounding of her heart and tried not to think about how he'd had to revive her when he kissed her before.

His eyes swept across her face, drinking in her gaze, the bloom of rose in her ivory cheeks and her soft pink lips. He breathed in deeply, taking in the scent of her blood, skin and breath.

"Exquisite," he murmured as he leaned in closer still. He felt her hand softly grip his arm, then slowly slide up to his shoulder. In a last moment of hesitation, he looked into her eyes, steeling himself for the onslaught of emotions he felt already building within.

Their lips met and his world exploded as dizzying heat and electricity sizzled through his body. He could feel the warmth of her mouth and taste her sweet breath tinged with the acidity of the champagne. Combined with her scent, it was almost more than he could bear. He heard a whimper, but he didn't know from which of them it had come. Her free hand was suddenly in his hair, tangling and pulling, the heat of her fingers affecting him more than her feeble strength. He moaned softly against her lips and she gasped, parting them.

'_That's enough,'_ he thought, but his body wasn't paying attention to what his mind said anymore. The hand that had caressed her face now slipped around her shoulders to her back, his fingers grazing along her spine as he pulled her closer. He inhaled the breath from her mouth, feeling her flavors mingle, tickling the thirst that simmered at the back of his throat. Oddly, the thirst seemed satisfied with this and though it burned steadily, it craved no more than he was already allowing it.

He felt her tongue dart shyly out to touch his lip. Liquid fire scorched his mouth and he grimaced with the effort to control his instincts. Instead, he gently pulled her upper lip between his own. She made a small noise and slid her lower lip along his, sending sparks and jolts to his heart and beyond.

It felt so right, so good… too good, too much. Reluctantly he released her lips, breathing deeply once again of her scent as he pulled her against his chest and stroked her hair.

She gasped at the loss of contact, and her pulse was unsteady, though strong. He could feel her shiver in his arms and he suddenly worried that she would now feel the coldness of his skin emanating through his sweater. Instead, she seemed to snuggle closer into his chest, her arms tightening around him as she sighed.

"Bella," he murmured.

"Shh," she whispered. "Don't say anything yet." She continued to hold him as her breathing evened out and her pulse steadied. He smiled down at the top of her head, her face buried in his chest. He breathed for her benefit and softly kissed her hair.

She raised her head then, meeting his gaze. He could see gratitude in her eyes; if only her mind were so easy to read.

"Thank you." Her voice cracked with emotion as she spoke, her cheeks slowly turning pink. He smiled softly and ran his hand through her hair again, gently untangling the snarls he had put there with his fingers only moments before.

"It was my pleasure, Bella. Thank you for wanting another 'first kiss'."

Her brow darkened and a worried frown crossed her face. She glanced up at him and chewed her lip. His eyes fell to her mouth, mesmerized. She cleared her throat and he met her eyes again, surprised at the anxiety he saw in them.

"What is it, Bella? What's wrong?" he asked gently as he rose from his knees and sat beside her on the sofa.

"Was it alright? I mean, I remember what I dreamed, and this was better, _I_ think, but… which kiss did _you_ like better?" Her dark eyes were pleading and he couldn't help a short laugh at her earnest question.

"I enjoyed them both, but I think this one was by far my favorite of the two." He watched her process his answer, but the anxiety remained in her eyes. She looked down as her fingers again began to worry the blanket on her lap.

"Talk to me, Bella," he urged. "Tell me what you're thinking."

She met his eyes. The anxiety was clouded by pain and he felt the constriction begin again in his chest.

"Tomorrow," she said simply and he realized that Alice had been right.

As if on cue, his phone chirped. His glance lingered on her face as he pulled the silver instrument from his pocket. His eyes flickered to the caller ID and he grimaced. He flipped it open and growled into the mouthpiece.

"Edward Cullen."

The caller hesitated a moment. "This is Jake, from the auto shop. Your car's ready."

"Thank you. I'll be there to pick it up tomorrow," Edward nearly purred as he watched Bella's face. Her eyebrows rose as she realized who was calling.

Jake inhaled sharply. "I need you to come get it today. I have other customers waiting."

Edward smiled at Bella as he spoke. "I'm in no hurry to retrieve it. Tomorrow is soon enough for me." She blushed.

Jake's voice rose. "I don't store cars. Not for free, anyway, especially when I need the space."

Edward chuckled. "Then charge me for storage, whatever you think is fair. Because whatever it is, it will be worth it for one more night in Seattle." He winked at Bella and saw her shiver. She laughed at his insolence and then clapped her hand over her mouth, eyes wide as she stared at the phone in his hand.

Edward heard Jake hiss and he grinned devilishly. "Now if you will excuse me, Jake. I have company that I am shamefully neglecting. I'll collect my car tomorrow."

"Hold on!" Jake growled. "One question."

"What is it?" Edward smirked, his eyes never leaving Bella.

"Bella's with you," Jake spat into the phone.

Edward raised an eyebrow. "That isn't a question."

"No, it isn't, and neither is this. If I find she is in any different condition than she was the last time I saw her, I swear I will tear you apart," he snarled.

"Hmm, I suppose I should try to remember that," Edward spoke casually, "although it may already be too late, at least in one respect. I'm sure she appreciates your concern, however." He was enjoying this conversation immensely – baiting Jake was fun. He smiled at Bella as she stared at him, questions in her eyes.

A keening sound came through the phone, almost a howl. Edward shook his head. He felt only slightly guilty for tormenting Jake. The man did love Bella after all, but he deserved some retribution for the poor treatment he had given her yesterday.

"Your question, Jake." Edward sounded bored. He could hear Jake's ragged breathing.

Jake's voice was rough with emotion. "Are you planning to stay? Because if you are, I'm telling you now - Bella is mine. I'm not giving her up without a fight, and I promise you, I won't fight fair."

Edward's eyes grew hard as the reminder of his imminent loss was thrown in his face. He tore his gaze from Bella and rose from the sofa, striding to the window. He roughly pulled the curtain aside to stare blindly out at the city which had come to hold so much meaning for him. He would be banished from it, from her, tomorrow. Self-exile was worse than any other form; this he knew from experience.

"No," he snapped. He ran his hand through his hair, tugging sharply before pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

"Anything else?" he demanded, his voice suddenly brittle.

"No, I think that's it." Jake sounded smug. "Tomorrow," he stated, his tone threatening.

"Tomorrow," Edward growled defiantly and snapped the phone shut. He closed his eyes and stood silently, his mind racing at the turmoil he felt over Jake's words.

"Edward?" Bella's soft voice pulled him back.

Desperation tore at him. _'I can't waste what little time I have with her. It's all I'll ever have – I must make the most of it.'_ He opened his eyes and turned to her, a smile on his face and an ache where his heart should be.

"What did he say to you?" she asked in confusion.

His smile grew but it didn't reach his eyes. "He was concerned that I might attempt to compromise your virtue."

"He… what?!" Bella flushed as anger and mortification battled for the upper hand.

Edward's laugh was sharp as he returned to the coffee table. He picked up her champagne glass and emptied the bottle into it. He handed it to her, a hard smile on his lips.

"Drink up, my sweet. Are you hungry? We should eat, drink and be merry, Bella, for tomorrow I leave. 'Tomorrow, tomorrow; I'll think of it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.'"

He knew he should stop but he couldn't. He could feel the ache in his chest growing with each word, each second that brought them closer to tomorrow.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Bella put down the glass untouched and reached for his hands. He smiled bitterly and moved away, turning his back on her and facing the dying fire. He held his hands splayed out to the tiny flames, staring at them, hating how cold they were, how they longed to feel her warmth beneath them. He curled them into fists and shoved them into his pockets. He had wanted to make this night a joyous memory, but perhaps this was the best way after all.

"Don't you see, Bella? It's no use pretending any more. We come from very different worlds, you and me. You don't belong in my world, nor I in yours." The velvet was gone, replaced by something brittle and bitter.

"Edward, please. You're scaring me," Bella said quietly. He could hear the fear in her voice and in her pulse as it accelerated. He chuckled humorlessly.

"I'm scaring you. Good. You should be scared." He turned to face her then, eyes blazing, his lips twisted in pain.

"I'm not what you think I am, Bella. I'm not a gentleman. I'm no good for you. You should leave. Now." His voice was rough.

"No," she breathed, her eyes wide as tears sparkled in them. "I don't believe you."

"It's true. I'll only hurt you more if you stay. I'm a monster, Bella. And as I keep telling you, the monster doesn't get the girl."

He grabbed her book bag from the floor and threw the DVDs into it, snatching 'White Christmas' from the player and snapping it shut in its case. He held it a moment against his forehead as he tried to calm himself. He could hear her soft sobs and they drove him to finish what he started.

"Please, Edward, don't. Don't do this. I… you kissed me. This can't be over, not like this. No, I won't let you."

He dropped the last DVD into her bag, and in a swift movement, he scooped her into his arms, startling her. She squealed in surprise. His brow furrowed in anguish and his face twisted darkly in pain. Bella threw her arms around his neck, her eyes raking his face, trying to understand. He gently placed her into her chair and pulled back, unclasping her hands from his neck. She clung to his arm, tears now streaming freely.

"Please," she begged, her dark brown eyes overflowing. "What happened? It was Jake, wasn't it – what did he say? Whatever it is, it doesn't matter – I'll fix it. I'll never see him again, Edward, I promise. Please, just don't do this."

Her words cut him. What had he done to make her so willing to abandon Jake? He truly was a monster.

He freed his arm from her grasp and angrily piled her coat, book bag and purse on her lap, then held her by her shaking shoulders.

"No. You need Jake and he needs you. You'll forget me soon enough. I may be a memory for a while if you try very hard, but one day, it will be as if I never existed."

Grabbing the handles of her chair, he spun it around and wrenched open the door of the suite, thrusting her into the hall.

"No!" she wailed as she tried to turn her chair around, but he held it firm. Taking a deep breath, pulling in every bit of her scent that he could, he dropped a last kiss on the top of her head.

"Good-bye, Bella."

The door was closed and he had snapped the lock before he heard her turn her chair around.

"Edward! Please! Don't do this!" she cried. He leaned back, feeling the vibrations run through the aching wound in his chest as she pounded on the door.

He shook his head. She would get over this quickly enough. Human memory was blessedly short, unlike a vampire's. She would be sad, then angry at the way he'd treated her, and finally he would be banished to the place in her mind where all bad memories went. If only he could do the same. This raw torment would be with him forever.

He pushed himself away from the door. He could hear her as plainly as if she were still in the room. With each of her sobs, he took another step, dragging himself to the piano. He couldn't cry, but the anguish flowed from his fingers as he began to play. Laments, dirges, and requiems twisted from the hammered strings to fill the air, drowning out the noises from the other side of the door. He played on, his pain dripping from the notes like tears.

After a while, he had no idea how long, he let his hands drop to his lap. His head hung heavily and he turned his attention to the hallway outside.

No sobs.

No breathing.

No heart beat.

She was gone.

**A/N: I'm sorry. Really, I am. I never cried while I was writing something before. If it's any consolation, there is a lot of story left. Thanks for reading and please, bear with me.**

**bandmum**


	18. Primitive Man

**CHOICES**

**A/N: If you are still with me after the last chapter, thank you. This is a lot harder to write than I anticipated. The story is begging to be told; it's just killing me to write it down. **

**My deepest gratitude goes to my UMBeta, DeviKalika: I am truly sorry that I died you. You're welcome. Thank you also to those reviewing. You amaze me with your comments and I am humbled by them.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a big box of tissues and a copy of White Christmas I may never be able to watch again.**

**Primitive Man – Fruit Bats 'The Ruminant Band'**

**Chapter 18**

**JPOV**

The small bell on the front door jangled merrily, bestowing blessings of the holiday spirit on all who entered. However, the figure who strode otherwise silently through the door looked to be in anything but a cheerful mood - rather he seemed to have had all good will toward men sucked from his soul.

His appearance was not unkempt or homeless. He was a dapper man, the cut and drape of his clothes indicating exquisite taste and an accommodating bank account. It was more in the slight rumple of those clothes, a scuff on a shoe, a missed button that belied his state of mind; those details, and his hair. A riot of golden bronze, it seemed to be attempting to escape the thoughts in his head in any direction possible and all of them at once.

While the alarming state of his hair might be set down to the wild wind whipping the city streets, such simple reasoning could not explain his eyes. Flat, lifeless, dead – all quite accurate descriptions, but none conveying the horror felt by those persons out on the street who had the misfortune to meet them in passing with their own. Whether mid-holiday tale or a glance up from admiring a festive window, all who witnessed the grave-like cold of this man's stare had clutched coats closer, huddled children nearer and sent prayers for deliverance from whatever affliction possessed him. Several were moved to pause over corner charity kettles which they previously had passed without a thought.

Jake heard the bell from under the chassis of a 2009 Porsche which some moron had crashed. He tightened the bolt he was setting twice more before he put down the ratchet and slid out from under the car. As he pushed open the door into the shop, a familiar sweet stench assailed his nostrils, making him nearly gag. His eyes smarted and he grimaced as he took in Edward's appearance.

'_God, he looks awful. _Good_. I hope he feels awful, too.'_

"Yeah?" he said aloud as he wiped his hands on a rag, not sure if speaking any more would cause his breakfast to come back up.

Edward's nostrils flared and his lip curled slightly. "I'm here for my car." His voice was dry and low.

Jake sneered at Edward's discomfort, overcoming his own long enough to be pleased by it.

"Took your sweet time, didn't you?" '_Spending it with _my_ Bella, you God-damned -"_

Edward frowned. "I said I would pick it up today and I'm here."

"A day after it was ready," Jake snorted. '_And several days after I was ready for you to leave.'_

Edward's lips twitched. "I told you I would pay for a day of storage."

Jake laughed. "You did, and you will."

"Fine," Edward bit out.

"Fine," Jake snapped.

For a moment they glared at one another before Jake slapped an invoice down on the counter between them.

"Here's your bill – parts, labor and storage."

Edward slapped his black credit card down on top of the bill.

"Here's my card."

Jake smirked. "What the hell is that? I've never seen that kind of card before."

A smug smile crawled across Edward's mouth. "I don't imagine you would have."

Jake spat, "Can't take it, sorry. It's not one of the 'common' ones. You'll have to pay cash." He folded his arms and grinned. '_Take that, smart ass.'_

Edward scoffed as he opened his billfold. "I had a feeling you would say that." His long fingers flipped through the stack of bills inside, selecting several and dropping them on the invoice before retrieving the credit card.

Snatching up the money, Jake examined it closely in the light, running a counterfeit pen slowly across each one. "Humph," he grunted when all the bills turned out to be legal tender. '_Damn spoiled brat.'_

Edward sighed. "Are we through here? I would like to collect my car and go."

"In a hurry?" Jake sneered. "Off for some sightseeing or perhaps a 'hot lunch date' with someone else's girl?" His jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth. '_You better not have touched her, asshole.'_

A look of pain crossed Edward's face. "As a matter of fact, neither. I'm leaving Seattle today."

Jake's eyebrows rose in pleasure. "Really? Finally figured out you've overstayed your welcome?"

Edward grimaced. "It is possible that I may still be welcome, however I do have some business to take care of before I go."

Jake barked out a laugh. "I just bet you do." He reached behind the counter to a peg board where several sets of keys dangled and plucked the fob for the Volvo loose. He turned back to find Edward gazing steadily at him, looking more composed than he had since entering the shop.

"It concerns Bella." Edward's voice was cold and quiet.

Jake's eyes flashed. "Then it concerns me."

Edward nodded once, his eyes still fastened on Jake's.

"You're right. It does concern you. You don't deserve her."

Jake's eyes narrowed and he growled. "Oh, and I supposed you do?" His fists clenched unconsciously.

A bitter laugh escaped Edward's lips. "No, I don't either. I doubt a man exists who does. My point is that you need to start treating her better."

"What?" Jake was astonished, then angry. "You have a hell of a lot of nerve telling me how to treat-"

Edward raised his hand, palm out, as he interrupted. "You have no room to talk about nerve. You weren't the one who had to watch her cry after your little caveman act on Monday."

Confusion swept across Jake's face. "Wait, you went back? She-"

Edward impatiently cut him off again. "She was angry and hurt. What you think of me doesn't matter, but she deserves better treatment than that. If you care for her at all, and I suspect you do, treat her well."

Edward leaned in towards him, pinning him with a stare in which Jake could suddenly see a cold flame of emotion. "Because if you don't, if I ever have the slightest inkling that you have hurt her in any way, I will be back and I _will_ take her from you. In a heartbeat. Do I make myself clear?" he sneered.

A growl rumbled deep in Jake's chest and his arms stiffened at his sides, fists balled and ready.

"You son of a bitch. Get the hell out of my shop and stay the hell away from Bella. She doesn't want you or your stinking filthy money and she never will. Do I make _myself_ clear?" A snarl escaped his lips as they curled back from his teeth in anger.

Edward laughed humorlessly. He languidly collected his keys from the counter where Jake had tossed them.

"You're right that she doesn't want my money. I had quite a difficult time getting her to accept the small gifts I gave her. Whether or not she wants _me_ is another matter and only she can answer that." His eyes were shards of topaz as he stabbed Jake once more with his words. "She wanted me rather badly last night. I practically had to push her out of the door."

Jake felt the blood drain from his face, then rush back, scorching his body as it seared through his veins, obscuring his vision with red. He opened his mouth but Edward cut him off.

"Don't blame her, Jake. She's not used to the level of attention I've given her these past few days. That's entirely your fault. As I said, I'm leaving, but I will be watching. Treat her well."

With that, he turned and seemed to melt from the shop. Jake blinked at the jingle of the bell, but the door was closing and he could see the silver Volvo pulling out into traffic from where it had been parked at the curb.

"SHIT!" Jake cursed, storming around the counter to fling open the garage and street doors. "Damn him, his money and his obnoxious smell!"

Quil poked his head through the garage door, a perplexed look on his face. He glanced around the shop noting the open doors. He raised his eyebrows and asked, "Did the fridge break or did something just go bad in it?" His nose wrinkled and Jake snorted.

"Neither. That damn Cullen kid just picked up the Volvo. I think that's his aftershave. I only hope it costs him a bundle to smell that bad." Jake grinned at the thought, but it quickly slid from his face. '_Bastard.'_

With all the doors open to the cold December wind, it didn't take long for the shop to air out. The heaters had just about gotten the temperature comfortable again when Jake entered the break room. He poured a cup of coffee and debated over getting some lunch or finishing off the brownies Bella left in the refrigerator. He smiled at her ruse to keep Embry and Quil out of his treats – smart girl; it had worked.

'_I know she cares about me. She wouldn't do stuff like that if she didn't. Damn Cullen for what he said! Probably just trying to make himself feel better 'cause she brushed him off. I bet she left right after I called him.'_ He nodded at what seemed to be a logical conclusion.

The door bell rang as he was adding sugar to his cup and he stirred the hot liquid a moment before heading back into the shop. He nearly ran straight into Bella.

"Hey!" he exclaimed in surprise. She was the last person he's expected to come in today. She must have forgiven him if she was here. He grinned at her_. 'Maybe I can take her to lunch.'_

"What did you say to him?" Bella snapped. Jake's eyes narrowed as he looked at her more closely. Her hair was in disarray from the wind, her cheeks flushed from the bite of the frozen air. But it was her eyes that made his heart ache.

What were usually soft, warm pools of chocolate were red-rimmed, tired and sparking in anger.

"Nice to see you, too, Bella," Jake said guardedly.

"Answer me, Jake. You said _something_ to him. Everything was fine until you called him, so it had to be you. What did you say?" she demanded.

"Called who, Bella?" Maybe it was cruel, considering the state she seemed to be in, but he wanted to hear her say it. She had pushed him away Monday – now she wanted something from him and he wasn't going to just roll over at the sight of her.

She glared at him. "Edward."

Jake's jaw clenched his lips into a thin line.

"I told _Cullen_ he could pick his car up yesterday, but he wanted to wait until today. He was looking forward to another night in Seattle, _he said_. But you know this, Bella. You were there." Jake smirked coldly.

She narrowed her eyes. "Yes, Jake, I was there. We were having a _lovely_ time, just the two of us," she sneered. "Then you called and he got upset. Now I want to know why."

"Upset, huh?" Jake grinned. "Good. Guess he realized I meant it when I told him to leave my girl alone. He's smarter than he looks."

"You… argh!" Bella fumed. "Of all the thickheaded, stupid, possessive things… Oh, when he gets here, you are going to apologize to him, and you can start right now apologizing to me!"

"Cullen was here already," he admitted, watching as emotions chased across her face. He gripped his mug and deliberately took a slow, steadying sip of coffee as he waited for her to say something.

"He… was here?" Bella gasped, her cheeks paling in shock. Her fingers twisted the handle of her book bag furiously.

Jake nodded cautiously. "A couple of hours ago."

The book bag dropped to the floor as Bella pulled her fingers free, only to rake them through her hair. It didn't help.

"Did… did he say…?" Her voice was raspy and she attempted to clear her throat. "Was he going back to the hotel, or…" She trailed off as Jake shook his head, scowling at her words.

"He didn't say where he was going, just that he was leaving Seattle today." Jake's tone was harsher than he had intended. True, Bella had been acting odd for days, but she seemed to really be upset about this.

'_If Cullen did anything to her, I'll kill him,' _he thought suddenly as Bella seemed to shrink into her chair. Her head dropped into her hands as her fingers slipped into her hair, curling into fists. Her eyes squeezed shut and Jake put his coffee down on the counter, bracing for the flood of tears that she seemed to be restraining.

Instead, Bella took a shaky breath and then another, each deeper and steadier than the last. After a few moments, she spoke softly in a flat tone.

"He's gone."

"Yeah," Jake acknowledged, wary of her suddenly quiet demeanor. She nodded and a deep sigh shuddered through her slender frame. She slowly unclenched her fingers from her hair, combing her hands through it futilely. Another deep breath and she opened her eyes.

"Well, then, I guess that's… that." She stared at the linoleum.

Jake dropped to crouch next to her, his anxious eyes scanning her face. Cullen may have gone but it seemed he'd done something more than simply say good-bye to her.

"Bella, honey?" His questions were simple, his tone as soothing as he could make it while his heart pounded in his chest. He reached for her hands; they were icy.

"Are you all right? Did he hurt you? Did he… touch you?" The words slid breathlessly from his lips. Even as he hated himself for asking, he hated Cullen more for making him feel it had to be asked.

Bella's cheeks flushed and her gaze slid from the floor to his eyes, a frown on her face.

"What? Why wouldn't I be all right? And what is this obsession you have over him touching me? No, he didn't 'touch' me, not the way you mean it. Not like that," she scoffed.

Jake rocked back on his heels and stood, releasing her hands. "What's that mean, 'not like that'? Then like what?" he snapped, angry at her reaction and at himself for the helpless feeling crawling through his chest. He was angry at Cullen for merely existing.

She looked up at him, a sudden fire in her eyes. "Like 'nothing', Jake. I'm fine. I'm just peachy. He didn't do anything," she spat bitterly and scrubbed tiredly at her eyes with her palms. She blinked to clear them before meeting his gaze once again. His face still wore a scowl.

She sighed and shook her head, closing her eyes. "Look, this is stupid. I don't want to fight with you; there is nothing to fight about. I'm just tired. I gave my last exams today and I didn't sleep well…" Her eyes darted to his as though she had said too much.

Jake frowned but his tone was gentle when he spoke. "The dreams again?" She nodded.

He reached out to squeeze her shoulder and she gave him a small smile. He smiled back and stepped behind her chair, running his hand gently to her neck and sweeping her hair to one side. She dropped her head forward at the familiar touch as he rubbed at the tension she always carried in her shoulders. His fingers were strong but gentle as he deftly kneaded her skin. She leaned her head back into his hands as he worked the stress from her neck and scalp.

'_Cullen, you're wrong. I _do_ know how to take good care of Bella.'_

His fingers traced soothing patterns across her shoulders and neck. He smiled to himself as she relaxed under his hands, closing her eyes. He loved doing this for her. Shoulder massages were one of the few times he could touch her the way he wanted, to try to show her how he felt. They sometimes held hands and she usually kissed his cheek 'hello' and 'good-bye', but this seemed to him to border on intimacy.

"Better?" he murmured. She nodded again and he leaned down impulsively to drop a kiss on her neck. She started at the warmth of his lips on her skin.

"What was that for?" she squealed as she clapped her hand to her neck.

He smirked as he moved around to the front of her chair. "That was a 'thanks' for forgiving me for Monday." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his own neck with one hand. "I kind of got carried away and I over-reacted. I'm sorry."

Bella glared at him as she released her neck. "I hadn't actually forgiven you yet, for Monday or today."

"Oh?" His brow furrowed.

"No. But that was a nice apology, so I suppose I should. Even though your behavior was completely uncalled for and you treated me like a child." She pursed her lips in annoyance.

Jake hung his head. "I know. Sorry. It just pissed me off, you know?" He lifted his eyes to look at her from under his lashes. "You didn't want to see or talk to _me_, but-"

"Jake," she warned, cutting him off. "Do you want me to forgive you or not?"

He chuckled wryly. "Yeah, I do. Sorry."

Bella shook her head. "Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you," she said tiredly.

Jake put his hands on her armrests and leaned down to look directly into her eyes. "It's because I'm so hot," he smirked.

He meant it as a joke, but as he stood there staring into her eyes, the smirk faded and his pulse began to quicken. His eyes scanned her face for a sign that this was all right, that she was okay with him this close. She stared back and her lips parted as her tongue darted out to wet them. The proximity of her mouth confused him. Her startled breath washed over his face, befuddling him further. He looked back to see her eyes wide with shock and something else.

"That Beamer needs a water pump. Oh, hey, Bella." Quil swept past them through the shop, heading into the break room. Jake straightened up, his eyes still on Bella's face as he heard the small refrigerator door open and close. Quil popped open a soda can as he came back into the shop and took a swig. His eyes volleyed between Jake and Bella's scarlet face.

"I'd better go." Bella dropped her gaze from Jake's face as she reached to retrieve her book bag from the floor. Jake stepped back and scooped it up in one hand, holding it securely.

"I thought we could go to lunch," he began, but Bella shook her head.

"No, thanks, I… I really need to get going. I've got grading to do." She held her hands out for the book bag, not meeting Jake's eyes. Silently he placed it on her lap. Bella turned her chair toward the door.

"Bye, Quil," she said over her shoulder.

Quil nodded over his drink. "Bye, Bella. Don't worry about Jake's lunch. He's still got some of that cole slaw you left for him in the fridge. He needs to eat that crap up anyway," he smirked at his friend.

Jake was still watching Bella so he caught the sudden tension in her shoulders at Quil's words, followed by a small sound that could have been either a laugh or a sob. He swung his head around to lock puzzled eyes with Quil who just shrugged.

The bell jangled. Jake turned back and took a step towards the door.

"Bella…"

She was already through the door and simply raised her hand in a silent farewell gesture before turning her chair towards home. She didn't look back.

Jake stared at the door, a riot of emotion holding him in place.

Quil leaned on the break room door frame, one ankle crossed over the other. "So, that was awkward." Jake heard him, but 'awkward' didn't even begin to cover what he was feeling.

Quil pushed off from the door frame. He walked over to Jake and slung one arm around his old friends' broad shoulders.

"Dude, did you tell her?"

Jake looked down and shook his head, not trusting his voice.

Quil sighed. "Damn. I was hoping I'd just missed the first kiss. She was blushing hard enough."

Jake snorted sourly. "Actually, you walked in just _before_ I kissed her."

Quil's eyes went wide. "Oh, man! I'm sorry! Seriously!"

Jake shook his head and turned toward his friend as Quil dropped his arm.

"I wanted to. I almost… She was there, Quil. _Right there._ But I couldn't." He ran one hand through his hair to the back of his neck and absentmindedly rubbed.

"What happened?" Quil asked quietly.

"I don't know. Her eyes… she had this look in her eyes like she _knew_, but she was begging me not to do it." He sighed, frustration winning out over his other emotions at the moment. "She's been different, weird, ever since Thanksgiving. Then she started hanging out with that Cullen kid."

"Huh? Why? How does she know him?" Quil's eyes were puzzled.

Jake shrugged. "I don't know that either. I even asked but she wouldn't tell me."

Quil frowned. "That doesn't sound like Bella. She's never been secretive."

"That's just what I mean; she's not acting like herself. I mean, she told me Monday she didn't want me to come over, or even call her, because she was tired and wanted to go to bed early. Then Angela calls to tell me Cullen is at Bella's… Angela!" Jake slammed his fist down on the countertop, his eyes wide. "Maybe _she_ can tell me how Bella knows Cullen."

He headed around the counter towards the computer. "She's working today – I'll email her."

"Wait – Bella pulled the 'I'm tired' card and then had somebody else over?" Quil gazed at Jake with sad eyes. "Jake, that's harsh. I never would have thought Bella would do something like that." He shook his head and mumbled, "Maybe it's a good thing you didn't kiss her."

Jake's fingers flew across the keyboard. "Okay, I asked her if she has any idea how Bella knows Cullen, and anything else she can tell me about why Bella's acting so strangely." He tapped 'send' and sat back in his chair.

"So, about that BMW. You going to order the water pump?" Quil's question brought Jake's thoughts back to work. He nodded and Quil went back into the garage.

Jake sighed and opened a new tab. Business was business, and not even his anxiety over Bella could interfere with the pride he took in his professional reputation. He had worked too hard to build it to allow personal issues to affect it and it was that pride which had prevented him from taking a swing at Cullen this morning, though he had been sorely tempted.

'_Damn Cullen, and his wallet full of Franklins.'_

Jake hadn't grown up with much. He'd had a loving father and the best friends a guy could ask for, but he wanted more. Billy's illness and subsequent confinement to a wheelchair had robbed Jake of a normal childhood, placing him in the position of caregiver at a young age. He couldn't feel bitter about it though, because it had prepared him for Bella's issues and needs. It had also forced him to draw on inner strengths he never suspected he had – the same strengths that he had used to create a respected Seattle business.

He grinned to himself. Cullen may have a big bank account, but he would never know the satisfaction of building something from the ground up.

'_Cullen wouldn't know work ethic if it bit him in the ass!'_ he smirked to himself. Whether it was a car reclaimed from a pile of junkyard parts as a teen or a thriving auto shop with his name on the door, Jake took great pride in each accomplishment.

Cullen could only spend. His kind were takers - users - consuming resources and people with no thought for the consequences down the line. He'd never be able to create anything, nothing that would last. He couldn't even be bothered to stick around to build a relationship.

Jake clenched his fists at the thought, but it was pitiful in a way. Bella was a lovely woman with a lot to offer. Cullen probably only found her an interesting diversion, different from the leggy model debutantes who obviously would be his usual type.

'_Poor Bella. Cullen must have really done a number on her to get her that worked up. Bet he made her a bunch of promises he never intended to keep.'_ He shook his head. Bella was so trusting and probably was really embarrassed now to have bought into Cullen's lines.

'_Of course, I don't think it matters much now anyway. Cullen said he was leaving town today and he won't be coming back if I have anything to say about it.'_ He grimaced at the memory of Edward's exact words; he had to admit Cullen had a point. Jake did care for Bella and there were some things he could do to take better care of her. Making sure she knew how he felt about her was a start.

He had held back his true feelings, though he was sure she suspected, and now was as good a time as any. Angela and Quil were right; he didn't need to wait until she was thirty. He could let her know that she was loved now.

Jake grinned. He'd give her a ring for Christmas. They could be married in the spring, or she could take next summer off from teaching and they could have a real honeymoon. He winced; a _nice_ honeymoon, maybe a cruise or something. '_We could go visit Bella's mom and Phil in Florida.'_

The more he thought about it, the better he liked it. He hummed Mendelssohn's March to himself as he opened a new tab and began to search online for a diamond ring.

**A/N: *ducks and puts on flame-proof suit* All right, let me have it! I know somebody will review who hasn't until now. **

**bandmum**


	19. Just One of Those Things

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Apologies for the long break between postings. Real life, etc. – you've heard it before. Thanks for sticking with me. This only gets harder to write.**

**Everyone, please welcome my new beta, Momma Laura, and join me in thanking her for stepping in and admirably filling some mighty big shoes. Best wishes, Devi! ML, you're an angel!**

**As of this chapter, things become darker, enough so that I feel that it warrants a rating change to M. There will be disturbing imagery and alcohol abuse. Future chapters will contain similar mature themes. If you are at all concerned with your reactions to this type of material, I apologize. This story has to go this way. I thought it could remain a T until I actually undertook the writing of it. I was wrong and I hope you understand.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own three spiral-bound notebooks full of this story, so far.**

**It Was Just One of Those Things – Mel Tormé 'The Bethlehem Years'**

**Chapter 19**

**BPOV**

_Thunk_

_Clatter_

The red pen bounced twice before rolling to a stop next to the filing cabinet. Bella rubbed her fingers over her eyes before leaning back from her desk with a sigh. Throwing the pen hadn't made her feel any better.

She had purposely come into her office to do her grading today. There were a few too many small things in her apartment that reminded her of _him_ and she didn't need the distraction.

'_How did he get under my skin so quickly? It's stupid.' _ It didn't matter that he had been part of her life for ten years; she had only actually known him for a few days. _'Still, I feel as though I lived more in those three days than the rest of those years combined.'_

She used to measure her life in 'before and after' the accident. Before she knew Edward Cullen, _really_ knew him as more than a beautifully frightening boy who tormented her dreams, she had lived, laughed, taught, and thought herself content with what she had made of herself. Then her world's axis shifted, and she knew how wrong she had been. If only it had remained shifted…

There was a hole in her life, a tall, lanky, wild-haired, man-shaped hole that she had never noticed until it reappeared on Wednesday. _'It was probably there Tuesday night; I just didn't notice because I was too upset.'_

Bella stared at the stack of blue books in front of her. She wasn't even halfway through them but she doubted she would be able to grade any more today. Reading her students' thoughts on Darcy, Romeo, and Heathcliff only pained her. Their arguments were weak and timid, poorly thought out, and limply expressed. She wished her class had heard _his_ arguments, explored his constructs, seen how passionate he was as he spoke from a male perspective of works he obviously knew well and loved.

'_God, he was magnificent. He should have taught this class; I'd have taken it myself.'_

She sighed again and closed the exam booklet she had been reading, tossing it onto the ungraded pile. She would get to it tomorrow.

Her gaze fell on her cell phone, and though she fought the urge, her fingers found their way to it and pushed _redial._ A bored recording informed her that the customer was unavailable.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise and concern. That was new. She lost count of how many times she had dialed his number. Tuesday night it had rung over to his voice mail. All day Wednesday, until just now, it had gone straight to voice mail, indicating he had turned it off.

'"_Unavailable." No outgoing message to listen to; no option to leave a message.'_

She first called him on Tuesday night, a couple of hours after she managed to make her way home. She still wasn't sure how she had been able to see through her tears to drive. She waited to call until she calmed down and her voice quit shaking. His warm deep tones invited her to leave a message, and she had, a quiet request for him to call her back.

She spent the rest of Tuesday night staring at the phone, willing it to ring, unable to concentrate on anything else. When her eyes would no longer stay open, she had taken it to bed with her, attached to the charger so there could be no chance of a dead battery. Emotionally exhausted as she was, she should have known she wouldn't be able to sleep, not well. Not without dreaming.

No dream she ever had of chasing his Volvo had frightened her as much as this one. She thought she knew what bad dreams were; she hadn't even been close.

It had begun rather sweetly: she and Edward were in his suite watching 'White Christmas', when one of the dance numbers began. Edward turned to her, took her hand, and asked her to dance. She shook her head.

"_I can't. You know that."_

"_You haven't tried, Bella. Dance with me," _he said with a smile.

"_No, Edward, it's impossible. Why are you asking me this?"_ She was confused and hurt that he wouldn't let it go.

"_Why won't you try? When was the last time you _tried_, Bella? Don't just accept this." _ He was getting angry, and she didn't know why.

"_There is nothing to try. I can't walk; I can't move." _She was astonished at the look of pain on his face.

"_You have to move; you have to, Bella. If you don't, the monster will get you. You know that."_ He was getting more and more upset.

"_No, Edward! I can't!" _ She slapped at his hands as he reached for her.

"_You have to, Bella. You have to move, _now!_ The monster's coming!" _His eyes and voice were panicked.

"_I can't…"_ She struggled to pull herself from her chair. She expected him to catch her but he pulled back at the last moment, and she fell in a heap at his feet. Angry tears began to roll from her eyes.

"_Why did you do that?" _she cried.

"_I'm sorry, Bella," _he said as he stared down at her. He made no move to help her; he just stood there, looking sad and beautiful.

"_Help me up, Edward. Please." _She tried to get to her chair, but it had disappeared. She turned to face him again. He seemed larger, his hair wilder, his eyes darker.

"_Edward, help me!"_

"_I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from the monster."_

Silently she watched as he leaned down to place his hand on her chest. His honey-dark eyes were sad but intent. One cool finger drew slowly down her cleavage sending shivers of desire through her, until she saw that he had sliced her skin with his fingernail. His head tilted, and his tongue crept to the corner of his mouth in concentration as he slid his hand slowly into the opening he had made in her chest.

Bella felt a squeeze and a tug, and then watched in horror as he withdrew his hand, her heart firmly in his grasp. It pulsed gently in his bloody fingers.

"_Why, Edward? Why?" _She forced the words through numb lips.

"_I told you, Bella, I'm a monster. I can't have you, so I'm taking this. I'm sorry, but you can't have it back. I would give you mine, but I don't have one. You can take these instead," _and he pressed a bouquet of violets into her frozen hand.

"_No,"_ she whispered, but he stood up and carefully put her heart in a pizza box.

"_I promise, I'll take good care of it,"_ he said, brushing her heart gently with his fingers before closing the box. _"Good-bye, Bella."_

She sobbed his name from the floor where he left her as he walked away, the pizza box tucked under his arm. The screams began when the pain in her chest suddenly ripped through her, pulling her back to consciousness.

It was a while before she could calm down, and she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep any more. It was then that she made the second call to his phone. Her message begged him to meet her at Jake's shop on Wednesday after her last exam so they could part on more pleasant terms. Instead, he had gone early, ignoring her calls and her.

Wednesday, she made several calls which went directly to voice mail, but she left no more messages.

Last night, Bella had been so frightened of a repeat of the dream that she found herself waking every hour. Exhaustion wasn't helping her mental state any, nor her concentration. Coming into the office hadn't been a good idea. Several of her colleagues had commented on how tired she seemed. A couple of them had even asked if she was sick. She replied negatively, but it was a weak lie. Physically, she was well. She wasn't close enough to anyone in the department to share that the trouble was heartache.

This might have been something she would have confided to Angela, but Bella was still upset with her for telling Jake about Edward. Bella scrubbed her face with her palms.

'_I suppose I'll have to call her soon. I didn't exactly give her a chance to explain. She shouldn't have done that, but maybe she had a reason.'_

One thing was certain- she couldn't discuss this with her best friend. Jake had been anti-Edward from the start, and Tuesday he had apparently threatened Edward to stay away from 'his girl'. Anger flared in her once again at Jake's ridiculous possessiveness. They were best friends after all, nothing more.

Bella frowned, thinking of Jake's expression yesterday. There had been something in his eyes that she had seen before but had never been able to identify. She knew what it was now. She had seen the same thing in Edward's eyes just before he kissed her.

She wasn't sure what to call it exactly – longing, need, desire? None of those terms quite fit how anyone could possibly feel towards her, Jake especially. He knew her limitations well. The fact remained, however, that if Quil hadn't come through the shop just then…

Bella closed her eyes and rested her head on her hand. This wasn't something she had ever consciously thought about, so the whole idea seemed bizarre, yet perhaps it was something she should consider.

Kissing Jake. His lips would be warm and soft. She preferred cool and firm. His breath would be hot in her mouth. Sweet and icy, like mint, was better. His strong arms would cradle her against his broad chest as his large hands caressed her face.

Bella shook her head.

'_No, that's all wrong. So very, very wrong.'_

The memory of two finely muscled arms encircling her was too fresh. She could still feel him holding her against his sculpted chest as long slender fingers swept across her lips and through her hair.

'_I'm glad Jake didn't kiss me. It would have been wrong for so many reasons.' _

She wiped the tears from her cheeks. She shouldn't have been surprised at their appearance, but then, she shouldn't have been following this particular train of thought, especially at the office.

She blew her nose and packed the blue books into her book bag. She wasn't going to get anything else done here today. Perhaps if she had a glass of wine at home and relaxed a little, she could concentrate on grading again.

Bella paused in the door of the English department office to let the secretary know she was leaving. She got a sympathetic look from the woman and a suggestion that she make herself a pot of tea with honey when she got home.

'_She thinks I have a cold. That's fine. She'll be less likely to call me for anything.'_

She made her way to her truck, then sat in it a moment, allowing the engine to idle and warm up before heading home. She bit her lip and closed her eyes as she tried not to recall a velvet voice teasing her about how loud her truck was, or how his long elegant frame had folded so neatly into the passenger seat. She sighed and released the parking brake before backing out. Two blocks from home, her tires dipped, and the truck bumped roughly over the road. She ground her teeth.

'_Damned Seattle potholes.'_

The bitter cold seemed to follow her as she paused just inside her door. Her apartment had always been a warm and welcoming refuge. It hadn't felt that way since Jake stormed in on Monday. Nothing about the rooms themselves had changed. All was just as she always kept it, save a small bunch of wilting violets on the coffee table. Tears pricked at her eyes again as she took in the sight of those tiny purple blossoms drooping on their stems. She had neglected to change the water in the vase to make them last longer.

She made her way across the living room, dropping her book bag and purse on her desk and her phone on the coffee table. She picked up the vase and carried it carefully into the kitchen. Gently removing the flowers, she rinsed out the glass, refilling it with fresh water and settling the stems inside again.

Several of the blossoms dropped onto the counter, their stems still in the vase. Tears slipped down her cheeks again.

'_How could I be so careless with his gift? Violets can't be easy to find in Seattle in December; he must have paid some ridiculous amount for them. Silly, wonderful, beautiful, stupid man.'_

Bella left the flowers sitting on the counter. She dared not move the vase for fear more would fall, and she hadn't the courage to throw the others away. She got a wineglass from the dishwasher and a bottle from the refrigerator, placing them both next to the violets. Her hand hesitated over the corkscrew in the drawer, her eyes clouding with a memory of Edward, here, uncorking a bottle as they talked. She blinked it away and reached for the corkscrew.

A few moments later, she poured the wine into her glass and took a sip. The familiar acidic taste helped, but only a little. She sat staring at the violets for several minutes before she drained the glass, refilled it, and drank half again. She brought the glass and the bottle into the living room, put them both on the coffee table, and then headed towards her bedroom.

She selected an old Berkley sweatshirt and long flannel pajama pants from the dresser. It was time to get comfortable.

A half hour later, showered, dressed, and with a fresh bag and tubing snugged down her right leg, Bella returned to the living room. It occurred to her that she hadn't eaten anything since a bagel with her morning coffee, but she didn't feel hungry. She did feel slightly tipsy, and that was good.

'_Tipsy leads to drunk, and drunk might keep the dreams away. It's worth a try, anyway.'_

Wheeling to the sofa, she swung herself up and out of her chair. She moved her legs up onto the seat and pulled the throw from the back of the sofa, wrapping it around herself. She snuggled into the light blanket, sipped her wine, and pressed PLAY on the stereo remote. Anthony Masen's concerto wove through the air, caressing her tired mind with relaxing beauty.

Her neck was stiff, and she briefly wished Jake was there to knead the tension away. The momentary thought brought back the mental comparison she had made earlier at the office, and she closed her eyes. She wished she had misread Jake's intentions, but now that she knew the signs, it was obvious. Worse, she realized he had been giving her those signals for quite a while.

She sipped her wine. _'How long has he felt more than friendship for me, and why? He knows my limitations better than anyone else, save Angela. What would be the point of a romantic relationship?'_

Once again, Bella found herself thinking her way through uncharted territory. There had been no reason to contemplate this before.

'_Fact A: I'm paralyzed from the hips down. Fact B: I have no sensation from the hips down. One of my doctors mentioned ages ago that pregnancy was technically possible, with delivery under close medical supervision, but hell, I was still a teenager then. The whole idea was repulsive_.' She shuddered._ 'I think I got as far as trying to picture myself raising a child. The image of me chasing a toddler was enough to shut that idea right down. I couldn't even take care of myself yet.'_

She struggled with the idea of making love to Jake - less the mechanics of it than the intent behind it. _'Is that what he wants? Would he be so callous as to put his own pleasure over my literal lack of feeling? No, I can't believe he would do that, not if he truly loved me.' _

She took another sip. _'But that's what people who love each other do, wanting to be as close as possible to each other, kissing, touching, giving pleasure. Even if I could, might there not come a time when it became all about Jake? I'd feel used, he'd feel guilty, and neither of us would be happy. I don't see the point of moving into that type of relationship.'_

Bella poured another glass, sensing that she had come to the logical conclusion of that subject. Jake would remain her best friend, whether he liked it or not. She was feeling rather mellow, and her thoughts rambled farther afield than she usually allowed them, into the realm of what-might-have-been.

'_What if I had come to Forks sooner and Edward hadn't had to leave school? Would I have been elsewhere on that icy morning, instead of standing by my truck, musing on the missing Cullens? Would I have bonded with Angela anyway? Would Jake have spent as much time at Charlie's if I had been whole?' _She knew the answer to that was 'no'. Jake had always loved to work on cars, motorcycles, any engine he could get his hands on, really. If Charlie hadn't needed Jake and Angela to care for her while he worked, Jake would have spent more time on the reservation, hanging out with his friends, fishing and working on that old VW Rabbit he rebuilt.

She smiled at the memory of the time Jake had gotten her to ride with him in the Rabbit after it was finished, long after she had started at Berkeley. He had begged her for weeks that summer to come home for a visit and let him take her down to the beach at La Push. It was a rare sunny day, and they had taken the scenic drive with the windows down. The beach was as beautiful and rocky as ever, and the cool Olympic air felt good on their sun-warmed faces as they headed home at the end of the day. Jake had been rather animatedly telling her some story about his tribal ancestors and wolves. He never saw the skunk. He also never completely got the smell out of the car. In the end, he sold it to a friend of Charlie's, a gentle lush who would drive home from a day of fishing with his catch in the back seat. The Rabbit took on an even more pungent aroma.

Bella rubbed tiredly at her eyes as another Masen concerto began. She wondered briefly who the 'other' Edward Cullen was, and if he bore any resemblance to her Edward. _'Funny to feel so possessive of a man, especially one I haven't known long. If he hadn't left school, would we have gotten as close then as we are… were? Would he have kissed me?' _

She finished the glass of wine and put it on the coffee table. Leaning back into the arm of the sofa and closing her eyes, she allowed herself to get lost in thoughts of him.

'_There are so many layers to him. He's beautiful, but he's just as smart as he is gorgeous. He's articulate, witty, well-read… for a young rich guy, he obviously did more than party at whatever university he attended. Hmm. I never asked him where he went to school. I should have. But he made it hard to think sometimes… those pretty gold eyes looking right through me. Sometimes they got darker, depending on his mood. And his lashes – God, how unfair is it that You put lashes like that on a man? As if he needed one more thing to make him more attractive. They're like… angel wings, soft and feathery…'_

In her mind, she traced the ridge of his high cheekbone with a gentle finger, sweeping softly down his sideburn to the corner of his square jaw and along his chin. She remembered how cool his skin was and yet how heated her lips felt when they met his.

Those devastating lips; they pronounced such exquisite French phrases, discoursed on everything from vampires to Masen, and curved enticingly into a crooked smile that made her heart race. Those same lips spoke so cruelly, ripping her heart to pieces. How had she let him get so close? Why did he matter so much? How could he kiss her the way he had and then break it off so easily, leaving so completely? Had she truly meant nothing to him?

Bella felt a tear run down her nose. She didn't bother to wipe it away; there would be more before the evening was over. She couldn't help herself. No matter how she tried to point out that he was gone, he didn't want her and had literally shoved her out of his life, her heart wasn't listening. He wasn't taking her calls, not that she would call again; she still had some pride. He left, and there was no earthly reason for him to return.

Still, her wounded heart reminded her of the other things. She saw the worst of him, but there had been many more moments of sweetness. He had been caring with her; courteous, romantic, fun. His denial notwithstanding, he _had_ been a gentleman, as well as a gentle man.

Another tear made its way down and met her smile. She knew she meant something to him, if only for a while. She may have been no more than a passing fling, but the look on his face when she accepted his invitation to dinner had been nearly joyous. He had been happy to be with her. She knew that as a fact, no matter what he may have said at the end. For whatever reason, he didn't think they could be together, but they had enjoyed the time they did have.

Her thoughts drifted back to Jake and the look in his dark eyes. '_If I hadn't seen the same look in Edward's eyes, if he hadn't come back into my life, would I be more receptive to Jake?_'

Physicality aside, would the easy familiarity she had with Jake have led to a simple acceptance that there couldn't have been anyone else for either of them? Had Edward's attentions spoiled her for anyone else, including Jake, even as they made her more aware of herself as a woman, limitations and all?

She smiled again. Apparently, Jake's greatest fear had been realized- someone _had_ come along and swept her off her chair, quite literally. Her smile grew at the memory of Edward lifting her so carefully into the Town Car, at first as though he might break her, then later feeling comfortable enough to twirl her around in his arms.

She had felt so safe in his arms. Even when he had picked her up to put her in the chair before he pushed her out of the penthouse, she hadn't been afraid of him. Startled and confused at his sudden change of mood, yes, but she hadn't feared him. She told him she was scared; he thought she meant of him, but she was only afraid of losing him, afraid of what her life would be like if she had to go back to living without him in it; back to normal. He hadn't known, but she had. Nothing would ever be 'normal' again. There was no going back. He had changed her, completely and forever.

Dear God, he was so magnificent. How could such an angel have been sent to blaze into her life, awakening her, giving her world new meaning, only to rip himself from her, leaving her bereft and empty?

Bella hugged herself, rubbing her hands along her arms. What she wouldn't give to feel his arms around her again, to watch the muscles moving under his firm skin as he played the piano for her. She let herself remember his hands on her face and in her hair as his strong arms slid around her, pulling her close, giving her the precious gift of his kiss. That kiss meant something to both of them. He couldn't deny that, either.

How could she go on, having once kissed him? No one else could ever compare.

More tears fell at the thought of never kissing him again, never losing herself in his embrace, her fingers wandering over his chest and shoulders until they found a home in the soft riot of his hair. Never again would he sigh his cool breath into her mouth, the sweetness of him unraveling her, making her need to taste more of his mouth, his lips, his tongue.

His lips moved gently with hers, strangely heating them both with their coolness and sending electric sensations trailing fire through her body. Her hands clutched his hair, holding his face to hers. His arms clasped her firmly to his hard chest. They had only broken apart to breathe.

'_Bella.'_ He whispered her name as if it was a prayer, and she was his lone salvation. Angels need no saving, but there he was, pouring out his soul to her in a kiss. She welcomed it, caressed it, cherished it, held it safe for him in her heart. His fingers brushed through her hair as he held her close, her head on his shoulder. She breathed in the scent of him, spicy sweet and masculine; eau d'Edward. Her lips found his throat, and she murmured her need for him onto his cool skin. He hummed something in her ear; no, he was singing, something familiar…

Bella's eyes flew open as she recognized the song: You've Got a Friend. She raised her head from the back of the sofa, her neck even more stiff than before as she leaned out to pick up her phone from the coffee table.

"Hi, Jake," she mumbled raspily, her throat thick.

"Hey, Bella," he said, hesitating. "How're you doing?"

"Good, until you woke me up," she yawned.

"Sorry. Are you in bed already?" he asked.

Bella rubbed her eyes. "No, I just fell asleep on the sofa."

"Oh."

She waited for him to ask about the dreams again, but he didn't.

"Do you want me to get a pizza or something and come over?"

She felt guilty as she told him no.

"I haven't finished grading yet. I have to turn in the grades tomorrow before I can pick up my final paycheck for the year."

"Okay, I understand." He didn't sound convinced. "Listen, Leah called. Her mom's Christmas party is on the fourteenth. I thought you'd want to put it on your calendar."

"Great! Thanks, Jake, I will."

Sue Clearwater threw a great party every year, inviting most of La Push and several families from Forks. The food was good and plentiful as Sue and Leah would call in reinforcements from their relative, and days would be spent in preparation. Quil even took a couple of days off from the shop each year, just to help with the baking.

"The fourteenth… that's the day after the English department holiday party. Are you going to come with me to that?" she asked.

"Haven't missed one yet, have I?" he chuckled warmly, suddenly sounding more relaxed. Bella thought she heard him whisper _'still mine', _but before she could say anything, he asked, "What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Hopefully turning in my grades. Why?"

"Do you think you'll be done by lunch? I…I'd like to take you out, to celebrate the end of the semester and all, since we couldn't go yesterday…" he trailed off, sounding wistful.

"Sure, I think so. Lunch sounds good," she stated firmly.

"Good!" he repeated. "Call me when you're through at school, and I'll pick you up."

"Okay. 'Night, Jake."

"Talk to you tomorrow," he said and hung up.

Jake sounded a little too excited for just a lunch date, but then it had been a while since they spent any time together. Bella reflected back over the past several days.

'_Friday's breakfast. It's a week tomorrow since I've seen Jake without arguing about Edward.' _

Her glance fell on the nearly empty wine bottle, and she grimaced.

'_No more tonight.'_

She tossed aside the cozy throw and pushed her legs, dropping her feet to the floor. She grasped her chair and transferred herself to it, settling her feet on the metal rests. She took the bottle and glass back to the kitchen, re-corking the bottle, and rinsing the glass. With one last look at the violets on the counter, she made her way back to her desk. Shifting her purse to the floor, she unpacked the blue books from her book bag, stacking them neatly.

There would be no more reminiscing; no more thinking of _him._ Not now anyway. Though the subjects of the exams would bring him to mind, the arguments would not. She had learned that this morning.

Sighing, Bella opened the first exam booklet. With any luck, grading would take all night, and she could forego one more round of dreams. Her subconscious was full of landmines these days, and the less time she spent there, the better.

The first essay was a comparison of similarities and differences between Mr. Darcy and Romeo. The female sophomore had begun with their physical attributes, using '_buff', 'hot', _and '_awesome'_ as descriptives, and dotting each 'i' with a heart. Bella ground her teeth and sighed as she uncapped her red pen. It would be a very long night.

**A/N: I did warn you. If you are willing to come along, there is still a good bit of the ride left!**

**Thanks to all who left comments and asked if this was continuing. You didn't seriously think I'd leave you with Jake ring-shopping, did you? **

**bandmum**


	20. Is There Something I Should Know

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Thank you for all of the kind words and reviews. I missed you, too! I want to thank my beta, Momma Laura, for wrangling my commas and reuniting my infinitives. She does a lovely job and makes this prettier than it would be otherwise.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own several empty wine bottles.**

**Glossary: ADL – activities of daily living**

**SCI – spinal cord injury**

**Is There Something I Should Know? – Duran Duran 'Arena'**

**Chapter 20**

**JPOV**

Jake looked at the shop clock again and frowned. It was past one; Bella should have turned her grades in hours ago.

'_What's taking so long? What's she doing? Who's she with?' _ The words crawled through his head, and he fought to block the direction his thoughts were going.

'_No, I have to trust Bella. I _do_ trust her. But she's been so secretive lately…'_

He thought back over the conversation he had with Angela this morning. She hadn't had much to say about the Cullens. The kids had been adopted by a doctor and his wife; they kept to themselves at school and had all been good-looking. "Ridiculously attractive" was the phrase she had used. She said they had left town about the time Bella moved to Forks, and she didn't know that there had been time for Bella to get to know any of them.

Angela had no idea why Edward in particular would have contacted Bella. She actually seemed a bit put out that Bella wasn't talking to her, because this was the sort of thing that girlfriends shared. It bothered Jake that Bella would 'share' something about another guy with Angela, but how else was _he_ going to find out?

Angela had turned on him then, demanding to know what he had said to Bella to make her so angry and just why he had been searching her apartment.

"Cullen," Jake growled.

"What?" Angela's voice rose in dismay.

"He shouldn't have been there. He wasn't _supposed_ to be there. I was just making sure-"

"Jake, you idiot," Angela gasped into the phone. "No wonder she won't talk to you. I'd be surprised if she talks to _me_ for a month since I'm the reason you went there in the first place. What in the world possessed you to do that?"

"Cullen gives me the creeps," he mumbled defensively. "There's something… not _right_ about him. For one thing, he doesn't even look old enough to have been at school with you guys. I had to make sure she was all right and that she was safe."

"And _is_ Bella all right?" she demanded.

Jake hadn't been sure how to answer her.

"I think so. I mean, she was mad, but she seems fine now. Well, not 'fine', exactly… she's still not quite herself. She won't answer any of my questions about him, and I feel like she's deliberately not telling me things."

"What 'things'?"

"Like what she was doing at his hotel Tuesday night and just why he left town without saying good-bye to her." There was more, but he wasn't going to say it aloud.

'_What did he mean, he had to push her out of the door? Bella wouldn't have thrown herself at Cullen. Would she? Or was he just trying to piss me off? And threatening to come back and take her from me…'_

"At his hotel? Jake, what the hell? That really doesn't sound like Bella," Angela mused. "How do you know she was there?"

"I heard her in the background when I called to tell him his damn car was ready. Look, if you talk to her, try to find out what was going on. I think that bastard was making promises he never intended to keep. Please, Ang?" He wasn't ready to tell her anything else, and if she found out some answers for him first, maybe his fears would turn out to be completely unfounded.

"I will, if she'll talk to me…"

"Thanks. I think he hurt her somehow, but I plan to fix that as soon as possible."

"What do you mean?"

He grinned into the phone, his mood lightening a bit. "You'll like this. I've decided to listen to you and Quil and Embry. I'm not waiting until she's thirty."

Silence greeted his words, and he frowned. He had expected congratulations and excitement.

"Wow. I… wasn't exactly expecting that, though I suppose I should have. That's… great, Jake. But-"

He smiled and launched into the sure-fire plan that he'd put together. "I knew you'd like it! I'm going to take her to San Francisco next week as a surprise. It's been a while since she visited, and I'm sure Bekka would love to see her. I can take her to a show or something." He faltered a moment as Cullen's words came back to him; he'd show that damned kid. "I figured I'll take her around. We'll have a good time, and I can tell her how I feel. I'm gonna ask her while we're there. It'll be really romantic."

He suddenly realized that Angela hadn't said anything. "What, Ang? Not romantic enough?"

He heard her sigh into the phone. "No, no, major romance points. Just… are you sure you want to do this _now_?"

"Why? I thought you didn't want me to wait anymore."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, it's a lovely idea! But maybe you should give her some time to get used to the idea of the two of you as a couple before you propose. I know you love her, and I think you're meant to be together, but _she_ doesn't know."

He rubbed the back of his neck, remembering Bella's eyes when he'd almost kissed her. "I think she already knows how I feel, Ang; I just have to say it out loud."

"Right, but what about Bella? If she's feeling…_felt_… something for Edward, the timing could be worse than awkward."

'_Damn Angela for making sense.'_

Jake sighed. "That's the part that's making me crazy. I can't believe there would ever be anybody else for either of us, but this whole thing … it's like he was really after her. He gave her gifts, paid her a lot of attention, went to her place, took her to his hotel…but none of it makes sense. Bella just doesn't take up with people like that. It's almost like they had a, a _history_ or something, but you said they couldn't have."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Something happened Tuesday night after I hung up, though. I think he did or said something to hurt her, and then to just disappear without saying good-bye… not that I wanted him to have another second with her, but, still. Damn jerk. He was a real ass to me when he picked up the car, acting like he knew Bella better than I did, telling _me_ how to take care of her. Bella was mad at me when she came in that afternoon, demanding _I_ apologize to _him_." Jake snorted, "Yeah, right! Then when she found out he'd already picked up the car and left, she kind of collapsed. I thought she was going to cry, but she didn't; she just got really quiet." He stopped, remembering the confusion of emotions he had experienced shortly after.

"Oh, God. Poor Bella!" Angela's voice caught in her throat.

"She just said 'He's gone,' and that was it." Determination colored his voice. "And he _is_ gone, and _I'm_ still here for her. I always will be. She'll get over this…crush, or whatever it was, and realize we belong together. That's one of the reasons I'm taking her to San Francisco. I want to remind her how much fun we can have and show her how much I love her." He waited, anxious for her reaction.

"Okay, I see your point. I hope you're right and that it all goes well. And if she says anything to me, I promise to let you know." She hadn't sounded as convinced as he would have liked, but there hadn't been much else to say after that.

Jake frowned at the memory. Angela would call if she learned anything. The question was, would Bella talk to her? What if she didn't trust Angela anymore? Could she still be that upset, or had she forgiven Angela already, too? She had to have known Ang only did it because she was worried about her.

He straightened up from the Dodge he was working on and looked at the clock again. It was almost two. He wiped off the wrench and put it away in the tool case. He was thinking so hard about Bella that he jumped when his phone began playing Van Morrison's 'Brown-Eyed Girl'.

"Hey!" he said, cradling the phone between his chin and shoulder as he cleaned his hands.

"Hi, Jake. I'm finished." Bella sounded tired, but relieved.

"Great. What happened? It's later than I thought you'd be." He dropped the shop rag in a bucket and moved the phone to his other ear.

"Oh, sorry. I graded all night and fell asleep while I was waiting for my coffee to brew this morning. I woke up a couple of hours ago with a stiff neck and a headache, but it's better now."

"Okay. So do you want to get some lunch now?" he asked, mollified by her answer.

"You waited for me? Oh, Jake, I'm sorry," she apologized. "I grabbed a sandwich on the way in to the office. I figured you would have gone ahead without me when I didn't call earlier."

He grimaced. So much for bringing up San Francisco over lunch. "No problem. You still want me to pick you up, though, right?"

"Yes, please. I'm ready."

"Be there in a minute," he said and hung up.

'_Well, crap. I'll take her out to dinner tonight, then. I might have to work around the Winterfest crowds, but I'll find someplace that won't want a reservation.' _

He cleaned up quickly and told Embry he would see him Saturday. Shrugging into his coat, he headed out the back door of the shop to his truck.

A few minutes later, he pulled up in front of Padelford Hall which housed the University of Washington English department. Bella was waiting just inside. She met him at the curb as he got out and opened her door.

"Hey," he said, smiling at her.

"Hey," she answered quietly, her lips attempting a smile in return that failed before it began.

He leaned down to allow her to put her arms around his neck as he grasped her around the waist. She held on as he straightened up, carefully unfolded her legs, and pivoted her to the passenger seat of the truck. He set her down, and she let go of his neck, pulling herself the rest of the way inside. She leveraged against the dashboard and door handle to situate herself before settling her legs and fastening her seatbelt. Jake placed the collapsed wheelchair in the truck bed and climbed into the driver's seat.

"Ready?" he asked, glancing at her. She nodded and murmured something affirmative before looking out of her window. He watched her for a moment and turned the key.

The ride to her apartment was short and very quiet – too quiet. By the time he pulled into her parking lot, Jake felt as though he had seen more of the back of Bella's head than the road. She still didn't turn when he killed the motor. He sat silently, watching his hands run slowly along the sides of the steering wheel.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked finally.

She shifted slightly as though she had only just realized they were stopped.

"Nothing, Jake. I'm fine, just tired."

"You're lying," he said gently and heard her chuckle.

"No, I really am tired," she countered as she turned to face him.

"Is it the dreams still?"

"Yes… no. It's not…," she sighed. "It's the end of the semester. You know how much that always takes out of me."

"Yeah, but this seems a little… more than just that," he hedged.

"And it's December."

He nodded as realization dawned on him. Charlie died in December. "Right. Sorry, Bella, I just… I worry." He gripped the steering wheel with both hands and stared straight ahead through the windshield.

"I'll be all right, Jake. I've just been so busy. And everything seemed to come to a head this week, you know?" He nodded, and she cleared her throat.

"There is something else I wanted to tell you."

His head snapped up, and his dark eyes sought hers. '_Here it comes – I'm going to kill Cullen...'_

"Dr. Riggs' office called me a little while ago."

Jake's brow creased. That wasn't what he had expected at all. "What's up?"

Bella hardly even mentioned her semi-annual visits any more. Dr. Riggs had been a part of their lives so long that she was almost family.

"They're doing a new study at the research center. They're trying something experimental that might improve response, even with old traumas, and they need patient volunteers."

She looked down at her fingers as she played with the zipper of her book bag.

"And…" he encouraged.

"And I said I would."

He let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding.

"Why, Bella? Doc Riggs has always said you got back more mobility than she ever expected to begin with. Why put yourself through that for nothing?" He scratched a spot behind his left ear, confusion on his face.

She stared at him. "What do you mean, 'why'? It's a research project, Jake. To help them learn more about how older traumas respond to something new. If I could have more mobility, possibly more _feeling_, why would I not?"

He shook his head, frowning. "I just don't want to see you disappointed and hurt if this doesn't change anything. Yeah, it'd be great if you got some back. I'd be thrilled for you, you know that. But the chances of that have to be astronomically small. I think you're just setting yourself up for a big disappointment."

"Disappointment?" she said with irritation. "Even if there is absolutely nothing that can help me, I'll be no worse off than I am now, and my participation might help someone else. They need all the subjects they can get, and you know as well as I do that a lot of paraplegics never even make it to ten years."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it; the pool is small." Jake rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He hated it when she got what he privately termed an 'us and them' attitude. It wasn't as though he didn't understand; he had been with her practically since the accident.

She scowled at him. "Look. People with SCI are at a high risk of suicide in the first ten years after the injury, and the percentage is even higher for women. If I can help _anyone_, old trauma or new, to have a better quality of life and reduce that risk, I'm in. Besides, I'm free next week. What else would I do besides write Christmas cards?" She rubbed at her eyes tiredly.

Jake's head snapped towards her as his heart sank. "Next week? When?"

"Monday through Wednesday, why?"

He ground his jaw and hit the steering wheel with his fist. "Damn it!"

Bella turned towards him. "What's wrong?"

He closed his eyes and dropped his chin to his chest. "Nothing. It doesn't matter."

He felt her hand on his arm, and the sinking feeling twisted. "Tell me, please," she said softly.

He shook his head and raised his gaze to her. Her dark brown eyes were full of concern. While it would have been great to spend next week alone with her, he knew he could arrange a trip anytime. Doing this study might help take her mind off of Cullen. His temper subsided, and a rueful expression crossed his face.

"No, really, it's nothing." He reached for her hand on his arm and held it in his, stroking her fingers lightly. "Doing this is really important to you?"

"Yes, it is."

He looked up at her face and smiled. "Then go for it. I hope… it helps… _somebody_."

She smiled back. "Thanks." They sat in silence for a moment until Bella gently tugged her hand from his.

He straightened up. "So, Monday. How did Doc Riggs say this would work?"

Bella tucked her hands in the pockets of her coat. "I go to UW Medical Center and register that morning, then either stay on-site or at Harborview until the tests are over on Wednesday. She wasn't sure which yet."

"You can't leave?" Jake frowned.

"No, there will be round-the-clock monitoring of vitals and ADLs as well as specific tests and exercises. They can get a better idea of what we can and can't do that way. Though I'm afraid I won't do very well since I won't have all my Jake- conversions available." She smiled at him, and he felt ashamed of his earlier fit of temper. He grinned at her and got out of the truck cab.

'_She appreciates the things I've modified for her. She needs me,' _he thought as he pulled her wheelchair from the back of the truck and opened it.

"Thanks for the ride, Jake," she said, as he helped her slide from the truck and twist herself back into her chair. He could smell the strawberry scent of her shampoo, and he fought the urge to bury his nose in her hair.

"Anytime," he said, scooping her belongings into one hand and shutting her door. He glanced down to see her waiting with her hands out.

"I appreciate it, but I need to get inside. I'm so tired, I'm about to pass out." She reached for her book bag.

He hesitated a moment before he handed it to her. "Sure, Bella." She did look tired, and if she was still having the dreams… "Listen, call me when you wake up from your nap, and we can go get dinner."

"That's sweet, but, no. I have a feeling that I may just sleep through until tomorrow." She rolled her shoulders forward to stretch them.

"Okay, well, if you do wake up, call me, and I'll come over."

"Thanks, Jake. See you." She headed down the sidewalk to the building entrance.

He watched her go, bothered by the fact that she hadn't kissed his cheek good-bye and irritated with himself for being upset about it.

'_She doesn't _always_ kiss me, but she _usually_ does,' _he rationalized._ 'She didn't kiss me 'hello' either, though. I don't like it.'_

Grumpily, he swung himself back into the truck and headed home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just before noon on Saturday, Jake's cell phone rang. It was Angela, in town for the day.

"I just talked to Bella," was all she needed to say.

"Going to lunch!" Jake called to Embry in the shop, as he grabbed his coat.

He met her at The Continental for a Greek lunch. The homey blue-and-white atmosphere was meant to be relaxing, but neither of them was receptive to the friendly chatter of the elderly man who took their order. While they waited for their lamb burgers, Angela said that Bella called her that morning, willing to talk as well as listen. After they had straightened things out between them, Bella had dropped some very interesting comments about Edward Cullen. Once the food came, Jake was all ears.

"Apparently he came to your shop to check on his car on Sunday. Bella happened to be there dropping off some food for you. They recognized one another and went to lunch to do a bit of catching up. I asked if she remembered him all that much from school. Seems the Cullens were around a little longer after Bella moved here than I realized. She and Edward had Biology together; I didn't remember that. Anyway, they had a lot to talk about and ended up going to dinner, too. That's who she was out with Sunday night." Angela took a sip of tea and bit into a dolmade.

"She said they recognized each other Sunday?" Jake's dark brows were drawn together in confusion, as he put his burger down.

"Yes. Why?" she answered.

"Because Bella came in Wednesday right after he and that girl left the shop…"

"Alice. That's his sister."

"Yeah, her. They'd just walked out of the door, and I was bitching about what an ass he was when she came in. She asked me his name, and I told her, so she already knew he was in town."

Angela scrunched her face in concern. "Why would she lie?"

"I don't know." Jake stabbed at his Greek fries with his fork. "She was with me Wednesday night, all day Thanksgiving, and Friday morning. I talked to her on the phone Saturday, but I didn't actually see her again until Monday night."

"You think she met him before Sunday?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to think now…" His fork clattered as he threw it down on his plate. A waiter appeared, asking if everything was all right. They assured him that they were fine and ordered coffee and dessert to get him to go away again.

"How was she yesterday?" Angela asked.

"Tired. Late. She was up all night grading and fell asleep, so she turned her final grades in a couple of hours later than I expected. I ended up taking her straight home. She was going to try to catch up on her sleep." Jake rested both elbows on the table, leaning his head on his left hand, and picking at his burger with the other.

Angela studied him. "And how did she seem otherwise?"

He knew she meant Bella's reaction to Cullen leaving. "I think she was okay." He looked up, meeting her eyes. "Why, what did she say? Did she tell you what happened Tuesday?"

She shook her head. "She didn't say anything about Tuesday at all, or Wednesday, for that matter. I didn't know how to bring it up, either."

Both became lost in thought for a moment, turning their attention to their plates as the restaurant noises flowed around them.

"When do you leave for San Francisco?" Angela asked to fill the silence that threatened to swallow them both.

"Not going," Jake murmured through a bite of burger.

"Oh, now look, just because you aren't sure what's going on with Bella doesn't mean you need to cancel your trip."

He swallowed and scratched his nose. "No, it's not that. Doc Riggs has Bella doing some kind of research study that runs through next week." He sighed.

She frowned. "She didn't mention that this morning."

They sat back as the waiter set cups of coffee and saucers of honey-soaked flaky pastry before them.

"So what's the study for?" Angela asked, as she carefully lifted the top layer from her baklava with her fork.

"Some experimental thing; they needed patients with old traumas. She said it could possibly improve her mobility, but even if it didn't, it might help somebody else. I just don't want her to get her hopes up," he said.

She smiled and sipped her coffee. "That sounds more like our Bella, helping others even if it does nothing for her. What kind of tests will they run?"

"Really intensive, apparently. She has to stay on-site the whole time."

"Are they giving her medication?" Angela's dark eyes were concerned.

"I don't know. All she knew was they'd be monitoring her ADLs and doing exercises. Why?"

"If they're just measuring ADLs, she shouldn't need to stay overnight. Most research studies are surveys anyway, but if they were giving some kind of medication, I suppose they might want to monitor the subjects." For a moment she stared across the room in the general direction of a poster that rather frantically invited the viewer to 'EXPERIENCE CRETE'. She looked back at him. "When did Dr. Riggs set this up?"

Jake scraped the last drops of honey from his plate and licked his fork.

"She called Bella yesterday morning."

He glanced up from his plate. Angela was looking at him oddly.

"What?" he asked.

She dropped her gaze to her coffee cup. "It just seems so sudden…"

Jake nodded, perplexed, but he said nothing, waiting for her to finish.

"I mean, who does a research study like that? Even for a simple one, once the grant is approved, you have to request equipment, advertise for an applicant pool, sort through them, and set up a control group… all that takes time."

Jake looked thoughtful. "Doc Riggs asked Bella to participate. Maybe the researchers contacted doctors for potential candidates."

"Possibly." Angela didn't sound convinced.

"What is it? What's bugging you?" he pressed.

She sighed and raised her head to look at him. "Something about this doesn't feel right. The way it's being handled… it's rushed. No good researcher rushes anything. And I haven't heard a word about a new research study."

Jake watched as she toyed with the glass sugar canister, rocking it in a slow circle along its bottom edge. She knew more about this stuff than he did. All the years of assisting Bella had given Angela invaluable experience. When it came to choosing a career, she had stepped easily into physical therapy, and now she worked at UW Medical Center.

"It seems… unlikely… to me." She let the sugar drop back to the table with a hard _thunk _and met his gaze. "Look, don't take this the wrong way, okay Jake? But we've already determined that Bella's not acting herself lately, and we know she lied at least once-"

"Hold on." Jake held his hand up as if to stop a blow. His forehead creased, and a frown pulled at his mouth, but Angela kept going, ticking points off on her fingers.

"Face the facts. Bella lied about 'running into' Edward. She spent all day Sunday with him and was so distracted she forgot to set her alarm. Monday, she told you not to call or come by, but she had him over, instead. Tuesday, she was with him at his _hotel_, for God's sakes. Wednesday, he gets all cocky with you and then leaves town without telling her good-bye. That doesn't add up either, by the way, because after all that time spent together, even taking into account that he did something to upset her, you said she wasn't all that upset about him leaving. She stayed up all last night, 'grading', and had you drop her home so she could 'sleep'. Now she's going into some sudden research study that's going to isolate her for most of a week? Sorry, I don't buy it."

She shook her head and sat back in her chair, her fists clenched on either side of her coffee cup.

Jake felt a chill run across his shoulders at her words. What was she saying? His stomach twisted as his lunch slowly turned to lead.

"You think… it's Cullen?" He could barely manage the words as Angela's conclusion solidified his fears and squeezed the breath from his lungs.

Angela's gaze was tender as she studied him. She leaned forward suddenly, reaching across the small table to grasp his hand.

"I hate to say it, but you have to consider that he might never have really left."

Snippets of his conversations with Bella swirled in his head. She had seemed genuinely tired yesterday. Grading all night would do that, but he only had her word for what she was doing. He recalled when she came into the shop on Wednesday – how panicked she seemed over what he had said to Cullen on the phone – and her reaction when he said that Cullen was gone. He had expected her to dissolve in tears, but she had been strangely calm and pulled herself together surprisingly quickly. And her face when he'd started to kiss her…

Angela's conclusions made sense, much as he hated to admit it. He had been suspicious yesterday, and now he knew that Angela saw it, too.

His hand shook under hers, his eyes searching her face for any sign of uncertainty but finding only pity.

"But, she wouldn't… He..." But he _could,_ and the more Jake thought about it, the more likely it seemed that Cullen _had._ Had lied, had stayed, had been seeing Bella, and encouraging her to lie as well.

Anger and frustration burst through the cold shell that had clamped around his heart. If all this was true, then Cullen deserved the fight he was going to get. First though, Jake had to confirm it, and there was only one way to do that.

He sketched out a basic plan to Angela, who seemed pleased that he was approaching this methodically and not giving up. She gave her approval, and they parted, Jake promising to let her know the minute he found out anything.

He drove the few short blocks to Bella's apartment, riding through the alley in back once to ascertain that her truck was indeed in the lot. Satisfied that she was home, he parked a half block up from her building and dialed her number. She answered on the second ring.

"Hi, Jake."

"Hi, Bella. How're you feeling?"

"A little better, thanks." She still sounded tired.

"Did you get much sleep?" he asked.

She chuckled. "Some, but not enough, as usual."

The possible meaning behind her words tangled in his brain as he tried to sound nonchalant.

"Oh, well, maybe you could try a glass of wine before bed or something…" he suggested.

"Hm, I've, uh, tried that. It doesn't really help," she sighed. "And anyway, it's not so much the falling asleep as it is the _staying_ asleep. I wake up, and then there's no more sleep for Bella."

"If you're having the dreams again, maybe you should-"

"No. It's not the dreams. Okay, sometimes it's the dreams, but it's other things, too. Little noises in the bedroom, things like that. I'm such a light sleeper lately."

Jake clenched his eyes shut at the thought of what those 'little noises' could be, but they flew open when he heard her gasp. There was a _thump_ through the phone followed by Bella's soft giggle.

"What was that?" he demanded harshly.

She laughed harder, trying to speak. "I'm, huh… cleaning…ah, and the mop slipped. I knocked it into Bert and he, um, became a hockey puck for a minute," she snorted.

Jake scowled. "Oh?" was all he could get out.

She giggled again. "Sorry, it wasn't really all that funny. I'm a little punch drunk, I guess. I need to finish this up so I can get back in the bed."

His heart lurching at her words, Jake said good-bye and then sat for a moment, staring at the phone in his hand. He tried calmly to recall everything she said and make it innocent, but his worried mind wouldn't let him. Pulling up his coat collar, he got out of his truck, walked down to Bella's building and along the side to the back. A good look around the lot reassured him that there were no silver Volvos parked there.

This was the right thing to do, and he needed to _do_ something. He certainly wasn't going to sit back and let Cullen take his place at Bella's side. Not today. Not ever.

Jake climbed into his truck and settled back in the seat. The icy damp Seattle air was already making the cab uncomfortable, but he didn't care. Cullen had challenged him; if Jake's suspicions were correct, then a few chills would be worth it to show them all how well he could take care of Bella.

**A/N: Jealousy isn't pretty, Jake. That's why I'm leaving you stuck in your truck on a cold Seattle afternoon. **

**Thanks for reading! **

**bandmum**


	21. Can't Stand Losing You

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Love all the comments! Several of you agreed that Jake needed a 'time out' in his truck. Thanks again to my dear Momma Laura for tidying my messes and for complimenting my gerunds. I'm glad you know what they are and that I get them right. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own the ingredients to make both dolmades and baklava. Be jealous.**

**Can't Stand Losing You – The Police 'Every Breath You Take'**

**Chapter 21**

**BPOV**

Bella lay in bed on Sunday morning, mentally running through the things she needed to take care of prior to Monday's testing. It was as much an actual attempt at organization as it was an effort to shake off the effects of the dream that woke her. It was odd that she almost missed her old nightmares; they were at least familiar. The dreams she had now were darker and much more painful.

They all revolved around him, of course, and his cold, cruel removal of her heart.

She sometimes wished he had literally removed it, instead of figuratively. It wouldn't ache so badly then. She sighed and began the process of getting up and ready for her day.

Once she had showered and dressed, she started a load of laundry. Mundane chores helped keep her busy and her mind off of things she didn't want to think about, which made it easier to concentrate on things she did, like grocery shopping. Since she wouldn't be home for half of the week, there was no sense in buying a bunch of food. She started a list of what she would need for dinner when she came home, as well as a list of things to take with her to the Research Center.

Other than a few items to make sandwiches, she didn't need much, but she was low on one important staple. She wrote down 'wine'. Even if she wouldn't be home, it would be comforting to know there was a bottle or two chilling for her when the testing was over. She would probably be too tired to make anything fussy when she came home, so 'pizza' also went on the list. She stared at the two words and struggled not to re-live the last time she had eaten that particular meal.

She could see his amber eyes as he watched her eat, picking his own slice to pieces. How the amber turned to gold when he had explained that he left Forks because he had been too dangerous to be around, and then sparkling like topaz, crinkling in amusement when he had shooed her from her own kitchen so he could do their dishes.

Bella shook her head, trying to stop the memory loop her brain kept replaying. If it kept on, she'd remember how dark his eyes had been when he came back to her after Jake left; how delighted he was to take her to listen to the jazz combo at his hotel. If she remembered that far, there would be no stopping the waves of thoughts until they brought her once again to the agony she'd felt when Jake told her that he had gone.

There wasn't time for another of those trips down misery lane. She had things to do, and there was no point in rehashing it anyway; it didn't change how she felt or the fact that he was gone. She wiped angrily at a tear that had managed to escape, even though her eyes had been squeezed tightly shut.

'_Traitor.'_

She opened her eyes and looked at the vase that was still in the kitchen, the violets now decidedly wilted. There was no more chance of reviving them. She left the list on the kitchen counter and pulled a few sheets of paper towels free from the roll. She carefully removed the flowers and laid them out, blotting the stems dry. She dumped the water from the vase and washed it before putting it away, then turned back to the violets. They looked so frail and forlorn, the same way she felt. She reached for the coffee cup on the counter that held the blossoms which had already fallen from the nosegay, and scattered them loosely around the limp stems on the towel. She folded the paper towel over the flowers and reached into a cabinet for a casserole dish, which she placed on top as a weight. By the time she got home on Wednesday, they would be pressed and nearly dry.

Wednesday. She had come to dread that word last week, yet the day had come and gone, and here she was at Sunday again. Her head swam at the realization. One week ago he had walked into Jake's shop, back into her life and into her heart. As much as she wanted to deny it, she knew it was true. She cared for him, more than she should. He had charmed her, wined and dined her, and flat-out romanced her. He had to know what he was doing to her; the effect he had on her made it hard for her to breathe.

Bella's eyes were on the paper towels, but her mind wasn't. One week ago, he brought those violets to her, because they reminded him of the silly ones on that hat…

'_That hat… oh, God, please, no. I can't take this.' _She shuddered, and another tear escaped her eye. What was the point of wiping them away if they were just going to keep coming?

She dropped her head into her hands, and a sob wrenched through her. The pain would get better; it _had_ to get better. Time heals all wounds, after all. But she didn't believe it. She knew firsthand how time and wounds worked, and healing wasn't always what happened. Sometimes, the wounds just stayed there, refusing to get any better, no matter how you tried to pretend they were. Sometimes, you just had to learn to live with a hole.

Several minutes passed as Bella struggled for composure. She had things to do. She was an independent woman, with a good job and good friends. She was about to take part in something that could well be a breakthrough for spinal cord injury medicine. Her life was full and content, and the entrance of one beautiful man into it for a few days was not going to disrupt that.

'_I suck at pep talks. Dear God. If I can't get him out of my heart, can I at least get him out of my head for a little while?' _She shook her head again, as if she could physically dislodge the image of him from her mind.

'_That's it – I have to get out of here. Grocery shopping and dry cleaning, here I come.' _

Bella grabbed her coat and purse and headed out of the door. Once outside, she was stunned by the beauty of the day. Winter in the northwest was fairly standard – cold and wet. Today was still quite chilly, but the sun was shining in a brilliant clear blue sky, bringing a welcome reprieve from the usual gloom. It lifted her spirits and gave her a small bit of hope that things would, indeed, be better soon. Until she remembered that last Tuesday had also been a sunny day such as this, the last day she had felt the least shred of happiness.

Her errands were simple and actually took very little time. She added a few extra things to her grocery basket, trying in vain to hide the wine bottles and pizza box from her sight, and ended up with more food than she could have eaten if she were going to be home all week. At the dry cleaners, she had a difficult moment when the clerk handed back not only two skirts and a pair of slacks, but the deep blue dress she had forgotten she left there last Monday. She made it back to her truck before the first tears splattered softly on the protective plastic bag.

It was the dress that did it. Bella could see it from the corner of her eye as she drove, draped carefully across the passenger seat as though it were the rarest of silks, the color taunting her with the words he had murmured to her.

_"Kryptonite doesn't make me weak, Bella. But violets do."_

On an impulse, she drove past her apartment and turned at the corner. She spent a few minutes searching along the street for a place to park, finally finding one nearly a block from her intended destination. She was grateful for the fine weather then; it had been raining the last time she was here.

The same woman was behind the counter, smiling indulgently as Bella carefully made her way back to the corner that held the clothes. The musty scent of dust and age pulled her back a week in time. She knew if she closed her eyes, he would be there, laughing at himself, peering at her over those awful sunglasses, kissing her glove, asking… Her eyes closed against her will, and she fought to keep the sob from rising in her throat.

_"Miss Bennet, may I escort you to dinner?" _

Her eyes flew open, tears clinging to her lashes. That incredibly velvet voice still sounded in her ears. She swiped at her eyes and glanced around, hardly daring to hope to find what she was looking for. Surely someone else had been here. Someone else must have wandered through, a costumer perhaps, or someone going to a masquerade… but, no. It was still here. All of it. There, on the chest, just as he had placed it a week ago, was a small pile of Day-Glo orange feathers and chartreuse linen, red silk and ivory lace. A pair of mirrored sunglasses leaned saucily against a bent cardboard box.

Bella's hands shook as she reached for the box, knocking the glasses onto the pile of clothes. Hardly daring to breathe, she lifted the lid.

Black silk gleamed from its depths, and frazzled purple blossoms drooped on the inky shadow of the band. A small gasp escaped her lips, and she tentatively touched the crown. She could feel the weave of the silk; it made a whispery sound as she trailed her fingers across it. Carefully, she replaced the lid. The treasure was hers.

Clutching the box, she started to wheel towards the counter, but stopped, looking back at the sad little pile. She argued with herself for a moment, but there was really nothing else to do. Just as with the gloves, no one else should wear these things. They were _theirs_.

The woman looked up as Bella placed her tatty collection on the counter. She smiled in recognition and began to ring up the sale, wrapping each item lovingly as though it were spun glass. Her lonely chatter swept over Bella, neither waiting for responses nor expecting them.

"You were in here last week, weren't you? With that handsome boy who bought you gloves. He is a looker, isn't he? Is this for him? A Christmas present for your boyfriend? My, he _will_ look handsome in this hat! You might want to get a fresh posy for the band though; this one's seen better days. Another purple flower would be nice. It would go quite well with all that pretty coppery hair. Oh, yes, I remember! I haven't seen such pretty hair on a fellow in, oh, thirty years! You do make quite the handsome couple. I thought _that_ the minute the two of you came in last week. Raining cats and dogs and the two of you giggling back there in the corner. I thought to myself, 'Now that's a fine looking couple back there, her with her pretty dark ringlets and him with…,' oh, what do they call it now? There's something the kids at the college say… Oh, I know! 'Sex hair!'"

Twenty shades of red crossed Bella's face in half as many seconds as she paid for her purchases and exited the shop as quickly as she could. Once outside and on her way back to her truck, the insanity of what had just happened took hold, and she had to stop until the fit of giggles passed.

It felt good to laugh, but it was short-lived. Her gasps for breath shortly turned to soft sobs as she continued to her truck. Once she was inside the cab with the box and other packages nestled on the floor of the passenger side, she rested her head on the steering wheel.

'_What am I doing? Why did I buy all that? Just so no one else would? How pathetic! It isn't even anything I can use, and I certainly can't give any of it as Christmas gifts, not even as gag gifts to Embry or Quil…'_ She felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She would never consider giving any of it away, of course. It was too personal, too special. If only he could have heard that woman! He would have laughed so hard, his golden eyes would have crinkled. What she wouldn't give to be able to tell him about it, to be the reason for the crinkles and the music that was his laughter.

Another tear fell, and Bella started the truck. It wouldn't do to fall apart out here on the street; she had a perfectly good apartment that was much more private. Besides, there were still groceries to put away, laundry to finish, bills to pay, and packing to do. Nice, quiet, mundane things to keep her mind off of violets.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mondays, as a rule, suck. It's part of their job description. If there is something that could go wrong any day of the week, it will inevitably be Monday that gets the short straw.

Bella was having a clear case of the Mondays. To begin with, she forgot to set her alarm. Again. It wasn't that big of a deal in the long run, as she was awakened by dreams a little after four and couldn't get back to sleep, so she wasn't late. But she was tired, and a tired Bella was cranky and short-tempered. That may have had something to do with the ticket she got. That, and no coffee.

No coffee was already the worst part of this research project. They wanted the participants to be stimulant and depressant free from Day One. She had to fast from midnight on, which wasn't too bad, but she wasn't allowed to drink anything other than water after three o'clock on Sunday. She'd had to attempt sleep without even one small glass of wine, which meant she didn't fall asleep until well after midnight.

So now, running on a bit less than four hours of sleep and no food, finally registered and assigned to report to Harborview Medical Center, Bella fumed as she looked at the ticket stuck under her windshield wiper. She had been in a hurry to park and all of the handicap spaces were full; there was a car in one of them that had no tag. This was one of her pet peeves, and she couldn't wait for this moron to discover the huge fine he was going to have to pay for his discourtesy. She had to park two rows down on the end, and in her aggravated state hadn't noticed she was in the staff parking section. Now she had a parking ticket on her windshield that she couldn't reach from inside the cab or from the ground.

The ticket could just stay there. She had called Jake to tell him she would be at Harborview, and he had agreed to take her truck back to her apartment for her. That's when she had gone out to get her bag and found the ticket. She sighed and started the truck; at least she could move to a handicap spot now.

Bella re-parked, double checking the section first. She got her bag and headed to the shuttle stop to wait for her ride to Harborview. It was a simple service that UW medical provided, connecting all the medical campuses and making it easier for patients to get to their appointments. It also was going to save her some money. Parking wasn't cheap at Harborview and it would really add up over three days. Since her little impulsive shopping spree yesterday, she was going to have to watch her budget when she got home. She wondered briefly if there was a monetary compensation for the research participants that Dr. Riggs hadn't mentioned, but immediately felt guilty for it. Research monies were better spent on paying the researchers than the subjects.

As the shuttle trundled across Portage Bay, it occurred to her that she still hadn't done any Christmas shopping. Now that the semester was over, she would have some time to cruise around the university area, poking about in fun little shops… Bella squeezed her eyes shut and dropped her chin to her chest for a moment before lifting her head to look out the window. Somehow exploring those shops had lost its appeal. Perhaps it would be an internet Christmas after all.

The shuttle left I-5 and returned to street level. Bella's heart leaped to her throat for just a moment as they crossed Madison heading south. She had forgotten how close Harborview was to the Sorrento Hotel. She counted the blocks in her head.

'_Five… six… seven. Probably no more than a half mile away, but it might as well be in Alaska. Not that it matters – he isn't there anymore, anyway. Gone back to Vermont, I guess. Wait… he said he _didn't_ live in Vermont. He didn't ever actually say where he lives now.'_ Bella sighed as the shuttle came to a stop in a passenger loading zone outside of Harborview.

When was this going to stop hurting? She had known from the beginning that he was going to leave; it had been his plan all along to go when his car was ready. So why had she let herself get so attached? It wasn't like her to allow strangers to get so close to her, but then, he was no stranger. He had lived in her head for a decade; now that they were formally introduced, he had moved to her heart.

Her musings were interrupted by center staff asking her questions. A pretty nursing assistant took her paperwork and information and led her upstairs, through the labyrinth of offices, examination rooms, and labs, to an area that had been set up specifically for this research project. It took two rooms to hold it all.

In the first, counters and desktops were covered in computers and equipment. Freestanding diagnostic machines hummed in a row as last-minute tests were run to ensure they were working properly. A variety of exercise and stress measurement equipment was set up around the second room, cables running along the floorboards connecting them to the data receptacles in the first room. Center staff, doctors, and researchers milled around, each intent on a specific task in preparation for the testing.

The NA brought her to a room just off of the main research area that would be her home for the next few days. There were three rooms, each identical in layout, beds, and equipment. Bella's was on the end. The other two test subjects were parked in the doorways of their respective rooms, watching the organized chaos. One she knew by sight as one of Dr. Riggs' patients; she had seen him on occasion when she had gone in for check-ups. She thought his name was Randy. He was a few years older than she was, tanned and attractive with a very athletic build. He had on a sleeveless team jersey that showcased his muscular arms and powerful torso. Randy seemed to be full of energy. He couldn't keep still, rocking the wheels of his racer chair back and forth, impatient to get started.

The other subject was unfamiliar to her, an older gentleman who sat quietly with his hands folded together in his lap. Now and then he would raise one hand to rub absently at his ruddy cheek and chin. He had watched Bella and the NA cross the room to her new quarters with mild interest.

When she had her things unpacked and settled into the unfamiliar dresser and bathroom, Bella also felt drawn to the doorway. There were so many people and machines for just the three of them. She felt a bit overwhelmed by all the activity and was glad that for the next three days at least, she only had to do what the researchers asked of her. No decisions, no worries and little time to think were just what she needed. Maybe by the time Wednesday rolled around, she wouldn't still be constantly thinking of him.

She pulled her chair into her doorway like the others and sighed, rubbing her arms with her hands. It was always cold in these places. Her neighbor quickly wheeled out of his door and over to her, his hand out.

"Hey, I'm Randy! You're one of Dr. Riggs', too, aren't you?"

She nodded and shook his hand. "I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you."

Randy grinned, then let go of her and spun his chair back around. He tilted his head to indicate the other man as he did. "That's Frank. He's with Dr. Sanchez."

Frank raised one hand and waved as a small smile crossed his face. "Hello, Bella. Welcome to the circus." He chuckled at his joke and turned back to watching the commotion in front of them.

Randy shook his head and gave her a wry grin. He swiveled his chair in small arcs, occasionally popping a wheelie and balancing on just his back wheels for a few seconds before dropping the front ones back to the floor. Bella watched and decided his injury was probably self-inflicted; Randy seemed like a risk taker. She glanced over to see Frank looking at her from the corner of his eyes. He raised one eyebrow, looked pointedly at Randy and rolled his eyes, making Bella giggle.

Randy looked up at her. "What'd you do?"

Bella glanced back at him. "I'm sorry?"

He smirked at her. "How did you end up in a chair?"

"Car wreck." It wasn't exactly true, but it was close enough. It was her standard answer when she didn't feel like explaining.

He nodded and swung his chair in circles. "I was cliff diving and picked a bad spot with some submerged rocks. You ever do any cliff diving, Bella?" His blue eyes were intently roaming over her face.

She blushed and chuckled nervously. "Um, no. No cliff diving." Why was he looking at her like that?

"It's fun. Well, when you just hit water and nothing else, it is. The best part is feeling like you're flying. Just soaring, like you could touch the clouds. It's like sky-diving without all the confinement of a parachute. You don't sky-dive, do you, Bella?"

What was wrong with him? Bella felt her cheeks burning as he kept staring at her. "No, I don't sky-dive. I see no point in leaving a perfectly good airplane."

"Ha ha ha! That's funny! You crack me up, Bella!" Randy chortled, swinging his chair around so he could lightly punch Bella's right arm. She drew back in dismay. He hadn't hurt her, but he had definitely crossed a line as far as personal space was concerned. She rubbed at her arm and glanced at Frank. He was glowering at Randy.

"Cool it, kid," he said in voice made of gravel. "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to hit girls? Or did you hit your head on those rocks, too?"

Randy's gaze flickered to Frank then swiveled back to Bella. "Frank's worried I hurt you. I didn't hurt you, did I Bella?" His eyebrows rose as he resumed his intense stare.

Bella knew her entire face must be scarlet. This was ridiculous. This idiot really needed to learn some manners, or at least basic social interaction. She raised her head and narrowed her eyes, staring right back at him. His eyes shifted then, and he seemed to lose his composure.

"No, Randy, you didn't. But don't touch me again." Her voice was hard.

"Sorry, Bella. I was just being friendly. I didn't mean anything by it," he was almost whining.

Now it was Bella's turn to roll her eyes. "All right. No harm done." She started to turn her chair around to go into her room, but saw a couple of the research staff approaching.

The woman had short blonde hair and very long legs, which Bella could see had already captured Randy's interest. She smirked to herself as the woman spoke.

"Thank you all for agreeing to take part in this study. I'm Dr. Harris. This is Nurse Allen," she indicated the stocky man at her side. "He will be in charge of monitoring your vital signs, intake and output, and any ADLs you may need assistance with today. There will be other nurses and interns who will rotate through our research project, but you will see the same faces each day. We want you to understand everything we ask you to do during your stay with us, so please, if you have any questions, ask. We want the most accurate results possible and we can't get them if you aren't honest with us. If anything hurts, or otherwise makes you uncomfortable, you _must_ let us know. Is that clear?"

Bella nodded. From the corner of her eye, she saw Frank rub his hand over his chin again as he nodded. Randy grinned. "Sure, Doc! Anything you want." He winked at her, but she ignored it.

"Good. We'll be getting started here shortly with your vital signs and output, so if you would each please go into your rooms, someone will be with you in a moment." Dr. Harris looked down at her clipboard and turned to consult with Nurse Allen as Bella wheeled herself back through the door.

She moved over to the window and stared out, trying to discern which side of the building she was on. She hadn't been paying attention in the elevator and wasn't entirely sure what floor she was on, but from the looks of the buildings nearby, she was above the sixth floor. She let her eyes follow the street and spotted St. James Cathedral a few blocks away. So that was Ninth Avenue below her. Her eyes strained to see past buildings and trees, but there were too many. The Sorrento Hotel was out there, one street over, just out of sight. She wondered if she were able to get up to the fourteenth and top floor of Harborview, would she be able to see the penthouse patio then?

Bella's reverie was interrupted by Nurse Allen and another, older nurse who introduced herself as Vicky. They briskly and efficiently weighed her, measured her height, took her vital signs, noted the amount of urine in her catheter bag and told her that she could empty it if she wished. She asked about meals, and Vicky smiled.

"You must be hungry. They'll bring up some breakfast for you soon. You'll have a selection of food to choose from for meals each day. You'll get that form with your breakfast each morning. Anytime you eat or drink anything other than what comes with your meals, though, you need to make sure we know. We have to chart your input. Okay?" Her eyes were kind.

Bella thanked her, and they left, promising someone would be along in a few minutes to get her set up with the first test. She went back to the window and stared up Ninth Avenue, leaning her head against the cool glass. She wondered where he was and what he was doing. Had he gotten home alright? That thought hadn't occurred to her before, and a sudden chill ran through her. What if something else had happened to the Volvo? His phone was off; he might have had a wreck and the phone…

She shook her head at the tears that filled her eyes. She was making herself worry for nothing. She had no reason to think he _hadn't_ gotten home, but then, she had no idea where 'home' was. As she thought about it, she realized that though they had shared so much, and he had answered her questions, she really still knew very little about him. That was the saddest thought of all, because she knew her chance was gone forever.

"Miss Swan? Are you alright?"

It was Vicky with a breakfast tray. Her kind eyes were concerned as she took in Bella at the window with tears on her cheeks.

Bella wiped her eyes as she flushed pink. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you." She looked up to see skepticism cross Vicky's face, and she gave her a wobbly smile. "Really. And please, call me Bella."

Vicky put the tray down on the adjustable table and lowered it to Bella's height. She put her hand on Bella's shoulder and leaned down to look in her eyes. "Frank told me what happened with Randy earlier. Is that what upset you?"

Bella's eyes flew wide. "Oh, no! It has nothing to do with that. That was just… dumb. He was being a jerk, that's all."

Vicky nodded and straightened up again. "Okay. But if you need to talk about anything, I'll be glad to listen." She patted Bella's shoulder. Bella could only nod as Vicky left the room.

Bella still hadn't touched her tray when the intern came to get her for the first test.

They started with baseline readings to see what she could do. They attached electrical nodes to her chest and back to measure her heart rate and respiration. She lifted things, pulled things, pushed things and rowed a machine like a boat. After each test, they took her vital signs. They stopped for lunch, and Bella ate something finally, but an hour later she couldn't remember what she had. They took x-rays and a CAT scan, and what felt like a million other scans of her neck, legs, spine, and pelvis. By the time they let her go for the evening, Bella was exhausted.

She was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open to wait for her dinner tray, but the headache she had developed wouldn't let her rest. She decided to get a shower while she waited, and perhaps it would wake her up a little. She made a note on the chart on the bathroom door, checking off 'shower' and 'wash hair'.

The hot water wasn't her hot water and the shower head wasn't hers, but it still felt wonderful. Some of the tests they gave were supposed to measure stress. Bella wondered if the researchers took into account the additional stress put on the subjects by giving them the tests in an unfamiliar environment. She washed her hair with the shampoo and conditioner she had packed, and by the time her shower was through, she almost felt human again.

Her dinner tray was on the adjustable table when she came out of the bathroom in her pajamas, a metal cover over the plate to keep it warm. For a moment she played a guessing game with herself, trying to remember what she had ordered for dinner this morning. Nothing came to mind, so she lifted the cover and looked. Baked chicken with green beans and mashed potatoes, a small salad and a small bowl of red Jell-o cubes. She smiled to herself; obviously, she hadn't ordered anything this morning, because this was not a meal she would have picked. Well, not the Jell-o. She would have picked pudding over that, preferably chocolate.

Bella sighed and picked up her fork. Ten minutes later, she had only managed a few bites of chicken and potatoes, most of the green beans and the tomatoes from the salad. She did drink the apple juice and the milk that came with the meal. It was important to stay hydrated. She wondered if she asked would they give her something for the headache.

She was again by the window, resting her throbbing head against the chilled glass when someone tapped on her door. A younger nurse peeked around the door, asking if she was through with her tray. Bella nodded and went back to watching the lights of the city outside. She didn't hear the door close so she looked up to see the woman standing by the table, looking at her tray in dismay.

She met Bella's eyes, and hers were troubled.

"You need to eat more than this, Miss Swan. The research depends on you being at your fittest, and you can't be if you don't eat. Was there something wrong with the chicken?" she asked.

Bella shook her head then realized she could at least give the nurse an answer. "No, it was fine. I just wasn't hungry for some reason. I guess I'm just too tired to eat."

The woman looked at her fully then, and Bella could see something that almost looked like worry in her eyes. She nodded and picked up the tray.

"Be sure you eat all of your breakfast tomorrow, then. You didn't this morning and that may be one reason you're so tired."

Bella had to agree with her, but this morning seemed so far away. She couldn't remember what they had brought her for breakfast.

As the nurse opened the door, Bella sat forward and called to her. "Miss…"

"It's Anna, Miss Swan. Did you need something else?" she said as she paused in the doorway.

"Yes, I have a terrible headache. Can you give me something for it?"

Anna hesitated a moment, looking at Bella. "I'm sorry, Miss Swan, but we can't allow any stimulants or depressants during the testing period, and that includes pain medication. I can get you a cool pack if you would like."

Bella sighed. "Yes, please," she murmured and leaned back against the window.

Anna returned in a few moments with the cool pack wrapped in a wash cloth. She handed it to Bella and asked if she wanted any assistance in getting in the hospital bed. Bella looked around in surprise. She hadn't even given the height of the bed much thought. She nodded and let Anna help her transfer from her chair onto the bed. Once she was settled, Anna took Bella's vitals again and measured her output. She then pulled a machine a bit closer to the bed and explained that she was going to attach electrodes to Bella's temples and breastbone for overnight monitoring of her brain activity, respiration, and heartbeat. When she finished, she raised the rails for safety and placed the nurse call button on it so Bella could reach it if she needed anything before morning. She smoothed the blankets down and asked if there was anything else.

"Just one thing, Anna. Please call me Bella," she said.

Anna smiled for the first time. "Good night, Bella." She switched off the light as she closed the door, leaving Bella in darkness.

She positioned the cool pack on her forehead and felt its cooling comfort spread through the cloth to her skin and into her aching head. She stared out the window at the lights of Seattle until her eyes would no longer stay open, and she dreamed.

She was in an unfamiliar place, a meadow of some kind, full of strange flowers with an unusual yet familiar scent. She was whole again and could walk and run in this beautiful place, but as she came to the woods that bordered it, she slowed and stopped. She was afraid that if she left the meadow, she would no longer have the use of her legs. She turned then and ran the perimeter of the meadow, feet flying over the ground, racing her own shadow that struggled to keep pace with her in the sunlight. Her heart pounded with the joy of running.

As she ran, something in the center of the meadow caught her eye. She stopped and turned to see a figure standing motionless, watching her. She ran her hands through her wind-tangled hair and slowly stepped towards the figure. After only a few yards she realized who it was.

She kept going towards him, wary of his eyes on her and whether or not he would turn and run from her. He didn't move until she was mere feet from him. She stopped, barely daring to breathe. His warm amber eyes gazed at her, and he smiled, holding his arms out to her. She ran to him then and wrapped her arms around him as he picked her up and swung her around, laughing that beautiful musical laugh that belonged to only him. She held him tightly and realized that the scent of the meadow flowers was his scent, cool and crisp and male. It made her laugh, and she threw her head back, closing her eyes as he spun her in circles in the middle of the meadow. She felt his cool lips on her throat, and she sighed at the heat they left behind.

"Edward." She breathed his name, finally allowing it to cross her lips.

"Bella," he growled back as he ravaged her neck.

She raised her head to look down at him. There was something wrong. His mouth was too red and shiny and wet. His eyes were wrong, too. The gold was gone, and the black of her old dreams was back. His red wet shiny mouth said her name again, and he kissed her neck again. She let him, even as she knew what he was doing. It was the price she had to pay of course; it was why she had been allowed in the meadow. She had been given her legs again, and this was the price she would pay for that gift. She paid it willingly.

Bella woke with a start, her heart pounding as she clawed at her throat, her fingers finding the cool pack that had slipped down. She was disoriented at first, but she recognized her surroundings quickly enough. It was still quite dark, and she took deep calming breaths as she again gazed at the lights of the city beyond her window.

'_What a strange dream! I can almost still smell his scent. I wasn't afraid this time, either. I was happy to give him what he wanted.' _

She chuckled to herself as the dream triggered memories of their vampire conversations. He had been upset, ridiculously so, over the idea that she would be willing to be changed by a vampire.

'_Well, who wouldn't want to live forever?'_ she yawned, realizing suddenly that her headache was gone. That cool pack was a wonder.

Someone tapped lightly on her door and pushed it open. The light from the room beyond silhouetted the figure and Bella squinted against it, trying to see who it was.

"It's Anna, Bella. Are you all right?" Anna came to the bed and checked the position of the electrodes. "Your readings started going a little haywire for a minute." She studied the machine and poked at a few buttons.

"I'm okay. I was just dreaming, I guess. Sorry about that," Bella said as she rubbed her eyes.

Anna chuckled. "No need to apologize for dreaming, Bella. It's normal; expected, even. Were you having a nightmare, though? Your heart rate was kinda high."

Bella thought a moment. Was it a nightmare? Technically, she supposed it was. But she hadn't been frightened because she was in his arms, the one place she longed to be.

"No, I don't think it was. I just remember running."

Anna's hand hesitated over a knob on the machine, and she looked at Bella. "You were dreaming you could use your legs?"

Bella nodded. "It was wonderful to run," she sighed.

Anna let another rare smile cross her face. "Maybe what we are doing here will make that possible. Get some sleep, Bella. You're going to need it." She finished her adjustments to the machine and patted Bella's arm as she left the room. When the door had closed again, Bella turned her head back to the window.

'_Running would be nice. Walking would be great. But I would almost take simply 'feeling' again over that.'_ Bella rested one fist on her thigh, lightly tapping it. She might as well have been hitting the bed. She sighed again and closed her eyes, hoping with all her might that he was still waiting for her in her dreams, bloody mouth and all.

**A/N: I'm not sure if that dream is an improvement over the other ones or not. Thanks for reading!**

**bandmum**


	22. My Heart, Your Hands

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Thanks for all the kind words. I almost envy Bella her dreams, too. **

**I owe all the prettiness to my beta, Momma Laura. She polishes everything up so it sparkles like a Cullen. Thanks for everything, hon, and enjoy those kids!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I used to be a nursing assistant. **

**My Heart, Your Hands – Dommin 'My Heart, Your Hands'**

**Chapter 22**

**JPOV**

Droplets trickled down the windows as the evening drizzle intensified to rain, obscuring what was left of the grey daylight that wrapped around the house. Jake sat hunched over the remains of a late afternoon cup of coffee, staring out at the gloom; it reflected his mood. He was normally a sunny, optimistic person, but lately his thoughts and emotions were running ever darker. He frowned to himself. He hated feeling this way, but it was getting harder and harder to pull himself out of it. There was less and less to smile about it seemed, and it all led back to Cullen.

The name ran through his mind, and his fist clenched his coffee mug. There was a sharp _snap__,_ and he looked down in surprise at the handle in his fingers, dusted with ceramic chips. A thin red line appeared along the side of his index finger. He watched the drop of blood swell until it gained enough mass to begin a slow journey towards his palm. He sighed and got up from his chair. He headed to the bathroom, tossing the handle into the trash can before rinsing his hand and getting out the first aid kit.

The Band-aid looked odd against his dark skin and much too small to do its job properly. It irritated him. He was usually careful to avoid nicks and cuts because the resulting bandage always got in the way at work. At least he was a fast healer; this would be no more than a scratch by morning.

As he put away the kit and closed the medicine cabinet, he glanced up into the mirror. Straight glossy black hair fell past his shoulders, framing dark eyes in a russet face. The eyes were troubled, and he quickly looked away, turning to head back to the living room. He caught up the empty coffee cup from the side table and took it to the kitchen, rinsing it before tossing it into the trash as well. He leaned against the counter and let his head fall back.

Thoughts of Bella circled in his mind: her laughter at Thanksgiving, the distant expression on her face the next morning in the shop, her anger when he had gone through her apartment, and the look in her eyes when he had almost kissed her. That look had nearly killed him. He had hoped to find acceptance there, but instead he saw shock and rejection. She didn't want him to kiss her. He knew it had to have something to do with Cullen.

Jake pushed himself away from the counter and wandered back into the living room, stopping by the window to watch the rain as it poured down harder. Bella was different somehow. She was still _his _Bella, but there was something wrong. He couldn't put his finger on it, but she seemed lost or… broken. She was going to have to answer his questions about Cullen sooner or later. He couldn't stand to see her like this. It wasn't right for her to be anything but happy, and he'd gladly spend the rest of his life doing whatever he could to make her happy again.

His hand wandered to the back of his neck, rubbing distractedly as he pondered the past couple of days. He'd fallen asleep in his truck Saturday night, waking stiff and cold mid-morning on Sunday to find Bella's truck missing. He had cursed his stupidity for not just going home and coming back early in the morning. He could wait for her to come back and hopefully not catch him lurking, or go home. He opted for choice number two. He needed coffee, food, a shower, and to call her, not necessarily in that order.

When Bella answered her phone, she sounded preoccupied. She said she had just gotten home from the market, but she couldn't talk because she still had to finish her chores and pack for the center. Jake couldn't help wondering if that was really where she was going. He asked if she knew yet where she would be located. She didn't, but said she would call him in the morning to let him know. He tried to listen for background noises that might indicate she was at least alone, but all he could hear was some discordant piano music that sounded annoying. He ended the call rather than try to keep her on the phone, because it was giving him a headache, faint though it was.

She kept her word and called Monday, very early. He had been surprised to see she had gotten a parking ticket when he picked up her truck; she hadn't mentioned it when she called, and she was parked correctly. He pulled it from under her windshield wiper and tossed it into her glove compartment. He'd tell her where it was when he talked to her again.

He thought she would call him Monday night, at least to say how the testing was going, but she hadn't. It bugged him. They used to talk every day, whether they saw one another or not, but that was another thing that had changed. They used to share everything, but since that freak came into her – their – lives, Jake felt as if he didn't even know her anymore.

Bella _was_ different. She was always tired and got mad so easily these days. He knew she was dealing with a lot, but the semester was over now. It was time to relax and enjoy the holidays. Once she got through with this study, he was going to make sure she did just that. Friday would be the English Department party. She always enjoyed the last hurrah of the semester with her colleagues. Some years there had been readings of holiday stories and poetry which put everyone in a festive frame of mind.

Saturday, they were going to Sue Clearwater's for her annual party in La Push. Quil was already preparing for it. He had been surfing online for recipes and writing out grocery lists of ingredients in between working on cars all day yesterday. Jake tried to see what he was planning to make, but Quil's concoctions were always a closely guarded secret until he revealed them at the party. He even went so far as to delete his browsing history each time he had to leave the computer.

Two parties back-to-back were bound to improve Bella's mood. She just needed to get out a bit and be around their friends. Other than turning in her grades and calling Angela, she had all but isolated herself since Wednesday, and that couldn't be healthy. She needed some social interaction to help get her mind off of Cullen.

Jake rubbed at his neck again. He wished he could get Cullen off of his own mind. Ever since Angela's comment, he wondered if it were true. Had Cullen lied to him and stayed in Seattle after all? Was he the real reason Bella was away? Jake hated not trusting her, but as Angela pointed out, Bella _had_ lied. He wondered what other lies she had told, but quickly shied away from that train of thought. It was too painful to contemplate.

On an impulse, Jake pulled out his cell phone and dialed Bella's number. She picked up on the second ring and, though her voice sounded tired, a thrill ran through him just hearing her say his name.

"Hey," he said as a smile crossed his face. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" He mentally kicked himself as he realized what he said.

'_Please, please let her really be at Harborview.'_

"No, I'm through for today, thank God. I'm just in my room, watching the rain and waiting for them to bring my dinner."

Relief washed over him, and he felt his spirits rise. "How's it going? Have they got you running a mile yet?" he joked.

Bella gave a little laugh and sighed. "No, but they promised me a jump rope if I'm good. What are you up to?"

He sat down in his chair and rested his head on the overstuffed back cushion. "Nothing in particular. I was thinking about running out for some Jack's Tapas in a bit. I'm starving. Are they feeding you anything good?"

She was quiet for a moment, and her voice was flat when she spoke. "It's hospital food; nutritious and absolutely flavorless. That doesn't seem to have changed at all over the years. Thanks, by the way. Now I want Jack's." She chuckled softly and went silent.

"So, what are they doing, or is it some kind of corporate secret?" He had to keep her talking; as long as she was on the phone, she wasn't thinking about Cullen.

"If it's a secret, they forgot to tell me. Just lots of tests, really. Yesterday was mostly scans and stress tests, trying to assess our limitations. Today was more of the same, plus blood work and lots of questions. They're doing sleep evaluations, too. I'm beginning to feel like a marionette with all the wires they keep attached to me."

He smiled to himself, glad that she was able to keep her sense of humor. Then something she said registered with him.

"How many of you are there?" It hadn't occurred to him that she would be in a group, though he should have realized it from what Angela said about studies.

"There are three of us. Randy, who's about my age- I've seen him in Dr. Riggs office- and Frank. Dr. Sanchez is his doctor. Frank's here from one of the assisted living centers. I like him a lot; he's full of stories. He said he signed on for the study because he was bored with sitting around helping little old ladies wind balls of yarn." She laughed, and Jake did, too. He had missed that sound.

"What about Randy- do you like him?" He didn't know why he insisted on saying things that could result in answers that were painful. They just seemed to push their way from his mouth.

She snorted, and Jake's eyebrows rose.

"Let's just say I'm glad I don't have to be around him on a regular basis."

Jake's brows fell into a dark crease as his forehead furrowed. "What did he do?"

"Nothing important. He's a bit of a jerk."

Jake could hear some clattering noises through the phone, and another voice said something. Bella answered, and then spoke to him.

"My dinner's here. Go get your tapas, Jake, and enjoy some for me. I'll be right here, eating my lovely Salisbury steak with rice and lima beans." She made a disparaging noise, and he laughed.

"Okay, I will. Call me tomorrow if you want a ride home. Oh, hey, you had a ticket on your truck," he remembered.

"Ugh, I know. My fault; it was too early, and I had no caffeine. Don't worry about it," she answered.

"I put it in your glove box, so don't forget it's there. I'll talk to you tomorrow," he promised.

"Thanks, Jake, and good night," she said and hung up.

He shut his phone and stood, stretching and twisting to unkink his muscles. He was glad he called; he missed talking with her more than he realized. He pulled on his coat and grabbed his keys.

A short time later, Jake was sated and toting a doggie bag. Before going home, he drove past Bella's apartment. Her truck was where he left it, and her apartment lights were off.

'_Good. No unpleasant surprises here.'_

He headed back to 15th Avenue. As he made the turn north towards home, he glanced into his rearview mirror. Two cars behind him was a silver Volvo. It crossed 15th and kept going, away from Bella's apartment. Jake craned his neck to see the driver, but the car was moving too quickly. There was nowhere convenient to turn around, so he went up to the next corner and took a left. Though he cruised a five-block area several times and made his way back to her building twice, he found no trace of the car.

'_I'm just paranoid. Cullen doesn't own the only one ever made. I'm sure there are several people in Seattle who drive ten year old silver Volvos.'_ It was easy enough to think, but much more difficult to make himself believe it. He considered going to Bella's and staying the night, but decided against it. She would think he was over-reacting again. Instead, he made his way south, across Portage Bay and towards Harborview.

He drove around the center for almost an hour, peering in parking garages and lots. He found no old silver Volvos, and only a few dark, newer ones.

Frustrated and tired, Jake headed home. He prayed that he had been mistaken and that the Volvo was a later model, but after having that car in his shop for a week, he knew pretty well what it looked like. Though he hadn't seen the plates, it was silver, and it was the same year. The odds were high that it was Cullen's.

Once inside his house, he threw his leftovers in the refrigerator and began to pace.

'_What if Ang was right__,__ and he is still here? Bella said she was at Harborview, and what I heard did sound like a dinner tray being delivered, but I have no way of knowing for sure. Damn it! I wish I had never heard of this freak. And I really wish she hadn't lied… this would all be so much different if she just hadn't _lied_.'_

Both hands were squeezing the back of his neck now, but there was no relief for the tension Jake was feeling. Pacing wasn't helping either, but he couldn't think of anything else to do. Driving around Seattle looking for a car seemed to be a huge waste of effort and gas, but it at least had felt like he was 'doing' something. At this point, he couldn't even call Dr. Riggs to confirm that Bella was a part of the study – her office had closed hours ago.

He threw himself into his chair and closed his eyes, only to open them again a moment later as unbidden visions of Bella wrapped in Cullen's arms stabbed through his brain and heart.

'_No way. He can't have her. She is mine and always has been, whether she knows it or not. I've been so stupid to wait all this time… I should have married her years ago.'_ His fists slammed against the chair arms in frustration.

He was through with waiting. Christmas was in two weeks, but even that was too far away. She would be home tomorrow night, but as tired as she sounded on the phone, she would need a night to relax.

'_I'll go over Thursday night__,__ and we can talk. I'll tell her how I feel. Then on Friday, after the English Department party, I'll take her out to dinner someplace nice. Maybe that French restaurant on the Sound. I'll propose there.'_

Somehow, the idea of finally telling her and proposing didn't feel as good as he thought it should. Maybe once he'd picked out a ring, it would sink in, and he could enjoy it. Shopping for that particular item was going to take some time, and he was glad he had already done some research. There wasn't a lot going on at the shop right now, either. He could take a half day on Wednesday and really look in some jewelry stores. There was bound to be something Bella would be proud to wear.

'_I'll find her a big diamond, maybe a carat or two. I wonder if she'd like gold or platinum better.' _

It occurred to him that where jewelry was concerned, he could use a little help. He checked the clock; it wasn't too late to call Angela. She might have some ideas that would help him pick out the perfect ring for Bella.

She answered on the second ring. "Hey, Jake!"

"Hey, Ang. I'm not bothering you, am I?"

"Nope, just watching a bad karate movie with Ben. What's up?"

He smiled into the phone. Ben loved karate movies, and Angela hated them. She was a good sport to put up with it.

"I was planning to shop for Bella's ring tomorrow, and I need some advice," he said.

"Oh, great! What about?" she laughed. He heard her murmur something to her husband and then some rustling, as she got up to continue their talk in another room.

He rubbed his fingers across the back of his neck. "Do you think she'd like gold or platinum better?"

"Well, Bella usually wears silver, Jake. I don't know if I've ever seen her in anything gold. And platinum is pretty pricey. Maybe you could go with white gold? It looks almost the same," Angela suggested.

"I'm not worried about price, Ang, but I hadn't thought about white gold. That might be better. I like gold, whatever color it is. Platinum has always looked… I don't know, kind of cold to me. Gold seems warmer somehow."

She chuckled. "Okay, 'warm' white gold then. What style were you thinking?"

"I saw one online that I really liked. It had a big diamond surrounded by some medium sized ones and then a bunch of little ones that sort of wrapped around the band."

Angela whistled softly. "That's a hell of a ring, Jake. It doesn't sound much like Bella, though."

His brows rose in surprise. "I thought all women wanted huge fancy engagement rings that they can wave in their friends' faces?"

'_I know I want to put a big rock on her; if Cullen _is_ still around, he needs to see it. That ought to make him back off."_

That sent Angela into a fit of laughter. Jake started to get annoyed. This was important, not a big joke. He stood up and began to pace again.

"Thanks, Ang," he said, not bothering to hide his irritation.

"Sorry, Jake!" she gasped. "But that was too funny! When has Bella ever wanted to show off anything? No, she'd be happier with something small and simple. Get her a solitaire. You can give her more diamonds later if you want."

He shrugged. "That's true. I wonder if she has a preference on the shape, though. I like the pointy ones that look like footballs. What do you call those?"

Angela snickered. "That's a marquis cut. They are pretty and sparkle a lot, but they also catch on things. I know, because that's what mine is. She'd probably prefer a classic round cut."

He frowned. "That seems so plain and boring, though, and Bella isn't either of those things."

"Aw, that's sweet, Jake. No, she isn't, but I'm sure she'd love a simple ring best. She isn't the fancy jewelry type," she said.

"I guess you're right. She always wears that ring I gave her for her birthday a few years ago. It's nice, but not really 'fancy', I suppose."

"No, it's not. Is it white gold?" she asked.

"It's silver. I like the way the sapphires circle the one little diamond, kind of like they are protecting it," he mused.

"Wow, Jake. Getting a little mushy there?" she laughed again.

He scratched his ear. "No. Just …." He trailed off, but she jumped on his hesitation.

"What is it? Is she all right?"

"I talked to her earlier. She said she's tired from the testing, but otherwise she sounded fine. I'm pretty sure she really is at Harborview."

"Oh my gosh, sorry! I meant to tell you, I checked on that research study. Dr. Riggs confirmed it when I asked her about it. Apparently everything was already set up and in place before they went looking for subjects. She thought it was a little odd, too, but she said everything is running the way it should."

Jake stopped pacing and blew out a breath. "Good. That eases my mind a little."

She was silent a moment. "Why only a little?"

He sighed. "That's the other reason I called, I guess. I think you may be right that Cullen is still in town."

She gasped, "How do you know? Did she say something?"

"No," he snorted. "Bella hasn't said anything to me about him since Wednesday. I almost wish she would. I hate not knowing what he did to her."

Angela agreed. "It is frustrating. Why do you think Edward is still in Seattle?"

He squeezed his eyes shut, and his voice was hard. "I saw his car."

He heard her gasp. "When? Where? Are you sure?"

A groan escaped his lips as he threw himself down on the sofa.

"Tonight. I drove by Bella's apartment to check on things. Everything was fine, but as I was heading home, I saw his car behind me. It looked like it was coming from her place, but I swear it wasn't there when I went by."

"Was he following you?" Angela sounded confused.

"No, he was a couple of cars back. I couldn't get a good look at the driver because I was turning, and he went straight. I turned around as soon as I could and re-checked around Bella's place. Then I went out to Harborview and drove around awhile, looking for it. Never did find it."

"Are you _sure_ it was his car?" she asked again, more skeptically.

"Ang, that car sat in my repair bay for a whole damn week. I've been under the hood and under the chassis. Lately it's figured in several rather violent fantasies of mine involving explosives and nothing left of Cullen or the car to identify. Yes, it was his car." Jake rubbed his eyes tiredly.

Angela chuckled. "It's a good thing I know you so well, or I'd be worried about what you just said." Her tone turned serious. "Look, even if it _is_ him, he's nowhere near Bella. You said yourself she's tucked away at Harborview, and there's no way he could get in to her. There's all kinds of security there, and as part of a study, she can't have visitors. She's safer there than at her place, Jake."

He rolled his head from side to side, stretching his neck. "If she were at her place, _I'd_ be there, and he wouldn't dare try to see her."

"If she were at her place, you'd be right where you are, at _your_ place. Bella wouldn't let you hover like that," she admonished. "I was thinking, maybe he told you he was leaving so you'd tell Bella, and then he could stay without anybody knowing?"

Jake's brow furrowed. "Why would he do that?"

Angela sighed. "I don't know; I'm just looking for reasons for him to be here besides Bella."

"Thanks, but I'd rather know he's _not _here. Bella finishes up that study tomorrow, and she'll go back to her place. Until I'm absolutely sure he's gone, or at least, that Bella's not still in contact with him, I'm going to keep a close eye over there," he vowed.

"You can't be obvious, Jake. She'll freak out if she thinks you're watching her."

"You weren't so worried about that on Saturday. I sat outside of her place all night."

"And…?"

"And I fell asleep," he mumbled. "She wasn't home when I woke up, either. When I talked to her later, she said she had gone to the grocery. Who goes to the grocery before they leave home for three days?"

"Bella does. That way she doesn't have to go as soon as she gets home. Really Jake, sometimes I wonder if you've ever paid attention to Bella at all," she scolded.

Jake dropped his face into his free hand. "I'm starting to wonder that myself, Ang. I'm not sure I know her any more. Cullen has me second-guessing everything, and it's pissing me off."

Angela's tone was soothing. "Hang in there, hon. It will all work out somehow, I'm sure. You'll get that ring and put it on her finger, and she'll be where she belongs."

He sighed. "I sure hope so. I can't take much more of this."

They said their good-byes, and Jake got up to get ready for bed. He hoped that a hot shower would help him relax, but it only got him clean. He wished there was a way to wash unwanted thoughts away. His mind kept running along lines he'd rather stop. _The Volvo racing away from Bella's apartment… her face on Wednesday…_

'_She's _got_ to talk to me about Cullen. We have to clear this up and get it settled before I ask her. I don't want to see that look on her face again, not ever. She has to see that I'm the one she needs. Nobody else; just me.'_

Yet even as he thought it, an uncomfortable feeling rose in his gut. It aggravated him how much Cullen had been right about his relationship with Bella. He really had taken her for granted.

_Bella with Cullen, in his hotel room…_

Jake switched off his bedside lamp and groaned as he punched his pillow that no longer smelled like strawberries. At this rate, he was going to be the one having nightmares tonight.

**A/N: I wonder how many 10 year old silver Volvos are **_**really**_** in Seattle. Thanks for reading!**


	23. Hero Heroine

**CHOICES**

**A/N: I've been informed by some new readers that my story was recommended to them. Thank you, whoever you are! It's tremendously flattering that you enjoy it enough to want to share it. Thanks, as always****,**** to Momma Laura for her eagle beta-eye. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a Cullen Crest Holographic Edward ring from Burger King. **

**Hero/Heroine – Boys Like Girls 'Boys Like Girls'**

**Chapter 23**

**EPOV**

He thought he would be able to leave her as he had before, but on his first trip to Denali, he didn't know her as anything more than a fragile human, deliciously tempting, and a threat to his chosen way of life. This time had been infinitely worse. The desire for her blood had been replaced by a need to protect her, a need to know she was safe, a need to be near her. The first time his phone rang with a call from her number on Tuesday night, he forced himself not to answer, reasoning that it would be easier on her not to hear his voice. He hadn't considered how her voice would affect him. Her quiet plea for him to call her back tore him apart, but it also confirmed to him that a clean break was best.

Yet he couldn't stay away; he needed to know she was all right. He found himself in the side alley of her building later, listening for anything he could hear from her apartment. When she began screaming, his fist hit the wall in an attempt to get to her as quickly as possible. It took him a moment to realize she had been dreaming, and he clawed the brick in agony as she sobbed his name. He leaned against the damaged wall for some time, his head bowed, as he talked himself out of going to her, begging for forgiveness, and telling her everything. His phone chirped and he froze, unable to answer for fear that he would break down and do just that. Her message asked him to meet her at Jake's so they could part on better terms. That couldn't happen, or he wouldn't be able to leave at all.

He turned off his phone to forestall any more messages that might weaken his resolve and spent the rest of that night in a tree outside of her bedroom, willing her to feel his love for her in the act of his leaving. He returned to his suite just before dawn, desiring one more soak in the Jacuzzi to help clear his head before he left. He never made it to the bathroom.

Instead, his feet took him to the bed. He laid down next to where she had slept, her pillow in his arms as he buried his face in its softness and in the lingering scent of her. He pulled the covers back and crawled beneath them, curling himself into her outline, surrounding himself with what was left of her, and crying tearlessly into her pillow.

Hours later, when he raised his head from beneath the coverlet, he dragged himself from the cocoon he had made to the living area. A glance out of the window confirmed that Seattle winter was back, and the sky was covered in clouds. For a moment, he wished that it had been sunny again and that he would have to postpone his departure.

His time was up - the irony was not lost on him.

In all his decades of this life, he had often contemplated the vagaries of Fate, especially in the last few years as he attempted to reconcile himself to the knowledge of her existence. Fate had placed her, not merely within killing range, but next to him in Biology, mere inches from his iron grip and razor teeth. He thought he had outsmarted Fate by leaving her to live out her life as she chose, yet within days she had been struck down, and so many of her choices had been taken from her.

The knowledge that she might have made a choice concerning him burned like acid in his gut. He had taken that option from her as well, but it had to be. She deserved so much more than a frozen monster, though he was miserable at the thought of her with anyone else, and Jake in particular. That, however, was the reality; he would return to the shadows of Gothic fantasies, alone, comforted that she would remain in the realm of light and mortality.

Her death was another thing he shied away from contemplating. The natural flow of her life should play out, but he already knew that once he learned of her passing, he would have no desire to continue his empty existence. As long as she remained alive, he could be content. If there was anything he could do to make her life easier or better, he would.

He ran both hands through his hair, unable now to enjoy even that soothing action because he missed her hands, tangling and caressing. He needed to go, to move; he was wallowing, and there would be no time for that once he was away from Seattle. He heedlessly tossed his few belongings into the suitcase before pulling them back out again. He replaced them carefully, using one of his shirts to wrap the champagne glass she had used, the print of her lips still clear on its edge. He contemplated taking the bedding as well, but it wouldn't fit, and he cursed himself for not buying a larger bag.

He put on his coat, left his suitcase just inside the door of the suite, and headed down to the lobby. He requested the Town Car, but when it came, he couldn't make himself get inside. He needed the walk anyway, to calm his emotions before he confronted Jake. He had to make him understand that she deserved so much more than either of them could give her, but that it was going to be up to Jake to try.

Twice he realized he had become so wrapped up in his thoughts of her that he stopped walking. People gave him a wide berth, this tall pale man with crazy hair and haunted eyes who stood like a monument to misery in the middle of the sidewalk, motionless as Seattle flowed around him.

He hurried a little then, intent on getting through this as quickly as possible. As he passed the university campus, he wondered if she was reading one of her vampire books as she proctored her final exams. That was another comfort – she knew nothing about that side of him. He had managed to protect her from the monster after all.

He paused just outside of the auto shop, his eyes on the silver Volvo parked at the curb. He was glad Jake had it waiting; his getaway would be so much simpler. With a firm grip on the pain inside his chest and a deep breath, he opened the door to sever his last tie to Bella.

xxxxx

As the Volvo turned into the long driveway that was a feature of all of the Cullen houses, a blur of movement on his left made Edward smile broadly for the first time since Tuesday. He gunned the engine and tore down the drive, only slightly wider than a path, as he raced Alice to the house. She cut across directly in front of him a couple of times, taunting him, but each time he heard her decide to do so and avoided hitting her. This was one of their games; the mental capabilities they had between them turned danger into play.

Three miles later, he squealed to a stop in front of the house as Alice vaulted easily over the Volvo. She launched herself into his arms as he climbed, laughing, from the car.

"You did it! I'm so proud of you!" she cheered. He chuckled and hugged her back.

"Thanks, I am, too!" he grinned at her before looking up to see the rest of his family gathering on the front porch. He hadn't realized until this moment how much he had missed them all. It was rare that any of them spent time alone, completely separate from the others. This past week in Seattle was the first time he had been on his own for any appreciable amount of time since his early years as a vampire. He felt a wall of love emanating from this group in front of him, and it wasn't all from Jasper.

"Good job, Bro," Jasper greeted Edward with a hug as he and Alice walked up the front steps. "_I know you have a lot you're dealing with right now – Ali told me. We can talk later." _ Jasper smiled at him and moved aside.

"I had faith in you, man; I knew you wouldn't eat her. You'd never be able to live with yourself if you did." Emmett slapped him on the back and pulled him into a quick, tight hug. "_I'm _so_ glad you're back. Esme's been such a wreck, she had us cleaning light bulbs and the holes in the shower heads." _

Edward laughed as he gripped Emmett's arm in thanks. He shot a look at Esme who was beaming at him, hands clasped over her heart as she stood by Carlisle. He started to go to her, but Rose blocked his path, hands on her hips and steel in her gaze. He stepped back as she glared at him.

"What exactly did you do to her and _who_ did you let touch her?" Of course, Rose would be more concerned about the Volvo. Her thoughts briefly touched on the void that had filled the house in his absence, but immediately returned to the car. He smirked at her, and her eyes narrowed as she dared him to mention it.

"I hit a pothole and broke the front axle. A guy named Jake fixed it. Apparently, he did a good job, as I had no trouble with it the entire way home," he grinned.

Rose frowned and looked past him at the vehicle in question. "Hm. We'll see," she said as she started down the steps towards the car. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett took the opportunity to go inside.

Edward shook his head and turned back to see Carlisle with his arm around Esme's shoulder. He reached out with his free hand to shake Edward's.

"Good to have you home, son," Carlisle said. "Esme and I have a function at the hospital tonight, but I'd like to talk with you after we come home."

"That's fine, Carlisle, I'd like that," Edward answered earnestly. There were several things he needed to discuss with Carlisle, and the sooner, the better.

Carlisle released Esme, and she stepped forward to greet her eldest son. Her eyes were bright gold with happiness as she put her arms around him and pressed her cheek to his chest. He hugged her back and kissed the top of her head before resting his own cheek there.

"_Thank you for coming home to us, Edward_," she thought, too overcome by emotion to speak.

"You can't get rid of me that easily," he murmured as he squeezed her tighter and she laughed. They pulled apart, and she smiled up at him, cupping his cheek with her hand. Her eyes roamed his face, and she reached up to brush her fingers through his wayward hair.

"You need to hunt," she said, and he smiled at her as he shook his head.

"I'm fine right now. I'll go when you and Carlisle leave," he promised, and she seemed appeased.

"Hey, Edward!" Rose had been prowling under the hood and front of the car. Now she stepped back from the open driver's door with an expression of disgust on her face. "What died in here? It stinks!"

He laughed and shrugged. "Sorry, Rose, it was something at the auto shop. I drove with the windows down the whole way home, trying to air it out."

She scowled at him. "That's supposed to make me confident in this James' guy's mechanical abilities?"

"Jake. It's Jake, not James," he said, hating the word on his tongue. Esme noticed the change in his tone, and she grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly. He looked at her, and she tilted her head towards the door.

"Come help me finish in the kitchen," she said, tugging at his hand. He glanced back at Rose opening all the car doors, before nodding at Esme and following her inside.

Esme had been baking. Carlisle was Chief of Surgical Staff at the local hospital, and tonight was the annual Christmas party. Ever since she joined Carlisle, no matter where they were or what medical facility he was a part of, when it came to the Christmas party, Esme made cookies. Tonight she had put together dozens of treats that would be distributed to the children's ward.

Edward looked over the countertops covered in a variety of decorated sugar cookies, chocolate drops, meringues, and gingerbread men. He knew she had been baking for days; she always did. It took a while to make that many cookies, even when one didn't need to sleep. He also knew it had helped keep her mind off of what he was doing in Seattle.

"Sit," she ordered, pointing at a stool by the counter where a stack of white cardboard boxes waited to be unfolded and filled. He grinned and sat, pulling the top box from the pile and popping it open. He put it down in a clear spot on the counter and grabbed another. He watched as she removed a tray of peanut butter cookies from the oven and set them aside to cool. She turned back to look at him from under raised brows.

"Talk," she said and put another cookie sheet in the oven.

Talk. Suddenly, he didn't know what to say. How could he explain what had happened to him, how nothing about himself made sense anymore since … her? He used to know exactly who he was. Now, he wasn't so sure he had ever known anything. She turned his world inside out, and now there was an ache where his heart used to be.

Esme looked up from piping a smile on a gingerbread boy. Edward was sitting staring at the wall with an unfolded box in his hands, picking a hole in the corner fold. She put the piping bag down, wiped her hands on her apron, and crossed the kitchen to him. He started when she gently took the box from his fingers. A small smile curled one side of his mouth, and he dropped his head, unable to look at her.

Esme took his face in both hands and raised it until his eyes met hers. He was afraid of what she would see there, but she smiled at him and kissed his forehead.

"_You'll tell me when you're ready. I'll wait_." She patted his arm and went back to her decorating.

He sighed and picked up another box to unfold. He watched her from the corner of his eye, knowing she would wait as long as he needed, whether it was an hour or a year.

"Why did you think I might not come back?" he asked suddenly, recalling her thoughts on the porch.

She hesitated a moment over the cookie, then continued piping. "I was worried that if… something happened… you would feel too guilty to come home. I was also worried that if nothing happened, you might find a reason to stay." She looked up at him then, and he saw that she already knew what he hardly dared admit to himself.

Alice and Jasper appeared in the kitchen doorway. Esme glanced at Alice who had her hand out for the piping bag. Esme smiled and gave it to her. She took off her apron, walked over to Edward and put her hands on his shoulders. She slid them around to cradle his head against her shoulder, his arms wrapping automatically around her waist.

"_I wish I knew what to tell you__,__ honey. There's pain in your eyes that wasn't there before. All I can say is, have faith that things will work out for the best."_

"Best for whom, Esme?" He raised his head to look into her caramel eyes. "What if what's 'best' for her isn't what's best for me, or vice versa? How do I know what's best for her? I damn near killed her doing what I thought was 'best' for her ten years ago!" He shook his head, and she dropped her hands.

A serene calm flowed through the room, and Edward glanced up at Jasper who was sliding cookies from the baking sheet on to a cooling rack.

"Thanks," he murmured.

"_Anytime."_

Esme put her hand on Edward's arm and took a deep breath before looking into his face.

"Edward, you have such a good heart, and you deserve to be happy. You'll know. Everything happens for a reason. If you and this girl-"

He turned away, misery written in his face. She grasped his chin and pulled it back to face her.

"If you and this girl are meant to be together, if she is your mate, you'll know. If she was a momentary distraction, something to entertain you while your car was being repaired…"

"No!" he bellowed and broke free from her. He bolted from the kitchen, taking the stairs three at a time. He slammed his door and stood in the center of his bedroom, shaking in frustration.

A distraction. That's what she _should_ have been, but she was more than that from the beginning.

Her blood called to him from whatever corner of the globe he wandered, but he had proven himself stronger than that. He had resisted. He hadn't killed her. She was still alive because he couldn't bring himself to destroy her. The longer he was around her, the less he wanted to kill her, and the more he wanted to be with her. He had to know more about her, and still it wasn't enough. Esme had it wrong. It couldn't work out for the best, because the best for her was for him to leave her alone and let her be with Jake. His insides twisted at the thought. The best for himself… he couldn't bear to even think it; it was too horrible. He wasn't a monster that could take her life just to satisfy his own immortal yearnings. If he couldn't do it to satisfy a mere thirst, he certainly wouldn't put her through the excruciating pain of becoming like himself.

A knock on his door roused him, and he realized the sun had set quite some time ago. He opened the door to Jasper, who cocked his head to one side.

"Esme said you promised to hunt while they're gone. Want to run?" he asked.

Edward nodded silently, and they headed downstairs.

"Enjoy the moose," Alice called from the front room sofa where she was reading a magazine. They chuckled and exited to the back yard that was bordered by Alaskan forest.

Edward loved to be in cities because of the cultural opportunities and historical environments. There was always something to do or see or experience, and when there wasn't, there were bookstores. But his life as vampire had brought him an increased appreciation for nature and the environment. They had to hunt judiciously so as not to tip the careful balance of nature and deplete an area of any particular kind of animal. Endangered species were completely off of the menu.

It felt good to run. The moonlight glittered on the landscape, and their superior vampire eyesight gave them an advantage over the forest creatures. Edward and Jasper raced full-out for the first twenty miles, cutting through ancient stands of trees, leaping over streams and fallen logs, all crusted in a thick layer of snow. After a while, they slowed to begin the hunt, and it didn't take long to scent some moose. Jasper went left to come at them from behind as Edward drove them toward a rocky outcropping. One animal ran straight for the rocks in a panic while the other bolted toward Jasper. In a matter of moments, both animals were breathing their last as jaws like stone gripped and drained them.

Edward was crouching, contemplating his kill when Jasper walked up wiping his hands on his handkerchief.

"Still hungry?" Jasper asked.

"No, I'm good now, thanks. It's only been since Friday that I hunted in Mt. Baker – not even a week," he answered, his voice drifting distractedly at the end.

Jasper nodded and put his handkerchief back in his pocket as he watched Edward.

"Do you think girl moose are impressed by antlers?" Edward asked suddenly.

Jasper's brow furrowed, and he looked at Edward in confusion.

"What?"

Edward gestured toward the head of the moose at his feet. "Do you think that's impressive- is a big set of antlers a… a 'turn-on' for a girl moose?" He looked up with such an earnest expression that the smart-ass remark died on Jasper's lips.

He rubbed his temple and studied the moose as well. "I don't know. They shed their antlers every year and grow new ones. If that's what she's basing their relationship on, then at some point, the girl moose has to ask him, 'what happened?'"

That struck Edward as ridiculously funny. He began to giggle, and knowing it really wasn't all that funny only made it funnier. He giggled until he lay helplessly gasping in the snow, Jasper standing over him in concern.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jasper asked warily as Edward's laughter finally subsided.

Edward rolled his head side-to-side in the snow and gazed up at his brother. "I don't know, Jas. I don't think so." He sat up and shook the snow from his hair, running both hands through it. He dropped them to his lap and stared off into the distance. "I don't know if I'll ever be 'okay' again. Something happened to me in Seattle. I've never been more frightened in my life."

Jasper sat down and crossed his long legs.

"You aren't a coward, Edward – you resisted, so you won."

Edward shook his head,"No, that's not what I mean. Well, it's part of it, I guess, but not completely. I thought if I could meet her and talk to her, I could overcome the thirst and move on. But even though the thirst abated somewhat, and I had less and less trouble being around her, I found I also had less inclination to leave. It makes no sense, I know, but she makes me feel…_alive._ And I'm terrified of having to go on without ever being near her again."

Jasper closed his eyes and shook his head, chuckling.

"What? What's so funny?" Edward demanded.

Jasper looked up at him. "Do I seriously have to spell this out for you? You're in love, Edward. I can feel it radiating off of you every time you say 'her'."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I know I'm in love. I need to figure out how _not_ to be anymore. I can't be, with her. It's too dangerous: for her, for me, for all of us."

Jasper laughed out loud. "You can't just _not_ be in love. It doesn't work that way for humans and less so for vampires." His topaz eyes became serious again. "You just have to decide what you're going to do about it."

"That's the problem, Jas! I _can't_ do anything about it. I love her. I can't take away her life, or her soul, just so I can be happy. She deserves to have a full human life."

Jasper dragged his fingers through the snow by his feet. "And if you never see her again, will she have that?"

Edward shook his head. "She might have, if I hadn't left before. If I had been there to save her from the van…"

A snowball hit him in the chest and he looked up at Jasper in surprise.

"You can't have it both ways, you know. Either you met her and saved her, and most likely fell in love anyway, or you were never there at all, no one saved her, and she ended up just the way she is. Guess what? You can't change it now anyway."

Edward scowled. "You know I hate it when you're right, don't you?"

Jasper chuckled and stood up, holding his hand out to Edward. Edward took it and let Jasper pull him to his feet, both of them leaning into a hug. Jasper pulled away first.

"_You need to talk to Carlisle about this. He's bound to have a bit more perspective on it all. Oh, and Esme…"_

"I know. I need to apologize to her. I shouldn't have pushed her away like that," Edward winced.

"Actually, she wants to apologize to you. She feels she could have chosen her words better, and she didn't mean to hurt you more when she could see you were already in pain."

"Oh." He wasn't sure what to say to that, so they began the run back, more slowly this time as they still had things to discuss.

"What was that all about, with the antlers?" Jasper asked as they hurdled a series of fallen logs.

Edward shrugged. "The guy who fixed the car, Jake; he's an old friend of Bella's. Her best friend, actually, but he doesn't see himself that way. He loves her, too. He's a big guy, not bad-looking and a little muscle-bound, but he's probably fairly attractive to women. I just wondered…"

"You were wondering how you measured up. If your antlers were bigger than his, as it were," Jasper laughed.

Edward chuckled, too. "Yeah, it does sound stupid, doesn't it?"

"Not really. You have to know where you stand and where your rival stands, Edward. You have to know your enemy to begin the battle, or you've lost before the first shot is fired. You said he loves her. How does Bella feel about him?"

The memory of that particular conversation brought a smile to his face. "She said he's only ever been her best friend," he answered.

"And how does she feel about you?"

The smile disappeared. "That's a little harder to answer," he sighed. He ran around a small stand of trees that he knew was only a short way out from the house before he realized Jasper wasn't with him. He retraced his steps to find Jasper leaning against a tall fir tree, arms crossed and a look of disbelief on his face.

"What?" he asked.

"Why is that hard to answer?" Jasper asked. "You can't tell me you have no idea how she feels."

Edward kicked at the snow. "I… I don't. It's complicated."

"You know you can't lie to me. Besides, Alice told me you kissed her. Surely she said something after that!" Jasper sounded exasperated.

Edward's hand pulled at his hair as he began to pace. "Yes, she did. She said she needed me."

He closed his eyes, and he was back on his bed at the hotel, Bella snuggled in his arms, whispering those words into his neck; three tiny words that made everything collapse. What he wouldn't give to be there again, right now, before it all went so very wrong.

"And…?" Jasper waited for more.

"That's it. She needed me." Edward jammed his hands in his pockets as he paced.

"That sounds past tense, Edward. Why?"

Edward stopped in front of Jasper and looked him in the eye. "It was before I told her to leave and pushed her out of the room. I really have no idea how she feels now." He returned to his pacing.

"You… did what? Good God, man!" Jasper's hand went to his own hair. "What in the world possessed you to do such a thing? It doesn't even sound like you!"

Edward turned on Jasper. "That's what I've been trying to tell you – I've changed! I'm not the man who went with you to Berkeley a week ago. I'm not the person any of you think I am any more. I'm a… a fiend, a selfish bastard. It took everything I had in me to leave Seattle; to leave _her _for _him _to love, when all I wanted to do was stay there with her and make her mine…"

Jasper reached out to his brother, saddened by the anguish rolling off of him. "_Edward…_"

Edward fled to keep from saying any more. It was hard enough when the thoughts pushed themselves to the front of his brain, but infinitely worse to hear the words hanging in the air, even though he was the one saying them.

He rushed into the house, pausing long enough to pull Esme into a hug and whisper, "I'm sorry, and I love you," into her hair, before releasing her to dash upstairs to Carlisle's office. He paced the hallway outside for a moment until he heard Carlisle invite him in.

"Edward. Sit down, please," Carlisle motioned to the chairs on the far side of his desk.

"I don't think I can sit right now, Carlisle," he stated as he walked back and forth behind the chairs.

"What's wrong, Edward? You weren't this agitated when you came home yesterday afternoon. What happened?"

"Nothing, really. I had a misunderstanding with Esme, but I think we're past that now. I hunted with Jasper. Now I'm here."

Carlisle sat back in his chair and studied Edward for a moment. He watched the pacing and hair pulling, and it reminded him of something.

"If I didn't know it was impossible, Edward, I'd say you are demonstrating classic symptoms of addiction withdrawal."

Edward stopped pacing and turned to face his father. The misery in his eyes was like a blow to Carlisle. He leaned forward and pointed to the chair, speaking gently. "Sit down, son. I want you to tell me what happened."

Edward perched on the edge of the chair seat. "I thought Alice told you…"

Carlisle shook his head. "She told me some things; now I want _you_ to tell me. Everything. Take your time, and don't leave anything out."

So Edward began with Berkeley and hiding the Masen manuscripts. He told Carlisle about trying to find the boutique for Alice, the alley, and the broken axle. His voice shook as he described his reaction to smelling Bella's scent again as she passed them in the auto shop doorway and her face when she recognized him. He told him of hunting for two days in preparation for seeing her and speaking with her, how he discovered Jake knew her, and that Jake and his employees were most likely Quileute. Carlisle considered interrupting him, but made a note on a pad instead, and Edward kept going.

He spoke of following her to the market and the truck Jake had modified. Edward told Carlisle to make a note on the truck; he had something he wanted to add to that later. Carlisle did and smiled to himself. Edward was beginning to sound more like himself the longer he talked.

Edward told him about getting some clothes and another room, and the deference the black credit card bought him. He stood then and resumed pacing when he spoke of going to the auto shop, knowing Bella would be there, and smelling her scent mixed in with that awful shop smell, which possibly may have made it easier to resist her. He described the tapas café, the rainy afternoon, the antique shop, and Bella's swoon.

Carlisle interrupted him this time. "She fainted? Why?"

Edward sat down. "I'm fairly sure it's because I was so close to her. I think it was my scent and the fact that I was staring into her eyes. It was a little close in there as well, lots of dust and not much fresh air. I teased her afterwards about it; that she swooned due to my atrocious French and the lace jabot I was wearing."

Carlisle's brow went up. "Your French is impeccable, but what lace jabot?"

Edward grinned, and Carlisle relaxed a bit more. He heard the story of the top hat with the violets and the opera gloves, how Edward asked Bella to dinner with no swooning, and how he nearly swooned himself when she answered the door in a stunning blue dress.

The night wore on into morning, and Carlisle learned everything: Bella's fascination with Anthony Masen, her questions about why they left Forks and his answers, his questions about Jake and her accident. Carlisle made more notes, and the day went on. His eyebrows rose again as Edward described stealing kisses from a sleeping Bella in his bed and nearly having to perform CPR afterward, but he kept silent. It was late afternoon when Carlisle heard about the final confrontation with Jake when Edward picked up the Volvo. He put his pen down and sat back in his chair. Edward lay on the leather sofa across the back wall of the office, his eyes shut, shoes off, and knees bent, his fingers moving through the air as though he was playing an invisible piano.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked.

Edward's fingers froze in midair before his hands dropped to his stomach. He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. He raised his eyes to meet Carlisle's, and he smiled.

"Better, actually. Thanks." He rubbed his chest over his heart. "It still hurts like hell, but I don't feel as out of control."

Carlisle smiled back and nodded. "Sometimes you just need to say things out loud; you tend to spend an enormous amount of time in your own head, son. There are things you told me today that I have questions about, and we will get to those, but right now isn't the time. I'm glad you feel better; I need you fully focused for this research study."

Edward's smile grew, and he put his shoes back on.

"Anything for Bella, Carlisle. When do we start?"

**A/N: Aw, I missed Edward and I know you did, too. Maybe he won't stay away so long next time? **


	24. Symphonies

**CHOICES**

**A/N: Thanks as always to my dear beta Momma Laura who shines it all up so pretty!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own lots of cookie recipes.**

**Symphonies – Dan Black 'UN'**

**Chapter 24**

**BPOV**

She lost count of how many times they had taken her vital signs, but Bella was heartily sick of blood pressure cuffs and thermometers. Thankfully, the study would be over in a few short hours and she would be on her way home.

Home. Finally, it would feel good to be there again. She could hardly wait to have a shower in her own bathroom and sleep in her own bed. Not that the sleep would be any better than she had at Harborview, but at least the dreams at home had been fairly consistent. The ones she had here wandered all over the place. They still featured him, but the tone of them changed each time. Some were more good than bad; others were just plain miserable nightmares.

It bothered the staff that she didn't sleep well. Dr. Riggs had even come to talk to her about it. She asked Bella if this was a regular occurrence, or if it was something that was triggered by the unfamiliar surroundings and stress of the study. For once, Bella answered honestly. She didn't give any details of the dreams, of course, but it had been no secret that she had nightmares long after the accident. She told Dr. Riggs that she had them nightly, and that they were similar to the ones of ten years ago. She didn't however, give any indication of knowing why the dreams had begun again.

No one would understand, anyway. There was so little she understood herself. He had been a part of her life for so long, a shadowy, menacingly beautiful creature who never spoke to her in her dreams. Now he had become the bright center of her universe. She heard his voice in the stillness of the night, sometimes whispering Austen's words to her, and at others, caustically berating her for bothering to care.

And care she did. She had come to realize this more and more in these past few days away from all her usual haunts and contacts. She had only spoken to Jake once since the study began, and even his familiar chatter hadn't allowed her mind to focus on something else. He mentioned Jack's Tapas and she was suddenly back in the café, with _him_, discussing literature and trying to tempt him with morsels from her plate. When she said she wanted Jack's, in her heart she meant she wanted to be back there, that day, at the beginning. Getting to know him a little, afraid to ask the questions that burned in her mind, and trying not to stare into his golden eyes.

Bella sighed. All of that was over now. He was gone, and he wasn't coming back, as much as her mind and heart might wish it otherwise. If she could only stop dreaming about him, in any context, it might be easier to take.

She'd had an odd moment early this morning. She had been near the door when Vicky brought in her breakfast tray, and she held it open to let her through. Bella glanced out through the equipment room to the room with the monitors and felt her heart stop. For the barest of seconds, she saw a tall pale figure in a lab coat bending over one of the monitors. Then he straightened, his head turned slightly towards her and she remembered to breathe. He was just as pale, but his hair was golden, not auburn, and his jaw wasn't as square, though he was very handsome. She watched him for another moment until he moved out of her line of sight.

"Bella? Aren't you hungry this morning?" Vicky asked as she set the table height and uncovered the plate of bacon, eggs and toast. Bella let go of the door and rolled towards Vicky.

"Who is the blonde doctor in the monitoring room? I haven't seen him before," she asked.

Vicky grinned at her and winked. "He's a looker, isn't he? That's Dr. Carter. He's part of the research team on the night shift. He had a couple of things he wanted to talk to Dr. Riggs about, so he stuck around later than usual. Why, do you want to meet him?"

Bella chuckled to herself. "No, thanks. He just reminded me of… someone. Has he been here both nights?" She picked up her knife and opened the little tub of butter.

"Yes. It's a smaller crew on nights of course, but they still have plenty to keep them busy. They review all the reports from the daily tests and keep an eye on the sleep monitors. I hear you've been giving them fits." Vicky smirked at her over the bed as she tucked the blanket in.

Bella blushed. "I don't always sleep very well. It may be worse because I'm not in my own bed here."

Vicky nodded. "Completely understandable. Does Dr. Riggs know you aren't sleeping?"

Bella shook her head. "Not lately. I had trouble for a long time after my injury, but it went away for a while. I hadn't seen her recently to tell her, and it's only just started again, anyway." She pushed the eggs around on her plate. They made her think of breakfast last Tuesday.

"Well, be sure you mention it before she checks you out today. You need your rest," Vicky smiled at her. "And you need to _eat. _You've hardly touched your breakfast. Really, Bella, how you manage to stay healthy is beyond me: no sleep, no food… I'm starting to think you're part vampire or something," she joked.

Bella smiled ruefully and took a sip of her juice. '_If only I were. I'd turn into a bat and search the world until I found him… except he doesn't want me. He certainly wouldn't want me as a vampire – he hated the idea." _ She sighed and Vicky paused at the door.

"You okay, hon? Is that problem you were having on Monday still bothering you?"

"I'm fine, thanks. I think I'm just really ready to be home," Bella answered half-truthfully. Vicky nodded and left the room.

Now the tests were taken, the scans finished and the monitors were running their final procedures. Stacks of questionnaires were bundled into files with printouts and envelopes of x-rays. Bella was enjoying her view of Ninth Avenue for the last time as she waited for Dr. Riggs, her bag packed and ready at the foot of the bed.

Dr. Sanchez had already been here to check Frank out and send him on his way back to his 'hen coop', as he called the assisted living facility that was his home. Bella smiled – she would miss his gentle humor. Randy on the other hand, not so much. He hadn't improved with familiarity at all. He hadn't gotten worse, either, but she would be glad to be away from his odd comments and staring.

She leaned her forehead against the window as had become her habit. Though she still could not physically see the Sorrento from her room, simply facing in its direction seemed to ease the heartache she felt a little. Once again, she wondered where he was and if he was all right. She also wondered if he ever thought of her, but surely he didn't. She must have been only a blip on his radar and a pleasant way to pass some time.

"Bella?"

She turned towards the knock and voice at the door. Dr. Riggs smiled at her as she came into the room and perched on the bed, placing a clipboard down next to her.

"Ready to get back home?" she asked, her grey eyes twinkling behind her stylish dark-framed glasses.

"Very ready," Bella answered firmly and they both laughed.

Dr. Riggs tilted her head and gazed at Bella a moment, studying her. "I'm concerned about your sleep, as you know. Dr. Carter was also quite upset about it. He didn't think it would affect any of the results, mind you, but a pattern of disrupted sleep such as you've shown here could be very detrimental to your health. Your body and mind both need rest, Bella. If your body doesn't get it, it won't function correctly and you could become quite ill. If your mind doesn't rest, the exhaustion can easily turn to depression."

Bella nodded. She knew all of this already, but it wasn't as if it was something she could control. He was in her heart and in her head, and if she were truthful, she didn't want him to leave there as well. So she stayed silent, waiting for Dr. Riggs to finish her 'wellness speech'.

"I've discussed your case rather in-depth with Dr. Carter. He was quite interested in it, and I allowed him access to all of your files, as he seemed to think that a situation such as yours would be the kind to benefit the most from the results of this study." Dr Riggs put one palm up as Bella's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Neither of us is saying any more than that at this point. It is still only a possibility, so don't go signing up for dance lessons just yet." She smiled and Bella grinned, blushing. Dr. Riggs stood up from the bed and picked up the clipboard. She removed a piece of paper from the clip and handed it to Bella.

"I've written you a prescription for Restoril. It's an anti-anxiety medication, meant to help calm you so you can sleep better. Get that filled and you should start getting the quality rest you need."

Bella thanked her and followed her to the door. Dr. Riggs turned with her fingers on the handle. "Thank you again for taking part in this. As you can see, we didn't have a very big group willing to participate." Bella smiled and ran her fingers through her hair, tossing it over her shoulder. She looked up, about to answer, when Dr. Riggs' eyes narrowed. She reached out a finger and touched Bella's throat.

"What did you do? You have a bruise."

Bella clapped her hand to her neck, confused. "I don't know. I didn't know it was there." She shrugged and dropped her hand. "Maybe I hit myself in my sleep or something. It doesn't particularly hurt."

Dr. Riggs smiled. "Probably. Dr. Carter said you did a bit of flailing. You might want to put some concealer on that, though; it looks a bit like a hickey!" She chuckled as she went through the door.

Bella's smile faded as she watched Dr. Riggs walk over to one of the nurse technicians. Her fingers fluttered back to her throat for a moment before she turned back to get her bag from the bed. A few moments later, she was heading down the hall towards the elevators.

Her shuttle ride back felt slightly unreal. She had been a part of a separate world for only a few days, yet it was enough to disconcert her, making her question not only the day of the month, but of the week. She felt as though extra time had passed her by as she pulled weights and let them poke, prod and photograph her insides. It was still December, but time was doing something strange.

It seemed to be folding in upon itself, condensing to an intense few days, then stretching out again to make days seem to last weeks. She decided that she was just tired. The exhaustion of the study and the poor sleep she had experienced were playing havoc with her senses. Once she had her prescription filled, she would finally be able to relax and get some rest.

She roamed around the pharmacy as she waited, idly wheeling through the aisles, barely noticing the items on the shelves. She stopped in the Seasonal aisle where gaudy tinsel angels and deep green plastic holly boughs jostled for shelf space with pastel ceramic nativity scenes and cartoon character stockings. The garish colors and lighted displays assaulted her, reminding her that Christmas was only two weeks off. Two weeks, and she still hadn't begun shopping for gifts.

Her chest felt tight and she began to hyperventilate, panicking over all the things she still had to do. She hadn't begun her holiday baking yet. She usually began making cookies and edible gifts right after Thanksgiving, but this year… this year, she had been… _distracted._

Bella cupped her hands to her face, shakily breathing into her palms in an effort to calm herself. She knew there was no reason to get so upset; there was plenty of time for shopping and decorating, and the world wouldn't end if she didn't make whiskey balls for Sue Clearwater's party like she did every year. Slowly, she felt her breathing return to normal, and the tightness in her chest eased somewhat, but not completely. Her fingers plucked at it absently.

That feeling had actually been there for days, that hole he left behind. She rubbed tiredly at her eyes and went to wait by the Pick-Up window. The sooner she got this anti-anxiety medicine, the sooner she could get home and take some, and hopefully, it would make that hole less prominent. She knew it wasn't going to go away- only one thing could make it do that- but perhaps it would shrink a little if she were able to relax. Perhaps, for a little while, she could even not think of him.

Yet even that idea caused the hole to tremble and rip anew. She couldn't _not_ think of him_, _nor did she really want that. If she didn't think of him, if she didn't remember, then she would begin to forget, and it would be as if it never happened. He said one day it would be as if he never existed. That wasn't possible, really. He'd been a part of her far too long for that to ever be.

The apartment echoed with the closing of the door and she stopped just inside, bag and purse in her lap. Her eyes roamed the dining area and living room, across her desk and entertainment center. She shrugged out of her coat and tossed it on the sofa to hang up later. She dropped her purse by her desk and took her bag back to her room, placing it on the bed. She looked around in here as well.

Everything was as it should be, just where she left it. She had expected Jake would take her absence as an opportunity to steam clean her carpet or something, but there was no sign that he had been here. She went into the kitchen, her eyes drawn immediately to the casserole dish on the counter. She smiled and picked it up, checking the fragile flowers that lay flat between the paper towel layers.

'_Dry. Good.'_

She put away the casserole and then reached into the far corner of the next cabinet for a blown glass candy bowl. The pale green apple color of the glass enhanced the deep hue of the dried violet blossoms and she was pleased with the effect. She placed the bowl in the center of the dining room table and went back into the kitchen to bake her pizza.

She listened to Anthony Masen as she washed her last bite down with a swallow of wine. She had promised herself the wine as a reward once the study was ended, but she thought she should limit herself to one glass. She did have medication to take at bedtime, and the longer she sat listening to Masen, the more relaxed she already felt. She cleaned up her dishes and leftovers before she became too tired to bother, next putting away her coat and emptying her bag, leaving the clothes to wash tomorrow.

Bella took a long shower, relishing being back in her own place with her own things. She smiled as she rinsed strawberry conditioner from her hair. Nothing quite matched the feeling of home.

She finished getting ready for bed, making one last trip into the kitchen for some water to wash down the Restoril capsule. She double-checked the lock on the front door and returned to her room. She set her mp3 to play the second half of Masen's CD, just enough music to lull her to sleep. Plugging her phone into the charger, she let herself scroll through the contacts list. His name stared back at her, silent and unreachable. She sighed and closed it, dropping it on the night stand.

As she settled herself in for the night and her head hit the pillow, she was suddenly reminded of waking up in his bed. She could almost smell his scent, just as she had in her dream about the meadow. She closed her eyes as the music washed over her, and she wrapped herself in thoughts of him.

'_A week. A week ago today, he left. How can it seem like it's been forever, when I can still feel his arms around me?' _She hugged herself tightly as a tear slid from her eye, and she fell asleep praying he was safe.

xxxxxxx

Bella was putting away the last of her clean laundry when her phone rang. The ringtone was familiar, but she couldn't remember for a moment to whom it belonged. Checking the caller ID, she was delighted to see her old friend's name.

"Rebecca! How are you?" she grinned into the receiver.

"I'm great, Bella, how are you? Merry Christmas!" Rebecca chirped back.

Bella could see her college roommate in her mind's eye: thick red hair that always seemed wind-tousled and perfect, green eyes sparkling with fun, and a figure that belonged on one of the mechanic's calendars Jake had in the garage. Rebecca had many reasons for her popularity on campus, only one of which was her appearance. She was also smart, funny, friendly, and an incredibly talented musician. Bella had never been quite sure how they ended up as roommates, but she had always been very glad.

"Merry Christmas to you! I'm fine. Really good, now you've called. What's new?" Bella rolled into the kitchen with freshly-folded dish towels in her lap. She put them in a drawer as she listened to Rebecca's excited chatter.

"You'll never guess! Oh, I have so much to tell you… really, I don't know why I don't call you more often. Or email you. Do I have your email address? I think I do…" she rambled and Bella laughed.

"I think you do, too, but I'll give it to you again. So tell me the news. Whose heart are you breaking now?" she teased her friend.

Rebecca chuckled. "You won't believe this… do you remember Daniel Sterling? He was working on his PhD in Comp/Theory when you were here. Tall guy with glasses?"

Bella giggled. "'Dorky Daniel'? Yes, I remember. His hair was always in his eyes and he wore the worst sweaters."

"That's him!" Rebecca laughed. "Suffice it to say, he's cut his hair, the sweaters are cashmere now and he's _teaching _Composition/Theory. Also, he may have asked me to marry him and I said yes."

"Oh, my God! Are you serious? Bex, that's wonderful!" Bella laughed as well. "When?"

"Thanks! We haven't set a date yet, but it probably won't be until the summer break at least. Longer if my mom has anything to say about it – she believes in long engagements and huge, overly-planned weddings," Rebecca chuckled.

"That's… I can't believe it. _Daniel?_" Bella shook her head. If anyone could find a Prince Charming in Daniel Sterling, it would be Rebecca. She saw the best in everyone.

"He's the sweetest thing, really. Under all that hair and glasses, he's quite good looking, too. And so smart and crazy talented! He's written some beautiful pieces the San Fran Symphony's going to be performing this season. Oh, I almost forgot! I have other news you'll love!"

Bella chuckled to herself. _'Daniel better have a lot of energy, too, if he plans to keep up with Bex. I'm getting tired just listening to her!'_ She checked her kitchen clock – after four; plenty of time for a glass of wine before dinner. She got out the corkscrew.

"What, did you finally break down and buy that Vespa you always wanted, but thought you'd look stupid driving?" she joked as she pulled a bottle from the refrigerator.

Rebecca snickered. "Lord, no! I'd still look stupid on it, and it wouldn't hold the two of us, anyway. No, it's even better."

"Then let me sit down if it's that big," Bella giggled back. Bad jokes with old friends were always so comforting. It felt good to laugh, if only for a little while.

"Oh, yes, this _will_ knock you off your feet! You'll never guess… they found a new Masen composition!" Rebecca practically squealed.

Bella almost dropped the wine bottle. "Are you serious? Who? Where? Are they sure?" She could barely get the questions out around the thrill that ran through her at the thought of unknown music.

"It's so crazy! It's amazing they found it at all, actually. Somebody dropped their phone while they were down in the record archives at Hargrove. It slid under a shelf of old records and they had to get maintenance to help move it. When they did, all these pages of music manuscript just fell out from behind the records! Nobody can figure out how they got there, but it's pretty evident it's one of his. There's a Masen expert they're calling in to authenticate it, but there's not much doubt it's real. I can't wait to hear it!"

"Rebecca… that's so incredible! Wait, what do you mean? How are you going to hear it? Who's going to play it?" Bella asked, puzzled. She gripped the cork with the corkscrew and pulled it free, pouring the wine into a large goblet.

"Well, that _is_ one advantage to being engaged to the Comp/Theory professor; if it's real, he'll be given first crack at studying it. As part of that, he'll have some of the faculty play it, and he'll record it for the archives. I plan to be there when that happens!"

Rebecca sounded a little bit smug, but Bella didn't blame her. The opportunity to hear Masen played live was rare enough – to be in the audience for the premiere of an unknown piece would be a once in a lifetime experience. The whole idea was overwhelming to her, and she knew Rebecca was even more excited than she was.

"You'll have to tell me all about it when you do. I can't believe it was just sitting there all these years." She sipped her wine at the thought of how ecstatic the School of Music must be over this discovery. Another piece of Masen's music meant potentially more income from his legacy.

"Me, either! God, I'm almost more excited about that than I am about Daniel proposing… almost!" Rebecca laughed. Then she asked the question Bella had been dreading since she answered the phone.

"So, how is Jake? Anything new on that frontier?"

Bella sighed. Rebecca had apparently known as far back as grad school that Jake was interested in being more than friends, but Bella had always brushed her off. She knew Jake well and Rebecca didn't. If he felt that way about her, surely she would know. She _should _have known all along, but she hadn't wanted to see.

"Still my best friend, Bex, nothing more. But I'll tell him you said 'hi'," she promised.

Rebecca made an annoyed noise. "He hasn't made a move yet? Wow, I would have thought he'd at least have given you a ring by now. Or are you seeing somebody else?"

The question was so unexpected that Bella answered without thinking.

"I was. I mean, I did. It didn't last long, and he left, but… yeah," she finished, lamely trying to stop talking.

"Bella! That sounds intriguing. Who was he? What happened? Girl, spill! I've never known you to even look at a guy besides Jake. This one must have been really special," Rebecca urged and Bella blushed furiously. These were not questions she wanted to answer, not even for her old friend.

"He was… is, someone I knew slightly in high school. We ran into each other one weekend when Jake was fishing at the res and got to talking. We got along quite well, but he was only in town for a few days. He had to leave and that was it." Saying it out loud hurt more than she expected. It sounded so _trivial_ the way she explained it, and it had been anything but that. It had been the most important three days of her life.

"Gee, hon, that's too bad. Sounds like it could have been something if you'd had more time. You sure he's not coming back?" Rebecca sympathized.

"Very sure. It was lovely while it lasted, but it's over." Bella suddenly wanted to be off of the phone, no longer having this conversation. She could feel the tears building with the pressure in her chest and she didn't want Rebecca to hear her pain. Rebecca was happy. There was no way she was going to mar that.

"I hate to cut this short, Bex, but I've got plans for this evening and I need to get moving. Let me give you my email again and we'll catch up more later, okay?" Bella hated to lie to her, but she didn't know how much longer she would be able to hold off the tears.

Thankfully, Rebecca agreed. Bella sat for a moment after they hung up, her arms wrapped around the ache in her chest.

'_I should have asked her. She dated and broke up with several guys; maybe she could tell me how long it takes until it stops hurting so much.'_

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she felt horrible for ending their conversation early. Rebecca was clearly excited about all of her news, and had so much to be happy about. Though the possibility of new Masen music was thrilling, listening to the joy in her friend's voice as she gushed about her fiancé was more than Bella could take. She should be able to handle that; people fall in and out of love every day. They should be able to be there for the friends who are at the other end of the spectrum.

''_Should be' isn't 'could','_ she sighed as she wiped her eyes. She stared into the wineglass as though it held answers to questions she didn't even know who to ask.

'_Did any of it mean anything to him? If it did, why was he so adamant about ending it? He had to leave, fine, but why couldn't he come back? What does he _do_? He never said anything about a career that he had to get back to, or even where he was living. Maybe I was right to begin with; maybe there _was_ someone special waiting at home for him. But no, he said there wasn't. What if he lied? What if _all of it_ was a lie?'_

Fresh tears filled her eyes and she stifled a groan as she clutched at her chest. Her mind had gone over this territory many times in the past week and was no closer to any answers. She wished sometimes that he hadn't come back – the old dreams and questions were almost preferable to the pain of the new ones. But each time she thought it, she knew she would never have given up the three days they had. The pain of going on without him was eclipsed by the happiness they shared. That was all she would ever have of him, and it would have to last her the rest of her life.

Bella drained the wineglass and poured another. There was plenty of time before bed and her medication, and she still had to eat dinner. She wasn't sure if the Restoril had worked last night or not. She had been restless, despite being back in her own bed. The dreams still woke her, but they were vague and distorted images rather than the specific tortures she usually endured. For that, she was only slightly grateful. In the other dreams, she at least got to see his face and hear his voice, even if the looks he gave her and the words he said weren't always pleasant.

She sipped and glanced around her apartment. She had done her weekly chores before she left for Harborview, the laundry was caught up and now an evening stretched out with nothing to occupy her. This wasn't good. She needed something to distract her, if only for a little while.

'_The English department party is tomorrow – I need to make some things to take to that. Brownies, cookies… finger sandwiches…' _ Her mind flashed quickly to sitting on the rose sofa of the penthouse, nibbling tiny delicious sandwiches as he played for her. She sighed and rubbed her eyes. Would _everything_ remind her of him?

She swallowed more wine and set the glass down to rummage through her pantry.

'_As much food as I bought the other day, there has to be something I can fix to take tomorrow,'_ she mused as she shifted cans, jars and boxes around. She pulled out flour, sugar, spices, condensed milk, and a variety of other items. Baking was one of the things that she always enjoyed. It helped her concentrate and usually relaxed her when she was feeling stressed. She slipped her Gran's pinafore apron on over her turtleneck and got busy.

An hour and two more glasses later, the second sheet of Monster Cookies was in the oven, brownies were cooling on the counter, and Bella had begun melting marshmallows for Holly Wreaths. Thumping on her door made her jump, splashing a bit too much vanilla in the bowl. She frowned; she wasn't expecting anyone, which meant this was probably Jake, come to check on her. She wiped her hands on a towel and went to the door.

"Hey, Bella! God, I've missed you! Did you eat yet, 'cause I brought us some pizza… ooh, you're baking? Can I have some?" Jake's voice held an odd tone, almost of relief.

Bella couldn't help but grin at his effusive greeting. She had missed him as well, and she told him so as he squeezed her shoulders in a tight hug.

"Thanks for the pizza, and no, you may not have any cookies or brownies," she smiled at his sad-puppy face. "They are for the party tomorrow. You may have some then." She ruffled his hair with her fingers and he pulled away, running his hand through it as it settled sleekly on his shoulders. Her eyes narrowed at an unbidden thought and she turned back towards the kitchen in order to hide her blush.

"Okay, I guess I can wait, but you're probably going to need a taste-tester once you get everything made. You don't want to take something that tastes horrible, do you?" he joked, looking around the room. "Oh, hey, I got something for you. It's in the truck; I'll be right back." He was out of the door before she could turn around to tell him 'no'. She sighed. It had never been easy to tell Jake 'no', or rather, he had a hard time accepting it as an answer.

She was sliding cookies onto a cooling rack when she heard more thumping at her door. It was still unlocked, so she let him open it himself. Odd sounds of scraping and dragging reached her ears and she came to the kitchen door to see what he was doing. She gasped at the sight of Jake maneuvering a fir tree through the living room, dragging its branches across the coffee table and littering the floor with needles as he set it up in front of the window.

"What in the world…?"

He grinned at her as he straightened the base to keep the tree upright. "Like it? I know we usually pick it out together, but you were busy with the study, so I figured I'd give you one less thing to worry about."

The idea was nice, but he seemed to have overlooked something.

"Jake, we also usually put it up at _your_ house, or have you forgotten that part? I never have a tree," she said with a smile.

He fiddled with the tree a moment, turning it a tiny bit as though trying to present the best side to the room. He glanced up at her with a cautious look in his eyes.

"Yeah, I know, but with the study and… and everything, I thought you might like to have one of your own this year. You seemed a little down lately and I thought you could use some cheering up."

Her throat tightened as she felt tears spring to her eyes. He could be so aggravating sometimes, and then he did something like this. He had noticed; she hadn't been hiding her misery at all.

"That's… so sweet, Jake. Thank you. And I do like it; it's beautiful," she smiled as a tear spilled over and down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly when he looked back at the tree, grinning proudly.

"I did pick a good one, huh? Don't you think that earns me at least a couple of cookies and a brownie?" he smirked.

"The cookies! Oh, no," Bella swung her chair around just as the timer went off on the oven. "Well, that was close. You know better than to distract me when I'm baking," she scolded playfully from the kitchen.

"Sorry! Although if they got a little burnt, you couldn't take them tomorrow, and then I could eat them tonight. I like crispy cookies," he smiled as he followed her.

"I'm not burning cookies for you, so just give up, alright?" she laughed, placing the hot cookie sheet on the cooling rack and picking up the metal spatula to loosen the cooled ones.

'_That's twice today I've laughed and _noticed_ it. How pathetic am I?'_ She finished taking the cookies from the sheet and began to drop more dough on it.

"I never give up, Bella."

His tone was so different from a moment ago that she was forced to look up. Jake had that look in his eyes again, the one she had only recently identified. She dropped her eyes and tried to continue the banter.

"Well, then I hope you enjoy disappointment." She forced a smile but it felt odder than the laughter.

"Bella," he said and she felt his hand on her shoulder. "I'm not talking about cookies."

She turned her head, looking just past his hand for several moments until he removed it.

"I'm not either, Jake," she said softly. She moved then to put the dirty cookie sheet in the sink. He stood silently in the doorway, watching her. She sighed and looked up at him.

"Are we going to eat that pizza or decorate the tree with it?" she joked awkwardly. Jake chuckled anyway and walked around her to get out some plates. He pulled out two with Christmas designs and rummaged in the utensil drawer. He took the plates and pizza cutter to the dining table where he had left the pizza. The moment he was out of the kitchen, Bella drained her wineglass and headed for the refrigerator. She poured another and took a healthy pull.

"Whoa, hon. You might want to slow down on that until you get some food in you," Jake commented as he got a water glass for himself. Bella tossed him a sheepish smile.

"Baking makes me thirsty, I guess," she shrugged carelessly, but she didn't take another sip until they were at the table. Jake opened the pizza box and Bella sighed. It was Hawaiian style again. Jake used to order all different kinds, and she enjoyed the variations he came up with, but once he'd discovered the pineapple-and-ham combination, he never ordered anything else. She much preferred a selection of vegetables with some sausage or pepperoni, something more like the Sicilian pizza…

She dropped her untouched slice on the plate and picked up her glass. She felt Jake's eyes on her as she took a deep drink, and from the corner of her eye she could see his jaw as he chewed.

"Something wrong with the pizza?" he asked with concern.

She started to shrug it off, but something made her voice her discontent. "No, it's fi-… actually, yes. It's Hawaiian."

Jake's brow wrinkled in confusion. "You like Hawaiian. That's why I get it."

"I like pepperoni, too, Jake, and sausage, and mushrooms and black olives… I enjoy different things on my pizza. Having the same kind every time gets boring," she said.

He looked hurt and she felt bad for just a moment. After all, he had surprised her with the pizza; it wasn't as though she'd asked him to bring it.

She touched his arm. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be ungrateful; it was sweet of you to bring it. It's just that I can only take so much Hawaiian." She gave him a small smile, but he was contemplating the rest of the pizza in the box.

"So what you're saying is, you want something else. Hawaiian isn't good enough for you anymore." There was a sharp tone in his voice that surprised her. She shook her head.

"No, it isn't that it's not good enough; it's a perfectly fine pizza. I would just like some variety sometimes," she explained.

"Variety. You want 'variety'. I get it," he nodded his head, but his eyes were hard. "I get it – you want something different, because the same old thing is boring. It isn't _exciting_, like 'variety'."

She pulled her hand back from his arm. He was acting so strangely. Why would asking for another kind of pizza bother him so much?

"I don't know about 'exciting', but it certainly would be a nice change to have something different," she said cautiously. He hadn't moved or done anything but stare at the pizza and it was beginning to annoy her.

"Yeah, I can see that. A nice change for you, anyway. Never mind what anyone else wants." He actually sounded surly.

Bella threw her napkin down. "Don't give me that. You used to eat all kinds of pizza toppings until you fell in love with Hawaiian. Did it ever occur to you that you aren't the only person eating it?"

He swung his heavy gaze to her and his black hair rippled across his shoulder. "I found the kind I like best, Bella. And when I find what I like, I stick with it. I'm loyal to it. And I don't want variety. I want something that will be just what I expect it to be, every time: no surprises, no changes, nothing different. If you want something else, well, I can't keep you from ordering it, but don't expect me to like it." He turned back to his plate then and resumed eating.

She closed her eyes in frustration, trying to sort through what he just said. _'I know we were talking about pizza, but somewhere in there it seemed as if he was talking about something else. Why else would he get so upset?'_

She opened her eyes and glanced at him. He was wolfing down another slice. She sighed and picked up the piece on her plate.

"You sure you want that? It's boring," he said, his dark eyes narrowed at her.

She sighed. He may have wanted to pick a fight, but she didn't have the energy for it. "Just drop it, okay Jake? I'll have this tonight. It won't kill me to eat Hawaiian pizza one last time." She took a bite and tried not to grimace at the sweet and salty flavor. She looked up at him as she swallowed and was stunned by the look of pain on his face.

"Right," he said gruffly. He stood up suddenly, grabbing his half-full glass and heading into the kitchen. Bella heard him rummage in the ice bin, then the cubes plopping into his glass. A moment later she heard the tap running. He came back to the table and they ate for a few more minutes in silence.

She couldn't decide if she should feel guilty for ruining dinner or angry with him for trying to make her feel that way. It was just pizza, for goodness sake.

Still, the tension was wearing on her. "Look, I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't know you felt so strongly about pizza. It would just be nice to be consulted sometimes on what I want."

He stared at his plate and his jaw clenched a moment before relaxing.

"It's not…," he huffed as he looked up at her, his dark eyes full of remorse. "I'm being stupid. It really doesn't matter, Bella. You're right, I didn't think about you wanting something else. I should have asked first. I'll try to remember that next time."

He got up then to clear his plate, rinsing it and placing it in the dishwasher. He got another drink and sat on the sofa, facing the tree.

Bella packed up the few pizza slices left and put them in the refrigerator, refilling her wine glass at the same time. Jake was scribbling notes on a piece of paper when she came into the living room.

"What are you doing?"

"You said yourself you never have a tree. I was just listing what you'll need to decorate it: lights, ornaments, garland, a topper, tinsel…" He looked up as she folded her arms. "What? You don't want tinsel? Oh, wait that might be bad for Bert. Yeah, no tinsel." He hastily scratched through something on his paper.

"No, it's not the tinsel, though that would clog Bert up for sure. I just… I'd like to decorate it my way, Jake," she said softly. He glanced up at her as she studied the tree. "Somewhere around here, I have a box of decorations Charlie and I used to put up, but I'm not sure… I might make some instead. Or just use some things from around the house… I'll have to think about it a little."

Jake jumped up, heading for the coat closet. "I think I remember that box. Wasn't it in here? I think I put it on the top shelf out of your way when you moved in." He pulled a box from the closet and opened it as Bella continued to stare at the tree. "Nope. Old papers." He put it back and grabbed another. "More papers. And pictures," he grumbled as he re-shelved the box.

"Um hm," she murmured. "Oh, wait. Did you say pictures?" she turned to him.

"Yeah, you want them out?" he looked over his shoulder at her.

"Please."

He cleared debris from the coffee table before setting the box down, and then went to get a broom and dustpan. Bella was elbow-deep in the box when he came back to sweep up the bits of fir tree from the carpet. It had been ages since she laid eyes on the treasures in front of her. Pictures of Charlie and herself, her mom, Renee and Gran, Jake and Billy, Charlie and Billy… this last caused a small tremor in her chest. She pulled out more, in albums, envelopes, and plastic zip-top bags. Others were loosely scattered throughout, people and places who made up the bits and pieces of her life.

She flipped through a small album of photos from her years at Berkeley, filled with Rebecca's bright smiles and other friends, some whose names already escaped her. She was so wrapped up in rediscovery that she wasn't paying attention to Jake as he continued to search for decorations.

"Bella? What's this?" It was his tone rather than his words that pulled her back to the present. She looked up to see a dented box in one of his hands, the lid in the other. Black silk shimmered as he tilted it towards her, a dark look on his face.

'_No!' _The album fell forgotten from her fingers.

"Put that back. Please, Jake," she amended, trying to control the quiver in her voice. The argument earlier and now the photos had already put her emotions close to the surface. She wasn't far from going over.

"Where'd it come from, Bella? I've never seen it before… who's is it?" He didn't take his eyes from her face and she couldn't take hers from the box.

"Just… please, Jake. Please put it back," she whispered.

His eyes narrowed and his lip curled. "I'm pretty sure Charlie never owned a top hat in his life, and I can't think of anyone else you know who might… except for one." She glanced up at him then, and his eyes were hard obsidian.

"Why do you have his hat, Bella? Did he leave it with you? When is he coming for it? Tonight? Tomorrow?" His voice was as hard as his eyes.

"No, no… he didn't. He didn't leave it," she insisted, confused that Jake would think he was coming back ever again.

"It _is _his. I can smell that nasty cologne or whatever he wears on it. Why did he leave it, Bella, so he can have an excuse to come back?" Jake was nearly growling.

"He doesn't know I have it. I bought it…" The words would barely leave her lips.

"Bought it? Wait, you mean it's a Christmas present? For _him?"_ Incredulous, Jake pulled the hat from the box, his big fingers less than gentle on the fragile silk. Bella's hands flew to her mouth, then to her wheels. She had to take it from him before he ruined it.

"Give it to me, Jake. It's not yours and it's not your business why I bought it. Just put it back in the box and give it to me. Please," she added, trying to placate him as she reached for the hat.

He held it aloft, out of range of her stretching fingers, turning it so the silk caught the light.

"Stupid looking thing, and what's this purple stuff? A crappy bunch of _flowers?_" he laughed cruelly. "No _real man_ wears _flowers_ on his hat, Bella. Then again, he did seem like a bit of a _pansy_."

"Stop it, Jake! You don't know the least thing about him." She was angry now; he had pushed too far. She reached for the hat again but he was taking a perversely childish delight in holding it away from her.

"What don't I know, Bella? That he's a spoiled brat who throws his daddy's money around and thinks he can have anything, or _anyone,_ at the drop of a hat like this one?" He tossed it in the air and she gasped as he snatched it back again before it got close to her hands.

"Damn it, Jake! You want to know about him?" she spat angrily. "Fine, I'll tell you. He is kind and funny and sweet, and I don't give a damn about his money. He's incredibly intelligent; he's travelled the world and met all kinds of people. And yet, he wanted to spend time with _me_, Jake. _Me_. He's the most amazing person I've ever met, and he made me feel that I was amazing, too…"

Her words faltered slightly at the memory. He had brought such a light into her life, and it was horrible how dark everything had become since he had gone.

Jake sneered. "Oh, 'he's kind and sweet and intelligent'," he mimicked. "Sounds like a damn _angel_ to me. Is that it? Is he an _angel_, Bella? Was he heaven-sent, to make you feel beautiful and loved when there's already someone right here who feels that way?"

He was seething now, and she turned away from him, rebuffing his admission. This was why she hadn't said anything to him. Best friend or not, she knew he would never understand. He wanted too much from her himself.

"Yes, he _is_ an angel, Jake. He made me feel more loved than anyone else ever has…" Angry tears filled her eyes as she hurled words she knew would hurt him.

His jaw clenched. "Too bad he's not here now. I'd show you how much of an angel he is; I'd shove this tree up his ass! That's all angels are good for, Bella, sitting pretty on top of a damn tree!" He dropped the hat back in the box and tossed it onto the sofa. She gasped when it landed sideways and the hat slid halfway out. He pushed past her and grabbed his coat, the door slamming behind him.

Bella spent the rest of the evening with the hat in her lap, her wineglass at her side, and Masen's CD on repeat. Her fingers alternated between stroking the weave of the crown and the petals of the limp violets as she sorted through photographs with the other hand. She turned the pictures with Jake in them face down.

She was awakened a little before two by a dream in which Edward was perched in the tree outside of her apartment, surrounded by a swarm of angry photographs of Jake. Her neck was stiff from the position she was in, still in her chair with her chin on her chest. She carefully put the hat in its box back in the closet, switched off Masen and went to the kitchen to throw out the empty wine bottle.

Racks of cookies and brownies covered the counters and she realized she hadn't finished baking. She packed all of the prepared treats into containers and the bowl of dough into the refrigerator to finish in the morning. The English Department party wasn't until the afternoon, so she would still have time to finish. She went through her nightly bedtime routine and took her Restoril. Hopefully it would allow her to get back to sleep, and quickly. She was going to need a lot of energy for tomorrow.

**A/N: Thank you again for reading. It thrills me beyond belief that so many people like my story. **


	25. Mad World

**Choices**

**A/N: Welcome, new readers! I hope you enjoy the rest of the ride. Thanks as always to my beautiful beta, Momma Laura. She fights editing dragons and slays them with a Word. **

**Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight. I have the best brownie recipe, ever. **

**Mad World – Tears for Fears 'The Hurting'**

**Chapter 25**

**BPOV**

Friday morning dawned cold and damp, with a threat of snow later in the day. Bella was up earlier than she would have liked, but the shadow dreams wouldn't let her rest, and she had baking to do. Her morning routine took almost twice as long, though, as she seemed less coordinated than usual. She snagged her sweater on the bathroom door latch and pulled a hole in the weave, then had to re-think her whole outfit for the party, finally pulling on the ivory sweater she had worn to the hotel. It had a lower neckline than the other, and she had to spend even more time to use concealer on the strange bruise that remained on her throat.

Two cups of coffee in, and she still felt as though she was wheeling through sand. She put a tray of cookies in the oven and poured herself another cup of coffee before exiting the kitchen. She stirred in the sugar automatically as she contemplated the evergreen in front of her living room window, taking a deep breath of its cool spicy scent. It was a bit over six feet tall and well-proportioned, if slightly on the slim side. She preferred a Christmas tree to be tall and fat, but then, she hadn't had one of her own since before Charlie died. One with those dimensions would be too large for her living room.

Bella sipped at her cup and stared at the tree over the rim. Jake shouldn't have brought it here, but then there were several things lately that Jake shouldn't have done. This was one of the lesser problems he'd caused, though perhaps the messiest, physically. She glanced down at the floor under the tree where bits of fir branch littered her carpet. Bert might have some trouble with those. She would have to keep an eye on him in here.

Her gaze travelled up the tree as she decorated it in her mind. Tiny white lights peeped through the branches, reflecting sparkles in the ropes of silver garland draped around the tree. Homemade ornaments of photographs backed with colorful construction paper brought friends and family to her, their images scattered amongst the lights. A box of candy canes would be dispersed throughout as well, for color, aroma, and general festivity.

She smiled at the vision she had created. She hadn't expected to like the idea of decorating a tree of her own as much as she did. Perhaps she had been stubbornly holding on to the traditional tree she shared with Jake as a link to the past, to Billy and to Charlie. This year would be different, she decided. She would honor her past without turning her back on her future.

She took a deep breath of the fragrant tree. The cool scent of fir mixed with the aroma of scorched butter and chocolate, and she hurried back to the kitchen. She had forgotten to set the timer, and this sheet was definitely overdone. Anger at herself for wasting the cookies, as well as her time, was quickly overtaken by annoyance. The burnt cookies reminded her again of Jake and his ridiculous display last night.

'_I still don't know what he was on about with that pizza. What difference could it possibly make if I want to eat something other than Hawaiian? He acted like I kicked his favorite puppy! And then a minute later, he was fine, as if it never happened. I just don't get him anymore.'_

What was wrong with him? He had been acting strangely since… well, since last Wednesday, at least. Each time she had seen him since, they had argued over something, and they never did that. Bella scraped the caramelized bits of cookie from the pan with slightly more vehemence than necessary as her irritation with Jake grew.

'_It's a damn good thing he didn't mess up that hat. I was close to ramming his ankles as it was, the jerk. Stupid, jealous… what the hell was he thinking, playing "keep away" like that? Bastard!'_

She angrily scrubbed the cookie sheet clean, dried it, and put it away before venturing back into the living room to switch on the stereo. Masen poured out of the speakers, and she took a deep breath as she felt the tension begin to unravel from the knots in her shoulders. As many times as it happened, it always surprised her that this man's music could bring her such peace. If it weren't for the deep ache in her chest, she might actually feel happy. She wondered idly what this new piece would sound like as she began to pack up the rest of her party contribution.

Rebecca hadn't said what kind of music it was or for which instruments – Bella was suddenly hopeful it might be a symphony. Perhaps it would be performed in San Francisco. If so, she would do everything in her power to get to that concert, even if it meant asking someone to cover her classes for her.

She sighed as she put the containers in bags before piling them all on the sofa. It would take a several trips to get it all out to the truck. The treats she made for the party were in three bags, and in the four others were tins and packages of assorted baked goods, gifts for her colleagues and the department staff. She smiled at the bounty before her. It pleased her to create delicious things she could share like this. She pulled on her coat and began taking things out to the parking lot. On her last trip out, in a moment of inspiration, she grabbed two bottles of wine from the refrigerator before switching off the stereo.

The University of Washington campus was quite obviously on the verge of a holiday break. Traffic was light, parking was ample, and the people who hustled from cars to buildings were laden with food, festively wrapped gifts, and brilliant smiles. They called greetings to each other, an undercurrent of laughter bubbling between strangers and friends alike.

Bella's co-workers chattered gaily of shopping misadventures and travel plans while they set out the food and drink in the large conference room. One of her student workers had helped her carry everything inside and was now in the process of placing the gifts she brought under a garish artificial tree. Bella's mind wandered as she unwrapped the last platter of cookies and made a place for it next to a pan of lemon bars, her eyes scanning the nearly-covered table. The phrase 'groaning board' had never been a more apt description, she thought. She glanced around the room, noting the number of cups already in use and quickly got her own.

The English department had a few traditions they kept, starting with a speech from the dean. Each year he attempted to make his comments more inventive than the last, his brevity and succinct choice of words the focus of a hotly followed betting pool. Certain words were designated off-limits during the Thanksgiving party, and he spent several intense hours during the intervening weeks, crafting the perfect short speech. This year's forbidden words included 'holiday', 'celebration', and 'party', and once again, he received a well-deserved round of applause at his conclusion. The time and word count were tabulated, winners announced, the pool split, and the buffet line began.

A little over an hour later, Bella opened the second bottle she brought and refilled her red plastic cup, eyeing the other libations set out on the sideboard. Several moderately empty high-end bottles mingled with cheaper varieties and mixers. There would be a few taxis called before the afternoon was over, she was certain. She wheeled one-handed towards the food table, intent on trying some oddly creamy, pale green Jell-o salad brought by a graduate student from Texas.

"Bella!"

She looked up from spooning the salad onto her plate, her gaze locked on a tall, dark figure as he strode purposefully across the room.

"Why are you here, Jake?" She challenged him immediately.

The smile fell from his face. "You invited me, remember?"

"I'd think after last night, you'd realize you were uninvited." She raised her cup to her lips and took a deep drink, hoping her hand didn't shake too much.

He ran his hand across the back of his neck and ducked his head towards her as he let his glance dart around the room. "I thought I'd come by and apologize for last night. I… got a little out of line, and I'm sorry." His eyes met hers as he finished speaking.

She glared at him. "You were more than 'a little' out of line, and you should be sorry. You acted like some kind of possessive jerk. I don't _belong_ to you, and I'm not ready to accept your apology. Please leave." She put the plate down on the table, her appetite gone.

"Come on, Bella, don't be like that. You have to know how I feel about you," he pleaded, trying to keep his voice down. "It just makes me crazy that you won't be straight with me about him."

The raw edges of the hole in her chest quivered, and she flinched at the pain that could be caused by a single word.

"What are you talking about, Jake? How have I not 'been straight' with you? I don't know what you mean." She shook her head at him and noticed a few people were looking in their direction. She blushed and tried to cover it by taking another sip.

He huffed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Look, you don't have to try to hide it anymore. I was gonna tell you last night; I know, okay? Just quit pretending, and be honest with me."

He walked away from her then, over to the sideboard. She stared after him in confusion as he filled a cup with ice and ginger ale. She followed him, trying to understand what he was saying.

"How am I not being honest? I'm not hiding anything." Her voice rose in frustration and several heads turned. She glanced away from them and lowered her voice.

"Please leave, Jake. You're embarrassing me."

Jake's eyes narrowed over the rim of his cup as he drank thirstily. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and turned to refill the cup. He looked back at her and chuckled sourly.

"What I don't understand is why you refuse to admit it. Do you think you're protecting him somehow? Not that I couldn't take him..." Jake sneered and finally seemed to notice they were attracting attention. He turned away and headed towards a couple of empty chairs in the corner. He put his cup on one chair and sat in the other, his elbows resting on his knees as he rubbed at the tension in his neck with both hands.

Bella watched him for a moment, anger and frustration battling alongside the pain that stabbed through her. He wasn't making any sense at all. She topped off her wine and went towards him. He looked up as she approached, frustration clear on his features. He sighed and picked up his drink as she set hers down. She leaned forward.

Her voice was low. "Look, this is my work party. Whatever it is that's bothering you, we can talk about it later. This isn't the time or place for it, Jake. You should go."

"Why not?" he challenged her. "When is a good time? You don't seem to want to talk about it at all. You don't want anybody here to know, that's fine. I get that. But you have to talk to me. I deserve the truth, Bella, and you have been handing me everything but that. I figured, maybe if I brought it up here, you couldn't run away and you'd have to stop denying it."

She stared at him in utter confusion.

"Will you quit looking at me like I'm nuts? I told you, I _know_. _Angela_ knows, for God's sake. You can drop all the secrecy, Bella. It's only pissing me off." His gaze shifted to the cup at her side. "And you might want to slow down on that wine a little bit. It's not even one yet." He tilted his cup to his mouth.

She huffed in annoyance. He had a lot of nerve telling her what to do, and this guessing game he was playing was trying her patience.

"Just what is it that you 'know', Jake?" she said.

He swallowed, and his mouth tightened into a thin line.

"I know about Cullen. I saw the Volvo."

She closed her eyes as the pain seared through her. How could he say _his_ name so easily, as though it were any other word? She struggled to make sense of his words.

"Of course you _saw_ it; you worked on it. I still don't understand what you're saying…"

He snorted angrily. "Quit playing dumb, Bella. I know he's still here. I saw his car on Tuesday."

She reacted without thought or reason as her heart suddenly seemed to be pounding its way from her chest. She clutched wildly at his arm, heedless of the cup in his hand and the sparkling soda that splashed across her face and down her front. Her mouth opened but no words would come.

"Jeez, Bella, calm down!" Jake stood, moving quickly and scooping up a few cocktail napkins from the sideboard. He handed them to her as she stared at him, struggling to form a coherent thought. She swiped absently at her face, blotting the sticky soda from her sweater. Jake grabbed an empty cup and disappeared into the hall, returning a moment later with some water.

'_Tuesday? The Volvo? He's here… wait. _Still_ here? He didn't leave? Why didn't he leave? If he didn't, then why…'_ She fought back against the formation of the rest of that question. She wasn't sure she could take an answer. Her hand reached blindly for her cup and she drained it.

She could only shake her head when Jake handed her a napkin dampened with water. He sat back down as she wiped the sugary soda from her skin.

"He's not. He left. He isn't coming back…" she spoke softly, the words looping in her head like dizzy cartoon birds around Jake's confident statement.

His tone was bitter as his gaze followed the movement of the napkin. "Just stop, Bella. Stop denying it. There's no point-" One hand shot out to still hers, pulling it away from her throat as his dark eyes narrowed. Bella blinked at him in confusion.

"What's that?" he spat.

"What?" she said with annoyance. She couldn't think straight, and he was asking questions. Could he be any more aggravating?

"That mark on your neck," he said quietly.

Bella's fingers flew to the bruise. She had forgotten about it; she must have scrubbed off the concealer.

His eyes hardened at her movement. "Did he give you that hickey last night, after I left? Did you call him to 'comfort you', like you did the last time?"

"It's not a hickey, it's a bruise. I got it during the study," she answered tersely.

Jake straightened, anger on his face.

"I told you, I saw Cullen's car, coming from your apartment. I know he's here, and you've been seeing him. Stop lying about it, Bella!"

"I'm not lying! How dare you accuse me of… of whatever it is you think is going on, in your sick and twisted little brain! You think you know everything, but you don't. You don't know a thing about me, or… or… _him. _You certainly don't know anything about _us."_ The words tumbled furiously from her, ripping and twisting through new pain as she shied away from the truth she could hear in his voice.

Jake's voice shook, and he clasped one of her hands in his. "You don't have an 'us_'_ with him, Bella, you have an 'us_'_ with _me_. I'm the one who's been here all along, the one who's waited for you all this time. You can't seriously believe he's the one for you? You hardly know him."

She had been fighting back tears. As they began to slip down her crimson face, she no longer cared about the scene they were causing, or the pain she knew she was about to feel. The important thing was to make Jake understand.

"I know him, Jake. I know him in my _soul_. He's always been there. I know you don't understand what I'm saying, because you don't know everything, but believe me, it's him. It's always been him. I knew it the moment he kissed me, maybe even before…" She trailed off as that truth hit her.

Jake stared at her. "Bella? You're saying I _never_ had a chance with you? After all we've been through, all these years: the rehab, the nightmares. Everything I've done has been for you, for _us__._ I followed you to Seattle and opened my shop here, so I could be close to you…"

"Stop. Please," she closed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't know until he came back, but he did, and now I do. Please, Jake, just go. I can't talk about this anymore right now." She tugged feebly, trying to remove her hand from his. He gripped it harder.

"No, I'm not going. Not until I say my piece. You're my best friend, and I love you. I wanted…" He stopped, and his breath hitched with emotion. "Hell, Bella, how could you? How could you kiss him when you won't kiss me? How do you know for sure it's him?" His eyes burned with pain.

She chuckled humorlessly as the tears continued to fall. "You're my best friend, and I love you, too, but I'm in love with him. I just wish…" She closed her eyes, unable to say more.

Hope lit his face. "Then I do have a chance. It's just because he's new, and you think he's fascinating, Bella. You do love me, I know it. I just have to make you see how much."

His hand slid into her hair, and Bella's eyes flew open when she felt his lips on hers. She gasped and he moaned, holding her firmly as his mouth pressed hers hungrily. She shoved at his chest with her free hand as she tried to pull her other hand from his grip. He let go to wrap his arm around her, but she pushed against him hard, and he pulled away, a delighted grin on his face.

"Now _that_ was a kiss, Bella! I'll bet he never-"

"OW! Oh, God! Damn it, Jake!" Bella clutched her hand as pain shot through her knuckles and up her wrist to her elbow. She squeezed her eyes shut, but the tears flowed regardless, and she doubled over, cradling her hand.

"Bella? What's going on here?"

The familiar voice of the dean slid through the intense pain as he looked between her and Jake with consternation. She took a deep breath and sat up, gingerly holding out her hand. The fingers looked odd and slightly out of place, inciting a wave of nausea in her. She glanced up at Jake and felt a small thrill of satisfaction, on top of the wooziness, at the blood he was wiping from his lip. His eyes met hers. She saw the anger and hurt in them before he dropped his gaze. He suddenly stood, wordlessly pushing past the dean. All eyes were on him as he left the room.

"Sorry…" she managed to gasp out, blushing furiously as she realized she was now the sole center of attention.

"I probably should have stepped in a little sooner, but I hoped you two would either resolve whatever issue you had or would at least take it outside," the dean chided her.

Bella nodded as more tears fell. Every movement she made sent stabbing pains up and down her arm.

He looked at her hand more closely. "That looks broken to me. Is there anyone I can call for you? Someone who can take you over to the hospital?"

She shook her head. The person she would have called had just left the room with a split lip, courtesy of her own right hook. She bit her lip and took a deep breath.

"I'll drive myself," she started, but one of the professors interrupted her.

"I just called campus security. They're sending someone to take you to the hospital. You can't drive like that, and you've been drinking anyway. Wouldn't want you to have an accident on top of a broken hand." Her tone was kind, but Bella saw the judgment in her eyes before she looked away.

"Great. Thanks," she murmured, hoping the irritation in her voice would be attributed to the pain she was in and not the woman's attitude.

The quiet chatter in the room turned into a buzz as Bella's punch became the main topic of discussion. She moved slowly to the sideboard and poured another cup of wine. She imagined there would be painkillers when she got to the hospital, but until then, this would have to suffice. If only it would dull the pain in her chest as well.

'_Why is he so stubborn? What's wrong with him? I just told him I love… Why did he kiss me? And making me tell him all that… he didn't need to know. But he said he saw the Volvo. He couldn't have, could he? If he did, it must have been someone else. I'm sure if… he were in town, I would know already. At least I think… I mean, I hope I would. God, what if it's really him and he doesn't want… oh, God…'_

These thoughts and others of a similar nature occupied Bella until a security officer came to collect her. He asked her some questions about what had happened as he drove her to the ER. She did her best to avoid answering, but finally got him to accept that it was no more than a misunderstanding between friends that got a little out of hand. He offered to stick around and give her a ride home after the doctor saw her, but she declined. The hospital wasn't much farther away from her apartment than her office – she could get back on her own. She would pick up her truck tomorrow.

Between filling out forms, answering questions, getting x-rays, and finally having a cast put on her hand, Bella had little time for introspection. Unfortunately, she had nothing to distract her as she set out for home. Low clouds spread across the twilit sky, threatening snow, as a stiff breeze made her coat feel thin as paper. She had to maneuver one-handed, and going uphill was difficult enough with two. It was fully dark, and freezing rain began to fall before she even left campus. She kept going, her half-frozen hand slipping on the wet wheel of her chair, limiting her movement to a few feet every minute. Traffic was light, and sensible people were inside with warm drinks and dry clothes. She began to wish she had accepted the security officer's offer.

Her conversation with Jake and his claim to have seen the Volvo ran in tired circles through her mind, each time coming back to the same painful conclusion: it couldn't be _him_. If it was, then he would have contacted her, and if it was and he hadn't, then that meant she was nothing to him. This made sense to her, because after all, _he_ was so beautiful and perfect; why he had ever spent any time with her was beyond her understanding. Yet as sensible as it was, it still hurt that he would be that callous and shallow, especially since she knew he was neither. Which meant, it couldn't be _him_.

Still, a part of her yearned for Jake's words to be true. The idea of _him_, here, and a chance to see him again, to hear his voice, to touch him… the dark ragged place tore a little more with each thought, but she let her mind wander anyway, taking comfort in the familiarity of the pain.

Once or twice, she stopped to look around. It occurred to her that she was likely a perfect target for anyone with evil intent, yet she wasn't nervous. Perhaps that was the Percoset, though. She had been given a dose at the hospital, two more for overnight and in the morning, and a prescription for a couple of days' worth. She would have to pick those up when she got her truck. Tomorrow would be busy.

A couple of blocks from home, headlights swept the sidewalk ahead of her as a truck barreled past. She heard tires squeal and the engine grind as gears shifted. A moment later, the vehicle came roaring back, sloshing to a stop alongside her. She peered up through the rain to see Jake's anguished face looking down at her. Anger flooded through her, and she shook her head as he yelled something unintelligible. She continued on as he kept pace with her, calling her name, but she refused to look at him.

She suddenly stopped, and no matter how she shoved at the wheel, the chair wouldn't budge. She looked around in confusion. Jake appeared from behind her, leaning down to look in her eyes. She didn't like him that close. He needed to back off, and she swatted at him, or she tried, but there was something wrong with her hand. It was heavy. Why was it so heavy? She examined her hand, surprised to see a cast before she remembered she had broken it. Jake was saying something, but he wasn't making any sense; anyway, she was mad at him, so she didn't want to listen. She shoved at her wheel, and it moved, so she pushed again. The chair stopped, and she looked back to see Jake holding the handles. She frowned. He was being stupid. She needed to get home, and he was stopping her. She looked up to tell him so and found herself in his arms as he lifted her into his truck.

She tried to squirm out of his grasp, but he held her tightly until she was in the passenger seat and her seat belt was buckled. He slammed her door, tossed her chair into the truck bed and climbed into the cab. She glared at him, and he glared back, then threw the gears into drive and tore away from the curb.

Bella stared at him as he drove. He was so infuriating. How dare he grab her like that, forcing her into his truck? And just where did he think he was taking her? She waited for him to explain, but he remained moodily silent. Just as she realized that perhaps he hadn't answered her questions because she hadn't actually said them out loud, he pulled into the alley that led to the lot behind her apartment. Mollified somewhat, and suddenly more tired than she could ever remember being before, she turned to thank him, only to see his seat was empty.

Her door opened, and he reached in for her.

"Jake," she said, her voice sounding funny to her ears. She put her hand on his arm, and he looked up into her eyes. She gave him a small smile. "Thanks."

He nodded, his expression still dark, but he lifted her more gently this time. He kicked the door closed and pushed her chair, sprinting through the rain that was now mixed with sleet. His cold wet fingers fumbled with the key to the lobby, and then they were inside, warm dry air enveloping and welcoming them. Once in her apartment, he continued to steer her chair, taking her to the bathroom and starting the hot water, moving her shower chair under the spray. He helped her out of her coat before shedding his own, taking them to the dining room to drape them over the chairs. He stopped in the kitchen and came back with a plastic bag and a rubber band, which he put down on the vanity.

He leaned down and removed her shoes and socks, rubbing her feet. She couldn't feel it of course, but she knew they must be terribly cold. That was really kind of sweet of him. He stood up and looked deeply in her eyes before he spoke.

"Bella, I'm going to give you a minute so you can take care of your bag and tubing and anything else you need to do, but I'm going to be right outside, okay? If you need anything, I'm here. Let me know when I can come back in." He reached out and touched her hair, then turned and left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

She hesitated a moment before moving to do as he said. It took longer than usual with basically only one hand, and it was shaking with cold, even though the room was now filling with steam. She had barely gotten a new bag settled along her leg and her clothes arranged before he knocked. She opened the door, and he came in, barefoot now, bringing two mugs of hot tea. He handed her one, and she took a grateful sip. She watched him drink from his over the rim of her cup, and she wondered why he was doing this.

She knew though; he told her earlier, and she felt badly that she couldn't return his affection. She wondered if _he_ hadn't come back, would she and Jake have moved forward to that next step. Would he have asked, and would she have agreed?

Jake put his mug down on the vanity. He grasped the hem of his sweater and undershirt, pulling them both swiftly over his head and off of his body. Bella gasped at his sudden nakedness, and he gave her a small smile. She had seen him shirtless many times before, mowing his lawn, swimming, playing football on the res with his friends, but never in the confines of a room alone with him. His shoulders were broader than she remembered, his muscles under smooth dark skin, more defined. He leaned over and touched the sleeve of her sweater, his black hair spilling like satin over his shoulder.

"You need to get warm, Bella. We're going to get in the shower and let the water warm us up, but it will work faster if you take off your clothes."

She shook her head, words failing her. She knew he was right; that was Survival 101 stuff, but she just couldn't do it. It felt wrong somehow. She finally found her voice, though she had trouble speaking through the shivering.

"N-no, J-J-Jake, I c-can't. N-not… no." Her teeth were chattering, and he didn't press the issue. Instead, he took the tea from her before he picked up the plastic bag and rubber band from the vanity. She watched him, curious, as he slid the bag over her cast and secured it with the rubber band. Then he picked her up from her wheelchair and sat down on the shower chair with her in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing his large hands up and down her arms and back as the hot water soaked them both, slowly warming them. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the hot water running through her hair and a pair of strong arms around her. It was awkward sitting in his lap like this, but comforting at the same time. She thought she heard him whisper something once. It sounded like "take care of her", but she couldn't be sure, and she wasn't going to ask.

After a while, when she had stopped shivering and before the water cooled, he turned the spray off and stood, setting her down on the shower chair. He stepped out and got them each a towel, then placed her robe on the back of her wheelchair. He gave her another silent look and left the bathroom to let her dry off and dress.

When she finally exited, she could hear him in the kitchen. She went to her room and found some flannel pajamas to wear, slipping into them as quickly as she could. She grabbed some soft socks and put them on as well. She needed to keep her feet warm, especially since she couldn't tell whether they were or not. She stopped in the bathroom once more to collect her wet clothes and towel, intending to toss them into the laundry. She paused to do just that and found Jake had put not only his sweater and towel in the washer, but his pants and socks.

She froze for a moment, wondering just what was going to greet her eyes when she got to the kitchen, but he heard her in the hall and stuck his head out. He had on one of his old jerseys that she had borrowed at one time or another and a ratty pair of sweatpants. He smiled at her expression.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I did find something to put on. I'm a little surprised at how much of my clothing is here, actually. I hadn't realized I had practically moved in already." He chuckled and went back in the kitchen.

Bella frowned at his words. There was quite a bit of his 'stuff' in her apartment, and she supposed she had a fair amount at his place, too. Ten years of best-friendship tended to spread things around, but that didn't mean anybody was moving in with anyone else. He was already too comfortable in her place if he was searching for things to wear, and after this afternoon, she needed him to back off, not move in closer.

She wheeled in to find him ladling soup into some oversized mugs. He glanced over at her and grinned.

"You had some chicken noodle in the pantry – it seemed like a good choice. You hungry?"

Bella thought a moment. "Yes, I am, a little. Mostly, I'm tired. I think I'll have some of that and go to bed."

He set the mugs on the table, and they sipped at their soup in silence. He fiddled with his napkin and the salt shaker until she couldn't stand it anymore.

"What, Jake? Just spit it out," she snapped, irritated with his aberrant twiddling.

"I just… I wanted to apologize. For today. For the kiss. Well, not really for the _kiss_, because I liked it, but for putting you in that position at your office party. I shouldn't have done that." His expression was contrite.

She stared into her soup. "No, you shouldn't have, especially when I had just told you I'm in love with someone else."

His face grew dark and his eyes hard. "You really think that, don't you? This little fantasy romance you have going with him… it's not what you need, Bella. You need someone who will be there through anything and everything for you, someone who already _has__._"

She shook her head. "I don't expect you to understand it, Jake, just to respect my choice. It's not that I don't appreciate everything you have done for me; I do. You are my best friend, and you will always have a special place in my heart, but it's not _that_ place."

He stared at her, his eyes tight with emotion. "Let me ask you this, then, Bella. If he's your choice, if he's 'the one', where is he? Where was he today? Shouldn't he have been there at your party? Shouldn't he have been there to stand up to me so I didn't kiss you? Shouldn't it have been _his_ fist connecting with my teeth, when I would have done it anyway?"

She shook her head, eyes squeezed tight against his words, but he didn't stop.

"Where was he when you needed a way home from the ER? Who was it who went looking and found you, half-drugged up, soaking wet, and freezing? Why was it me and not him, holding you and warming you? I'll tell you – because I love you, and he has no idea how to begin to do that. He wouldn't have known you needed to change your tubing or to try to warm up your feet before doing anything else. He can't take care of you like I can." He reached for her hand, but she pulled them both into her lap.

Bella looked up at him, frustrated tears in her eyes. "Jake, I do thank you for finding me and bringing me home, and warming me up and all the rest, but you seem to have forgotten something important. _You_ are why I was in the ER, with no way home. You are why I was 'half-drugged up', as you put it, and why, when you leave in a minute, I will have to take some more Percoset for the pain in my hand. But before you go, I want you to know something. He_ can_ take care of me, and he has, but he also knows when to leave me alone and let me do things for myself. He doesn't presume to know my abilities better than I do, and he always _asks_ first. He lets me decide if I need help, or even want it, and that's something you've never done. He respects me and my judgment, and when _he _picks me up in his arms, it's because _I_ want him to."

He sat back, stunned at her words. "So, what, now I'm overprotective? You never complained before."

She shook her head, "I have, but you've never listened. You were always too concerned about making things easier for me instead of letting me work things out on my own. It's because you care, and I know that, but it doesn't make it any less oppressive."

"I'm oppressive now? What else, Bella? Let's get it all out there, go ahead." He folded his arms, his posture rigid in his seat.

"Fine. You're overbearing, insensitive, and pushy. Half the time, I feel like you are smothering me and the other half, you're flat out ignoring what I say. My opinions and wishes don't seem to count with you, but I guess that would be because you know _so_ much better than I do what I want and need." She hated having to say it, but it was long past time that he knew.

He rolled his eyes at her sarcasm. "I'm only trying to help, Bella. I just want to make your life better. How is that wrong?"

It was her turn to roll her eyes. "What makes you think my life _needs_ to be better? When did I say it sucked? My life is great, thank you very much. Everything is absolutely peachy, other than the fact that I have a broken hand and a pissed off boss, both of which are completely your fault." He didn't need to know how untrue the rest of that statement was. It wasn't his business.

He slapped his thighs with his hands. "So now I'm everything that's wrong with your life. Great. Thanks. No, no…," he held up his hand to stop her as she started to speak. "I get it. I'm listening. I'm overbearing and you want me to back off. Fine. Not a problem." He stood up and cleared his dishes to the kitchen, returning a minute later with his wet clothing in a plastic bag. He slid his jacket from the back of the chair and shrugged into it.

"I'm going home now. I would suggest you take your pain pill and go to bed, but that might be oppressive of me, so I won't. Stay up all night, I don't care. Hell, have a party. But if you need anything, don't call me. Call your boyfriend. See how fast he shows up to help you."

The ticking of the kitchen clock was loud in the silence after Jake closed the door. Bella sat quite still for several minutes, hunched over the table, heedless of the tears dripping into her forgotten soup. Through all of their argument, he had finally managed to say the one thing that could break her heart.

After a while, she moved. She started to take her soup mug to the kitchen, but realized she couldn't hold it, half full as it was, and still manage to move her chair. She left it on the table; she'd worry about it tomorrow.

She poured herself a large glass of wine and, for just a moment, considered calling Angela to complain about what Jake had done. It wouldn't do any good anyway, she decided. Angela seemed to be taking Jake's side in things these days. She put the glass down and slowly went to the living room where he had dropped her purse. She brought it back to the kitchen, and dug awkwardly through it until she found the Percoset and the Restoril. She washed them both down with the rest of her wine, determined that, one way or another, some part of her would stop aching long enough so she could get some sleep.

**A/N: I feel sort of bad for both of them, don't you? **


	26. Possibility

**Choices**

**A/N: Apparently, Jake struck a nerve last chapter. Several reviewers gave him a piece of their minds. I love it! **

**If you don't have me on author alert, you may have missed an outtake from the research study - in EPOV! If you reviewed Chapter 24, you got a portion of it in your reply, but there's much more, so run to my profile & read it first. **

**Thanks to Momma Laura for the beta work, and DanySpike and The_Buxom_Bitch for pre-reading. Mucho kisses to all for keeping me in line so I don't get ahead of myself. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I happen to be very fond of ginger ale.**

**Possibility – Sierra Noble 'Possibilities'**

**Chapter 26**

**JPOV**

"Bella."

"Jake."

He clenched his jaw and tipped his head back, staring sightlessly at the ceiling of his living room.

"Did you need a ride to Sue's party?" It aggravated him to have to ask her, but she couldn't drive herself, and it was his fault that she couldn't. It was the least he could do, though it hurt to hear her voice.

"No, thank you." She sounded tired, and he wondered how much later she had actually stayed up and if she had been alone. He shook his head to clear that particular thought, but it refused to budge, much like all the other times it had managed to crawl into his consciousness.

'_God, what if _he's _bringing her? I don't think I could stand to see them together-'_

"I'm not going."

That answered one question and left him with another.

"What do you want me to say? People are going to ask where you are."

"Tell them the truth, Jake. I broke my hand, and I'm not up to a party. Please give my regrets to Sue." She sighed, and he assured her that he would. There was nothing left to say other than 'good-bye', so they hung up.

His shoulders sagged slightly as he disconnected the call, and he realized suddenly that he actually was relieved she wasn't going. It had become more and more difficult to be around her, knowing that Cullen had come between them. He was afraid she was making the wrong choice, and it hurt to see her pulling away from the close friendship they shared. Beyond what he had hoped for them as a couple, he missed talking openly with his best friend.

For a moment, he considered skipping out on the party himself, but decided there would be more hell to pay if he did. He finished getting ready, grabbed his keys and jacket, and headed to his truck. After a quick stop to fill his gas tank and pick up several bags of chips to contribute to the party, he was on his way to La Push. At a red light, he flipped through his CD case, pulling out Alestorm's Leviathan. He might have been heading to a Christmas party, but he needed a little Pirate Metal right now. He slid the disc into the player and scanned to one of his favorite cuts. It was a cover, but 'Wolves of the Sea' fit his mood to start his drive. The lyric, "We're hoisting our flag to be free", had been running through his head ever since Bella declared her independence last night.

He hoped she knew what she was doing and wasn't just blinded by Cullen and his charm. He doubted strongly that Cullen would ever be capable of being everything Bella needed, but then, she said the things she needed weren't what he thought she did. Could he have been so wrong? He had been protective, but he never meant to smother her, as she claimed. He let his mind roam over everything Bella had said to him in the past several days. It was difficult for him to admit it, but she just might have been right; he didn't know her the way he thought he did.

Something had changed when Cullen arrived on the scene, or perhaps it went further back than that. There were times he could see that Bella might have thought he was being overbearing when he was just trying to keep her safe or make it easier for her to accomplish something. He never meant to undermine her or make her feel powerless. Maybe he could have paid more attention or listened a bit harder to what she was telling him. It didn't matter much now. She made it very clear last night. She didn't need him anymore.

He rubbed at the back of his neck, wondering if he would ever be able _not_ to worry about her. He'd done it for so long, it was ingrained. He'd definitely keep an eye on Cullen, whether she liked it or not. He had to make sure the guy was on the level. If he wasn't, he was going to find his rich ass handed to him on a silver platter. If he _was_ actually a decent guy… Jake shook his head. Cullen would have to be so much more than a 'decent guy' to get his approval. Unfortunately, his approval no longer seemed to count for anything where Bella was concerned.

If nothing else, Jake knew Cullen could take care of her financially. His fat bank account might actually be put to good use, as long as he really cared about her. Jake thought over the last conversation he had with Cullen, and once he took raging jealousy out of the equation, he could see that Cullen was right. He hadn't cared for Bella the way he should have, and he never realized it. If she felt Cullen could be what was best for her, then maybe she should have an opportunity to find out. If there was a chance she could be happy with him, she should take it.

Jake contemplated what his life would be like without Bella at its center. No more scheduling everything around the UW school year. There were some things he had been toying with changing at the shop, and this would clear the way for those projects. He could take off on fishing trips whenever he wanted, without worrying about all the things that could happen to her while he was gone. She would be Cullen's responsibility, not his. And maybe, once she got past being angry with him, maybe they could still be friends.

The longer he thought about it, the more he noticed a growing tingle in his mid-section. It finally dawned on him that it was excitement at his own prospect of moving forward. Could it be that, by holding on to Bella, he'd been holding them _both_ back? He'd never even given another girl a passing thought, because he was always focused on Bella. If she really didn't need him anymore, as she insisted last night, maybe it was time he did.

Another truth hit him hard, and it stunned him. He had been many places with Bella through the years, but always as her best friend. Now, at 25 years old, he realized he had never been on an actual date. He was beginning to see why Bella had been so taken with Cullen. She had never been romanced before, and again, Cullen was right; he was to blame.

It was as if a shroud of mist suddenly cleared from his eyes, bringing his focus back to the road. Jake blinked at the bits of winter sunlight that flickered through the tall trees lining the highway. He caught sight of a blue car pulling alongside him in the next lane, and he glanced over. An attractive blonde winked at him from behind the steering wheel, as another girl leaned over from the passenger seat, grinning at him and waving. He laughed and waved back, easing up on the gas to allow them to get ahead of him. Instead, they slowed as well, the driver flipping her hair over her shoulder flirtatiously.

He shook his head, grinning to himself. He didn't know either of them, but somehow, it didn't seem to matter. They travelled side-by-side for several miles, the girls blowing kisses at him as he flirted back, laughing. When Jake turned off towards La Push, they honked loudly and waved as they continued on their way.

He chuckled to himself. That was fun, and kind of nice. Maybe he needed to experience new things and new people. A whole new realm of possibilities was open to him, and he spent the rest of the drive contemplating them.

An hour later, Jake entered La Push and in ten minutes more, parked outside of Sue Clearwater's house. Sue's husband, Harry, had been one of Jake's father's closest friends. Billy and Harry often accompanied Charlie Swan on fishing trips along the Quileute River, catching enough on each outing to keep all of their freezers stocked. Harry had been the first of the three friends to go, the victim of a heart attack, leaving Sue to finish raising their teenagers, Leah and Seth. Leah was now married to Sam Uley, and Seth was busy keeping the reservation girls at arms' length since his latest romantic fiasco.

The weather was cold and damp, but the door was propped open to the porch as people moved in and out of the house. Though it was early afternoon, the celebration had been underway for a few hours. Sue's annual Christmas party was an open house; all of La Push and most of Forks was invited to stop by and visit. Jake nodded at several friends from both places as he made his way inside. Construction paper chains and holiday cards from years past covered the walls in celebratory disarray, complimenting the old fashioned tree hung with vintage lights and handmade ornaments.

Sue was chatting happily as she directed what looked like chaos swirling through her kitchen, an assortment of people balancing food and platters hefted from refrigerator and oven and out to the waiting table. Jake caught her eye, and she squealed, her mixing bowl of guacamole clattering to the counter as she swept him up in a hug. He laughed and returned the squeeze as he placed his bags of chips on the counter, glancing over her head at the others in the room. Most he knew, but a couple of faces were unfamiliar. He wasn't surprised – Sue collected people. Every year, more and more new friends came to the party.

Over in a corner, Quil was intent as he worked on a dish. Jake smiled at how seriously he took his baking. It would be funny, except that every year Quil brought something different, creative, and downright delicious. There were never any leftovers, and he never shared the recipes. The worst part, Jake thought, was that none of them ever made a repeat appearance.

Quil glanced over his shoulder at the commotion and called out with a grin, "Hey, Jake! About time you guys got here. I've been looking forward to Bella's whiskey balls all day."

Jake's eyes tightened, and he dropped his gaze to find Sue watching him carefully. She brushed his hair from his forehead and cupped his cheek in a motherly gesture, examining his face. Her glance fell on his mouth, and she frowned, her dark eyes flickering back to his. He didn't look away as he answered Quil and Sue's unspoken question.

"Bella didn't come with me. She broke her hand yesterday. She sends her best, Sue." His voice dropped as he conveyed the message. Sue's eyes widened and then narrowed as she put things together. She stared at the cut on his lower lip and the bruising below.

"Jake, what…" She reached up to touch his chin, and he gave her a small smile as he shook his head.

"It was a misunderstanding, Sue, that's all. It's no big deal." She smiled back and gave his arm another squeeze, but her eyes remained troubled as she returned to her task.

He hated lying to Sue. The split lip and bruise _were_ no big deal, but the situation that prompted them was. He looked over to see Quil staring at him, his eyes full of questions. Jake shrugged at him and turned back to the living room.

This was exactly why he had considered not coming when Bella said she wasn't. He knew there would be questions, and not just about his lip and her hand. He wasn't sure he was ready to explain to their friends what was going on, or if he even wanted them to know. As he parked his truck, he had toyed with the idea of telling them he'd had a run in with a tire iron, but that had gone out the window at the look on Sue's face.

The house was crowded and lively with familiar voices and laughter. Seth was entertaining a group of girls near the tree, telling the story behind each of the handmade decorations. From somewhere, speakers drifted Christmas carols out into the room, adding another layer to the festive spirit enveloping the partiers. Jake wound his way through friends and conversations, greeting some and interrupting others, to a corner table dedicated to liquid refreshment. A couple of coolers filled with beer beckoned from the floor. He leaned down for a Rainier, and as he straightened, popping the tab, the skin on the back of his neck prickled.

Jake turned slowly, eyes scanning the room as he took a measured sip. It helped that he was a good six inches taller than most of the crowd; whoever was watching him should be easy to spot. Just as he was about to move further into the room, Embry stopped him. He patted Jake's arm in greeting as he cut in front of him to get to the drinks.

"Hey, man, Quil said something's up with you and Bella. What's going on?" he asked, as he quickly mixed a whiskey and coke, his eyes glancing between Jake and what he was pouring. Jake slid his gaze across the room once more before turning to his friend. Maybe it would be easier this way. Telling Embry would ensure that the people who needed to find out, would, and maybe he wouldn't have to repeat it. And if he gave Em everything, like ripping off a Band-aid, it would only hurt a lot for just a minute. At least, he hoped so.

"It's stupid. We can't stop fighting. She's been seeing that Cullen kid, and now she thinks she's in love with him. I tried to get her to reconsider, and I went about it all wrong. I kissed her, at her work party no less, and she punched me. Broke her hand."

Embry's eyebrows rose, and Jake nodded his head. "Yeah, I know: worst move, ever. But I'm not sure what to do any more, Em. I don't think there's anything I _can_ do. He's got his hooks in her, and she's absolutely blind to anything else. I'm afraid he's really going to hurt her, and I'll be left picking up the pieces."

Em stared at him as Jake took a deep drink of his beer. "You've picked up the pieces before, Jake. It's not like you to give up."

Jake rubbed the back of his neck. "This is different. Even if she ended up with me, I'd always be competing with the ghost of him." He studied the can in his hand before meeting Embry's gaze. This was the Band-aid part.

"I have to let her go, Em. If he makes her happy, she deserves to have that chance. If he hurts her, well, I'll deal with that when it happens. I'll hunt him down and kill him, in slow and excruciating ways first," he chuckled grimly, "and then I'll be whatever she needs me to be. Even if I'm only a friend." He tilted the can back and emptied the contents in three large swallows.

Embry's eyes were tight as he watched his friend. He put his drink down and reached out with both arms. Jake grinned and wrapped his arms around Embry, taking the hug in the way it was offered, out of friendship and love. He stepped back and clapped Embry on the shoulder, a short laugh escaping his lips.

"Thanks, man. I appreciate the support, more than you know. In the meantime, I plan to enjoy myself a little. Take a step forward and see what I've been missing."

Embry grinned. "You need to talk, I'll listen. You need a wing man, I've got your back. You need help kicking some rich boy's ass, I'm there, too, and I know lots of places where they'll never find the body." They both laughed, and Embry retrieved his drink, telling Jake he'd catch up with him later. Jake let him go, knowing what he told him was in good hands, and that the important points would get to the people who needed to know.

He slid his fingers through his hair to his neck. The tingling was back, and he let his eyes roam the room once more. It was starting to bother him that he couldn't tell who was watching him, though he didn't feel threatened. He leaned down to grab a new beer and had to sift through the ice to locate another Rainier. As his fingers wrapped around the can, movement in his peripheral vision made him snap his head to the side.

A pair of worn cowboy boots were the first thing his mind registered, followed by slim jeans covering a pair of legs, legs that seemed much too long to be real. His eyes rose as he straightened up, taking in a turquoise and silver belt over a long black sweater shot with silver threads. The sweater skimmed a pair of curvy hips and teased him with a V-neck that hinted at other curves. A long neck and longer shiny black hair drew his gaze up to a pert oval face and the most beautiful sparking dark eyes he had ever seen. A smirk rested on her lips at his perusal, and it deepened when his eyes reached hers.

"Buy a girl a beer?"

Her voice was low and musical, and the prickling on his neck turned into a shiver rolling down his spine. He smiled and silently offered the can in his hand. She shook her head, the silk of her hair swaying heavily with the movement.

"No, that one's yours. I'll take a long neck, though." She glanced at the cooler and back up at him, her eyes lingering on his shoulders before meeting his. He smiled again and quickly reached into the ice, pulling out the first bottle his fingers encountered.

"This do?"

It didn't escape his notice that she nodded without even looking to see what he was holding out. She reached to take the beer, and her fingers slid softly over his, leaving a tingling behind as he relinquished his grip. He dropped his hand to his side, surreptitiously flexing his fingers. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a bottle opener, flicking the cap from the beer with a sharp twist. She slipped the opener back into her pocket and sipped her beer, her eyes never leaving his face. He chuckled and popped the tab on his can.

"You're a waitress?" he asked as he took a drink. She looked puzzled for a moment, and then a smile crossed her face, and he suddenly felt his mouth go dry again. She shook her head and lifted one hand to toss her hair over her shoulder.

"I'm a bartender. I never go anywhere without my opener."

She tipped her bottle to her lips just as Jake took another sip of his own. He nearly choked watching her, and felt his skin flush as he realized she noticed his reaction.

"What about you? What do you do, besides buy girls beer?" she teased. He almost missed her question, because he was studying the smooth caramel of her skin.

"Um, I repair cars. I never go anywhere without my wrench," he joked, wincing internally as he realized how lame that sounded. She didn't seem to mind, though.

"Wow, it's nice to meet a mechanic who is ready to give a girl a tune-up at a moment's notice."

Jake sputtered over his beer, and she dropped her eyes to her hands, a sudden flush spreading across her face. She shook her head and laughed.

"I… I'm sorry; I don't know why I said that. Wow. Totally inappropriate." She glanced up to see a huge grin on Jake's face, and she blushed even harder, but her eyes were dancing. She giggled, and Jake liked the sound.

Seth approached with a loaded plate, obviously in search of a drink. "Hey, guys, I didn't know you knew each other. Emily, Mom said your stuff's out of the oven." He carefully slid his plate onto the table and grabbed a bottle from the cooler. His eyes roamed the table for a moment, then he chuckled as Emily handed him her opener.

"Ah, yes, the ever-prepared Emily. Thanks, Cuz. Jake, have you tried her muffins? Melt in your mouth, buddy, melt in your mouth." He handed the opener back to Emily and collected his plate, oblivious to the look on her face. He nodded vaguely in their direction as he ambled toward an empty chair by the wall.

Jake's gaze hadn't left her face since Seth said her name, and he was delighted that the muffin comment made her giggle again. He wasn't quite sure how to go about it, but there was a pretty girl standing in front of him, and he wanted to get to know her.

"Emily? You're Seth and Leah's cousin?" That seemed like a good place to start. She smiled and glanced towards Seth, digging into the pile of food on his plate.

"Yeah, my mom is Sue's sister." She looked back at him, eyes narrowing as though she were remembering something. "Jake, huh? As in Jacob Black, son of the late Chief, Billy Black?"

"That's me." They were interrupted again, this time by a stream of people coming to get drinks to go with their plates of food. Jake slid his arm behind her, letting his hand settle at the small of her back as they moved away from the table.

She glanced back at him. "Do you want something to eat? I'm hungry."

He smiled down at her. "Actually, I have heard that there are some delicious muffins I shouldn't miss." She giggled again and led him to the buffet table.

Jake glanced over all of the offerings, and though much of it looked wonderful, he decided he'd wait until later for a full meal. Right now, he just wanted to sample Emily's baking. He looked across the table to see her point to a platter full of some of the largest muffins he'd ever seen, each easily as big as his fist. She laughed at his expression and picked out two, placing them on a paper plate and bringing them around the table and handing them to him. Then she filled another plate with several pieces of sliced turkey, a soft roll, and some raw vegetables with dip.

"You want to eat in here or outside?" she asked, glancing around them as sofas and chairs filled with hungry people. She sipped at her beer.

"It's kinda cold to eat outside, don't you think?" he asked, even as he wondered if they would have to stand.

"No, there's a fire pit going out back- it's nice," she urged, her hand on his arm. He could feel her fingers softly stroking the leather of his jacket, and he capitulated.

"Get your coat, and I'll grab a couple more beers and meet you." She flashed that dazzling smile at him again, and he thought he might forget how to breathe completely if she kept doing that. She hurried to the back of the house to claim her coat from the pile on Seth's bed as Jake stepped between two other old friends, Jared and Paul, by the coolers. They had been talking quietly, heads close together, but now they moved apart, making room for him.

He sifted through the watery ice, finding only longnecks, but he didn't care. He'd drink whatever he could find, as long as he got to drink it with her. Emily.

"Sorry to hear about Bella, Jake," Jared started, but then he glanced at Paul, and they both moved in with big grins, cornering him.

"What, guys? What are you doing?" he sputtered, wary of their mischievous expressions.

"Emily, huh? Not wasting any time, are ya, stud?" Jared laughed. "Bella's got herself a new boy, so you're finally free to chase some skirt. It's about time, is all I can say."

Jake's eyes blazed and Jared stopped, suddenly realizing he'd said something very wrong. His eyes darted to Paul for back up, but he was also glaring and shaking his head.

"Sorry, man. I didn't mean anything by it. I just, well, I always kinda thought you were wasting your time with her. You should be with somebody who could appreciate a real man, you know? Somebody who could give you kids and all, someday." Jared shuddered, and it was plain he thought he was about to meet the business end of Jake's fist.

Jake took a couple of deep breaths and let the tension begin to melt from his shoulders. He continued to glare at Jared, though, stepping closer to speak quietly so only the three of them could hear.

"I'd appreciate it if you kept your thoughts to yourself. To begin with, Bella has never been a waste of my time. She is a wonderful woman, and I would have quite willingly married her, whether we could have had any kids or not. I never want to hear you say another word against her. As for Emily, I've only just met her, and I know already that she's not some 'skirt' to be chased. You need to rethink your attitude towards women, Jared. That's what makes a real man, more than anything else." He stepped back, glancing at Paul who was nodding in agreement, a look of disgust on his face. Jared's eyes darted between them, his face paler than usual. Jake shook his head and turned away, elbowing his way toward the back door and Emily.

"I thought you got lost," she joked, as he sat down next to her on the low brick wall that ringed the fire pit. The sky was grey, and low clouds slid in and out of the treetops of the forest crowding the back of the house. He smiled, his eyes still tight from his exchange with Jared.

"No, just… sidetracked for a minute. Here." He handed her a bottle, surprised that he felt a bit of disappointment when her fingers didn't graze his again. She popped her cap and looked at him questioningly, wiggling the opener. He grinned again, more relaxed now, and held his bottle out for her to open. She wrapped one hand around his as he held the bottle, steadying it. She met his eyes and slipped the opener under the cap, twisting it off in a fluid movement. She glanced down at their hands around his bottle, and she slowly pulled hers away. They each drank deeply for a moment, before she reached for the plate he had placed between them.

"Muffin?" she asked, batting her lashes at him. His heart leaped at the playfulness in her voice, and he nodded. She smiled coyly and picked one of them up, holding it out to him. Instead of taking it, a sudden impulse prompted him to lean in and take a bite. She squealed as his teeth closed over the muffin, very near her fingers. He would have laughed at her expression, but he was too busy reveling in the wonderful flavors erupting in his mouth. Seth was right; the girl knew what she was doing when it came to baking. He couldn't help himself. He closed his eyes and moaned as he chewed.

Emily giggled, and it was that beautiful sound again. He couldn't get enough of it. He swallowed and looked at her, astonishment and delight in his eyes.

"Emily, that may just be the best thing I ever ate."

She blushed and held the muffin up for him to take another bite. He caught her hand in his and held it as he bit, the skin of her fingers soft against his own. As he chewed, he found himself wondering why it hadn't been this easy with Bella. He couldn't remember when they had been silly like this. Had they ever?

Another bite and the muffin fell apart. They laughed as they scrambled to catch all the bits and pieces, and Jake continued to hold Emily's hand as she fed the rest of the muffin to him, piece by piece. By the time the muffin was gone, there was no reason to let go any more.

He liked the way her hand fit in his, and apparently so did she. He offered to feed her the other muffin, and she giggled again, that sound reminding him of something. She ate her turkey sandwich as he tried to remember.

"Seems to me that I met you before, at another of Sue's parties, when we were kids…" he said, flipping through memories too hazy to be sure.

She nodded. "I was seven, and you were probably four. You and Leah chased me around the yard, and when you caught me, you tickled me until I cried."

He chuckled at her description. All he remembered was a big-eyed girl with an ugly teddy bear that she refused to give up, even when it was time to eat.

"Sorry. That was mean of us. You had a bear, didn't you?"

"Oh, my God, Mr. Pickles – you remember that?" she laughed, astonished.

"Who could forget Mr. Pickles? He was… distinctive." He hesitated, wary of insulting her childhood toy.

"Distinctive? Well, that's certainly a good word for him," she giggled again. "Charitable, even. He was probably the ugliest stuffed animal I ever had, which, of course, is why I picked him out at the store. I felt sorry for him."

"Why 'Mr. Pickles'?" Jake asked as he chuckled.

She shrugged. "I like pickles." She finished her sandwich and veggies and got up to toss the paper plate into the fire.

They sat in companionable silence for a moment, watching the flames in the fire pit, sipping their beer, and remembering. Jake was surprised that the quiet wasn't awkward. He didn't feel the need to fill the space between them with words, but he did want to know more about her.

He smiled as he reached again for her hand. "I like pickles, too. They go great with beer. Not so much with muffins."

She slapped at his arm in mock horror. "Are you implying there is something wrong with my muffins?" she asked, trying in vain to keep the giggle from her voice.

He shook his head as he laughed, squeezing her hand gently. "Never. Your muffins are amazing." He glanced at her from the corner of his eye in time to see her face light up with a smile. He leaned in toward her and lowered his voice. "Your buns are nice, too."

She shrieked and swatted him hard then, but they were both laughing. Jake kept waiting for something, anything, to pull him back and reel him in. He was having too good of a time, and he knew it. The universe couldn't possibly intend for him to enjoy himself this much.

They swapped stories of Seth and Leah, and then of Sue and Harry. Jake told her about Billy and Charlie, and eventually about Bella. He didn't go into too much of their recent past, but he wanted her to know there had been another woman of great importance in his life. Odd that he would feel that was a priority. He wasn't sure what to make of that instinct, but he decided to go with it. Better that she knew at the start than find out later.

'_At the start? What is this, one of Bella's Jane Austen novels? I'm worried about the possibility of misunderstandings, and we've only just met. Well, _really_ met. And I do like her. I wouldn't want to upset her.'_

Emily told him about her last boyfriend and the way they grew apart after he entered the military. It wasn't meant to be, and they both had accepted it, moving on without regret.

They talked for a couple of hours, reluctant to leave the bit of wall that had become their own little island. Finally, Jake arched his back, stretching his shoulders that were stiff from sitting. He glanced over and caught Emily appraising him. She giggled, and he smirked at her.

"You want another beer?" he asked, standing up and shifting his weight from one leg to the other, stretching out his muscles. He still held her hand, and she shook her head, standing as well.

"No, thanks. I've actually got to be going. I have to work tonight." Her eyes held disappointment, and Jake was glad, though he was sorry she was leaving.

"That's too bad. Where do you work?" He watched her face and the silk of her hair as a breeze caught it.

"Seattle. That's why I have to leave soon. I need to stop at my apartment before I go in to work," she said, pulling her coat a little tighter around her. Without thinking, Jake wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled into his chest, tilting her head up to look at him with laughter in her eyes.

"Wow. What did I do to earn this?" she teased.

He chuckled. "You shivered. I didn't want you to be cold."

"Thanks," she whispered, her voice sounding nervous. She pulled away slightly, and he loosened his arms. "I need to get my purse."

He dropped his arms, but she caught his hand and smiled, leading him back inside the house. He knew most of his friends would be watching, and he suddenly didn't care. They hadn't entirely understood his relationship with Bella, and Emily wasn't their business, either. If anything, most of them would probably take Jared's stance and be glad he was enjoying himself. He was definitely doing that.

She stopped to speak to Sue, who gave him a look and a raised eyebrow when Emily turned her back. He rolled his eyes and nodded; he knew he and Sue would be having a long chat before the evening was out, and he was surprised to find he was looking forward to it.

Emily got her purse and hugged Leah and Sam, who both glanced at Jake before turning quickly away, smug looks on their faces. He'd have to deal with them later, hopefully after he talked to Sue. Emily couldn't find Seth, so she and Jake walked out to the yard full of vehicles.

"What do you drive?" he asked, scanning the impromptu parking lot.

She shrugged. "Just an old Chevy", but her voice held a note of pride.

They passed Seth and Jared coming from the other direction. Emily gave Seth a hug and promised him she would call when she got back to Seattle. He and Jared stood and watched her walk away with Jake, who wondered for a moment what they were up to when he heard them snickering.

They walked around several cars and trucks, until they approached the last one, parked far apart from the others under a tree.

Jake began to laugh. "You know, when you said you drove an old Chevy, somehow I pictured a beat up truck. I wasn't expecting an '83 Camaro Z28…"

Emily's eyes sparkled in the late afternoon light. "I know; I don't look like a Camaro kind of girl. Maybe that's because when I'm in town, I usually take my Harley."

Jake's mouth fell open as she giggled. "Are you serious?" He struggled to get the words out.

"Very. Next time I need a tune-up, I'll be sure to call you." She dragged her finger down his arm flirtatiously as they reached her car.

"Hey, Jake! Heads up, man!" Seth and Jared had followed them, stopping at the next-to-last car, and as far as Jake could tell, they seemed to be having some kind of laughing fit.

Jake shook his head at his friends' antics but looked up anyway. Emily had parked under an evergreen, and he could see several little bundles of something had been tied to the lowest branches with red ribbon. Emily looked up, too, and gasped. She leaned around Jake to glare at Jared and her cousin, calling them a very unladylike name or two. Jake chuckled as he realized the bundles were mistletoe. He pulled her back between himself and her car.

"Aunt Sue would have a fit if she heard you talking like that." His hands wrapped around her shoulders, rubbing gently down her arms.

"Aunt Sue should teach her son to mind his own damn business," she huffed, her cheeks flaming with embarrassment.

"Don't worry, it was a set up. I won't hold you to the tradition since it was a trap," he smiled at her.

She looked up at him, and he heard her breathing change. She gazed into his eyes, and he felt her fingers sweep through his hair where it rested on his shoulder. A tremor ran through him at her touch.

"It may have been a set up, but I think it's probably bad luck if you don't. I wouldn't want you to have any bad luck." She stretched up on her toes, and he leaned down to meet her. Her soft lips brushed gently across his cheek, and he closed his eyes at the sweet sensation. He felt her fingers tracing carefully around the cut on his lip, and he opened his eyes, smiling.

Her gaze was dark and contemplative. "What happened?"

He glanced down at the ground sheepishly before meeting her eyes again.

"I kissed someone without her permission."

Her gaze darkened, and a small frown knit her brow. He wanted to smooth it away with his fingers.

"I can't imagine not giving _you_ permission." Her eyes flickered between his. Jake grinned and stepped back.

"I may hold you to that one of these days," he said, taking the keys from her hand and unlocking the car. He opened the door and moved aside so she could get in. She leaned in to put her purse down, and then straightened back up, turning to catch him smirking.

"What?" she asked, her brow furrowing further.

He chuckled, his eyes gleaming. "Just that I was right about your buns."

She giggled and stuck her tongue out at him, sliding quickly into the car and closing the door when he pretended to grab at her. She turned the key, and the car started, making Jake melt a little. The sound of a powerful engine gave him chills, and this one had an attractive girl at the wheel. He stepped away from the Camaro to give her room. She busied herself with something between the seats and then motioned for him to come back to the car. He leaned down to her open window, and she tucked a slip of paper in his jacket pocket.

"Call me, Muffin Man. I'm free for lunch tomorrow," she said with a wink and a rev of her motor. Jake laughed and stepped back as she spun her wheel, pulling away from him and gliding gently across the yard until her tires hit pavement. She waved once more and peeled out down the road.

He headed back to the house, ready to face the questions that were about to come raining down on him. He suddenly realized he was starving, and he hoped Sue wouldn't mind if he ate while she interrogated him. He'd just have to be sure to save room for one more muffin.

**A/N: Bella must have knocked some sense into Jake with that punch! Also, I hope you enjoyed the little taste of Edward, and that it answered some of your questions.**

**bandmum**


	27. Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

**Choices**

**A/N: Hello all! Thank you for your patience. I appreciate that you have held on this long. To my new readers, welcome! Someone must be reccing this fic, because I'm getting more reviews on the earlier chapters. Thanks – I love hearing what you think!**

**Thanks to Mama Laura for another lovely (and quick) beta job! You truly do rock. My pre-readers DanySpike and The_Buxom_Bitch once again caught a mess before I had a chance to make it. Thanks for saving me from myself, ladies! **

**I know this is a little shorter than some chapters, but it says everything it should.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I always carry a bottle opener, but I'm not a bartender.**

**Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again – Original London Cast 'The Phantom of the Opera'**

**Chapter 27**

**BPOV**

Bella fought with the hand controls of her truck, grimacing as she reached across her lap with her good hand, and steering with her cast. She swore under her breath as the vehicle swerved slightly, but she had more control today. It had been another story when she had gone to campus yesterday to retrieve the truck. Her hand had been throbbing because she thought it would be a bad idea to try to drive with Percocet in her system, and it had taken over an hour to go the half mile home. Thankfully, last night she had discovered she could function fairly well taking only half of a tablet.

The drive to Forks hadn't been too bad over all; once she was on the highway and had the cruise control set, she could almost relax. It was back on street level that she had trouble, especially when braking and making turns. She was nearly to her destination now, though, and it would be a while before she had to worry about getting back.

The cemetery drive looped around the grounds, leading Bella to a far corner under a canopy of trees. She parked at the side of the drive and set off down a paved pathway stretching into the field of headstones. Ice and dead leaves crunched under her wheels, echoing flatly in the bitter mid-December morning. The still air was harsh on her exposed skin, making her glad there was no wind to cut through her coat, though she was well-bundled. Here under the trees was even colder; the silvered rime of early morning felt no touch of sun, leaving a thick glaze on the grave markers.

All around her, the sentinel stones shimmered in the shady gloom. She came to a path that branched to the left, and she followed it, her gloved hand whispering along the rim of her wheel. She passed several rows until the path widened into a circle before continuing on under the trees. In the center of the circle was a small stone bench, one of several dotted throughout the cemetery for the convenience of visitors.

Bella reached out to a headstone nearer to the circle than most and brushed at the frost, dislodging it to reveal _Charles Swan, Devoted Father and Friend, Dedicated Chief of Police. _Lower down beneath two dates, and harder for her to reach, it read _With heartfelt thanks from the grateful people of Forks. _ That simple statement never failed to tug at Bella's heart. She had known he was good at his job and well-liked, but it hadn't occurred to her how much he had been loved until his funeral. All of Forks and La Push had come; paying their respects, sharing Charlie stories with her, filling their small yellow kitchen with casseroles and cakes, and burying the gravesite with hundreds of flower arrangements.

A bronze urn anchored to the side of the headstone held the tangled remnants of an unidentifiable bouquet, no doubt placed there by a member of one of Forks' many civic groups. A few other markers nearby boasted recent floral offerings, but all were dingy and bruised beneath the hoarfrost. Bella pulled the brittle flowers from the container and then carefully brought forth the bouquet she held cradled inside her coat: a spray of bright-faced daisies she routinely ordered each year, just for this occasion. Her fingers brushed the soft petals lovingly as she fluffed the blossoms before placing them in the urn.

Charlie had not been the most talkative or demonstrative of parents, but they had grown close through the years after her accident. She often wished she could call him, just to say "hello", but lately she craved his advice. There had never been a need to talk about boys, since the only one who was around much had been Jake, and he hadn't exactly fit into the 'boyfriend' category. Now Bella wished she could ask her father how she was supposed to go on alone. Charlie had been an expert at that; Renee' left him when Bella was only four, and he had never remarried. She realized that was one reason he had thrown himself into his work, becoming Chief at a fairly young age. It gave him focus and a purpose.

Bella had focus and a purpose, too; at least, she did once. She was no longer sure if she could continue teaching Romantic Literature. It was painful to even think about it. Those few days had shaken her every idea of romance and love. Classically penned words of courtship and passion were no comparison to cool sweet caresses and searing kisses. Austen and Bronte hadn't quite gotten it right, but then again, they hadn't fallen in love with _him._

"Hi, Dad," she spoke quietly, her words a visible whisper. "It's December 15 again. I hate that I can't get out here more often than I do, but you know how it is. It wasn't easy coming today, since I was driving with a broken hand. I know, Jake usually comes with me, but we aren't exactly talking right now." She clutched her cast more firmly to her chest, less to warm her fingers than in an attempt to control the misery threatening to tear her torso apart.

She took a deep breath. "Things aren't going well at all. They were, for awhile… Actually, a couple of weeks ago, things were so lovely… I don't mean with Jake. Well, it was okay with Jake then, too, but he wasn't what was lovely… Do you remember the Cullens? Oh, I guess you probably do. You did say how much you admired Dr. Cullen when they left Forks. Well, I met his… his son… in Seattle: the youngest one. He'd left his car for Jake to fix. Isn't that a funny coincidence? Out of all the garages in Seattle… Anyway, he asked me to lunch and then to dinner. We had a wonderful time, both of us- he's so sweet and intelligent and handsome- you'd like him, Dad. He was a gentleman the entire time, even when he said he wasn't. But then he had to leave. He doesn't live in Seattle, and he… he had to go home…"

She looked down at the cast on her hand. "Things with Jake are so messed up. I can't talk to him anymore, especially about this – he thinks he's in love with me, and he is so _possessive_. He even kissed me after I told him I was in love with… I hit him, hence the broken hand."

"Dad?" Her whisper lingered in the still icy air on a breath cloud. "What do I do? I love _him. _ I realize it's too quick, and I shouldn't feel this way yet, but I do. And I _think_ he cares for me. But he left, and I don't know where he is, and he said… he said he was dangerous, and I know you wouldn't want me to be with someone who was, but he isn't. I know he isn't, not to me. Never to me, and I trust him, but I can't tell him that because he's gone…" A hot tear slipped down her cheek, drawing a chilly trail as it reached her chin. She brushed it away with her glove.

A small noise carried in the quiet, and she looked over her shoulder to see Angela striding up the pathway. Bella blotted the moisture from her eyes as Angela stepped into the circle, her boot heels clicking on the flagstone.

"Hey, Bella. Where's Jake?" she said, as she crossed the circle.

Bella raised her head, grateful that her pink cheeks and red eyes could be blamed on the cold and the anniversary of Charlie's death.

"He isn't here."

"It's good to see you," Angela murmured into Bella's ear as she bent to hug her. Bella nodded, leaning into the hug and wrapping her good arm around her friend's shoulder. Angela pulled back when she felt the cast between them.

"Broken, huh?" Angela's eyes were worried as they scanned over Bella. "Are you all right? Why didn't Jake come with you?"

"I'm better than I was, actually, Ang. Thanks for coming." Bella avoided the question, but she knew Angela wouldn't let it lie.

"What happened?"

A wry smile curled Bella's lips at Angela's persistence. "I had to dissuade an admirer who overstepped his boundaries."

Angela shook her head in anger. "And you resorted to violence? It seems that Edward Cullen has a lot to answer for…" Her words trailed away at Bella's expression. "What?"

Bella's eyes closed involuntarily as his name crossed Angela's lips. '_How is it so easy for everyone to say his name? It hurts to _think_ it.'_

"No, Ang. Jake's the one I hit." She opened her eyes to see Angela gazing at her.

"Why?" Angela sank down on the stone bench.

"I'm surprised he didn't tell you; you both seem to know so much more about my life than I do." Bella couldn't keep the bitterness from her tone.

"What do you mean by that?" Angela sounded offended.

Bella shrugged and glanced back at Charlie's grave. "Just that apparently you two talk about me, and… and my business. I don't appreciate it."

Angela sat back and adjusted her coat collar, one gloved hand clutching at the purse on her lap. She shook her head, and Bella could almost guess her next words.

"Bella, Jake and I are your oldest friends. We love you, and we don't want to see you hurt." Her eyes shifted from Bella's face to the headstone past her shoulder. "It's what we promised Charlie after the accident: that we would always take care of you."

"I'm not helpless." Bella's breath caught as she recalled saying those very words to a pair of amber eyes, and the smirk she received along with his response. A slight shudder ran through her that had nothing to do with the coldness of the day.

"I suppose not – you still have one good hand," Angela replied sarcastically. She gazed at Bella for a moment. "What happened?"

"Jake was being insufferable. He showed up at my work party after we'd fought the night before, and when I asked him to leave, he refused. Then he said a lot of things that made no sense, including that he thinks he's in love with me. I told him I was in love with someone else, and he kissed me anyway. So… I hit him."

"Whoa. Back up." Angela stood and began to pace. "What were you fighting about?"

Bella ducked her head. She'd said too much already, and the pain in her chest was raw. Angela would only ask more questions that she wasn't prepared to answer, but she had to get through this.

"He was being an unmitigated ass. He was rude and boorish. I couldn't take it anymore, and I said some things he didn't want to hear, so he left. But then he came to the party anyway."

Angela turned to face her. "And he told you he loves you."

"Yes," Bella sighed. "I didn't want to believe it at first, because it seemed so weird. I mean… it's Jake! He's my best friend, not a boyfriend. Not someone I can think of romantically."

"But Edward is," Angela stated.

A rushing sound filled Bella's ears, followed by a thrumming. It took her a moment to realize it was the pounding of her heart. She was suddenly very aware of her own breathing and that her hand was beginning to throb. The Percocet was wearing off, and she still had to drive back to Seattle.

"Ang, I'd rather not talk about _him_ with you, if you don't mind."

"Why not?"

" It's complicated."

"Then explain it to me, Bella," she said, as she sat down again, her fingers reaching for Bella's good hand.

"I can't… I don't know how." Bella closed her eyes as her head dropped.

"Try."

She took a deep breath. Surely, as a happily married woman, Angela would understand. If she could only get the words out past the pain in her chest.

"I've never felt this way before, and I don't have words for it. I just know it's right and real. When we're together, I feel beautiful and wanted, like I'm the only woman in the world. When we're apart, it's like I'm dying. It's as though he's always been a part of me, just waiting to be recognized. Nothing and no one else exists… he's everything, Ang. There could never _be_ anyone else. Jake will just have to accept that."

Angela dropped her hand.

"I don't understand. I don't get how you can let someone you barely knew in school become the most important person in your life within a matter of days, to the exclusion of your oldest friends. It just doesn't make sense."

Bella looked up. "You don't feel this way for Ben?"

Angela shifted on the bench. "I love Ben, and I always will, but not to the point that I don't even want to see my friends." She looked down at her hands in her lap before glancing up once again.

"Bella, we're worried about you. You have to see that this isn't right. It's… it's like you're obsessed with him. It isn't healthy. I don't think he's good for you, and he certainly can't take care of you like we can."

"How can you say that? You don't know him. You just know what Jake tells you about him, and he happens to be a bit biased on the subject." Bella angrily rubbed at her frozen face, wishing they could take this conversation somewhere warmer.

"Of course he's going to be biased. Jake happens to be in love with you and has been for years. He wants to marry you - he's even looked at rings. Edward swooped in and dazzled you with his money and looks. It's not surprising that Jake's not happy about it. But busting his lip didn't convince him to stay away, did it? He still came looking for you and took you home. He took care of you, and Edward didn't. And you still haven't even apologized for hitting him -"

Bella looked at Angela as realization dawned on her. "You knew?"

Angela brushed her words away with a wave of her hand. "Yes, Jake called yesterday morning before he went to Sue's. The point is, each time you need Edward, he isn't there. But one of us is. He wasn't there to take care of you after you broke your hand, and he isn't here today. Why is that, Bella? If he loves you so much, where is he? Why didn't he come with you?"

Bella simply stared, too stunned by Angela's admission to answer.

"Are you hiding him from us? Did you ask him _not_ to come with you for Charlie's anniversary because you knew we would be here? Bella, that's ridiculous. We're going to have to see him sometime, unless you run away with him or something…" Her head snapped up, and her eyes narrowed.

"You wouldn't be that stupid…"

But Bella was no longer listening. Angela had let her think she didn't know how she broke her hand, when she'd known all along. She had asked for an explanation with no intention of accepting it. Jake was apparently planning out her life for her, and Angela was encouraging him. On top of all of that, they both acted as though _he_ was still in Seattle. They were either lying about it to torture her, or they weren't, and something was keeping him from her.

There was nothing more to say. Or perhaps there was one more thing.

"Bella?" Angela was trying to get her attention. She would have it, but now it was Bella's turn to talk.

Her tone was sharp as she began. "Sorry, Angela, I wasn't listening to whatever that was you just said, but then, you don't listen to me. We have a lot of history, you and Jake and I, and I appreciate all the times you two have been there for me, I really do. But we no longer want the same things. I have found something precious that I never imagined I would, and you want me to give it up. You know, he even said he didn't want to come between me and my oldest friends. And it's funny, because I told him if they cared about me, they would want me to be happy. I have to conclude that you just don't really love me the way I always thought you did."

"No, Bella, I didn't mean-"

"Angela, I'm through listening to you. You and Jake talk about me behind my back, obviously making plans I have no say in. He's looking at _rings_? Really? That's awfully presumptuous of him, especially since he's never even asked me on a _date_. You say you're worried about me, but then you both ignore what I'm telling you I need. You discount my feelings and expect me to be happy about how you two are arranging my life." She sighed in frustration.

"You want a compliant Bella, the old Bella, the one I was before my eyes and heart were opened, before I knew what real love could feel like. I can't go back and be her, no matter what happens from here on out. I'm different now, and I won't let you try to take that away. And whatever part of him he'll let me have, I'll accept, even if I never see him again, and all I have is the memory."

"You can't be serious." Angela stood as though to come towards her, but Bella put up her cast, palm out.

"I'm absolutely serious. If you and Jake won't accept who I am now, and that includes who I love, then I can't waste anymore energy on you. I would rather be alone than be with people who I can't trust. And I'm sorry, but I just don't trust you or Jake anymore. You've both made that choice for me. So if you will excuse me, I would like a few more moments alone with Charlie."

Bella turned her chair away from Angela before the hot tears could course down her cheeks. It hurt to lose a friend, but she hardly felt as though Angela and Jake had been acting like friends lately. She heard Angela choke back a small sob and then her heels echoing as she ran down the path. In a few moments, the faint hum of a car engine faded, and the silence returned. Bella cried for several minutes into her good hand, soaking the glove until the air cooled her tears and chilled her fingers. She wiped her face as best she could, then rested her tired eyes on Charlie's headstone.

"You were always so good at being alone," she hiccupped. "I thought I was, too, but I realize I never really was before. Somebody was always around, or close enough to call. Even Mom's not available. I got a postcard from her yesterday. She and Phil are spending the holidays on the Tampa Bay Rays owner's yacht. They're cruising the Caribbean until sometime in January." She sniffled and let out a wry chuckle.

"It's a shame you never got to know Phil. You two would have hit it off, just on baseball stats alone. I always thought it was kind of ironic that Mom married two guys who were so into sports, when she'd had so little interest in them, herself." She twisted her scarf end, aware more each moment of the throbbing ache in her hand that was only made worse by the cold.

"I have to go, Dad. My hand is killing me. I need to get indoors and get some coffee and a Percocet in me so I can drive home in a while. I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you. Miss you."

One more light pass of her fingers across the heads of the daisies, and Bella turned to go back to her truck. She had more to think about as she rolled along the path than she had coming in, and the way was harder. Every crack and bump in the flagstone ricocheted through her chair and slammed through her hand like a hammer, until she was fighting to see through tears when she finally reached her truck.

By the time she was settled in the cab, she had to put her head down on the steering wheel to catch her breath. As soon as the tears cleared enough for her to see, she started the truck and carefully left the cemetery. She desperately needed to take a Percocet, but she passed up the Forks diner in favor of a fast food drive-thru. She usually stopped at the diner after visiting Charlie, but today she couldn't face the familiar small town gossips and the probing questions they would have about her hand and Jake's whereabouts.

She parked for a few minutes after she got her coffee, to swallow the half tablet and allow it some time to begin working. She had gotten some fries to eat with it, but her stomach was still roiling from her confrontation with Angela. The moment the pain in her hand was slightly more bearable, she pulled back onto the road.

Now there was nothing but hours of open highway and only her thoughts for company. She was still physically uncomfortable, but the pain receded as her mind worked through these new developments.

'_How dare Angela and Jake try to arrange my life for me? Why would I want to marry him, anyway? I don't need a nursemaid, and that's exactly what it seemed he would be. And I certainly don't need a nursemaid who would think it was fine to kiss me anytime he felt like it. You'd think I couldn't manage on my own at all.' _

Today was proof that she could, indeed, manage quite well without assistance. Hadn't she just driven to Forks and back with a broken hand? She didn't need them dictating what she could and couldn't do, either. And the longer she thought about it, the more it appeared that they saw her as a project, rather than as a friend. They claimed to care, but their actions spoke far beyond their words. She was shocked to realize how complacent she had been in allowing her life to become stagnant; it was time to move on.

_I wish I knew why they are so insistent that _he_ is still in Seattle. He said he was leaving-he _told me_ he was leaving. If he didn't, or if he came back, why hasn't he called? He can't have truly meant it that he was no good for me. There was only good when we were together. Surely he's realized that by now… unless he doesn't feel the same way that I do. But he must. That kiss… that wasn't a meaningless kiss; that was a _first_ kiss, in so many ways. I can't even think about never kissing him again."_

Round and round, she replayed their conversations in her head, even as fresh holes were ripped in her heart. Thoughts that she had tried to suppress burst forth, the whirlwind of images making it difficult for her to breathe. His bright topaz eyes as they crinkled above that devastatingly crooked smile; those auburn locks that refused to be tamed and only made him more beautiful in their disarray; his long slender fingers flying across piano keys, feeding her escargots, tangling in her hair. All had been absolutely perfect up until the moment he spoke with Jake on the phone, and that's when everything went to Hell.

Jake. Why did everything crappy in her life suddenly seem to involve Jake? He had always been such a great best friend: supportive, caring, funny, and sweet. But now he was turning into the world's biggest jerk, and she refused to put up with his dogged determination to woo her. It just wasn't going to happen.

**A/N: I'm out of town as I post this, so won't be writing much before next week. Hopefully, I will get the next chapter out before the next weekend. Thanks for the love!**


	28. Left and Leaving

**Choices**

**A/N: I hope everyone had a great holiday season! And by 'season', I am including everything from Halloween through New Year's. If you're still reading, I thank you. **

**As always, loads of love to Momma Laura for her excellent beta skills, and also for a bit of pimping. Thanks, sweetie!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I love daisies.**

**Left and Leaving – We the Living 'Boom Forest – Volume I'**

**Chapter 28**

**JPOV**

Darkness lay deep across the streets of Seattle as Jake's alarm clock buzzed. He grumbled against waking and slapped at the snooze button, burying his face in the pillow as the threads of a dream slipped away. His eyes remained closed, but his lips couldn't help curving as he recalled laughing dark eyes and soft caramel skin. He rolled over onto his back and opened his eyes before sitting up and rubbing the sleep from them. His feet hit the floor, and he padded to the bathroom for a shower.

As he dried his body and wrapped the towel around his waist, he stepped back and took a critical look at his reflection in the mirror. He had never given much thought to his appearance beyond looking neat and clean, neither of which was always possible in an auto shop. Yet as a businessman, he tried to maintain a certain level of professionalism in his clothing, including the uniforms he had chosen for the shop. Now as he stood with the towel slung low around his hips, he wondered how he appeared to Emily.

He was in pretty good shape; he allowed himself the treats Bella baked for him, but for the most part, his diet was a healthy one. The physical work involved at the shop kept his muscles toned and firm. He flexed his biceps, striking a pose, before laughing at himself as he went to get dressed.

Obviously, Emily was attracted to him, as he was to her. It felt a bit strange to have someone want to touch him as much as Emily did. Bella had never had a problem touching him, but it had always been innocent and loving, as only best friends who had been through a life-changing trauma could. The way Emily touched him was different – it was the way he had once longed to touch Bella. Emily's fingers seemed to trail sparks along his arms and hands. She radiated warmth through her jacket when he placed his arm around her shoulders. He felt guilty for enjoying the way Emily touched him; in all the years he had been with Bella, he had never reacted that way to her touch. She had always felt soft and sweet to him, but never the fire and thrill he felt from Emily.

He contemplated that as he cooked and ate a large bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon and raisins. He was still making mental comparisons of the two girls as he got out of his truck in the alley behind the shop, but Bella had long left his thoughts entirely when Quil came in a half hour later.

"Hey."

Jake glanced up from the carburetor he was replacing. "Hey, Quil. How was your Sunday?"

Quil sipped his coffee. "Good – the usual. Football games in between Christmas gift baking. Have to come up with something different for Sam and Leah this year since my Ridiculous Rum Cake is off her diet."

Jake straightened up, a look of concern on his face. "Her diet? Leah doesn't need to diet. She looks great. She can't possibly think she's fat?"

Quil chuckled, "Not what I meant. She just doesn't want to take any chances. They're expecting."

Jake's fingers tightened on the ratchet he was holding. "You're kidding. Really?" A smile spread slowly across his face. "That's awesome! They must be excited."

"They are. Leah's planning to tell Bella herself, so don't spill the beans, okay?" Quil shot him a look as he put down his cup and moved towards a Buick with an open hood.

"No problem. Hey," a sudden thought stopped Jake in his tracks. "How come nobody said anything at the Christmas party? I can't believe Sue didn't hit everybody with that news when they came in the door."

"She didn't know, either. They didn't want to take the focus off of her party, so they waited until yesterday to tell her. Got a call from them last night. Surprised you didn't get one." Quil leaned over the Buick's engine, tracing a hose with his fingers until he found the place it was cracked.

"Oh. I did, but I was out when Sam called. I didn't hear it ring, and I didn't have it on vibrate. He didn't leave a voice mail, and I forgot to call him back." Jake rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to keep a straight face, but Quil's eyes snapped up to meet his.

"Out? Now where would you be on a Sunday night that you wouldn't hear your phone?" he mused. "Not Bella's, I'd bet. Nope. Someplace else, then. Someplace loud, with somebody who has long black hair and a killer smile?" He chuckled as a huge grin lit Jake's face.

"Okay, okay. Yeah, I was with Emily," he shrugged, but the grin didn't budge. "She invited me out to The Slapping Beaver yesterday. She'd said she was a bartender, but I didn't realize she _owns_ the bar. Have you been there?" he asked.

"No, but I have a feeling I'll be going soon. What's it like?"

Jake answered as both men continued working on the cars. "Laid back for the most part. She has bands in on Saturdays and open mike on Wednesdays. Good beer, too."

"Sounds cool. Where is it?"

"It's down in First Hill; great location. She had a good crowd in there last night."

"Surprised you even noticed."

"What?" Jake looked up in time to catch the smirk on his friend's face. "Why wouldn't I notice?" He put down his wrench and tilted his coffee cup to peer inside.

Quil's brows rose. "The way you were looking at her at Sue's, I'd almost think you'd never seen a girl before, much less talked to one. You couldn't take your eyes off her."

Jake shook his head and smiled. "She's a beautiful girl, Quil. Why wouldn't I look at her? And she likes me…" His smile grew, and he tossed back the last of his coffee, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "It's crazy, but she does, and I like her, too. A lot."

"I get it; you like each other," Quil crossed over to some shelves full of parts, running his hand along the row of boxes until he found the one he needed. He returned to the Buick as he opened the box. "So. Kiss her yet?" He cut his eyes towards Jake, a devilish look on his face.

"Quil!" Jake started as the wrench he'd just selected suddenly slipped from his grasp and clattered to the floor. He scooped it up and stared at it a moment, as though it might answer for him. He looked back at Quil's expectant expression.

"No, I haven't. I don't want to push this. We're just getting to know each other."

"Uh-huh. You just don't want to get punched again. Bet Emily's got a mean right hook," Quil teased.

Jake laughed, tapping the wrench against his thigh as he spoke. "True, I don't. And anyway, you saw how long it took me to get up the nerve to kiss Bella. I'm not good with flirting and stuff. I don't want to screw this up." His tone grew quiet. "She's had several boyfriends, one of them serious. I've never even looked at anyone but Bella. I'm not really sure I know what I'm doing, but I'm willing to try." He chuckled softly. "She told me at lunch that she's glad I'm not a Romeo like Seth – his romance drama drives her nuts."

"Oh, Lord, that boy!" Quil rolled his eyes. "Did you meet his new girlfriend at Sue's? DeAnna, I think he said her name is. Not sure how long she's gonna last – Sue can't stand her."

"What's wrong with her?"

"She's not really 'girlfriend material', as Sue would say. More of a party girl."

Jake grinned wryly. "Sue must be having fits over Seth's love life. Emily said he's dated so many since Thanksgiving, that unless he shows up with them more than twice, she doesn't bother learning their names. It's too much trouble to try to keep up," he laughed.

Quil wiped his hands on a rag and studied his friend. "You _really_ like Emily, don't you?"

Jake grinned and nodded. "She's something else. Smart, pretty, funny… she's got a great head for business, too. She's built that bar up practically by herself. And you should have seen her handle these two crazy customers last night. I thought she was going to need me to throw them out, but she calmed them down, and they behaved. She said if I ever got tired of fixing cars, I could come be her bouncer. I told her my boss wouldn't appreciate her trying to steal me away."

Quil laughed. "Does she know you own the garage?"

"Yeah, I told her. She was impressed, I think. She said she'll bring her car and bike here the next time they need a tune up."

"You guys talk about Bella yet?"

Jake glanced at Quil, but he was concentrating on tightening the hose clamp.

"Yeah, we have. She knows how I feel about Bella but that there's nothing there for me." He sighed, and Quil looked at him in concern. "Bella's changed, Quil. I don't guess you've seen her lately?"

"Not since the day that smelly rich kid picked up his car," he shook his head. "What's going on?"

"That kid!" Jake practically growled. "He's got something to do with it. She got awfully cozy with him, and suddenly she's keeping secrets and acting weird. We fight every time we talk, usually about him, but other stuff, too. She's barely even talking to Angela... that reminds me."

He pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at the missed calls. "Angela called me last night, too. I didn't hear the message until this morning, and it was weird. She said she saw Bella, they're done, and she can't handle any more. I'll call her back at lunch and see what she was talking about."

Quil gave him a quizzical look. "You said you had lunch with Emily yesterday? And then you went to the bar with her last night?"

Jake nodded.

"Yeah, why?"

"When did you go to Forks?"

Jake frowned. "I didn't go to Forks yesterday."

"You didn't talk to Bella yesterday, either, did you?"

Jake rubbed the back of his neck and stared at his friend. "No, I didn't. Why?"

Quil let out his breath with a _whoosh_.

"Dude. Bella's really going to be on your ass now, and I don't blame her."

"What the hell? What did I do now?" Jake scowled.

Quil studied him for a moment with dark, somber eyes.

"You forgot Charlie."

"Charlie? What are you talking-" It hit him then, and Jake spun on his heel, staring at the wall calendar in disbelief.

"Shit! Son of a bitch… how did I… Bella's going to kill me." His eyes scanned the dates on the page as though they might change if only he looked hard enough.

"Did _she_ call you last night?" Quil asked.

Jake flipped his phone on again and scanned through the calls. "No, she didn't. Weird."

"Maybe she didn't expect you'd come yesterday. After Friday, she might not even have wanted you there," Quil suggested.

Jake's eyes narrowed. "No. She knows how I felt about Charlie. She would have expected me to come, whether she wanted me there or not. I can't imagine how much it must have hurt her when I didn't show up."

Quil pursed his lips. "Then why didn't she call to see why you weren't there?" he asked quietly.

Jake shook his head. "That's another thing. If she was going to Forks or La Push alone, she used to always call when she got there, just so I wouldn't worry. If she had done that, I'd have remembered. Damn it!" He struck the workbench with the side of his fist. "I hate that she's acting like this."

"Well, her hand is broken. Maybe somebody drove her, so she wasn't by herself. Look, just call Angela already. Find out what happened between the two of them, and then call Bella. She may not be as upset with you as you think."

Jake nodded and placed the call, walking into the store area for a modicum of privacy. Angela picked up on the second ring.

"It's about time you called back! Didn't you get my message?" She began before he could say a word.

"Hi, Ang. I didn't get it until this morning. What's going on?" he answered, cringing slightly at her acerbic tone.

"Bella's lost her mind, that's what's going on! She told me she's in love with Edward, and if you and I can't accept that, then she doesn't want anything to do with us. I don't know what kind of spell he's got her under, but you're right; she _has_ changed. She even admitted it. And she said we don't love her and can't take care of her like he can. As if he knows the slightest thing about her!"

Jake looked at the phone he was holding away from his ear as Angela ranted loudly. He cautiously brought it back. "Angela, calm down! What the hell happened yesterday?"

She quickly, if not calmly, filled him in. "I don't think she's kidding, Jake. She doesn't trust us, and I can't handle that. I've never done anything to hurt her, but she seems to think I have. I tried to talk to her and explain, but she refused to listen to me. There's nothing I can do."

Jake's tone was thoughtful. "Was she mad because I wasn't there? Is that part of all of this?"

Angela sighed. "No, she didn't seem to be bothered about it. As a matter of fact, I got the impression that she was relieved you weren't there. How late were you, anyway? What did she say when you got there?"

"I didn't get there. I forgot." He pulled the phone away from his ear again, anticipating the screech. He wasn't disappointed.

"_What? _ How did you forget? It's on every calendar you own. It's Charlie, for God's sake!"

Jake scrubbed at his face with his free hand. "I know, and I'm kicking myself, but it really just slipped my mind. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Emily is a very good distraction."

Silence from the other end of the conversation.

After a moment came a very chilly, "Who is Emily?"

A wry chuckle escaped him. "Leah and Seth Clearwater's cousin. I met her at Sue's the other night. Ang, I really don't know how to explain this, because it doesn't make any sense, but she's possibly the most amazing person I've ever met. I spent most of yesterday with her, and believe me, Charlie was not anywhere in my thoughts."

"But who is she? I mean… ok, wait. I'm very confused here. Just a couple of days ago, you were getting an engagement ring for Bella. Now you're saying you met somebody two days ago, and she's so awesome, she made you forget a date that has been burnt into your memory? Really, Jake?"

He shook his head and closed his eyes. "I know what it sounds like, but yes, that's exactly what happened."

Angela groaned. "All my friends have lost their minds. Is there something in the water there in Seattle? I just don't understand what's going on. Nobody is making sense."

"I can't pretend to understand it either," he sighed, "because I've never been in a situation like this before. I do love Bella, and I probably always will in a way, but she doesn't want me. Not like that. I have to think about what's best for me now, the way she's apparently trying to do what's best for her. I'll probably always worry about her, but if she's choosing Cullen, then she's his responsibility. If he hurts her, I'll kill him, but until then…" He let the words trail away, because it had suddenly hit him how much his life had changed in mere days.

The intense hatred he had felt towards Cullen had not abated, yet he would grudgingly accept him as part of Bella's life, if that was what she wanted. He was going to have to ask the same of her where Emily was concerned, and there was no time like the present.

"Hey, Ang? I need to call Bella and apologize for missing yesterday. Can I talk to you later?"

"You'd better. I need to know more about this Emily person, for one thing. And I want to know what Bella says." She sounded highly annoyed.

"I promise, I'll call you right back. You won't let me get back to work if I don't."

He stuck his head back into the garage as he dialed Bella's number.

"Ang is freaking out, and I'm calling Bella. Watch the front for me, will ya?" he asked. Quil nodded and walked past him towards the rest room to wash his hands. Jake stepped into the garage just as Bella answered.

"Hi, Jake." She sounded different, like she had a cold. Her voice seemed thick.

"Hey. How're you doin'?" He wondered at his sudden nervous reaction. His palms were sweating.

"Good. You?"

He couldn't place just what was off, but he decided she wouldn't appreciate his asking. She would consider it prying.

"Me, too. I, uh, wanted to call about yesterday. I'm sorry I missed going out to see Charlie."

"It's fine. I'm sure he'd understand that we need some distance between us," she said coolly.

"Um, no, it wasn't that. I forgot."

He heard her gasp. "I'm sorry? I thought I heard you say that you _forgot_?"

"I did, Bella. It completely slipped my mind that yesterday was the fifteenth. It shouldn't have, and I'm sorry. It's too important of a day to miss." He listened for a long minute to the quiet on her end.

Bella finally spoke. "All right. I understand. I'm glad the shop is doing so well that you are that busy."

He sighed and rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. "No, Bella. We're not that busy; I simply forgot. I've had a lot on my mind, as I'm sure you have as well. But my absence yesterday had nothing to do with being too busy. I've met somebody."

"What?" It almost sounded like a laugh.

"At Sue's. Leah's cousin, Emily. She's… she's like nobody else." And suddenly, Jake realized he wanted his best friend back. Not someone he thought he wanted to marry, or protect, but his friend who would listen and appreciate his confusion regarding Emily. Someone who would then tease him about it, until he could sort everything through in his head.

"You missed Charlie's anniversary because of a girl?"

He had already begun to describe how she approached him at the party, and how they had spent yesterday in more flirty banter. He was telling Bella all about Emily's bar, when she interrupted him.

"I can't believe you. You built up a ridiculous fantasy about marrying _me_, because you just 'always loved me', you practically have a stroke because I don't want to be with you, then you hook up with some girl and all of a sudden, you can't be bothered to remember the anniversary of the death of the man who was a second father to you. I don't understand, Jake, and I don't want to. As I told Angela, who _did_ show up yesterday, I can't waste anymore of my energy on you people. Don't call me anymore."

The dead air was heavy in his ear after the click. '_No problem,'_ he thought as he dialed Angela. If Bella was that angry, he didn't want to talk to her, either.


	29. Cold Outside

**Choices**

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who is still reading. This chapter may seem short, but it has a lot in it. **

**Thanks to Momma Laura, my beta, and my pre-readers, DanySpike and The_Buxom_Bitch, for keeping me on track and well-punctuated.**

**Stephenie still owns it, not me.**

**Cold Outside – Edward Hartline 'Lagniappe'**

**Chapter 29**

**BPOV**

Bert bumped against Bella's chair, startling her from her reverie. She blinked, wondering how long she had been staring, unseeing, at the phone in her hand. She pressed a button and the 'Low Battery' warning lit up. She looked around the living room and rubbed at the unfamiliar stiffness in her neck, rolling her shoulders to loosen them. Shaking the fogginess from her head, she connected the phone to the charger on her desk and headed to the bathroom. Her bag was full, and she realized she must have been sitting almost senseless for several hours.

She tried to remember when she had showered last. Tuesday? Wednesday? What was today? It didn't matter. She wasn't going anywhere, and no one would be coming to see her. Still, a shower might help clear her head so she could think, and she had a lot to think about.

Her phone was nearly charged when she returned to the living room later, a fresh glass of wine in her hand. She checked the date to see that it was Thursday, December 19. She shook her head. There were great chunks of the past three days that she was missing, but a few moments stood out with excruciating clarity.

Tuesday, for example. Leah called to tell her that she and Sam were having a baby. As joyful as that news should have been, it only made Bella think of her own lost possibilities. Leah asked her why she was pushing Jake away, when he only had her best interests at heart. Bella countered that Jake's interests were obviously not hers, especially now, since he had Emily to distract him from even the most important things. She then accused Leah of setting Jake up with Emily, so that he could experience a relationship with a 'whole' woman. Finally, she charged Emily with flaunting her fertility and womanhood, throwing her own inadequacies in her face. Leah was crying when Bella hung up on her.

Wednesday had been even worse. The Dean of the English Department called, asking her to come in for a meeting. He stated that reports of her drunken behavior at the Christmas party, and the resulting violence, had reached the University administration, raising questions and concerns over her ability to teach effectively. He was apologetic, but the fact remained that her tenure had been denied, and her termination was effective immediately. She found empty boxes waiting at her desk, and a custodian carried the remains of her academic career to her truck.

Once home, she had called Jake and coldly informed him that his stupidity had gotten her fired. He said he was sorry to hear it and he wished he could change things, but soft laughter in the background seemed to negate the validity of that statement. He told her that Sam had called him, furious over the things Bella said to Leah. He said she would have to apologize to Leah, or Sam would refuse to allow Bella to come for Christmas dinner. Bella told Jake that Sam could stuff himself with his own turkey; she knew belittling when she heard it, and she would be damned before she sat at a table with a woman who was so cruel. Jake asked how much she been drinking, and she hung up on him, too.

The latest call, and the one that, oddly, seemed to have affected her the most, came this afternoon from Dr. Riggs. She spoke of the importance of the research and how grateful everyone on the study team had been for her participation. A formal letter would be coming from the Center, but she wanted to personally let Bella know: the results of the testing found no probability of improvement in either range of motion or sensation in her case. She was very sorry, but perhaps Bella's participation would enable another patient's successful rehabilitation in the future.

That was the news she had most dreaded, yet least anticipated. She thought she had avoided building up her hopes, but apparently she had been mistaken. It wasn't completely for nothing, but the feeling of disappointment washed through her before she could raise that point with her irrational side, leaving her stunned and staring at the phone.

"Well, Merry Christmas to me," she said aloud, toasting the tree that took up her front window. Somehow, her cozy homespun ideas for decorations had never materialized. She had been less than motivated lately, and the Christmas spirit had not only eluded her, but had probably taken a fast flight to Rio. Bella contemplated the bare fir over the edge of her glass. Hanging photos of family and friends no longer seemed appropriate, since she seemed to have none left of either. Yet the tree should at least be allowed to fulfill its destiny.

An idea occurred to her, and the more she thought about it, the more she liked it. Putting down her glass, she rolled to the front closet and shoved the boxes of photos out of her way. Carefully, she lifted a bag from the floor and brought it to the coffee table. The treasures inside, shoddy as they were, held more value for her now than any pictures. She delicately opened the paper encasing the first object, a threadbare red silk kimono. She draped it around the base of the tree, and it made a festive skirt. Next to be unwrapped was the chartreuse Nehru jacket. She held it as high as she could reach, placing it around the body of the tree. The orange feather boa went around the bottom of the tree, like a flirty hemline. She returned to the closet for the battered cardboard box that held the topper. A quick trip to the kitchen to retrieve the mop, and she was back.

She lifted the black silk hat carefully from its confines and placed it on the end of the mop handle. Slowly, she raised the hat to the top of the tree, settling it on the pinnacle before removing the mop. She wheeled herself back to get the full effect. Something was missing: the jabot. She pulled it from its paper, brushing it softly against her cheek before centering it between the open sides of the jacket at an approximation of throat -level. She pulled back and smiled for what felt like the first time in days.

It looked ridiculous and, therefore, perfect.

Bella spent the rest of the evening as she usually did, listening to Anthony Masen and working her way through a couple of bottles of wine. She no longer took the Restoril at night, preferring the Percocet to help her relax. The Restoril interfered with the dreams, making them disjointed and forgettable. She needed the dreams to keep him with her. How else could she look upon his perfect face or hear his soft musical voice, except in dreams. It mattered not that the dreams were more often nightmares than otherwise. She would take him however he came to her, as angel or demon, as long as she could see him.


	30. Sloe Gin

**Choices**

**A/N: I know, I know, Bella had the week from Hell. She's dealing with it, her way. **

**I would like to say here that the story will be concluding before too much longer. I anticipate another four chapters and an epilogue. Should anyone wonder, from this point on are the chapters that I have been waiting to write since I began. The ideas for these scenes made me want to write them down, and then figure out how to get there. We almost are. Thank you all for coming with me on this journey. I've made some lovely friends who began as readers, and I wouldn't trade the craziness of the last two years for anything. All my thanks to Momma Laura, The_Buxom_Bitch and DanySpike for once again providing commas and encouragement. **

**Again, it is short. You may want to read it more than once.**

**Stephenie owns them. I just gave them other choices. **

**Sloe Gin – Tim Curry 'Read My Lips'**

**Chapter 30**

**BPOV**

She usually kept the curtains closed, but now and again, she would peer out, to reassure herself that the world continued to exist without her participation in its doings. As hard as she tried, each time she pushed the drapery aside, she couldn't stop a faint hope from clawing to the top of her heart, a tiny prayer that he would be there, coming for her, no longer able to stay away. And each time the sidewalk was empty, her heart broke anew. She found escape from the pain, for a while, in the dreams.

The dreams had not abated with the drugs, though she no longer wished to be rid of them. They were now her only link to him, to see his terrible beauty, to hear his glorious voice.

Before, when she dreamed of him, she had simply been searching for answers. Now, all she wanted was him. In some of the dreams, he was with her and they were happy, but these were all too rare. More often, she found herself searching for him as he not only evaded her, but taunted her cruelly, calling to her from remote and jagged terrain to come and join him, then laughing as she attempted to find a way, unable to maneuver in her chair. She would fling herself onto cold and rocky ground, bruising and scraping her skin as she began to drag herself towards his voice. Each time she would almost reach him, bloody and battered, only to have him sneer, _"Why would I want only half a woman?" _

That was the point at which she would wake up sobbing.

Last night had been a bad one for dreams, if she could even call it night. Lately, Bella found it easier to sleep in the early afternoon, when the December rains turned the light filtering through her windows to dull pewter. Night brought all manner of street lamps and Christmas displays, cheerful trees in neighboring windows that only made her anxious with their frenetic blinking. Nights were spent listening to Masen, staring sightlessly at her tree as she drank bottles of dinner.

Tonight she decided to try something else, to make an attempt to move forward. Maybe she could still teach somewhere. Maybe she could still get a letter of recommendation from the college, even a tepid one. Where she might apply wasn't yet her concern, nor that she would probably have to move to another city. Tonight she would take the first step towards the rest of her life by updating her resume.

She poured a fresh glass and booted up her computer, mildly surprised at the amount of email that slid onto her screen. Surely it hadn't been that long since she checked her inbox? Blinking at the dates, she realized that it had indeed been several days.

Bella stared at the computer screen, trying to make it come into focus enough to read the subjects. She rubbed her tired eyes and tried again. No use. It was too small and too blurry. It finally occurred to her to make the font larger, so she did.

'_Much better. I can see it now… junk, junk, hm, Dr. Riggs. Yeah, just what I thought it would say. "We're sorry to inform you, blah, blah, blah..." Junk. Oh, one from Rebecca. What's she sending?' _

She clicked and the email opened, showing two attachments. Bella squinted and enlarged the font again. Rebecca liked to use script fonts that were already hard to read; they were practically illegible in Bella's current, less than optimum, state.

Once the words were large enough, she studied the page, trying to make out what Rebecca was talking about. _ 'What music? Who is Amanda Jackson? Oh, Masen…!' _

Bella straightened a little and tried harder to focus. This was actually something she wanted to know.

"_Dear Bella, I had to send you this as soon as I got home, and oh, my God, you aren't going to believe it! It's REAL! I mean, I know I said we thought it was real, or Daniel did, and I did, too, but now it's official!_

_We went to see Amanda Jackson – she's the Masen expert I told you about that Berkeley had to authenticate it. Turns out she's ancient, but still amazingly on the ball. She actually went to school when Masen did! Isn't that awesome! She gave us quite the lecture on him while we were there. From what I gathered, she had a MAJOR crush on him and was pretty broken up when he was killed. She's devoted her life to his memory and his music (kinda sad, really) and her apartment is practically a Masen Museum!_

_She had copies of all of his manuscripts and some of his school papers and things - tons of samples of his handwriting - so she didn't have much difficulty in verifying the new piece is definitely his. The paper is the right age and everything. She even showed us these huge scrapbooks of every article anybody ever wrote on him, and one with programs from when they were at school and his pieces were being performed. Can you imagine? Sitting in the audience, listening to him play? Gives me chills!_

_Speaking of sitting in the audience, I've sent you a little Christmas gift. One of the attachments is an mp3 of the new piece! Daniel made a copy for me before he brought everything back to school, and I knew you'd love to hear it, too. It's gorgeous, sad but so beautiful. You'll know what I mean._

_Oh, the other attachment – when we were at Amanda's, she showed us an old photo on her wall. It was taken at the reception after the very first time one of Masen's pieces was played at Berkeley. She said she took it and I believe her, because it looks like the kind of picture you might take of someone you secretly liked. She said there was a newspaper photographer she was standing near who took several pictures that night, but something happened to his film and the news article ran without any photos. She never told anyone she had this one because she was embarrassed to admit her crush. So sweet!_

_Anyway, she got to talking to Daniel and I took a quick ninja pic of it with my phone. It's not great, but I thought you'd like to finally see what Angelic Anthony looked like!_

_It's a crowd, but you can pick him out fairly easily. He's standing by the punch table with the Dean of Music and a girl Amanda said was another friend of his, who also took his death pretty hard. She dropped out of school afterward and Amanda never knew what happened to her. _

_Enjoy the music and Merry Christmas! Daniel sends his love. Bex"_

Bella's hand shook as she moved the cursor to the mp3 file attached to the email and clicked on it, sending it to open in her player. It was titled simply 'Masen Requiem' and she thought that seemed appropriate, somehow. As it downloaded, she opened the second attachment.

A faded black and white photo of a roomful of people slowly slid into view on her screen. Amanda must have been standing on a dais or a stair landing, as the angle was from slightly above the crowd. There was quite a turn out for this premiere, and everyone was dressed to the teeth. She spotted furs and fancy hats, suits, and an evening gown or two before she located the refreshment table Rebecca mentioned. Her heart nearly leapt from her chest as she recognized a profile she feared she would never see again.

It was Edward. It couldn't be him; the photo was from 1946. But it _was_ him, and what's more, the 'girl' he was standing with, was Alice.

Bella stared in shock, rapidly blinking her eyes to try to focus on what she couldn't possibly be seeing.

Music began to play and she pushed her chair away from her desk, her heart pounding, as the notes of the beautiful piece Edward had played for her billowed through the room. She had only heard it once, but she knew it immediately; it was almost as though it was written on her heart. Tears filled her eyes and she gripped the armrest of her chair until her knuckles were white.

How could this be? It didn't make sense. Edward couldn't have been in the picture; he was much too young. He wasn't even born yet. But then, he had always looked young. He looked exactly the same here in Seattle as he had in Biology class, not ten years older. No change in ten years. So why not in twenty, thirty… almost seventy? It couldn't be. No one stays the same age. _Two_ people certainly couldn't… could they?

She moved back to her desk, to study the photo again. It was impossible, yet there it was. Edward, _her_ Edward, who wasn't really hers, was Anthony Masen. That was the only explanation, even though it was crazy.

'_What was it that Conan Doyle said? "__Once you eliminate the impossible_, _whatever __remains, __no matter how improbable,__ must be the truth." Well, it's impossible for Edward to be Anthony. It's impossible for him to be almost a hundred years old. It's also impossible for him to still look seventeen, ten years after high school, and maybe more impossible that Alice does, too. Maybe Anthony and this girl who looks like Alice had a love child, which would explain her leaving school after his death. Maybe that child is Edward's great grandfather. But that still wouldn't explain how his adopted sister looks exactly like his great great grandmother… there are too many impossibilities!'_

Was it possible, in any universe, for Edward to _be_ Anthony? Could this also mean that he was the same Edward Cullen who recorded Anthony Masen's concertos in 1986?

It would explain his knowledge of Masen's music and how he had played an unknown Masen piece for her in a penthouse, weeks before the world knew of its existence. But it would also mean he lied. About the CD, about who he was, about everything. It would mean he had been lying for a long time. And he was good at it.

Bits and pieces of their conversations drifted through her mind, sorting and re-sorting themselves to align with this new information. What she thought she knew was false, a fabrication carefully constructed to keep her in the dark. Or was it just her? If she had a secret of this magnitude, how far would she go to keep it quiet?

If he and Anthony Masen were truly one and the same, and Alice _was_ the girl in the photo, it was a much larger secret than she realized. If there were two such creatures, there were probably more, and to what lengths wouldn't they go, to protect themselves?

Bella's head felt dizzy with the implications. He'd said all along that he was dangerous, and a secret like this only confirmed that. He certainly seemed more than human. As beautiful as he was, there were other things she had noticed at the time, but allowed to slip into the ease of familiarity as simply being part of who he was. His cold skin, the ever-changing color of his eyes and how hard his body was. His old-fashioned speech and elegant mannerisms. That he didn't seem to eat. And the way he made her senses swim when he was in close proximity.

It was almost as though he was a vampire from one of her novels.

He had called himself a monster. Could that have been the one truth among all the lies? He'd said that word before, and each time, they had been discussing vampires, a topic they seemed unable to avoid. And somehow, as insane as it seemed, it was no more impossible to believe that Edward was a vampire than to believe he was almost a hundred years old. Instead, it made a twisted sort of sense.

But if he was, the fact remained that he had not killed her, in spite of numerous opportunities. Instead, he had warned her that he was dangerous to people, and to her. It was why he forced her to leave. Why would he fight against his nature? They had been alone most of their time together, and yet she had never felt threatened by him. Unless he wouldn't hurt her because he cared for her; but if he did care, he should have come back by now.

These confusing thoughts circled through Bella's mind, making her dizzy and giving her a headache which she medicated with Percocet and wine. When two hours later she was no closer to a more reasonable explanation, and the headache still pounded, she took some Restoril with the last glass from another bottle. Shortly thereafter, she pulled herself onto the sofa and fell to sleep, praying the dreams would come and sort it all out for her.


	31. Winter Kills

**Choices**

**A/N: Here is what everyone has asked for, repeatedly. The final chapters are written, edited and will be posted, one a day, through the epilogue. **

**Thanks to Momma Laura, for not having a heart attack or diving into her nearest bomb shelter when five chapters showed up all together in her mailbox. She couldn't resist reading it all the way through before making her excellent edits, and that is a tremendous compliment. Thanks also to DanySpike and _The_Buxom_Bitch _ for pre-reading and helping me to clarify things.**

**The original still belongs to Stephenie Meyer, but I have enjoyed mucking about in her world.**

**Winter Kills – Yaz 'Upstairs At Eric's'**

**Chapter 31**

**BPOV**

"Bella-"

His velvet voice washed through her, and she sighed. It was one of the good dreams. He stood next to her, holding her phone in his slender hand, and she smiled at his look of concern.

"The battery is dead. What if you needed help? You mustn't let it die like that, Bella. It's dangerous."

He placed the phone in its charger on her desk, and his hand brushed against the mouse. The screen lit up, and he stood there a moment. She watched him as he looked at the old photograph, his requiem continuing to play on repeat.

"I know, Edward." She spoke quietly and calmly.

"What do you know, Bella?"

"I know that you are Anthony Masen. You are older than you should be. You didn't die in a regatta. You recorded that CD as Edward Cullen long before he would have been born. You don't eat, your skin is cold and hard, and your eyes change color."

He remained at her desk, immobile, waiting. He was waiting for her to finish, to tell him everything she knew. And then… and then, he could kill her. He could show her the monster that he was. Or he could leave, to stop himself from killing her. Again. And that would kill her anyway. She wouldn't be able to survive his leaving again.

"You called yourself a monster, but you used that word before. You used it when we spoke of vampires."

"And are you afraid, Bella?" There it was, a slight edge to the velvet. He didn't have to admit a thing. She was right.

"I probably should be, but I'm not. I know you won't hurt me. If you could, you would have long before now. And it doesn't matter anyway, what you are. Because you aren't really here. You left me, as you always do. And you'll leave me again."

"I'm here now, Bella. I'm not leaving unless you tell me to go."

"Then go, because I can't take it when you leave, and you will leave again. You'll do it for my own good, to protect me like you did before. Just leave, Edward, and this time, don't come back. It hurts too much to hope. My heart can't take the pain."

He looked around the room and back to her.

"What happened to your hand?"

She frowned, "I broke it. It was nothing. It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me. Everything to do with you matters to me."

"You mustn't let it. My life is not your concern now."

"Is that what you truly want? You don't want me here?"

She shook her head, the fatigue and medication making it hard to move.

"No, you'll just want to protect me from you or from myself. So go. And please, don't come back."

She didn't see him move, but he was at her side, pressing his cool hard lips to her hair.

"If that is what you want, I will abide by your wishes. Just know, Bella, should you ever change your mind, I'll be back, to stay. Until then, I will be far away, because I know if I come near you, I won't have the strength to leave again."

She could smell his sweet breath, and it comforted her. She reached for his hand. It was icy against her flushed cheek, and she smiled. She kissed his cold stone fingers and released them.

"Thank you."

He gazed at her, a look of sorrow in his amber eyes.

"Good-bye, Bella. Be safe."

She opened her eyes and looked at the clock on her desk. It read 2:37- not quite a three hour nap. Three less hours of this night to get through. She was grateful to the Restoril and Percocet – they hadn't blocked the dreams, but instead had relieved the headache and let her see him in all his sweet beauty.

The knotty problem of who he was had untangled itself as she slept, just as she had hoped. It was so clear to her now; she was astonished that she hadn't seen it before. Yet there were some things she would have liked to have answered: how he had managed to be out in the day; what and when did he actually eat; and perhaps most puzzling of all, why her? Why had he been so interested in someone so ordinary, so completely the opposite of himself? And why had he allowed himself to get so close to her, to kiss her? Was it a game he had played, betting against himself, to see how far he could go with a human before he lost control?

This line of thought would not do – she felt the stirrings of the headache's return. Perhaps someday she would know the answers. Until then, she would seek peace and freedom from dreams of Edward. After all, she had asked him to leave and not return. It was the least he could do.


	32. My Last Breath

**Choices**

**My Last Breath – Evanescence 'Fallen'**

**Chapter 32**

**EPOV**

Leaving. That was what he had agreed, what he had planned, but as he raced north from Seattle, the pain in his chest grew with each mile under his wheels. He reached a turnoff for Mt. Baker National Forest, and he was struck with a desire to hunt. It had only been a day, and though he fought the pull of Bella's scent in her apartment, he didn't really need to drink. This wasn't about thirst; he needed to run.

He took the exit on two tires, pulled into the first side road he came across, and launched himself into the foliage. He ran for miles before he was confident there were no hikers or campers he might accidentally stumble upon in his feeding frenzy. A drowsy deer presented an easy target, and it wasn't long before he was through and running again. He jumped streams and piles of rocks, leaving the ground occasionally and taking to the trees, leaping from one to the next with ease, startling the wildlife. After an hour or so, he came out of the forest on the edge of a small gorge and stopped.

He sat on the cliff, legs dangling, and dug bits of rock from the ground next to him, tossing them over to hear them clatter to the bottom. He lay back on the grass and bracken and watched the clouds chase across the deep cold night sky. He had not allowed himself to think of anything on his run other than the run itself. The exhilaration of speeding through unfamiliar territory never grew old, and it amused him whenever humans spoke of a "runner's high". They had no idea.

The clouds thinned as the dawn lengthened into morning, allowing the sun to break through, and bathing the area around him in a dazzling rainbow of dancing lights. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the prismatic effect of his stony body in the sunlight. This was one of the things he knew he wouldn't have been able to tell Bella – he would have had to show her, and she would have been terrified. People just don't sparkle.

He'd put it off as long as possible, but he couldn't hold back the thoughts of her any more. He lay on the precipice and let them sweep through him.

His perfect memory took him through every moment since he stepped into the auto shop that Sunday. As he remembered her smile, her eyes, her voice, he catalogued everything in his mind. No detail of hers was too trivial. Her laughter, her hair, the way she chewed her food, her blush… her fingers wrapped around her wineglass, the weight of her in his arms, the heat of her soft lips on his, the sleepy scent of her in his bed. It was torture, yet oddly comforting as well.

He thought over this last strange encounter. He had heard his Requiem playing long before he reached her door. It puzzled him. He had learned of the discovery of a new Masen piece in the archives at Berkeley, but just how she had acquired a recording of it, even a poor one, confounded him. She was sleeping on the couch when he entered, and he had stopped just inside her door to acclimate himself. Her essence swirled through him as he breathed it in, filling him equally with pain and joy, then confusion. Something about her scent was off; he recognized alcohol and medicinal undertones. The alcohol was evident, as there were wine bottles everywhere. Two prescription bottles lay side by side on the coffee table. He recognized one as the Restoril that Carlisle had suggested to Dr. Riggs. The other, for Percocet, was evidently for the hand that was in a cast.

He wished he knew what had happened, but Alice had been unable to see anything regarding Bella, beyond her initial vision. That fact was a good part of what had driven him to return today; he needed to see her, to know she was well. She obviously was far from it.

He had been appalled at the condition of her usually neat apartment. Dishes of partly-eaten food had been left to dry in the sink and on the kitchen counter, and he wondered when she had last eaten anything of substance. Empty wine bottles littered the floor of the living room, scattered beneath the tree, which was oddly decorated with ridiculous finery. He knew the items on it immediately, of course, but he hadn't questioned it – it seemed too nearly a shrine and intensely personal.

A few cardboard boxes were haphazardly stacked between the tree and her desk. He opened the flap of the top one with a finger, revealing office supplies, several well-thumbed gothic paperbacks, and a desk plaque which read 'Isabella M. Swan'. He frowned at the implications. There were too many questions now crowding his mind. His glance fell to the coffee table again, and her cell phone. He picked it up and found the battery dead, which at least explained why his calls had gone to her voice mail. He had been concerned that she was avoiding him. He shook his head at her disregard for her own safety and spoke her name, waking her. In the end, she had sent him away, the one thing he had most feared.

He lay there for hours, motionless, remembering, until night had fallen again, and the sky glittered with stars. He would go back home, back to his family. She didn't want him, and it already felt like an eternity since he left her.

His run back was a bit slower. There was no rush to return to Denali and the pity that awaited him. His family had been concerned for his lone state before; now, they were in for decades of mourning, at least, until Bella was no more. He had decided that already. When word reached him that Bella's life had ended, he would find a way to end his own. The world would be an unfit place to exist, once she was no longer in it.

He was still a few miles from where he left the car when his phone alerted him of several messages. Obviously, reception here in the mountains was spotty. Alice had left him six, Carlisle three, Esme and Jasper, one each. He dialed Alice and began to run faster; something must have happened at home.

She answered in a panic. "Edward! Where are you? What's happening? Is she all right?"

Cold dread spilled through him, further quickening his pace. "Alice, she knows what I am, and she sent me away. I'm at Baker. What's wrong?"

Her voice shook as she answered, "Hurry, Edward! Go back. I saw violets. Violets and blood… so much blood…"

He didn't bother with the car. Running was much faster.


	33. Save Us

Choices

A/N: In all fairness to my readers, I must place a disclaimer here regarding the content of this chapter. If you wondered at all why this story is an M, this should cover it. There is much blood, disturbing imagery, and self-harm. If any of those are triggers for you, I beg you to skip to the next chapter. I promise you will know all that you need to, if you do so. Consider yourself warned.

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I take full responsibility for what these characters do here.

Save Us – Cartel 'Chroma'

Chapter 33

EPOV

He could smell the blood as soon as he opened the outer door of her building. Her door was closed, and he could hear a soft slow rhythmic thumping from somewhere inside. Running water and music. He had been careful before, picking the lock to gain access as she slept. Now he wrenched the door open, snapping through the deadbolt. Her scent, already strong in the apartment, assaulted him. He took deep breaths, allowing it to slam through his body. There was no time for acclimation; he had to get to her now.

Blood. _Her blood. _ The smell of it ripped through him, weighing down his bones and lashing at him, crippling him as he tried to focus on where she was. He forced himself to move cautiously, fearful of losing the tenuous grip he held on his control.

She was no longer on the couch where he left her. A quick scan of the living area gave no clues. He moved towards the kitchen and the sounds he had heard through the door. He glanced in, frowning at days-old dishes on the counter, so not like Bella.

He continued towards the hall, the music and water - the shower - louder as he moved. Specks on the floor caught his eye, and he looked down. Dried violets lay scattered on the carpet, a bridal path of decayed blossoms that stopped at the bathroom. He paused outside the door, praying Alice was wrong, and he was only about to embarrass Bella beyond forgiveness. Perhaps she had merely cut herself shaving…

The room was full of steam, so thick it was condensing on every available surface and running to puddles. He could smell urine under the scent of blood and spied her tubing and bag shoved in the toilet. Bella's music player stood on the counter, dripping wet, his Requiem still on continuous loop. He wished fervently that he had never written the damned thing as he picked it up and crushed it into silence.

Bella was in the shower in her chair, her shower chair uselessly facing the wall. It took him a moment to realize she had on the same clothes he had left her in, their state now only tattered remnants of cloth. Blood soaked through, making her look for all the world like a battered Halloween mummy. Her blood. _So much blood._

He pulled her from beneath the scalding spray, reaching to shut off the water and shuddering as he saw her blood running down the drain, tiny violet petals swirling on the surface as it mingled with the water. Her heart was still beating, that slow thumping sound he hadn't even recognized because it was so weak. He examined her quickly, frightened by the amount of damage she had done to herself and horrified that he so nearly hadn't come in time.

The first thing to do was stop the bleeding. He knelt before her chair, the knees of his pants instantly soaked with water and blood. He gazed up into her pallid face and saw her lips moving. Her eyes were closed, and she was humming to herself, mouthing something with the melody of the Requiem, and it chilled him to hear her.

"Bella, love, I'm here. I couldn't stay away, not when you needed me. I'm going to help you, but it may not be pleasant," and he pulled at the shreds of her slacks. The cloth came away in his hands, disintegrating and baring her legs to him. Angry red lines of blood bubbled across the tops of her thighs where she had slashed them, at least two dozen on each leg. Her ankles had been scored in a V, catching the larger arteries and causing the greatest loss of blood.

He closed his eyes for a moment, steeling himself for what he had to do; what he must do to save her, though it meant putting her at more risk. He had not tasted human blood since a rebellious decade in his early years with Carlisle. This blood, this most deliciously aromatic liquid, would soon be on his tongue, in his mouth, and he was afraid he would be unable to control his natural urges. Venom already dripped down his throat merely at the thought. His mind went to Carlisle, and he drew strength from his example.

He began with her ankles, as the cuts there were the deepest. He gently took her foot in his hand and raised it to his lips, his tongue alighting on the wound and licking firmly, allowing his venom to seal the cut. The taste was more exquisite than he could have imagined, delightful, warm, and delicate, though tinged with alcohol and her medication. He bent his head to the other ankle, licking more deeply into the wound, gathering the liquid into his mouth as the venom closed the artery and her skin. He swallowed this ambrosia and hated himself for the groan of pleasure that escaped him.

He checked her feet and her calves for more damage, but she had been content to keep her slashing confined to easily accessible skin. Her fists were clenched on her thighs. He moved one and couldn't figure out at first why the other wouldn't budge, until he realized she was gripping the handle of the knife, its blade buried to the hilt in her flesh.

"Oh, Bella… sweet, beautiful girl…" he murmured words of love and comfort as he gently uncurled her fingers from the handle. There had been some bleeding around the blade, and he knew the instant the knife was out, there would be nothing to hold back the gush. He placed his mouth against her thigh at the base of the handle and pulled. The bloody blade slid up between his lips and along his tongue, quickening the venom in his mouth. As the knife came free, he clamped his lips on the wound, bathing it with his tongue even as the blood poured forth. He drank several mouthfuls before the cut was closed, and he forced himself to pull away before his teeth could open another such fountain.

He moved more certainly now as he tightened his control over the desire to taste her. He licked at the cuts on her thighs, sealing them and cleaning the blood from her skin. As he did so, he recognized just what she was singing to herself, and he shuddered.

'There's rosemary, that's for remembrance;  
pray, love, remember.  
And there is pansies. That's for thoughts.  
Here's fennel for you, and columbines.  
There's rue for you; and here's some for me:  
we may call it herb-grace o' Sundays.

O you must wear your rue with a difference.  
There's a daisy. I would give you some violets  
but they withered all when my father died: They say he made a good end.'

Ophelia's speech before casting herself into the river: he had never liked Hamlet. Everyone was miserable, and they all died. He felt her hand brush gently through his hair. She knew he was there, and that gave him hope. He sealed the last few cuts on her legs, his licks turning to kisses without his realizing it.

He rose, pulling her into his arms, cradling her as she rested her head on his chest, her wet hair soaking his shirt. He carried her to her bed and stopped. The violet-blue dress lay neatly spread out on the coverlet. A note pinned to it read, "I wore this, and I was beautiful in his eyes." Pain ripped through him, and he angrily tossed the dress aside to lay her down. It would not be her funereal attire, not if he had anything to say about it. He tore off the remainder of her soggy clothing before wrapping her in her coverlet.

He caressed her face, her hair and chafed her hands, knowing full well that his touch was only making her colder. He whispered that he would be right back, dove into her closet, and returned within seconds with blankets and quilts to pile on her shivering body. His phone rang as he pulled it from his pocket.

"Alice, I've got her. I've stopped the bleeding, but I need to talk to Carlisle."

"I didn't see an attack-"

"No, she did it herself, now please…"

"Edward…"

"Carlisle, she cut her anterial tibial arteries, both ankles, gashed both thighs repeatedly, and stabbed through her right femoral artery. I've closed the wounds, but she lost a lot of blood, and she's going into shock."

"We're on our way, son. What else can you tell me?"

Edward glanced down at her, once more whispering of his immediate return, before racing through her apartment. Back in her bedroom, he spoke rapidly as he told Carlisle the horrifying truth.

"She has two prescriptions, the Restoril and Percocet. Her hand is broken, looks like about a week old injury. Both bottles had a dozen or so pills in them yesterday, but now they are both empty. From the condition of her apartment, she's been subsisting on wine, and from the taste of her blood just now, she washed all those pills down with more."

"Edward, you know what you have to do."

"I can't, Carlisle. I'll kill her for sure; even with the drugs and alcohol in her system, her blood tastes too good. I won't be able to stop. And even if I could, I don't want to turn her. I can't put her through that pain, and I don't want to make her a monster."

"Edward, you told me of your conversations, and though she may have been speaking hypothetically, you know what she wants. She said herself that she would choose to be turned."

"What about Jake and Angela? What about her mother, her job… I can't just rip her from her life."

"That's exactly what she was doing. If she had no concern for them, any of them, it just validates that she wants to leave them behind."

She stirred, and he asked Carlisle to hold on as he knelt by the bed, watching her lips move and trying to decipher what she was saying.

"Free-dom," she breathed, and he repeated it to her. Her face softened as though she was trying to smile.

"Just… a… word." Each breath contained a word, and he could see she was struggling to finish.

"Yes, my love, I'm here. I'm listening."

"No- thing… left."

This concerned him. She obviously felt that she had nothing left to live for or she wouldn't have tried to kill herself, but he was here now, and he wasn't going anywhere. There was nothing that would separate them now, nothing but her death, and he would do whatever it took to prevent it.

"To… lose," she sighed.

The words sounded familiar suddenly, and he almost smiled.

"'Bobby McGee'?"

"Please. Take… turn… please," she begged, and he realized she had heard his side of his conversation with Carlisle.

"Bella, I can't. It's too dangerous; your blood tastes too good to me. I might not be able to control myself. I need you to hang on until Carlisle gets here. He's done this before; he turned me, and he can stop himself in time."

"You… Ed- ward… please…" Her voice was softer, and she was taking more, and slower, breaths between words.

He raised the phone to his ear again.

"Could you hear any of that? She's getting weaker. Where are you?" he said, praying they were close.

"Yes, I heard. We're just north of Vancouver. Edward, there's no time. You have to do this now or you're going to have to let her go," Carlisle said.

"NO, Carlisle, that's not an option!" he shouted. "I can't let her go; I've just gotten her back again. There must be something else… some other way."

"There is no other way! You can do this; I have complete faith in you, as does Bella, obviously."

"Please… I… love… you," she breathed. Joy such as he had never known filled him at those words from her lips, and he knew in that moment that he would do anything to keep her with him. He grasped her hand from beneath the covers, her words giving him a determination that overrode his frustration and despair.

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I am selfish enough to want to try; I will do what I can, love. If I do it right, this is going to hurt you, a lot, and for a long time. If I do it wrong, or if I'm not quick enough, please, wait for me. I'll join you as soon as I possibly can."

He threw back the covers, and she lay still, small, and pale. He stroked her cheek, but no blush rushed to meet his fingertips, and he was afraid.

"Carlisle? Where do I start? How?"

"The same way she did, with major arteries. You want to get venom to her heart and through her system as quickly as possible. Start with her carotid, then axillary, brachial; you know the arteries, get going. Put the phone down next to her, and I'll talk you through it."

Edward placed his phone on the nightstand and sat next to her on the bed. Her breathing had slowed even more and her pulse was still dropping. He had to push his venom through her body quickly before her heart stopped on its own.

He leaned over her, wondering why that was considered a 'classic vampire' pose when it was so awkward. He picked her up in his arms instead, settling back against her headboard and nuzzling his nose against her throat. Even with the chemicals in her, she still smelled delicious. He didn't know how he was going to be able to stop, but he had to. If he killed her, he would force himself to live a while longer as penance.

"Carotid, now," he said for Carlisle's benefit, and his teeth sliced into her skin.

It wasn't the fast gush he expected, but then, she had lost a lot, and her pressure was low. Still, the flavor was incredible, and he drank deeply, feeling her blood sliding down his throat and satisfying him like no animal ever could. No human had ever tasted this good, either, and he took another mouthful before he heard it. Her moan. And over that, something else.

Carlisle. On the phone. Yelling at him to stop.

He pulled back in dismay, watching the blood beading on her throat.

"I'm fine, Carlisle! I stopped. Pushing now," he confirmed, and he placed his lips over the bite, allowing the venom that filled his mouth to flow into the wound. Bella's breathing grew ragged, and she moaned again, her eyes tightening with pain as his venom burned its way through her. He licked the bite closed, sealing the venom inside, and raised her arm.

"Left axillary, now," he said, and bit into her arm.

He discovered soon that he was right to have held her in his arms. As each successive bite and push sent more of his venom into her bloodstream, she reacted more to the pain, until she was crying out and writhing in his arms. He held her as firmly as he could, but he was concerned that she might break a bone, as hard as she was thrashing against his grip.

When he wasn't biting or pushing, he was holding her close, humming to her and whispering words of love in her ear. She seemed to respond to that, calming slightly and fighting him less.

He heard Carlisle approaching the door and called out that they were in the back room. He heard Alice's squeal of dismay and knew she couldn't come in yet, not until he'd had a chance to clean up the bathroom. There was still too much blood.

Carlisle put his bag down on the bed, gave Bella a quick glance, then tilted his head and smiled at Edward. "How's our patient?"

Edward looked up at him and chuckled wryly. "At the moment, I think she's better than I am. She just has to get through it. I have to live with having done this to her."

Carlisle nodded. "What's left?" he asked, indicating Bella.

"I was about to go for her iliacs. I can't exactly get to her aorta, not without damage."

Edward moved to sit on the edge of the bed so Carlisle could examine her. He looked at her self-inflicted wounds first, as Edward tried to hold her upper body still and calm her.

"What did she use, a kitchen knife?"

"Steak knife. I really want to ask her what she was thinking."

"It seems as though you'll get that chance," Carlisle said, as he looked at the marks Edward had been leaving. "You've done a fine job, Edward. I knew you had it in you."

"I'm not through, Carlisle, unless you think I've pushed enough?"

Carlisle removed a blood pressure cuff from his bag and wrapped it around Bella's arm as Edward held it relatively still for him. He settled a stethoscope in his ears as he pumped up the cuff and then let it out slowly.

"84 over 56. Not bad, considering. I think you may have managed to increase her pressure with the push. You can do more if you want, but I don't think it will make a difference at this point."

Edward relaxed slightly, and Bella screamed, her arms flailing until Edward could wrap himself around her, again whispering in her ear and singing softly to her. Again, she calmed, and the screaming turned to moans and whimpers, her thrashing to twitches and tremors.

He gave Carlisle a wry look. "Alice would like to come in, but I can't very well clean up the bathroom right now."

Carlisle put up his hand as he packed up his bag. "No problem. You obviously have your hands full and most likely will for some time. I can take care of it." He pressed his hand to Bella's forehead for a moment, then he nodded as he left the room. Edward pulled the coverlet back around her in an attempt to keep her warm until the venom burned through and she would no longer want anything, or anyone, to touch her. He heard Carlisle rinsing the shower and Bella's chair, and he pulled her closer into his chest, kissing her hair and resting his cheek on her head.

"You're calmer when I'm talking or singing to you, so I'm going to tell you all the things I wish I could have said before. I've made so many mistakes with you, Bella. I've been an absolute idiot and gone about nearly everything all wrong. I let you tell me to leave, when I should have convinced you to let me stay. I should have told you how I felt, but I was trying not to be selfish, and I ended up nearly losing you completely.

"Bella, my love, I'm so sorry I wasn't here. I should never have left your side, and if I have my way, I never will again. I shouldn't have left Seattle; no, I shouldn't have left Forks. I should have stayed and fought my nature then, but I was too unsure. I had never smelled any blood as sweet as yours, never wanted to kill anyone so much. You terrified me, so I ran. But it was too late – I'd smelled you, and I thought of you every day, knowing you were out there, and it nearly drove me mad. And then I found you again, and you smelled just as delicious as you had in Forks, only now you were even easier prey – you were in a wheelchair."

"I ran again or I started to, but I decided to test myself instead, to see if I was strong enough to resist you. I wanted to meet you, talk to you: to learn what had happened, why you were in a chair. When I found out about the accident, that it happened the week after I left Forks, it nearly tore me apart. If I had just stayed, or convinced my family to stay, the van could have been stopped, and you wouldn't have been crushed. It was my fault, Bella. I made the wrong choice. In leaving to protect you from my nature, I left you vulnerable to every other danger. I'm so sorry, love."

"What's worse, I didn't learn from my mistake. I left again, to keep you from seeing me as I really am. I thought you would be happier with Jake, if you could have as normal a life as possible. And I tried, Bella, I really did. Carlisle and I set up that research study to see if we could find anything, any way to give you back some of what my idiocy stole from you. I was there each night, watching you sleep, worrying that you would wake and find me there, and miserable when you didn't. And once again, I left. You talk in your sleep, and I couldn't take listening to you dream about me, about the monster that I am. Even then, you knew, some part of you knew. And I kept trying to leave you, trying to stay away."

"I should have known there was no way to resist you. The appeal your blood has for me was infinitely easier to resist than the call of your heart to mine. I lost control of that fairly early on, and only realized it when you said Jake could only ever be your best friend. Still, I pulled away, trying to put enough distance between us for you to forget about me and return to Jake. You were smarter than I was – you listened to your heart. I couldn't. I was afraid of what I would do to keep you. Of what selfish acts I was capable – and now we both know."

"And Bella, I have been so selfish. That night at the hotel when you kissed me in your sleep, I was stunned, firstly, that you wanted to do such a thing, and secondly, that I wanted it as well. I didn't tell you before, but you nearly died then at my hands, again, not because of my thirst, but from your reaction to the kiss. You stopped breathing, and your heart began to stutter. I couldn't lose you, so I started CPR. Thankfully, I didn't need to begin compressions, but I did give you mouth-to mouth, and again, I was astonished. It was easier and easier to be so close to you, to hold you so intimately, and to allow my lips to meet yours. Again, I could not resist you; I stole another kiss as you slept and hated myself for my weakness. When you asked for a 'do-over' kiss, I gave it gladly, though I thought it surely would be my last. I'm so very happy that it wasn't. I've fought my own nature for you and won. I can't exist without you now."

"Alice saw this, by the way. She has visions, flashes, of things that might happen, but it's subjective. It all depends on the decisions people make. For some reason, you being turned was the only thing she could see about you, until just recently. She didn't see you break your hand or find out about us. The first thing she saw was the violets and the blood… Bella, I can't imagine how you ever got to that place. I wish I could read your mind to know just how you came to the conclusion that a world without you would be tolerable. I do that, read minds, I mean, but I can't read yours for some reason; I don't suppose you knew that, either. So much you don't know. So much we can learn together, and we have all the time there is left in the world."

"How is she doing?" Alice asked quietly from the door.

"So far, so good. She's obviously in pain, but all the drugs and wine might be helping with that. I hope so, anyway." He looked up at her, his eyes full of emotion. "Thank you, Alice. I know I resisted the idea of her becoming one of us, and I was an ass about it, but you saw her when she needed me… us. I'll never be able to repay you for that."

She smirked at him. "Oh, I don't know. You might think of something." She laughed and stepped into the room. "Do you mind me being in here right now? Bella and I are going to be best friends, and I would like to be here as she's changing."

"I don't mind. She responds to my voice, so she might to yours as well."

"What do you mean?"

"That's why I've been talking to her. She was screaming and struggling before, then she seemed to calm a bit. Singing does the same thing."

"That's interesting. Does Carlisle know?"

"What should I know?" Carlisle asked, as he came back into the bedroom, bringing the scent of bleach with him.

"That Edward has an untapped talent. When he speaks or sings to Bella, she seems to be able to handle the pain better," Alice answered.

"It wasn't just that one time? Show me," Carlisle urged. Edward reluctantly loosened his grip on Bella, silently placing her on the bed, still wrapped in the coverlet. She immediately began to thrash and cry out. He leaned over her, whispering in her ear, and her movements slowed as she quieted.

"I've never seen anything like that. May I try?" Carlisle moved towards the bed as Edward stepped back. Bella again was wracked with pain. Carlisle spoke into her ear.

"Bella, you're doing very well. I'd like for you to concentrate on my voice if you can. Can you do that? Can you be quiet and listen to me?" He shook his head and straightened up as Edward reached for her, distress clear on his face. "I don't think she could have heard me at all over her own screams. Alice?"

Alice looked at the girl snuggled in Edward's arms as he murmured to her. She shook her head, "No Carlisle, this is a singular occurrence. No one else would get that reaction from her. Only Edward."

Edward looked up at the two of them from the bed. He was unexpectedly pleased that Bella only responded to him, though it again was more of his own selfishness. He didn't want anyone else holding her or singing and whispering to her. He had been the cause of so much of the damage to her life, and this was something only he could do. Somehow he was able to relieve the intense agony of her change; it was almost redemption.

"What now, Carlisle? She's stable, as stable as she's going to be," he said.

"I'd like to go ahead and get her back to Denali as quickly as we can. I would much rather she finished changing there where I have my equipment and supplies," Carlisle answered. "I don't suppose you ran across a passport anywhere in your perusal of her things?" he asked, as he turned to Alice.

"Nope, no passport, and very little else of value, other than sentimental, of course – photos and mementos. This was on her desk, with a note that it should be returned to Jacob." A small sapphire and diamond ring rested in her palm. An expression of grief crossed Edward's face, and he held his charge more tightly to his chest.

"Give that to me, please," he said, his voice rough. Alice glanced at Carlisle in surprise and dropped the ring in Edward's hand. He unwound Bella's hand from her cocoon and slipped the ring back on her finger. She pulled her hand into a fist as he bundled her up again.

"He gave it to her for her twenty-fifth birthday. It's all she'll have left of him. She should keep it."

Alice blinked and looked away as Carlisle cleared his throat.

Edward's voice was clear when he spoke. "We should go. We can worry about the border when we get there; I'll carry her across through the forest if I have to. No one seems to have missed her yet, or bothered to check on her for at least a week, from the looks of the kitchen. I say we leave her truck in the lot for now; once we get her home, Emmett and Jasper can come down to pack things up and move her out."

"Sounds good," Carlisle nodded his approval. "It will seem that she moved away with no forwarding address, which will indeed be the case."

Alice piped up as they moved towards the living room, "I deleted that email her friend sent, with the photo and mp3. Just in case someone does come in and is curious. It was kind of nice to see that; I always did like that dress. Bella wrote an email as well, addressed to Jacob and Angela, but she didn't send it. It was left open on her screen. If she had sent it, they would have tried to stop her. I rewrote it, saying you came back and she is going away with you. That fits with her moving, and if no one comes to see about her, Jasper can send it when he comes. It should keep them from looking for her."

It was still quite dark as they slipped from Bella's apartment building to Carlisle's black Mercedes, the steady rain providing a further curtain against prying eyes. The drive north was punctuated with anticipation and excitement as they plotted the details of getting Bella across the Canadian border. Alice would pick up the Volvo from where Edward had left it, Carlisle would continue to Denali in order to prepare for their arrival, and Edward would carry Bella across in the forest, meeting Alice once they were close to the highway again on the other side.

When they stopped to get the Volvo, it occurred to Edward that he needed to make a call while he still had reception. He cradled Bella against his shoulder as he dialed, smirking at the questions in Carlisle's eyes and the laughter in Alice's. When she answered, though he could hear the worry in her voice, he couldn't help but laugh with his own relief.

"Esme, how would you like a new daughter?"


	34. Carry You Home

Choices

Carry You Home – James Blunt 'All the Lost Souls'

Chapter 34

BPOV

Darkness and pain and fire. She was the dark, and the fire was in her, and there was no beginning or end, only pain and fire and blackness.

She realized eventually that there were levels to the pain, and some of the darkness was not as black as in other places. The lesser pain coincided with the lighter blackness and whispers that she couldn't quite catch. Voices floated above and around her, murmurings and traces of thoughts. One voice moved through her, low and sweet, like a golden ribbon that gathered the blackness and fire to itself as it passed. Music, too, was there, and the notes were balm to the burning that seared her.

The golden voice and liquid music were familiar to her. She tried to concentrate on them, to understand the words and feel the beauty in the melody, and the blackness dimmed, and the pain became an ache. Sounds and words came to her, some made sense, others none, and still the voices hovered around her, speaking of comfort and acceptance, hope and rebirth. The sweetest voice sang of joy and family and eternal love, and the dimness became grey, and the ache was only hurt.

Beyond the grey was light, shapes moving between, and the shapes belonged to the voices. Smells tickled at her nose and tongue, teasing at her consciousness. She took a breath, and scents assaulted her, like millions of flowers in a summer rain on a sea-salted coast. Fresh, herbal, spicy, and cool. She inhaled deeply, and then realized she hadn't been inhaling at all. She stopped breathing again, and it didn't seem to matter whether she did or not.

The change in her respiration had startled the shapes, and the voices were now excited and loud. They hurt her ears, and she winced. The golden voice murmured, and the others quieted again, making apologetic sounds. It dawned on her that she knew that voice, knew it well and loved it as she loved its owner. But it couldn't be him. She was dead, and even if he were as well, he wouldn't be in Hell with her.

Of that, she was certain. She remembered setting out the dress with the note, placing the ring by the computer screen with her last letter to Jacob, scattering the violets as she recited Shelley, and feeling that the melodramatics were perfect for what she was about to do. She remembered getting the knife from the set in the kitchen, turning the shower on hot so she wouldn't feel the cold as shock set in, making the cuts, and the final angry frenzy against the nerves that still refused to feel.

She shifted with the memory, and a flash of sensation brushed her skin. A sheet over her. She moved again: another sheet, under her. There might be sheets in Heaven, but lying on a bed didn't quite fit her idea of Hell, unless it was a bed of coals or something. She had already burned, though, and now she felt nothing, no pain, no fire, and the grey had lightened. The shapes were still hovering, whispering, and encouraging her. Welcoming her. But that was impossible.

Her eyes opened and instantly shut again. The light was too bright, but it softened and dimmed immediately. She barely opened her eyes again, and it was better. She blinked. Something was wrong with her vision. Even in the muted light, the colors were too intense, and there seemed to be too many of them. A figure moved into her line of sight, and a face of incredible beauty surrounded by honeyed hair smiled down at her.

"Welcome, Bella. We're so happy to have you with us" she said, and Bella recognized one of the voices from the blackness. Other voices had come and gone, but this was one of a few that had been constantly near. She smiled, and Bella wondered again if there had been a mistake. There were no angels in Hell.

Pressure at the foot of the bed took her attention. A gorgeous blonde male angel smiled back at her and laughed, though she couldn't understand why at first.

"You are indeed a marvel, Bella. Congratulations, and welcome," he said, another of the voices that had stayed close. His words confused her, until he touched her foot. She could feel his hand on her arch. She stared at him in surprise, and he smiled.

"Can you wiggle your toes for me?" he asked, as if he were a doctor instead of an angel in some bizarre realm of Hades. She complied, and his smile grew, as did her confusion. How did he do that? She hadn't had feeling in her feet since… since…

A sharp object drew up the sole of her foot, and she jerked away, staring in amazement at her bent knee as it poked through a rip in the sheet.

The angel looked beyond her across the room and nodded. "You've waited long enough, and I don't think there will be any further changes." He looked back at her and patted her other leg beneath the sheet. "You're in good hands now, Bella, but if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to come to me." He nodded again, this time at the beautiful female, and they left the room, though the female seemed reluctant to go.

Bella stared at her knee, then experimentally tried bending the other one. It worked as well, and she reached out one hand to touch her bare leg. She was distracted by her arm and the pale elegance of her hand, as she realized it was no longer broken. She brought it closer to her face and examined it. The skin had a luminescent quality to it, almost like moonlight, silken and flawless. She touched her face and marveled at the texture of her skin under her smooth fingers.

"Bella."

The golden voice spoke quietly from the recesses of the room behind her. His voice. Beloved. Precious.

"Edward…"

There was something wrong with her throat. Her voice wasn't right, to start. It was too loud and sounded like someone had knocked over a marimba.

His face, that glorious god-like perfection, was there at her side. She hadn't thought it was possible, but he was more beautiful than she remembered. His hands caressed her hair, stroking her cheek, and he smiled as his eyes drank her in.

"My Bella, my beautiful, sweet girl. How do you feel? Are you terribly thirsty?" His melodic golden voice also seemed sweeter, but his touch was very different. She reached for his hand and was surprised to find it warm and soft, even as it made hers tingle. She raised her eyes to his and saw that he, too, seemed luminous.

She attempted to clear her throat, but it didn't help the dry scratchiness she felt. She spoke more carefully and quietly.

"Edward, I don't understand. How can you be here if I'm dead?"

He chuckled lightly as he ran one finger along her jaw. "You're not dead… well… technically, you are, but not in the way you mean. Suffice it to say, you are with me, and we are both still very much a part of this world." His eyes were sorrowful as he asked, "Why did you do it, Bella? What happened? Do you remember?"

She shook her head in frustration. Of course she remembered. Why did he want to know this? Wasn't it obvious? Everything was wrong, and she had lost all hope of his return. He wasn't from her world, as the photo Rebecca sent had proved. He was so far above her, beyond her reach.

"This week… there were less and less reasons to stay. I felt betrayed by so many people; people I trusted with my life. I broke my hand, lost my job: it was just one thing piled on another, loss after loss." She chuckled wryly, "And then I got an email from an old friend, and there you were, you and Alice, in a photo from the 40's. The music was the piece you played for me, the one you said you shouldn't… I suppose I know why, now. Then I dreamed you came; sort of like this, only I was still in my apartment, but you didn't stay. Again."

"You asked me to leave, Bella," he reminded her gently, even as she shook her head.

"I know, I was wrong to do that. I'd done nothing but wish you would come back to me, and then you did, but I was afraid to hope you would stay and of how much it would hurt when you left again, so I told you to go. I never thought it would be so easy. I thought perhaps, since you came back, you would insist on staying. But you agreed so readily. That's when I knew for certain I was dreaming you. If it had really been you, if you felt one tenth of what I feel for you, you would have fought me, demanded to stay. But you didn't, and there just didn't seem to be any point in waiting for you to really come back. I guess I always knew you wouldn't."

"Bella, that _was_ me. I was there, _with_ you. I didn't want to leave you, but I did because I thought it was what _you_ wanted. I was only able to convince myself to go, because I thought you would be happier without me."

"I could never be happy without you, and that's another thing that has me confused. I killed myself, so I can't possibly be in Heaven, but you're here, and you couldn't be in Hell. And my legs, look!" She pointed at her bent knees. "Edward, I can move them again. I can feel…" She pulled at the torn bit of sheet, and it fell away from her leg. She ran her hand across her thigh, fingers as well as eyes examining its smoothness.

"The cuts are gone, Bella; the ones on your ankles, too. Your body has gone through a transformation, a rather drastic one." He took her hand in his, kissing her palm before capturing her gaze. "Believe me when I tell you, you are neither in Heaven nor Hell. You are in Denali, Alaska, at my family's home. I doubt you remember, but Alice and my father, Carlisle, came to your apartment to help me save you. You've been here just over two days, and I… we all… have been anxiously waiting for you to wake."

Bella blinked at his words. Two days? She had been unconscious for two days. And she wasn't dead. No, he'd said she was…

"Edward, what did you mean by 'technically'?" She sat up, and he held her hand as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. Her left foot touched the floor, and she squealed at the sensation.

"I can feel it! I can feel the floor!" she laughed and put down her other foot. She grasped his hand tightly and put her weight on both feet. She looked up at him, her eyes shining with delight, then back down as she put out one foot and transferred her weight to it. Within a moment, she was walking circles around him, still holding his hand as they both laughed. He pulled her to him and stroked her hair as he held her. She rested her head on his chest as she wrapped her arms around him, enjoying his warmth.

"I'm walking, Edward! How… I don't understand any of this." She shifted in his arms to look at him, to make sure he was really here. His eyes, she noticed now, had a faint ring of rust around the gold, not a color she had seen in them before. A gentle smile touched his perfect lips as he brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"I foolishly hoped never to have this conversation with you, but I should have known I was much too selfish to let you go. I have a lot of explaining to do, Bella. Things I should have said and things I need to say.

"We spoke of many things in those three incredible days we spent together, but one topic came up with ironic frequency. You were so careless, it seemed, in your defense of monsters, I couldn't dare hope it was possible that you truly would make that choice were it presented to you. Then I found you, alone, drugged, and the precious liquid I'd so coveted was pouring from you. It was no small feat not to drain you as you sat in that shower, but you had such a head start already, and though you had taken more than enough to stop your heart, the drugs and wine did little to alter your exquisite flavor."

"You know what I am. In all honesty, I must tell you, I did drink, though not to hasten the end of your life. I tasted you as I closed your wounds, and I fought even then to do no more than taste. Oh, there are so many things for you to learn... our bodies are full of venom, which has several properties. It is this venom that coursed through your veins in order to change you. It collects in our mouths when we thirst, just as a human salivates. It also has a peculiar healing ability; an open wound, bathed in venom, will seal itself."

"If there had been any other way to keep you as you were, unchanged, human… I would have, but you had lost too much blood, and there were too many chemicals in your system. You were dying in my arms, and that was unthinkable. I couldn't live, couldn't exist, if you didn't."

"I closed your wounds to stop the blood loss, but that was not enough to prevent your death. I didn't want to put you through the agony that you have just endured, but Carlisle reminded me of our conversations. I was terrified that I would kill you, Bella, but then you spoke for yourself, telling me this was indeed what you wanted. You had faith in me. You chose to stay with the monster. I bit you and drank again. I turned you. I desperately hope I didn't misunderstand you."

She stared into his eyes as his words spun through her brain, confusion clear on her face, anxiety on his. Her hands went to her temples as she processed this, and his hold on her loosened. He let his arms fall to his sides as he watched her step away from him and look around the room for the first time. The bed with a chair next to it, monitoring equipment, a refrigerator… all so nearly a normal hospital room. No bathroom, she noted, and no need for one. She ran her hand across her stomach, but felt no catheter drainage opening through the cotton of her gown. That, too, was healed.

She walked slowly around the room, observing and thinking as he followed her with his eyes. Her hand absently stroked her throat as the unfamiliar dry scratchiness became an ache. She stopped moving when her fingers encountered something odd on her neck that felt like a scar. Her skin was otherwise smooth, her cuts and scars healed, so what was this?

She raised her eyes to his. "You said you bit me. Is this…?"

He reached towards her neck and then dropped his hand to grasp hers. "Yes. And here. And here…" he said as he touched her wrist and the crook of her elbow. "There are others, as well. I had to get a great deal of venom into you as quickly as possible. I wish I could have done it otherwise; I'm afraid it was more painful this way."

She examined her wrist and the small crescent-shaped mark. None of this quite made sense. Unless… If Edward really was a vampire, and he had bitten her, as he obviously had, then…

She looked up at him in wonder, and his brow furrowed at her expression.

"Please tell me what you are thinking. That is one thing that has not changed; I still cannot read your mind."

"Wait, what? What do you mean?"

He smiled and took her hand again. "Some vampires have special talents. Alice can sometimes glimpse the future – she sent me to you, by the way, when she saw what you were about to do. I can read minds, every mind I've ever come across, save yours. I don't know why I can't, but it has driven me to distraction since we met in Biology," he chuckled.

She laughed with him. This was all such a bizarre dream, so strange, yet she hated the thought of waking and finding it was nothing more than that.

"You're telling me I am a vampire. I suppose that fits into this dream as well as any of the rest of it. Even though I am most likely still dying, and on my way to Hell, this is the loveliest way anyone ever got there. I get to see you one last time."

He shook his head and pulled her into his arms. "Bella, you are not still dying, and you are not destined for Hell, not yet anyway. I do have one thing to ask you – you said something back in your apartment, something I never dared hope to hear from your lips. I need to know if you meant it, or if you only said it to convince me to turn you. Do you remember anything of it?"

She cast her thoughts back, remembering through the darkness and pain, the fire and burning to the cold and misery. He _had_ been there; she recalled his voice and his touch, cradling her, arguing with someone until she had interrupted, begging him to do it, telling him-

"I said I loved you. Is that what you meant?"

He closed his eyes and stood immobile as a statue, a look of pain on his angelic face. His lips barely moved as he whispered, "Yes. Did you?"

"Did I mean it? Of course I did. I do."

"You do. You do?" His eyes flashed open, and a beatific smile lit his face as he gazed down at her.

"Yes," she laughed at his expression as his hands came up to caress her face.

"Then say it. Out loud. Please," he whispered.

She smiled; it was unfair for one man to be both stunning and adorable at the same time.

"I love you."

His eyes closed, and he sighed. "Again, please."

"I love you," she said, biting her lip to keep from giggling.

He smiled broadly, and his eyes did that crinkly thing that she loved. He pulled her tightly to his chest and kissed her hair. He spoke softly into her ear.

"Bella, do you understand yet that this is real? You are here with me, and I will never leave you again."

He kissed her forehead then gazed into her eyes as he held her face in his hands.

"I love you, Bella Swan. I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever. Nothing will ever change that."

His lips curved into a smile as he pressed them to hers. The crackle of heat was still there, running through her, tingling down to her bones. No Dream Edward had managed to recreate this feeling – this _was_ real, he was truly finally in her arms, and miraculous as it all was, the most important part was that he loved her. Her hands went straight into his hair; she'd forgotten how silky it was. She tugged gently, and he moaned, breaking the kiss. His eyes were dark with emotion as he rested his forehead on hers.

"Bella, I love you. Never doubt that. But what little reign I have on my control is in danger of disappearing with you this close. I think perhaps it's time we-"

"Went hunting. Just look at her, Edward, she's starving!" Alice said, as she opened the door, a large flat box in her hand. "Here, Bella, something to wear for your first kill. Don't worry about messing it up – we tend to be hard on clothes. I have something cute for you to wear later. Now go, Edward, before she takes a bite of you!" She pushed him from the room before turning to Bella.

"I'm _so_ glad he finally did it, though I wish you hadn't gone the route you did. Still, he wouldn't have done it unless he was in danger of losing you completely. You knew him better than he did, it seems."

Bella slipped out of the thin cotton gown and into the jeans, blue thermal Henley shirt, and boots that Alice brought, thanking her.

"I loved doing it. It's nice to have someone new to shop for after all these years. Hey, you haven't seen yourself yet! Come on." She pulled Bella to the door, and then stopped with her hand on the knob. "I'm very glad that you love my brother, Bella. He's waited a long time for you. But he's new at this. He's old-fashioned, in a way, and he's never been in a relationship before. Just… take your time with him. You have all of eternity, after all." She smiled and pulled the door open.


	35. Epilogue

**Choices**

**A/N: Thank you for choosing to read my story. **

**Stephenie Meyer – Thank you for the inspiration.**

**Time in a Bottle – Jim Croce 'Bad Bad Leroy Brown'**

**Epilogue**

**BPOV**

They spent several hours wandering together, as Edward patiently taught her signs to look for and the different scents of the animals. Finally, she watched him bring down a caribou. He was magnificent as he chased it, herding it away from its fellows, with Bella close behind. She reveled in the speed and the pure joy of running, even as she thrilled to watch Edward leap on the animal's back and wrestle it, breaking its neck in a moment. He showed her how and where to bite, and then stepped back to let her feed.

The thick hot blood soothed the ache in her throat as she drank, back to the point of it being no more than a scratchy feeling once again. This was going to be easier than she imagined, and Edward was surprised at her restraint.

"Most newborns ravage their prey in a kind of feeding frenzy and tend to drink past the point of comfort. You took all you wanted, but without the mess. That's impressive," he said, as he smiled at her. She smiled back, taking his hand as she began to walk back in the direction of the house.

"Wait, Bella. There's something else I have to show you before we go back. Come, run with me." Edward sprinted off through the trees, Bella at his heels in a moment. They ran, laughing as they vaulted tumbled logs and icy streams. Soon they passed the tree line, and moments later, they broke through the cloud cover. Multi-hued sparkles burst across the surface of their skin, scattering dancing rainbows over the crystalline snow. Bella halted in her tracks, speechless over the diamond-like effect. She had thought Edward beautiful before, but now he was dazzling. She caressed his face, fascinated by the glitter of her hand against his skin as he smiled at her.

"Now you see the real reason we avoid sunlight, Bella. You'll soon learn that much of vampire mythology is careful misdirection," he said as he took her hand to lead her back down the mountain.

They began their run back, at a much slower pace to allow for conversation.

"Twenty Questions, and complete honesty," she suggested, after a few minutes of silence began to feel awkward.

"All right. Shoot."

"Are you Anthony Masen or Edward Cullen?"

He laughed. "Both. I was born Edward Anthony Masen, but I added Cullen after Carlisle changed me. Why were you in my car?"

She shrugged, embarrassed. "I wanted to find out more about you, but there was nothing in it, nothing personal, except the cds. Eclectic taste you have there, by the way. How old are you?"

He watched her face, "Seventeen." He snickered when she rolled her eyes. "I was seventeen when I was turned, but I have a good ninety-eight years experience since. How did you break your hand?"

She glanced at him and chuckled. "I punched Jacob in the mouth. He kissed me at the English Department Christm-"

He stopped and turned her towards him. "He _what_?" His eyes blazed, making him look even more like an avenging angel than usual.

She smiled at his expression. "Don't be jealous. Obviously I didn't enjoy it, or I wouldn't have punched him." He continued to glare at her.

"Jealousy has nothing to do with it. He crossed a line. You don't kiss a woman unless she gives you permission…" He trailed off, and a look of shame came over his face.

"Oh, this should be good," Bella said with a smile, and she crossed her arms. "Do you have something to share?"

He actually scuffed his foot, and she had to hold in the laughter at how like a little boy he could be.

"I may have stolen a kiss. From you. That night in my suite."

"You _may have_?" She tried to look stern, but he was too cute in his discomfort. He opened his mouth, and the words tumbled out.

"I did. I couldn't help myself, you were too beautiful in my bed; you smelled so good all sleepy and warm, and I had just given you CPR, so I knew I could control myself, and I thought if-"

"Whoa, there, cowboy. Back up," she held up her hand as her brow furrowed. "Why did I need CPR, and why is this the first I've heard about it?"

He took her hands in his and pulled her close. "After the first kiss, the one you gave me in your sleep, you stopped breathing. Your heart rate was all over the place. It wasn't full CPR, just mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but Bella, I already knew I couldn't lose you. That was when I realized I loved you." He smiled sheepishly as he took in her shocked expression. "You made me renounce Darcy, and I never expected to do that."

She stared at him in wonder. "Edward, exactly how many times have you saved my life?"

"Just that once. Technically, stopping your suicide would not have saved you, as you'd lost too much blood and had all those drugs in you. And changing you actually took your life. I suppose if you count all the times I resisted killing you, six, although I counted each second near you as a victory over my nature. That would put it over a million. But for Twenty Questions' sake, let's go with six."

"Six. You wanted to kill me five times? I mean, I know you wanted to, and I'm glad you resisted; it just sort of hit me how much danger I really was in." She stepped out of the circle of his arms and sat down on a snow-drifted log with a dazed look on her face. He chuckled and sat next to her, reaching for her hand.

"You know I craved your blood, Bella, and to be fair, I did tell you I was dangerous. Repeatedly."

Realization dawned, and she gazed at him wide-eyed, accusing. "Biology. I _thought_ you left because of me! I dreamed of you for years, nightmares of chasing you, begging to know why, what I had done to make you hate me so much you had to leave. You told me you were ill – that it had nothing to do with me, but you actually left so you wouldn't _eat me_."

He nodded and kissed her hand. "Bella, it had _everything_ to do with you! I didn't exactly lie, though, because I _was_ ill; I was sick with desire for your blood. It made me more dangerous, and especially to you. Your blood smelled so incredibly delicious to me, it was all I could do not to kill you as you sat next to me. I imagined multiple ways of taking you and draining you, and when that one hour was over, I did leave, not because I hated you, but because I hated myself and the thirst. I left to save you, and in the end, the choices I made didn't do any good. Instead, I only caused you pain." His beautiful face was anguished. "I'm so sorry, Bella. Can you ever forgive me?"

She put her head on his shoulder. "I'm pretty sure I forgave you for everything the first time you turned that million watt smile on me in Jake's shop. You coming in that day was awfully convenient. Did you know I was going to be there?"

He shrugged and put his arm around her. "I may have been eavesdropping on Jake and Quil the day before. I'd intended to go in to ask about my car, but they were talking about you, so I listened. Jake mentioned he was going fishing, and the shop would be closed. I did a bit of research and found your apartment. Since I can't read your mind, it's lucky for me that you talked to Bert, and you said you were going to take something to the shop. All I had to do was show up."

"That's extremely creepy and stalker-like behavior, Edward. I'm not sure how I feel about that, knowing you were lurking around my apartment," she scolded.

"Then remind me not to tell you about the night I spent in the tree outside your bedroom," he laughed, and she rolled her eyes. "Speaking of creepy behavior and trees, what possessed you to decorate yours with our clothes?" he asked.

She sighed. "Nothing else seemed right. I know, it's weird, but it made perfect sense to me at the time. I was probably drunk," she snorted, and he smiled against her hand as he kissed it. "You put this back on me, didn't you? Why?" She indicated Jake's ring on her finger.

He pulled her close and played with one curl of her hair. "You won't be able to see him again, Bella. You might be able to manage a call or two, but even your voice is different now. It's best, for him especially, if he thinks I simply returned for you and took you away. He won't like that you're with me, I'm sure, but at least he will know you are cared for. Besides, he should have expected it. I did tell him to take better care of you or I would be back to take you from him. I just didn't expect him to fail so grandly. Kissing you…" he shook his head.

Bella shifted in his arms to look at him. "You told him you'd take me from him? Edward, I was never his to begin with. I only wanted to be with you. I doubt he'll miss me anyway," she said, settling back against his chest. "He has Emily now, and I think he'll be happier with her than he ever imagined he would be with me."

"Jake has a girlfriend? Why am I the last to know this?"

She giggled, and he tightened his hold on her. "Because you don't like to talk about him. Back to the questions: Why did you force yourself to eat that pizza? I can't even imagine how horrible it would taste now."

"It was quite nasty: rubbery and slimy. I was trying to pass as human, and you had already noticed I didn't eat much. I saw the way you looked at our plates at Maximilien. And on the subject of slimy and rubbery, why did you eat the escargots? You can't tell me you truly enjoyed those?"

She laughed and kissed his cheek. "How could I resist? I would have eaten nearly anything that night – there was a very sexy man on the other end of the fork."

"You think I'm sexy?"

Bella clenched her jaw to keep from laughing out loud at the astonishment on his face. She reached up and tugged gently on his hair until his lips were within reach, and she kissed him sweetly.

"Very."

She smiled and stood, pulling him up more easily than she expected. He winced.

"Ow."

Instantly she was concerned. "Did I hurt you? Wait, how could I hurt you?"

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. "As a newborn, you are a great deal stronger than an older vampire. It didn't hurt much, truly," he said, as he rubbed his wrist. She held her hand out, and he gave his over for her to examine. She kissed it and gave it back as a thought struck her.

"Edward, you said Alice can see the future. All of it, just certain things or what?"

"Her visions are dependent upon the choices people make. She could see several outcomes of a situation, depending upon what someone decides to do."

"She told me to take things slowly with you, because you've been alone a long time and you've never really been in a relationship before. Is that right?"

"She interferes like that, if that's what you are asking, but I'm sure it isn't. You are my first… everything, Bella. Why?"

"So, I'm trying to understand… she knows you're inexperienced, and I am, too. So what would make her think we wouldn't take our time?"

"She tries to hide her thoughts from me, but I caught a glimpse of a lot of white lace earlier… I'm sure she has her heart set on designing a wedding gown for you, and she doesn't want to miss out on the opportunity."

"A… what?"

He smiled as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and nuzzling her neck. "A wedding gown, Bella. Something a woman wears when she walks down the aisle towards the man who would be eternally grateful that she agreed to be his wife. Would you like one? Or would you rather just live in sin with me? Think carefully. Wouldn't it make things easier on your friends, and your mother, if they had a lovely black and white wedding photo to look at on the mantel for the rest of their lives?"

She closed her eyes, and he kissed her, the sizzle more pronounced than before. They broke apart, his eyes a dark honey as he waited for her answer. Bella stepped back from him, hands on her hips.

"Let me get this straight. You want to marry me."

"More than anything."

"And Alice wants to make me a wedding dress."

"Very much."

"Right now, I'm a lot stronger than you."

"True… I'm not sure where you're going with this." His hand went into his hair, and she smiled. It had been a while since he'd done that, and she missed it.

"So, if I were to chase you… and catch you…"

"Go on…"

"I could totally take you."

"What an intriguing idea. How fast do you suppose you can run?"

"I don't know. How fast can Alice sew?"

Edward laughed and got down on one knee, taking her hand. "Bella, I love you, and I want to be bound to you in every possible manner. Your blood is already part of me, just as my heart belongs completely to you. Please do me the great honor of becoming my wife."

"Yes."

He rose, and his arms wrapped around her as he kissed her. She ran her hands through his hair and across his shoulders, then down his chest to his shirt buttons, popping the first one open. He gently pulled her hands from his shirt, kissed her wrists and laughed.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

"Well, I just figured we could do the living in sin thing until the dress is ready, you know, for practice. Unless, of course, you think you can outrun me long enough for Alice to make more than one sleeve."

Edward laughed. "Why are you so anxious to practice, my love? We have all the time in the world."

Bella raised one brow. "If you recall, just a few hours ago, I had no feeling from the hips down. Now I do," she growled.

Edward's face actually paled a bit and he swallowed. "I see your point. If I may say, forever is going to be a lot more fun with you around."

Bella smirked, reaching again for his shirt. Edward moved and she followed, leaving nothing behind but a scattering of buttons in the snow.

**FIN**

**A/N: Thank you for joining me on this journey. It's been an interesting ride. I've learned a great deal about writing, and readers, in the almost two years I have spent working on this story. I have made some very good friends and I will miss connecting with them through Choices. My Twitter is mumager, if you'd like to stay in touch.**

**Thanks are due to those who have wrestled through this with me: my family, for putting up with late nights, inattention, and fend-for-yourself meals; my RL friends who are just now starting to understand what it was I was doing instead of hanging out with them; my Production Team- Betas Vampire_Lover93, DeviKalika and Momma Laura, and pre-readers DanySpike, _The_Buxom_Bitch_, and StellaWiki, among others. Choices would not be what it is without your support, input and dedication. **

**I especially want to thank all those who have touched this story with their comments, suggestions and reviews. I'm still astonished by the number of readers, and the many countries you represent. This fandom truly is universal, and I am humbled that you wanted to spend your time reading this. **

**I do have a few other story ideas knocking about in my head. Don't be surprised if they refuse to stay there.**

**Love and gratitude,**

**bandmum**


End file.
